Failed Attempts and More trying….Update

December 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

Hello my friends!!  I have to give you an update before you think my blog has gone dead.  What can I say except…same old  %!@#*  going on!  Sorry for saying it that way but what else can I do  to convey my frustration??

If you go back through my blog you can see my concerted efforts at trying to pull it together.  Right?? I mean I do have good solid proof of TRYING at least.

This is what the weight loss roller coaster is for me and many others.  It’s a string of attempts to try followed by failure and regain.  It’s the constant struggle.  And to the outside world it looks like we don’t care.  I mean come on….how can it take THIS LONG to lose weight?  If you’re really trying you’d be further along…right?

Sometimes I just sit there and stare at myself in the mirror.  I look deep into my own eyes as if the answer is there.  It has to be though.  I mean prior to 2011, I knew I had no answers.  But after losing 240 pounds I finally had success.  That means I can do this.  And yet I can’t.

How in the BLEEPING BLEEP is it possible that a person can lose 240 pounds in 16 months and then follow it up with the inability to successfully lose EVEN 10 POUNDS and keep them off???

What kind of sense does that make?

How is it possible that I could lose 240 pounds and then follow it up with a year or more of losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again like a bad episode of the movie Groundhog Day???

How can these two experiences be from the same individual?

Have you ever read the book Flowers for Algernon or Awakenings?  Let me fill you in.

Flowers for Algernon is about a mentally disabled man named Charlie (played by Dustin Hoffman in the movie adaptation) who undergoes a surgical procedure to increase his intelligence.  The surgery  had already been performed on a mouse (by the name of Algernon) and it had worked.  Charlie becomes their first human test subject.  Charlie ends up becoming a genius.  But then the mouse, Algernon, experiences a decrease in intelligence.  In other words, the experiment is failing.  And now Charlie knows the same thing will happen to him.  And it does.  Not only does he go back to his original state, he actually ends up WORSE OFF.  His success was temporary.  The sad part is that when he goes back to his original state, he can still remember what it was like for him to have achieved success.  He can still remember those glory days.

Awakenings was a movie starring our late, beloved Robin Williams and based on a memoir of the same title.  A doctor administers a drug to catatonic patients that works and brings them essentially back to life! They all experience life once again until….you guessed it….they realize it’s temporary. They all begin to experience a slow decline knowing they will soon return to their catatonic state.  And they do.  Right back to where they were.

Can you see where I’m going with this?

For most of my life I struggled with my weight.  It was something I could never get a handle on.  I can point to different temporary successes which were always followed by massive regains.  Eventually gaining more than I had lost and then some.  By 2011, I was 417 pounds and had accepted my fate.  I would eventually die from obesity.  The inevitable heart attack.  A fall.  Diabetes.  Stroke.  Something for sure.  But in the meantime I would create for myself the best life I could within my limited means.  I could barely walk.  I had to accept the restrictions on my life.  But still I pressed on. I found a way to live in the prison my body had become.  I found a way to live with the voracious hunger that consumed me and the binge eating lifestyle that owned me.   I dealt with it.  Netflix was my best friend.  The recliner my home.  From my chair, I was there for my children.  Even if I could do nothing more at events and the playground than watch through the windshield from my seat.  Unable to fit anywhere, I had to modify life.  And I did.  I took my  kids to the playground.  I just sat in the car and watched through glass.  I accepted that this was my life.  There was no way around it.  I did what I could and I refused to let my limitations ruin my life.  I could still do what I could.  And that would have to be enough.

But then in 2011, I had weight loss surgery.  I lost 240 pounds in 16 months.  And suddenly I was alive again.  I could fit in different places.  I could get out from behind the glass.  No longer like an animal trapped in a cage at the zoo destined to only watch people as they go by. I could now join them.  And did I ever!!!!

