The Fog

March 30, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

fog

Have you ever been trapped in it? Have you ever found the fog rolling in and taking you back to a place you thought you’d never return?

In 2003, I read a book that explained sugar addiction.  And it was one of the greatest days of my life.  I immediately went online and bought 2 or 3 more books on the same topic.  It was the first time I felt truly vindicated in regards to my ravenous appetite! That I wasn’t some morally corrupt individual who was just weak.  That it wasn’t just some emotional or psychological problem that I couldn’t seem to get under control.  Finally someone was speaking to me as they would anyone else with a physiological issue.  And the truth was revealed to me.  I now had a game plan.   Sugar was my problem.  And now every diet I had ever failed on made perfect sense.   Because almost every diet that is out there contains sugar!  It’s hard to believe but it’s true.  A cursory glance over your food supply will reveal it to you.  And suddenly you’ll be shocked at just how much sugar is in food you’ve been assigned to eat on your diet!

Someone who has a severe addiction to sugar cannot tolerate very much of it.   For me, I cannot eat anything with more than 4 grams of sugar per serving.  When I do, I almost always experience an increase in my appetite.  This eliminates a lot of things.  It means I have to be absolutely relentless about it or I will end up hooked once again.   It requires that I become a detective.  I must look at this in the same way someone with a severe peanut allergy would view it.  I can’t simply just ease up or take a day off from watching how much sugar I ingest.  If I do–it owns me once again.

Detoxing off this addictive substance is horrible.  But the hell you experience is temporary.   It will end.   Staying hooked on it is far worse.  Sugar addiction brings with it mood swings, binge eating, uncontrollable cravings, depression and other things.  So while suffering with headaches, nausea, fatigue and tormenting cravings is awful—at least it has an end once you reach that breakthrough.   And I did.  That’s how I lost 104 pounds in 2003.

I had never felt so free in my life.  And I knew I would never go back.

Then one day I decided that I could handle a donut.  So I ate it.  And the rest is a fog.   The fog of addiction that rolls in and takes you back into wonderland.  A mere 3 years later,  I had gained it all back plus more.  Now I was over 400 pounds and worse off than before.

There was a difference though now.  Because I knew I was hooked.  It wasn’t like in the past before I had ever learned about sugar addiction.  Now I knew what my problem was but I still couldn’t get free.   Because knowledge ISN’T power.  At least not for me.

You can know things.  SO MANY THINGS.  You can know what your problem is.  You can even know how to stop it.   But without power, you can’t put that knowledge into action.  And in 2006, I had nothing but failed attempts to get free.   My power wasn’t strong enough.  I was in too deep.   And while I knew the way out, I couldn’t make it happen.

After weight loss surgery in 2011, I was forced into a situation where I could not physically eat or drink very much.  And because I knew sugar was my problem I stayed away from it.   This is important because even weight loss surgery will not get you off sugar if you are drinking your sugar.  Being advised to drink protein shakes will not necessarily release you from sugar.  Not if your protein shakes contain tons of sugar!  You would be shocked at how many of them contain far more sugar than what a true sugar addict can handle.

So I followed the sugar detox plan that I have discussed on here numerous times.   I lost 240 pounds with that plan. Yet oddly enough I found myself falling right back into the same problem.   Getting hooked on sugar AGAIN and regaining some weight.  It’s like this unbelievable recurring nightmare that never seems to go away.  Just when you think you’ve rid yourself of it for good, there you are once again in its grasp.

Sugar is hiding.  And if you’re not keenly aware of that, it will find you.  It has to be treated like a severe allergy.  Where you can’t run the risk of drinking or eating something that might contain too much of it.  All it takes for me is one hit.  And the cravings return.  I must deal with that immediately or the fog rolls back in.  And it’s the fog that really gets you.   Once you’re in it, you can’t see your way out.   Suddenly you’re spending your life stuck in a place you had no intention of going.  And even though you once knew the clear path, now you can’t see it.  It’s as if even your own memory has been affected.

And this is important.  Because we must be aware that our mind can play tricks on us!

Let me tell you something that I find pretty astounding.  Even after having lost over 240 pounds, I can find myself in a mental state at times where I literally almost cannot remember ONE SINGLE THING I did to lose that weight.   I have actually sat down at times and sincerely tried to recall what it is that I was doing during these times of great success only to come up with nothing.  Almost as if my memory was a dry erase board and someone cleaned it.  I’m squinting just trying to see if some of what was written on there may have left a faint impression that I can still read.  But all I see is a blank space before me.  And while I know intellectually that I actually did experience success, I now can no longer seem to envision or even recall how I did it!!

