Where will the Monday take us?

December 5, 2016 in Uncategorized

So it’s Monday again?? And I have to admit I feel a bit better on this Monday than I normally do.  I’m just not really sure why.  All the same things are going on.  Same issues, same problems.  Same stessors.  Yet for some reason I feel a bit more positive regarding my outlook on those issues than I usually do.

I guess I’ll attribute that to one of two things.

  1.  Positive efforts I’ve been making lately  (blogging more,  going to church and feeding my faith more regularly, logging food and becoming more conscious of what I’m eating and exercising again) may be working to improve my outlook.  Having made some progress (however minimal) in these areas that have been lacking might be the reason I’ve been feeling less depressed and more positive about everything in general.  And perhaps the exercise endorphins are helping too.  These things could be the reason I feel oddly upbeat on a Monday morning    OR…….
  2. I’ve finally lost it.  You know…like those people who having finally reached the peak of what their stress level can tolerate and then just go completely bonkers.  They’re in some straight jacket laughing hysterically at everything that happens no matter how bad it is.  There they are off in the corner rocking in a chair smiling at the ceiling talking to themselves oblivious to everything around them.

Ok come on…it’s not that bad yet.  Except I do talk to myself.  I’ve always done that.  I think it’s a side effect of being raised as an only child for awhile.  My brother was 8 years older than me and at a point either in boarding school or college even when I was still young.  It was just me, myself and I.  Not a lot of neighborhood kids to play with.   My childhood consisted of a lot of dolls and imaginary friends.  So yeah….I talk to myself.

Thank God they invented those ear pieces.  Now you can talk to yourself in the car or the store and no one even bats an eye.  They just assume you’re on the phone!! The other day I was talking to myself in the kitchen and Charlotte interrupts me to ask a question.  When I was done answering her question, I tried to get back to MY conversation (LOL)  but I had lost my train of thought.  I mumble “I don’t remember what i was saying now…” and Charlotte yells from the other room…”You were saying….blah blah blah”  and she nailed it.

Ok so maybe I should get a handle on that self talk!!!

But back to the pattern of bad things happening.  Do you ever feel like that on certain days? When it seems like one bad thing happens after another.  When nothing can ever go your way.  I feel like I’ve been living under some kind of ‘curse’ if you will for a very long time.  Like I pissed off the wrong person and they’re out there with some kind of Holly voodoo doll shoving pins in it for fun.  Have you ever felt that way??

As I mentioned before, life has been interesting.  I moved to Virginia and it didn’t work out.  So I moved back but that wasn’t easy.  I  had to sell a house before I could buy one.  Of course remember I sold a house to buy one in Virginia.  Then I had to sell the house in Virginia to buy one here but in the meantime I rented.  And the people I rented from told me I could buy that house (at a price we agreed on) once mine sold.  Only when my house sold, they raised the price.  BY 30,000 DOLLARS

Word to the wise: GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING

You see they figured once I had gone to the trouble to move myself and all three of my kids in there—I wouldn’t want the hassle of moving again.  They were right but I also wasn’t going to be strong armed into paying 30,000 dollars more for a house that quite frankly wasn’t worth it.  It already had numerous problems that had not been fixed.  To be honest the price we agreed on was pretty generous to begin with.  No one else would have bought it for that price.  But we were friends.

FRIENDS

Friends from church no less

And then they woke up one day and said….it’s Holly.  She’s on her own.  She is alone.  Let’s screw her over.

Ok who knows what they actually said.  Who knows if they even THOUGHT that.  This is where we insert my preconceived notions about how people view me.  This is where I insert a minor subplot of my victim mentality for being a single divorced mother.  And where I am sure that everyone out there sees me as weak, alone and an easy target.  Like when you take your car in to get something minor fixed and they try to tell you that the entire engine needs to be replaced because they know you don’t have a clue anyway.  Or the time my air conditioner was on the fritz and I was told I needed to pay 8,000 for a new one.  But in the end I just needed a small part replaced that cost 80 dollars.

So I have issues.  We’ve established that.  But moving back to the topic at hand….

Not only did they want me to buy the house for an inflated price but they wanted to sell it to me AS-IS.

It had a hole in the kitchen ceiling!! A hole which leaked literal crap from the upstairs bathroom.