But here we are in 2014 and my progress has slowed to a grinding halt.  I’ve been trying for the past year or more to keep going.  To keep losing.  I went from 417 to 180 pounds.  Then slowly I gained back to 250.   I lost down to 234 and now I bounce between 234 and 250 on a regular ongoing basis.  I never get below 234.  I try like crazy.  I run a never-ending treadmill of failed attempts going no where.  Month after month the fight drags on to the point where even I am bored of it. It’s as if I ran out of gas and now all I can do is sit on the side of the road wondering what happened.  If this stretch of the road I broke down on is the one I must now accept as my new home.

I’m tired of writing posts like this.  The ones that tell you about how I am in a never-ending circle going no where.  It’s depressing to live it and it’s depressing to write it.  But since I’m unwilling to completely give up and close down my blog, I have to just put it out there.

That’s where I’m at.  Anybody with me?  Just waiting for my comeback.  Wish it would hurry up!

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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

Rhonda W December 10, 2014 at 3:17 pm

You have had a stressful year with the move. 2015 is going to be YOUR year. Bring it on!


Connie December 10, 2014 at 3:27 pm

I know exactly how you feel. I lost 65 lbs 3 yrs ago. Have 25 left to go, but have not budged in 2 years. My doc keeps saying at least I haven’t regained, but it still feels like a failure! Hang in there, if you just stick to it you win!


Sandi December 10, 2014 at 3:46 pm

I’m so glad to see your post today, Holly. It means you haven’t given up. All the struggle you’ve gone through in the last year has meant you’ve maintained. You’ve kept off 183 pounds, that’s amazing!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Thank you! you are right. That alone is something. I will keep trying!


Gary from December 10, 2014 at 4:00 pm

As a psychological professional with a lot of specialty experience helping folks with weight issues, I feel especially qualified to comment. With all due respect, there’s a REALLY big opportunity for you to shift your perspective. The diet industry (as well as the culture) trains us to take for granted what’s in place and working and measure where we are against a “standard of perfection”. I may not get the numbers perfectly correct, but i’ll be close. You’re currently down around 167 to 180 pounds depending upon where you are in the 234-250 range. Yes, you’ve re-gained some weight. That’s not the place to focus. Focussing on where you’ve “failed” is disempowering. This is one of the most difficult tasks anyone takes on today, and you’re going to need to be EMPOWERED – not DISEMPOWERED – to continue this journey in a healthful way. Your success is unabashed, over-the-top, wonderful and incredible if you never lose another pound. You have the freedom that you could only dream about a few short years ago – that on some level you knew you’d never have. This is a long journey – YOU ARE NOT IN TROUBLE WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW! You are successfully controlling your weight down 150+ pounds from where you were. Again, that’s INCREDIBLE success. And … there’s always what’s next for us to learn. Don’t invalidate or skip over the gold mine of accomplishment that’s already in place as you look at what’s next. Use it to fuel what’s next. If you can manage 150+ pound weight loss, you can learn to manage 160 … 170 … 200, etc. It’s a learning and growth process, which in all fairness, you are WELL INTO!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2014 at 4:11 pm

Thank you Gary! This made me want to cry. I so appreciate it. I am going to try hard to dig deep and pull from my past success. It is in there somewhere. I like what you said about “You are not in trouble where you are right now”. That eases my mind bc I do feel that constant fear that I’m slipping backwards and will regain all the weight. Its a big fear.


Eri Bastos December 10, 2014 at 4:00 pm

I’m not sure what kind of diet you follow (too lazy to check), but I have stalled on my weight loss a couple times. Cheat days helped to kick me back on track. Mark Sisson wrote something about it a couple days ago:

If you follow a low carb diet like Atkins you can try fat fast:
I did that once and lost about 3Kg in 3 days.

I mean, I’m no expert, but I know your pain. 😛
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2014 at 4:04 pm

I actually follow him and it’s a good blog. My current dr is a big fan of him as well and has been telling me to follow more of his recommendations. I will check it out for sure!!