I have actually experienced such a total lack of mental clarity that I cannot remember what I was eating or how much I was eating when I was losing weight.  How many calories was I consuming when I was losing?  What was I eating again? How much was I working out?  Suddenly it’s as if my entire brain was just scooped out and replaced with jello.  And it’s like I have to struggle to even recall what I ever did when I was successful.  It’s THAT hard for me to remember it during certain times.   If I hadn’t kept a recounting of it on this blog, it might seriously have been lost forever.  My mind just deleting it from the files as if it never happened.

That’s the fog.

The fog is what rolls in and settles in your mind making it almost impossible to recall past success.  The fog is what replaces hope with defeat.  Because suddenly you can’t even remember what it felt like to have control.  It’s like you’ve contracted amnesia.  So instead of being able to visualize possibilities, you only see a cloudy space before you.  Just muddy water.

Did you know that our brain can actually work against us?  Especially if we have a history of self defeating behavior and self sabotage.

We are told that we need to be persistent in achieving our goals, right? We need to go after them and persevere.  Not give up.  But did you know that your mind is also doing the same exact thing?  It is also persisting and persevering in the belief set that it has been programmed with for so long.  And don’t underestimate the power of that programming.  Simply running a new “program” in your mind doesn’t automatically erase the old one.  And just because you’ve been successfully running the new program for 1, 2 or even 3 years—does not mean that the old file is gone.  Maybe you sent it to the trash can folder but there it sits.  Waiting around to pop back up again.  Like a virus that you just can’t get rid of.

This has happened to me many times in my life.  I find myself replacing the self defeating program with a new one.  And then I start to believe I’m FIXED!  But then out of no where, that old file starts popping up all over the screen of my life.  Like those annoying pop ups that invade your computer and won’t go away.

Have you ever clicked on one of those pop up ads thinking that you are closing it only to discover that it was a trick? When you clicked to close it, you actually opened it in full force! The very act of trying to get away from it made it worse!  Viruses are persistent.  They are meant to outwit you.  The same can be said at times of our own negative belief systems.  Especially if we have endured decades of failed weight loss attempts.

Yes the mind is not always our friend.  And it can be very persistent in what it chooses to believe about YOU!  It also can persevere in holding onto those beliefs even when you have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that those beliefs are not true.

For a long time I believed that I could never change.  That I would never be able to lose the weight.  And that gaining control over my appetite was absolutely impossible.  I believed it so much that when I would experience a level of success I would suddenly question it.  Was it real? Would it last? And in doing that I often created for myself the very thought pattern that would send me back into the food.

People who have experienced success in areas of their life still can find themselves going right back into the same bad habits they worked so hard to break free from.  And many times that happens because we persistently believe in our heart and mind that we are simply not able to achieve our goals.  Even when we ALREADY HAVE PROVEN that we can!!! But guess what?? Your mind doesn’t care.  It’s not a fair judge sitting in a courtroom objectively weighing up the evidence.   In fact it’s totally biased.  And in this case, it will rule in favor of the persistent belief it has attached itself to for so long.  In spite of the evidence, it will just simply decide that you cannot do it.  You cannot lose the weight.  You cannot maintain control.  And you cannot win the fight.  Even if you have already experienced some level of success, your mind may persevere in this belief that you are not able to succeed in your goals.   Even if it has been PROVEN WITH EVIDENCE that you can!!

In other words, your mind is a liar.  A jerk.  And many times, the worst enemy you will ever have!

It’s not just that our mind refuses to accept reality. That it just won’t accept the proof or evidence that we are capable of success.   It will actively work against you.   Actually making you recall memories entirely differently from how they happened!  Memory bias is a documented cognitive dysfunction!  But I bet you never knew your own mind would be biased against you!

It can downplay memories where you experienced success while exaggerating memories of when you were defeated.  This is how someone like me can end up losing 240 pounds and then one day be totally unable to recall a single thing I ever did to accomplish that.  Almost as if it never happened.  Even though my weight loss success is far more recent ,  I might have trouble remembering anything significant at all that I ever did to achieve it.    Yet at the same time, I could easily recount to you in terrific detail certain binge eating episodes that happened to me over 20 years ago.  Even right now, I can recall specific days back in the 90’s when I planned a binge.  I can even remember almost in detail what I was wearing that day.  Where I went to buy the food.  And how I orchestrated getting alone for long enough to engage in that behavior.  My mind finds it much easier to highlight the times I was defeated rather than the times I was successful.

