The other day Charlotte found a snake in the garage. All the kids started screaming for me to come out there.
I am actually scared of snakes. I’m scared of other things too.
Any type of creature that gets in the house really.
But since I’m the Mom and the one in charge, I have to deal with it. So I put on my big girl panties and went off to the garage to save the day.
I’d love to say I pulled it together and handled it smoothly but that’s the exact opposite of what happened.
First, I ran around the garage screaming. Then I hit the garage door opener 300 times in a row frantically which only resulted in the garage going up and down over and over again.
Meanwhile the kids were screaming at me to do something.
But I was doing something!
Not something productive but if freaking out was an art form–-nailed it!
Finally, I got the broom and we pushed it out to the driveway which still bothered me but made me suddenly feel much better.
At least it wasn’t IN the house anymore.
It settled into some place on the driveway and then it just hung out.
Since it wasn’t moving I became a little less upset. And then I realized that the snake probably couldn’t harm me.
I wasn’t totally convinced but I felt that I was mostly safe.
So that’s when I got brave and started to really move in closer.
At one point, I actually got down close enough to see it sticking its tongue out of its mouth and moving its head around.
I even got a picture.
The kids kept telling me to just kill it because it might get back into the house but instead I decided to watch it.
I felt less intimidated now that we were outside. And I was even proud of myself for having gotten it out of the garage.
I had conquered my fear and won. I was fairly positive that it couldn’t do anything to me either so I was no longer scared.
But then it started moving again.
And it may not have been big but that thing could move FAST!
Once it started slithering around so quickly though, my screaming recommenced.
By now we were outside so I’m sure the neighbors could hear me.
Let’s just say I didn’t handle this scenario with the most grace.
It startled me how quickly it could go. Off it went into the grass and once that happened I couldn’t even see it anymore.
It just blended right in.
That’s when the fear set in. Why didn’t I take it out when I had the chance?
Now I have to worry about it getting back in the garage !
I’m sure it won’t …..but you know….paranoia is a part of me.
Later I was thinking about how this is really the perfect analogy for weight loss.
Like when I finally get control of my eating.
I’ve kicked the bad habits out just the same way I got the snake out of the garage.
But instead of finishing the job, I let it hang out in the driveway.
Not only that—-I got cocky.
Bending down to look it over and snap a picture.
It’s the same with food.
I think I can handle it. That it can’t get back in. So I hang out with it for awhile.
Until suddenly there it is. On the move again.
And now I have to worry about it getting back in.
How many times have I done this with food? How many more times until I learn?
I have a problem with food. And I have to stop playing with it. Stop pretending that it isn’t a problem.
I can’t entertain it. Or hang out with it. Or pretend that it’s not a threat.
The problem is that I want to be normal. I want to be that person that can handle it.
But I’m not
And I never will be.
Of course we have to eat. But I’m not that person that can handle a buffet and survive.
I keep thinking that I can. But I’m not. So I play with fire.
That’s why I’ve regained weight. That’s why I’m off track.
I need to wake up. I need to stop acting like I don’t have a problem
That’s when I’ll start losing again.
When I finally wake up and see a snake for what it is.
I guess I just want to believe SO BAD that I can win.
That I can tame the snake and keep it as a pet.
But I can’t. And when I learn that—maybe I’ll be the winner.
But not until I stop playing with fire. Not until I am willing to kill it.
How about you?