Nancy December 10, 2014 at 4:13 pm

I’m right there with you – same struggles and same thoughts. I am so frustrated with my lack of progress that I decided that counseling might help. I’ve tried everything else, so I am optimistic that I can now find the right path.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2014 at 4:23 pm

Counseling is so helpful. It really is. I am sure this will do nothing but support your progress, Nancy!!


Amy December 10, 2014 at 4:20 pm

Yes, I can really relate to this, though on a smaller scale. It’s a struggle I have on a daily basis and I still have a long ways to go! BUT I am NOT giving up this time (lifetime yo-yo dieter). I am finding a way to eat that is healthier but totally sustainable, and making exercise part of my life in a way that I am kind of becoming addicted to it. 😉 I know that if I just continue what I am doing, the weight will come off eventually… though, you know, even if it didn’t, I’d still be healthier and kinder to my body. And that’s a big thing right there!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2014 at 4:23 pm

Amy, please tell me what kind of exercise you are getting addicted to? Inquiring minds want to know!


Amy December 10, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Holly, nothing fancy! I just really love walking and how versatile it can be – do a stroll or something more ambitious. I’m also doing C25K (again) and really excited to get into running. Aside from that I’ve been working with a trainer at my gym for the past year and enjoy the strength training challenges, watching myself get stronger and stronger. It’s a rush! My partner introduced me to the wonderful world of hiking this past fall and I’m excited for us to do that often once the weather gets nicer again – plus more outside stuff in general. 🙂 I like “besting” myself and I am definitely competitive, so seeing progress makes exercise fun and sometimes even exciting for me!

YOU have really inspired me, by the way – the times when I feel too tired or could make an excuse not to walk? I always think of your just getting out and doing a little bit. I find that once I get myself out there, I am good to go. Getting out the door is the hardest part. 🙂
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Denise December 10, 2014 at 4:24 pm

Holly, you are amazing. You are successful. You have kept the weight off. You have learned a lot in the last 3 years. I had WLS a few years back. I lost 40 pounds and then did nothing for about 18 months. I like food and hate protein/meal replacement shakes. So I was stalled. Then I just got back on and am now 15 pounds lighter. I can see onderland and am so excited to get there. I will still stumble and fall, but I will get back up and keep going. You can too!


Adelyn December 10, 2014 at 4:51 pm

Many times when I read your blog I feel as if I am looking in the mirror. There are differences for sure…but the similarities are big. Lost a lot of weight. Regained more than I wanted to. Stall and spun around for a long time. What is helping me is to think about this second part. I keep saying that the first effort was to prove I could do it and now it is to prove that I can do it and love myself.
I am working really hard to reframe things…regaining 40 pounds means I am maintaining a 50 lb loss. (Other commentors mentioned that as well.) A bad meal means I had 2 that were not. Focusing on things that make me feel better makes me make better decisions.

I am still struggling for sure…but working on it too!
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Joanna December 10, 2014 at 4:52 pm

As you go through the day, just remember, as you do in your blog, ‘I couldn’t do this three years ago’, or ‘I used to watch my kids play, and now I can play with them.’ I am stuck at a weight, and have been for years, despite working out with a trainer. When I get discouraged, I’ve been focusing on the bonus of my current weight, vs. where I used to be. You don’t have to worry about breaking chairs, or keeping up with your kids, or greatly modify your lifestyle just to function in the world! How awesome is that! And what is God trying to teach you during this time of struggle?


Margaret December 10, 2014 at 5:02 pm

Hi Holly, so glad you updated. While I was reading, I was thinking that you have this all wrong. What you are calling failure is MAINTENANCE, a state that is harder to establish and hold than losing. From this point on, focus on doing things you can MAINTAIN. Small things. Stop buying xyz trigger food forever. Ok, lost two pounds in a month. Great. Then think about the next small change that can be made relatively easily but forever. Oops, there goes another six pounds.