This is the lovely game of memory bias that our mind chooses to play in an effort to sabotage our efforts. It will choose to remember the negative behavior in great detail while systematically trying to blot out any positive things you’ve ever done!!  With a little bit of memory bias and negative belief persistence, you too can find yourself so deep in the fog that you’ll begin to wonder how you could ever get out!

This is how I have managed to find myself experiencing great success at times followed by what seems like a a total U-Turn straight back to hell almost without realizing it.

But there is more to the fog than just mind games.   Sugar can alter your brain!  It can actually mess with your memory!! And once you have fallen back into the maze of sugar addiction, you may find yourself totally unable to recall the way out!

UCLA actually did a study where they trained two sets of rats on the same exact maze.  Day in and day out the rats ran through the maze until they had memorized it.   They were successful.  Effortlessly running the maze with no problems at all.  Then they fed one group of the rats a sugar solution for 6 weeks.  Guess what?  Upon returning to the maze, the rats that had ingested sugar for 6 weeks suddenly had trouble remembering the ins and outs of the maze.  Their expert command of the maze  after a mere 6 weeks on sugar was gone leaving them almost powerless to escape it!  They were slower than the other rats.  They kept getting turned around.   Their brain cells were even documented as having trouble sending the correct signals to one another! They could not think clearly nor recall the maze as easily as they had before.  Even the visual landmarks and memory triggers available to help them were now making no difference at all!  I’m not surprised.  This is exactly how I feel after having gone back to sugar.  The maze I had so easily escaped before now eludes me.  Suddenly I can’t even remember what I did before to get out!

Have you ever seen the movie Percy Jackson?  To me it is the PERFECT description of how we end up back in the fog.   After just one bite of the lotus flower they suddenly forgot altogether about the goal of their journey.   Instead all they could think was, “Hey….this tastes awesome….maybe we should stay awhile!” and before they know it they had been sucked into the fog.  How many times have we fallen back into the fog and lost time?  A month…a year….five years—all because we fell prey once again to the maze.

This clip shows the full scene of them falling into the fog and then actually “waking up”.  Realizing that the more they eat of the lotus flowers the more trapped they become. Some people have been there for 20 or 30 years without even realizing one day had passed. The lotus flowers keep them in the fog. And when they do finally “wake up” and stop ingesting the lotus flowers—they realize they are trapped. The fun is over. And if they want out, they will have to fight to get out!

This clip is about 6 minutes long and grainy at best. But if you have time check it out because I can’t think of a better example of what the sugar fog does to both your memory and your resolve to fight.

 

Just like this clip, the allure of sugar always starts out the same.  Sweet promises lure you in and are quickly followed by the fog.  Once you realize it has you hooked, you feel too weak to get out.  And you can’t even remember where the exit door is located!  Suddenly the initial good feeling that the sugar gave you is replaced by the tormenting awareness that you are no longer there by choice.  You are now a prisoner.

When I am DEEP into my sugar fog, I almost can’t think clearly.  I’m negative.  I’m defeated.  And I see everything through a haze.  All that you get is this never ending dribble of negativity and blank space.   I would say that the effects of that are glaringly obvious if you’ve read any of my posts that were filled with that kind of negative and self defeated writing!

I am happy to say that after two weeks of fighting to get off sugar,  I am finally feeling more clear headed.  While it is still a struggle and will probably continue to be for some time, I am gaining victory and I am starting to feel more positive.

As I said before, knowledge is good.  But without the power to put that knowledge into action I never get very far.  I’ve known for awhile that I needed to get back off of the sugar.  But getting off sugar takes enormous power.  And for me, that power must come from above.  Every day I must  ask God to help me break free.  Without His power, I have no ability to get myself back into the game.

But you know what?  I’ve never felt a lightning bolt.  I’ve never had God throw off the chains of bondage in a day.  I don’t doubt that He can but for me that has never been the case.  But He does offer a way of escape from the maze.   He does promise to be with me as I make my way through the fog. I don’t know how many more times I’ll have to fight this battle before I’m truly free and I won’t lie—it gets old. But I do know this—He has never failed to answer when I call.   He offers to renew my  mind if I let Him (Romans 12:2) and give me the power and strength to overcome the powerful lure of the maze once again (Philippians 4:13).