LITERAL CRAP

Isn’t that poetic?  It’s how I feel quite often lately.  Like the world is just leaking crap on my head for no reason.  Like I’m trying my best to live a good life and take care of my children but instead someone cuts a hole in the ceiling of my life and flushes sh*t down it just because they can.

This morning my ex-husband still wants to take me back to court to lower child support.  My van is still in the shop because of a car accident and I have to pay a 500 deductible right before Christmas.  It’s raining like crazy and my roof decided to leak…AGAIN.  And the chihuahua got my favorite pair of shoes and chewed them to shreds.  Oh did I mention that this weekend I went to Ross and in the checkout lane the candle I was buying rolled out of the cart and shattered into a thousand pieces on the floor literally sending a piece of glass backwards into the lady behind me and cutting her ankle???!!!!   Oh my gosh I felt bad.

But like…REALLY????  Last night I spilled tea—HOT TEA—all over myself while sitting in the chair.  And this morning I ate a breakfast taco (shouldn’t have done that anyway) and somehow…don’t ask me how….I touched my eye which apparently had some remnants of a jalapeno on it and I thought I was going to go BLIND!  My daughter ordered this shampoo off the internet that is purple.  It’s supposed to lighten the blonde in your hair.  And I had an allergic reaction to it.  So my entire head was itching like crazy. I wanted to rip my whole scalp off.  Even my eyes swelled up.  Luckily it went away in 24 hours but just in time for me to shove a jalapeno in there and run away crying in pain again! AAAH!

Why is this my life???!

Let me stop before this train gets out of control because if I remember correctly I started out saying I felt POSITIVE about today!!!  Ok…U TURN.

SO….all the craziness aside….I am making some small progress.  We went to church this weekend and my pastor said something which struck me.   He said if you are struggling with something in your life (something you want to quit).  Albeit drugs or donuts…whatever the case…then just remember this:

If you can do it for 7 days then you can do it for 7 weeks.

If you can do it for 7 weeks then you can do it for 7 months.

If you can do it for 7 months then you can do it for 7 years.

And that reminds me of 30 seconds!  If you can do something for 30 seconds then you can do it for a minute.  A minute turns into more.  And that is progress!

I’ve mentioned Leslie Sansone many times on here.  When I first started out I did just 2 minutes of a Leslie DVD.  Adding 30 seconds every day.  I continue to return to her again and again because (for me) it is just Do-able.  It’s something I don’t hate.  It’s easy.  You can do it in your house in your pajamas if you want.  Almost no effort is required to pull up a video and there are so many of them it would be hard to get bored.  She recently came out with an app called Daily Walk.  So I downloaded it.  It’s 4.99/month and every day you get a new video to do.  She has enough that she can definitely have a new one every day.  I have decided to make a commitment to doing THAT for my exercise every day.  I am not even going to think about it.  It’s so simple for me I don’t have to even plan ahead.  I just put it on the screen and go.

Now I will say that oddly enough for an app called “DAILY walk”...there are rest days.  At first I was like…YES! But then I was like “If I’m paying for an app that is supposed to give me daily walk videos then I think there should be daily walk videos”  I love Leslie Sansone so I’m not going to complain but if I WAS going to complain…that would probably be a minor thing I would add when talking about this app.

I also don’t like that it only works on my phone or an ipad.  I want to watch it through the Roku or Amazon Fire apps on my tv.  Or through the computer.  My phone screen is too small!! So if I could change anything it would be that.  Other than that…I’m loving it.  I’m actually getting off my butt and walking.  And I know walking works.  It’s the main form of exercise I used to lose 250 pounds and it continues to be (for me) the easiest form of exercise to follow through with.

Here are some screenshots if you’re interested in what it looks like:

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I leave you with this picture of me, Charlotte and CJ from Saturday night when the power went out.  Here we are in the dark.

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That’s CJ’s minecraft torch in the background giving us a little light!  We spent the whole time making hand shadow puppets, making up stories and lauging.  To be honest, it was one of the best nights we’ve had in a long time.  So I guess that proves that being in the dark isn’t always bad.  Good things CAN come from it.  It’s in the dark where we often grow.  Where everything else can be stripped away and we get back to basics.  And where we often learn the most from each other.