At some point, (probably around 205) your weight will plateau again for awhile. That’s normal. But you have to stay in maintenance mode regardless. No thinking, “well, that’s not working anymore so I can stop.” Any day without a gain, it is working!

The game is yours to lose now. Convince that big brain of yours that maintenance is the sign of successful dieters long term, not big flashy drops.

Because it is.
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16blessingsmom December 10, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Holly, I love your honesty, but come on girl! You are my hero! You lost all that weight, claimed your life back, moved across the country all by your strong self, and are raising four beautiful kids, kids you can DO things with!!! Don’t start sliding down that negativity slide! I have lost 70 pounds and gained back 25, and am struggling like crazy to find that amazing state of mind that I had back when I was losing the weight…it’s elusive. The thoughts start, and I picture myself getting heavier and heavier and it’s all so depressing. But NO! I will fight, and so will you! Thank you for sharing, and please….do.not.give.up!!!!


p.s. losing 70 wasn’t nearly enough, I now have at least 60 pounds to drop, and it seems like I gain and lose, gain and lose, but the scale is creeping up because I seem to gain more than I lose. I am sorely tempted to just go ahead and eat what I want, but I can’t!!!!!!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2014 at 6:42 pm

thank you!!


Anna December 10, 2014 at 5:21 pm

At the very end of every blog post, you write “NEVER LOSE HOPE”. Holly, go back and read your blog posts where you lost the weight a couple of years ago following surgery. I get the sense that the difference between then and now is your level of hope. Don’t give up, girl, your chains are BROKEN. Find your freedom, rejoice in your freedom, focus on Christ and what HE has done for you. And the rest will fall into place. Embrace where you are RIGHT NOW, not where you think you SHOULD be. You are amazing. You have encouraged me so much in my journey (weight loss related and not) and I want to give some encouragement back to you. Huge Hugs!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2014 at 6:42 pm

thank you!!


Blods December 10, 2014 at 6:13 pm

Chin up Holly and stick with it! Like everyone has been saying, focus on the positive and be proud of your achievements. If I can give you just one piece of advice : keep moving, make sure you do your walking every day and don’t forget that dang dog for inspiration! Don’t give up and please, stop being so hard on yourself. Good luck! Love Blods xx


Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2014 at 6:41 pm

oh thank you!!!


Lori December 10, 2014 at 7:23 pm

I am totally with you. My loss wasn’t as dramatic as yours. I lost 93 pounds nearly five years ago. My goal was to lose 109. I was so close!! I got sick and couldn’t maintain my strict eating & exercising. I have slowly regained all but 36 of those pounds.

I’m not yo-yoing more than about 5 pounds and then I’ll have a big leap up. I wish I had the answer for both of us.
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Charlotte December 10, 2014 at 7:50 pm

Hi Holly, I’ve read your blog all the way from beginning to current in the last few weeks and I just want to tell you that I am really pulling for you. Your writing style is very open and personable making your blog one of my new favorites to read. I hope that your past success can give you the confidence that you DO have what it takes to see this through. You’ve already accomplished what few have. Take it one day, one moment at a time if necessary! You’ve got this.


Bonnie December 10, 2014 at 8:35 pm

Thank you for continuing to share your journey–both your success AND struggles (I refuse to call them failures). It helps me to remember that I am not the only one on this journey.


Calleigh December 10, 2014 at 8:55 pm

You are not alone. Hang in there Holly.
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Greta December 10, 2014 at 9:33 pm

I’ve been reading your blog for some time now but have never commented. Your honesty and intelligence shine through in every post. All of us who have many pounds to lose or have lost and regained many pounds, empathize deeply with your struggle. It’s so hard to remain hopeful after many setbacks. Reading about you taking tiny steps a few weeks ago has helped me to refocus. My eye has always been on the big loss instead of the little changes that are within my power to make but you helped to reframe that for me. Although I wish I could make it possible to have you lose all that you have regained in one fell swoop, I want you to know that your struggle and little successes inspire others. You are holding the fort and constantly trying which is no small feat!