This gives me hope to keep going.  That in spite of never having a perfect day in the battle, I keep fighting anyway.  Persisting and persevering in the knowledge that He will sustain me.   That He will be the author of my success.  And that no matter what it may feel like in the fog—I am never alone.  And so neither are you.

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Jenni March 30, 2015 at 6:35 pm

Hi holli
Have u ever done OA?

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:15 pm

Yes I absolutely have. I first discovered OA back in 1999/2000. I went for a long time and I found it helpful although ultimately it wasn’t the magic bullet for me so to speak. I highly recommend doing any and all things that will help though so if it does help you then I would go! OA generally does not tell you what to eat at all. There is however a segment of OA that advocated getting off white flour and sugar I believe. At the time that I was going I was totally unwilling to follow this “radical” idea. It was before I had accepted that I had a sugar addiction. I had never read any books explaining the physiology behind sugar addiction either at the time and I was not presented with any evidence that convinced me that my problem was specifically sugar. I just thought my problem was food in general. Since I was unwilling to get off sugar at that time I found myself helpless to control the cravings. OA meetings became a place for me to feel a little bit better about the fact that I couldn’t get free but in the end I quit going bc I didn’t feel like I was making any real progress. However, I have from time to time gone back and re-read materials from OA and other things. I find the premise to be extremely good and relates very well to the beliefs I have that faith can help you to overcome things.

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Margaret March 30, 2015 at 6:45 pm

One thing I did to keep myself out of the fog is I banned myself from all grocery stores and restaurants. (This is fairly easy to do with online shopping services, pick up or delivery – either local or amazon – with teenagers and friends pitching in to help.) I do this because I know that if there is sugar in the house, I will eat it. So, I use all my mental resources to make sure it’s never BOUGHT in the first place.

That is much more manageable — and if I’m in a place where there’s a candy display, ice cream shop — I think with my feet and move myself out of range — very, very quickly. No time to think, to rationalize, to let my brain lie, lie, lie… I take my lunch with me to work or I go home to get it. Meetings with a bunch of treats? I ignore and then complain to the organizer about the “unhealthy” selection. Ditto the social hour after church. (I doubt this does much good, but ya never know…)

Since I know that resistance is futile, all my strategies focus on eliminating the chance to be tempted in the first place. I look at it like this — I wouldn’t ask an alcoholic to hang out at the bar, a crackhead to hang out at the crackhouse or an adulterer to guard the brothel. The very first thing I would do is remove them from the environment where failure of their strongest resolve is guaranteed. If they walk in the door, they are already past the point of no return. Intervention has to happen before they get there. Same idea with sugar.

This has kept me in maintenance, within 10 pounds of goal, for seven years. Before practicing extreme avoidance, I found that not only could I not remember success — I couldn’t remember what I’d already eaten that day. So a binge at 10am didn’t stop the one at 2:30, even though I swore, pledged, promised “this is it for the day, week, month, year, decade, century.” It was like the calories stopped counting if I just “forgot.”

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:24 pm

This is awesome! I have found the most freedom when I was utterly relentless in my pursuit to avoid sugar. When I became totally unapologetic about it and refused toe ver go near it. Like you said in your game plan this is the way to freedom. For a long time I was almost religious about it! Then slowly I let it sneak back in and as it did I became less and less committed. We have to go all the way to the mat on this one. I think you are doing absolutely awesome!

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stacey March 30, 2015 at 6:50 pm

all I can say is WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AWESOME post….I cant believe how our struggles are the same

LOVE your honesty!!

God Bless you

Stacey

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:22 pm

Thank you Stacey!

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Tara March 30, 2015 at 6:54 pm

thank you for sharing this today. As I read your words I kept thinking I have to get you out of my head. You were saying everything I have been feeling the last few weeks…okay months. After being out of the fog for a while I found myself completely lost and surrounded. Today I start again. I’m forgetting the success I had once before. Clinging to it gives me a false sense of accomplishment. I start today. I start now with each choice I make.

Thank you!!!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:22 pm

Tara it is like we all have the same mind!! Those of us who struggle with this really do in so many ways think the same thoughts and live out the same experiences. It is so good to know we are not alone in this! You are right that it is with each choice we make. When we make more good choices then bad choices we start to gain momentum!

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Calleigh March 30, 2015 at 7:51 pm

There is nothing worse than that brain fog 🙁

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:21 pm

Totally agree!