So hey…if someone wants to cut a hole in my kitchen ceiling and flush crap down on me.   Ok.   If my car is wrecked and I’m going back to court again and even the candle I try to buy at Ross jumps out of my cart and attacks the lady behind me…..THAT IS OK.  Because I’m going to get up in the morning and do my walk with Leslie. Drink my coffee.  Do the laundry and go to work.  And if the power goes out, I’ll light a candle.  A candle of faith.   A candle that says….don’t give up.  Don’t stop believing that good things can happen.   And don’t let any circumstance steal your hope.  I’ve been allowing that to happen for far too long.   Let today be the beginning of a week where I refuse to stay down.  Where I refuse to play the victim.  A week where I create possibilities instead of squander them.  Yes!! Now that sounds like the way to do a Monday!

 

 

 

 

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Dee December 6, 2016 at 12:07 am

Holly I adore reading your words, I love your dry sense of humour…and yes, that’s how to do a Monday! I’m sorry about your series of disasters but you know what, the cream always rises to the top. Hang in there 🙂
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Rhonda December 6, 2016 at 12:32 pm

Hang in there Holly! I love Leslie Sansane also… she is where I started and I go back to her sometimes when it is raining. Speaking of rain, I’m here in San Antonio (came for the Rock and Roll Half) and it has been raining buckets! Made me think I was in Oregon lol. Sending hugs to you and your family. Rhonda

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Wendy December 6, 2016 at 7:09 pm

Girl, your attitude is incredibly positive in light of all that’s been raining down on you – including, literally, shit! Wow! I would be in a much more grumpy place, so good for you!

I’m interested in the Leslie Sansone app, especially now that the weather has turned cold and nasty. Do you just do the walking “in place,” indoors, like standing-walking somewhere in your living space? Also how do you schedule this type of workout to make sure it happens? I’m good with group classes because having that at a set time helps me get it done. Doing it on my own is harder – what works for you? Thanks in advance.
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LHA December 6, 2016 at 7:52 pm

Holly, I admire you! I have been through some very tough times myself, and I really sympathize with all you are dealing with. In my family we refer to that very bad time in life as “the dark years”. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and things will be better. Think of yourself and those precious children and do the very best you can for your health right now in spite of bad circumstances. It’s the biggest favor you will ever do for yourself and your family. Best of luck going forward! I know you can do this.

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Margaret Wolfinbarger December 7, 2016 at 3:39 am

Well, Holly, you write well for someone going bonkers. So here’s my two cents…even though you didn’t ask for them. You seem like you are on the verge of defeat. Like all you need is someone to jostle the teeter-totter and its all over. So there you are-desperately fighting to be the best mom you can be, pay the mortgage, not strangle the evil church mongrels who want to take advantage of you(I’m so glad there is a God to deal with people like that!)

First–download the book, “Mom Enough” by Desiring God. It has short, practical chapters that will give you a boost. Second, this light and momentary affliction is producing in you and eternal weight of glory(2 Cor. 4:17). Don’t you ever forget it. I’m still rooting for you!
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Kyra December 7, 2016 at 8:49 pm

I kinda wanna smack your house-landlord people upside the head… But aside from that, good for you clinging to the positive attitude! I get into the mode where I have to laugh at it, because it’s really kind of unbelievable that it can all go wrong in weird ways all at once. You’re not alone. It happens to me too!

I have an app that’s my go-to as well for my cardio days (I run), it’s Zombies, Run! It cracks me up, and it has a story involved so each “episode” has more going on. It keeps me coming back. I learned not to listen to it and have the chases on (it literally can chase you via GPS, zombies growling and everything in your ear) when I lived out in the middle of nowhere and it was dark and foggy. probably my best running times ever, but… erm… not worth it.

I hope that things start working out and going YOUR way for a change!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 8, 2016 at 1:59 am

The fact that you want to smack them upside the head makes you my favorite commenter ever!!!!! LOL I’ve heard of zombies run. Need to check it out!

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Kyra December 8, 2016 at 6:32 pm

They have a walking version too, but I’ve never used it. Mostly, because the Zombies, run! app can be used when you walk too. I have done it. But if you turn on chases (it’s optional) you will have to at least lightly jog for that minute to outrun the zombies (you have to increase your pace by a certain amount, also that you set. I keep mine low, because I’m frankernstein’s monster doing the shuffle when I’m out, but, well… *ahem*) I’m on Season 3 (I think there are 5 now) and it’s totally worth it. 🙂

And those landlords do need a smack upside the head. It’s bugged me since I read your post that they pulled that with you. Grrr.
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