Holly December 10, 2014 at 9:46 pm

I absolute agree with others who have posted to say you are an amazing person, a hero and an inspiration. You have come so far! I find it helpful to keep the focus in comparing myself to who I was a few years ago instead of this futuristic version of myself I wish I was. When I get on the scale now and see I am STILL in the 340’s, I have to think how thrilled I would have been to see that number when I was in the 380s! It’s all relative.

I think you have mentioned trying Overeaters Anonymous before. I had gone to some local meetings and it was really good for me, but I didn’t really get relief from my overeating. A couple months ago I started going to a phone meeting called “OA Hour of Power” and it is really different from what I had experienced before. The meeting is very well organized and focused on spiritual recovery. There is a lot of hope there! They have a website, where you can find the dial in information and even listen to the recorded meetings. I had become personally very skeptical of OA. So much seems to be food plans and people feeling guilty about eating. I can’t explain exactly but OAHOP is really, really different in a good way.

I’ll be thinking of you and praying for you! If you never lose one more pound I still will think of you as a wonderful success!!
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Nicola December 10, 2014 at 9:50 pm

Holly, how do you feel about your life right now? How do you feel about your environment right now? How much do you love yourself right now? All of these things have a massive impact on how you eat, how you exercise and how you respond to setbacks and frustrations, like gaining and losing the same amount of weight. I get the sense from this post that self-hatred, fear, guilt and doubt are (literally) weighing you down right now, and that until you find a way to feel better about yourself, this yo-yoing will continue, because how you look on the outside ALWAYS reflects how you feel on the inside. How do I know this? Because I’m currently going through exactly the same thing. A book that has helped me tremendously recently is Louise Hay’s Loving Yourself to Great Health and I thought it might help you too. Remember, never give up! You can do this 🙂


Nancy December 11, 2014 at 1:15 am

Holly, I have been feeling so much like you seem to be feeling lately. I also had weight loss surgery (also the gastric sleeve, about a year after you had your surgery), I lost a total of 150 pounds and was within 20 pounds of reaching my goal weight when I hit a plateau. And then my life got particularly stressful for several months, and I started gaining weight. I’ve regained 46 pounds in the last 11 months. And I haven’t been successful at losing more than a pound or two. I’m just hanging on, trying to do a little better every day, and hoping not to gain any more weight.

You have been such an ongoing inspiration to me for years now! Even when you are struggling, your blog posts give me hope. You have accomplished amazing things! And when I say that to you, I have to remind myself that I have also accomplished amazing things. I agree with what some of the other people have responded, that you are too hard on yourself. I also see that I am too hard on myself.

I think the biggest thing I need to do is to start exercising again. It seems like when I am exercising regularly, I feel better about myself, it helps with my anxiety and stress, and I seem to do better on my eating. I’ve kept reminding myself about your brother’s advice to start with just 30 seconds. In my case, I think I can start walking15-20 minutes a day. That seems doable for me.

Hang in there!! I firmly believe you will get past this and start losing weight again (without the regaining afterwards). I wish all the best for you!! And thanks so much for continuing to blog, even when you are struggling. I have watched the video you posted about the young man who is blind and in a wheelchair and is in the marching band with his dad over and over again. It is so inspiring, and it gives me hope! Your blog continues to help me and give me hope!


Beth December 11, 2014 at 4:49 am

Holly, I’m so glad you’re back! I agree with other posters that think you should be very proud of how much you lost and have kept off. It’s really an amazing accomplishment.

I wonder if it’s more difficult now because you are smaller. When I was much heavier it was easier to lose. Now if I want to drop a few pounds, it’s like pulling teeth!

Keep posting so we can support you. I hope you and your children have a wonderful Christmas!


Crack You Whip December 11, 2014 at 5:13 am

It really helps to add more cardio and weight training in, don’t get discouraged!