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Terri in BC March 30, 2015 at 7:52 pm

Thank you for sharing this today! I am starting my first sugar detox along with my co-worker. We make lunch together at work. Today we had our version of a Greek Salad – lots of cucumber and peppers, a little tomato, a sprinkle of low-fat, low-sugar feta, low-fat cheddar cheese and 1 tsp of dressing that only had 1 g of carbs. We have already planned our snack at 3 pm, and will be accountable to each other for dinner. Although I miss my usual flax bun with this meal, I am definitely full!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:21 pm

Wow Terri this is a great game plan. It is so much easier if you do have someone along side you. I love Greek salad and eat a whole lot of it too. It is something that never gets old to me! I never get tired of it and the best part is it does not cause me to have cravings. I think you are doing awesome!!!

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Jessica March 30, 2015 at 7:56 pm

So much of what you have written here resonate with me, Holly! I’m cheering you on!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:19 pm

Thank you so much Jessica for always taking the time to keep up with me!! I appreciate your encouragement so much!

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Debra March 31, 2015 at 1:02 am

This gives me such hope ..I’m 7 days on my sugar detox and i feel so much more energy than i have felt in a long time.Thank you for posting this wonderful article.

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:19 pm

Wow way to go Debra!! Day 7!! That is AMAZING!

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LHA March 31, 2015 at 1:05 am

Everything you say here is absolutely true! At one time I went sugar-free for over two years and felt terrific. I was not bothered by cravings and easily just passed on desserts or other sugary foods even when confronted with them at an outing. No problem! Slowly, sugar began to creep back into my life. I tried to fight it with artificial sweetener, which only made things worse. I slid down the slippery slope all the way to regaining all the weight plus some.

Now I try to avoid all sugar, all the time. In the event that I do have a slip I am careful to make it a brief, momentary thing because I know where that one slip can lead. I doubt I will ever be perfect but I have learned a lot, and your post just nails it! Sugar is addictive and you have done a great service to pass this information on to your readers. Wishing you great success!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:19 pm

Yes! It is totally amazing how when the sugar is NOT in our system we become far less enticed by it. We can even walk by a dessert table and not be very tempted. There is just such a difference when it is IN us versus when it is not! I am also beginning to think artificial sweeteners in diet soda could also be a problem. I have read that diet sodas do increase appetite and cravings. So I have been cutting them out once again as well. Thank you for sharing this. I know I am not alone in this !!

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Dee March 31, 2015 at 11:11 am

I also struggle to live a sugar free life, my issue is not with food, but alcohol. Celebrations that entice me with a glass Merlot , icy beer or some frozen concoction are my crack and to avoid being around them would mean avoiding life with my family.

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 1:17 pm

I can definitely relate to that. Sugar is in alcohol as well and I also found it to be something I had to be careful around. I think we can boomerang to wherever sugar is hiding. We think we have given it up until we find it located in some wine!! I totally hear you! There is well documented evidence that sugar addicts, food addicts, alcoholics etc all share that same part of the brain that is drawn to these things. I know we can claim victory over it though!!! We just have to keep moving forward and we will get there!

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John (Daddy Runs a Lot) March 31, 2015 at 7:03 pm

I know this quite well . . . every weekend, I made my breakfasts & lunches for the week, so that I know what I’ll have, when I’ll have it . . . so that I avoid any of that “hidden” sugar.

During the week, I figure out dinner as I go about . . . if I’m home, I cook, and, therefore, have control over all my ingredients. If I eat out, I’m very selective — almost always, I try to head toward a Chinese buffet, just because they have a hibachi grill, where I put the meat & veggies on the plate, hand them to a guy, and watch him cook them with soy sauce, oil, garlic, and hot sauce . . . no added sugar there.

When I dine somewhere else, I’m strict about what I’ll allow myself — but I know sugar commonly sneaks in . . . I actually feel “different” after eating it. Honestly, the ride as I eat it? It’s great — I want more . . . usually, however, I’m able to restrain myself. Afterward, though, I feel hungover — it’s no unlike an actual hangover. And that’s the thought that I actively hold on to, in order to keep from remembering just how awesome the lotus-flower, er, sugar, was.