Karen P December 11, 2014 at 1:37 pm

Holly, long term weight loss and long term weight maintenance are tricky at best. Look solidly at what your current plan is and consider what steps to take moving forward. Start again, where ever you go.

Could be something that is not weight related- like life coaching, project management, six sigma green belt. Career related, but you could take the key learnings and key take aways with you.

I’m glad you are not stopping. Keep going, look for the key take away’s. Even if you looked at something seemingly unrelated, like high inflammation and said, well, I’m going to bring down my hs-CRP (blood inflammatory marker) and started in on a lower inflammatory food choices… then realized that it helped in other ways.

Here’s to whatever you choose to do next. Just don’t stop. Keep going. Something will pop for you… grab it and run!
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LHA December 12, 2014 at 1:10 am

Holly, one of the greatest thing anyone can do is to halt a weight regain and maintain the rest of the lost weight. That is such an awesome accomplishment!! Once we start to regain, for most of us it is all over. It goes back on so much faster than it ever came off, we get so discouraged and depressed about the regain and we just give up and let all that weight come tumbling back on. But you have been able to halt that regain, and to maintain within a ten pound range for a long time. That is something to really be proud of.

When I have a bad day or a bad meal, or even a bad five minute eating spree, I have to tell myself “Okay, that wasn’t the best choice. Tomorrow (or the next meal, or the next five minutes) I can do better than that and I start to plan how I can do that. I work HARD not to dwell on slip-ups but focus on the things I have done right.

You inspire so many people and your honesty helps all of us see ourselves in your struggle. Keep up the good work and don’t focus on the negative. You’ve come a long way and are on a remarkable journey. Thanks for taking all of us along.


Michele December 12, 2014 at 5:30 am

I lost 75lbs in a yr and a half and now I cant keep the 10lbs I gained off it comes and goes as well I know how you feel. Just don’t give up.


Catherine December 12, 2014 at 4:18 pm

Holly don’t give up. You helped inspire me. I need you more than ever. It’s going to be hard to get back on your path but you have to do it! Remember all those achievements you won. The first time your babies could hug you fully, the first time you could sit at a booth comfortably, the first time you could sit in a chair without worrying whether or not the chair would give. Remember the trip with your best friend and how joyful you were about being able to enjoy yourself without getting too winded. Please Holly, don’t give up. You are your own temple. Never lose that pride about yourself. You are your own brand of beautiful and it’ll never change, no matter what size you are. It’s time we showed our bodies we love ourselves too much to stop going after our dreams, to get comfortable. I’m sending all the love in the world to you girl. Let’s do this!!!!!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 12, 2014 at 5:06 pm

Thank you so much Catherine!! A much needed boost. It warms my heart too that you remember the specific milestones. Thank you for reminding me of those things!


Anneli December 12, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Thank you so much for this post!! I feel exactly the same way. I’m trying to rake up the will to try again–probably around New Year, which has never worked before, but I’m trying to believe that it will now.

Except, that after reading your post I DO believe it!!! Because when I read your post all I see is success, which makes me realize that I HAVE been and AM successful too!!! Will I finally reach goal weight? I don’t know. But I will have success, and I will weigh far less than I might otherwise. So, to hell with the scale and the tape measure. Success in weight control is exactly the same for me as success in any other endeavor—charity, kindness, gratitude, thank goodness there isn’t a way to quantify those, or I might have given up years ago I’m so far from perfect.

I’m becoming increasingly convinced that I have NO IDEA what the journey of weight loss even looks like. Maybe weight gains, stalls and total loss of motivation are just a natural part of the journey. It’s as silly to give up on ourselves in those places as it would be to give up on a hike because there is a hill ahead or a rock in our shoe.

God Bless Holly. We can do this, because we ARE doing this!!
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PaulaMP December 13, 2014 at 3:40 pm

I am always struggling too, it’s so easy to backslide. From all I have read of you it’s just two things, the sugar and not exercising as much. Can you try and stop the first and start up the second? Other people make staying fit look so easy, I look around my Zumba classes, I am the only one who isn’t slim. Many of them do a class every day of the week and can eat like wolves. I try and ignore the mirror and how I am so much bigger than the rest of them and just concentrate on dancing. Everybody has issues in life, weight is just one of the more visible ones.


John (Daddy Runs a Lot) December 15, 2014 at 3:40 pm

I’ve been where you are, time and time again, in my life. Right now, I happen to be in a place where I’m, honestly, not looking to lose weight — and it’s freaking me out. But, this is the first time I’ve actually been there.

To get where I am, I’ve had to rely, heavily, on friends in the same boat, and turn stupid stuff, like monitoring every bite of food I’m eating, into habit. Still, there seems to be a CONSTANT game of evaluating what I’m doing, what’s working, and what my goals are.

Know it isn’t easy. Know you’re not alone.
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Deanna Keir December 19, 2014 at 5:22 am

Hi! I am so thrilled with your story, you are doing amazing! And like others have said, you have maintained and not gained, and THAT is reason to celebrate! I am an RN and Certified Health Coach and I would love to speak with you to hear your story. I work with people every single day looking to get off that cycle of losing and gaining the same 10, so I hear exactly where you are coming from there. Would you be willing to explore your current health and goals, and formulate a plan for success to move forward? Feel free to email me or contact me on FB, I sincerely would love to assist you to reach your goals!


Brenda December 23, 2014 at 7:53 pm

I am where you are! Lost 50 lbs. 8 years ago, put it all back on plus another 25. Started what was going to be my “final” weight loss journey in January 2013, and I lost 90 lbs (and was within 12 lbs of my goal!) But then I stopped the good habits, started eating without tracking, and now I’ve put back on 40! I know that for me my weight will be a LIFE-LONG battle. I read your information about sugar detox and sugar addiction, and am really afraid this is my problem, but am terrified to admit it and have to give up sugar or any form of it forever. I like food, and I don’t like depriving myself. Why does something I need to actually stay alive have to be such a problem for me? And to top it all off, my religious community is one all about the food: there are constant dinners, treats in meetings, deliveries from friends, etc, which sabotage my efforts to “be good.”
I decided that next year (I know I should start now, and I’m kind of trying…) I will focus not on losing weight, but on eating better every meal, maybe eating less, and making exercise a daily habit whether or not I feel like it.

I thank you so much for your blog. You have put into words some of the thoughts I’ve had my whole life, and believe it or not, even when you are writing the “depressing” blogs, you are inspiring people like me! Thank you, and please keep up your story in the blog!


Dawn Wagner January 30, 2015 at 5:59 pm

I’m behind on catching up on your blog and I didn’t read all of the comments above so forgive me if I say something that someone else already said.

One strong suggestion I can offer up is to shake up your exercise routine. Your body gets accustomed to the same muscle exercises over time so you should switch it up every 4-5 weeks.

I’ve had a similar struggle after I took a year off from “dieting” and got a little too free with my eating habits. I thought I could do it on my own without calorie or carb counting. I was wrong. I wasn’t being honest with myself about what I was really taking in calorically. Turns out, I was sabotaging my success with my guilty pleasure of my Starbucks coffee with heavy whipping cream. I was only having two a day but without measuring my cream and doing a “free pour”, I was taking in an extra 600 calories a day. Considering I ate 1,000 calories per day for two years, this was a considerable increase for my body to consume.

I decided to not let it get out of hand so I started my original diet regime I was on after I had my surgery, including tracking everything that goes into my mouth (even the small handful of peanuts I “sneak” when I open the pantry door). I’m two weeks in and the carb cravings are nearly diminished. I started my 45 minutes per day of cardio at the same time and I’m seeing a difference already.

Regardless – you still look amazing and I still look to you for inspiration!!!


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