(speaking of Percy Jackson, I can’t recommend the books highly enough)
John (Daddy Runs a Lot) recently posted..Where a splash & a little bit of lip crack me upMy Profile

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 31, 2015 at 9:34 pm

This is SO smart. And the whole being prepared thing is a skill that I acquired when I first started out in 2011 doing this. Fail to prepare or prepare to fail. And I literally never went anywhere without my little cooler bag either. I would never leave the house without it because I never wanted to be caught unprepared. And I was shameless about it too and I did NOT care what the situation was because I was NOT going to eat anything that had sugar in it. If I was at someone’s house, church an event..no matter what…I was totally committed. I would bring out my cooler bag and I never ever compromised. Like you mentioned I was also able to go eat out because I was never unprepared. I always knew what I could get on the menu and if there was nothing where I could be 100% sure it was sugar free I would just default to salad with dressing on the side. Or no dressing at all if that was unsafe! I also know what you mean about feeling differently after having sugar sneak in on you. Once I ate some bacon and salad dressing that had more sugar in it than I should have eaten and within 12 hours I was hungry for no reason. Or actually for THAT reason!!! And like you said I could feel the difference. So I need to do what you said and cling to that memory so as not to be tempted to eat the lotus flower!! Of course at the moment the memory is current..hahaaa as I am living the hellacious horror of ejecting the sugar out. It is awful awful!! And I really hope that once I get it out of my system I do NOT forget again what happens when I eat the “lotus flower”!!!!

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John (Daddy Runs a Lot) April 1, 2015 at 2:49 pm

This conversation reminds me of a friend’s grandmother — this woman LOVED coffee, and loved to travel. However, whenever she flew, she would pack sugar packets because she heard, somewhere, that drug dealers were putting cocaine in the sugar dispensers. The thought being that, since you’re “hooked” right away, she was avoiding getting herself hooked on cocaine.

What got me, though, was:
1) Cocaine is really expensive. I have a hard time believing that anyone would voluntarily give up their cocaine without any money.
2) Nobody would know that they were actually hooked on cocaine. People might think they’re addicted to the sugar at some airport coffee shop, but that’s about it.

Anyway, last Saturday was a rough day for me – a friend of mine’s wife died, and the funeral was Saturday. I was supposed to meet with some former bandmates before the funeral for coffee, but I was stood up. However, across the street from the coffee shop was a buffet – and they were serving breakfast, and abundant breakfast food is my absolute favorite.

I did log what I was eating. And I tried to stick with only things that were “safe,” but the kielbasa looked REALLY GOOD, so I had a little. Then a little more. Anyway, I typically allow myself to eat 3000 calories / day. And I ate 3000 calories, give or take (determining portion size at a buffet is REALLY HARD, but I think I was mostly accurate), at breakfast.

And after that, I went to the funeral luncheon, and had a full meal (1600 calories). And a few glasses of wine (400 calories-ish?)

That night, I had dinner with my family (another 1200 calories).

The next day? I the scale registered a weight gain of 8.4 pounds . . . now, a LOT of that was, likely, an excessive amount of salt from eating prepared foods . . . but, had I not started the day with “hidden” sugar, I can near-guarantee that I’d have been able to keep things in check.

And now, several days later . . . I’m still fighting the urge to head back to that breakfast buffet at the next chance that I can. What seems to be “winning” that battle for me is my schedule — this weekend, I need to wake early on Saturday and run a half marathon. Then get the kids & do parent stuff all day. Sunday is Easter for most (I’m the organist at a Greek Orthodox cathedral, and their Easter is off by a week), so I have to wake up, play Palm Sunday services, and then head to my mom’s for a meal. The buffet is only open for breakfast on weekends. Next weekend, I’m running a marathon on Saturday and then dealing with my own Easter on Sunday.

So that’s two weeks where I physically can’t have the lotus flower — hopefully, that’ll be enough space to keep me from going right back to where I was.
John (Daddy Runs a Lot) recently posted..Where a splash & a little bit of lip crack me upMy Profile

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down April 1, 2015 at 3:59 pm

Oh my gosh is this me! Once I eat something with too much sugar I suddenly become less able to say no to further food. I suddenly become very weak to it. And I also think about it more and notice where it is located more! Before I could drive by some place and not think twice but once the sugar is down the hatch…forget it! Now the exact opposite happens when I clear my body from sugar altogether. All of a sudden I feel like I have a superpower LOL Like I really feel super strong and empowered especially once I’ve been off of it for a month or so. It really is amazing to me how it affects us almost immediately . I mean like you said it was just one hit off the buffet! But also the fact that you have all these other things going on and you have a plan in place to counteract it then you will be right back to where you want to be in no time. I have to tell you that this story of your friend’s grandmother was so cute to me! I could just see her refusing to eat the sugar packets bc they might be cocaine!! Like you I have to wonder….is anyone willing to give up their cocaine for free? Probably not!! ROFL But why risk it I guess!! She was prepared!

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