It’s Not Over Yet—Press On!

May 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

Many of us have obstacles to overcome

We experience victory and defeat in cycles

Sometimes we’re up

Sometimes we’re down

But what remains is this roller coaster at times

And we wonder if we’ll ever just make it to the end zone

Where we can finally declare we have won!

 

I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember

And because I’ve had struggles with my weight

That means I’ve had other issues that come into play as well

Anyone that has ever been overweight or significantly obese knows this

In the medical field they call it co-morbidities

The presence of other issues that accompany your primary disorder

It could be high blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea and heart problems

But if you ask me there is more than just the physical symptoms

Other things come along for the ride

Like depression, anxiety, and low self esteem

Making our weight issues much more complicated

Than simply that number on the scale

 

I never realized what nonsense I would have to travel through after I lost weight

I thought I had a pretty good handle on my self esteem

I’d lived over a decade as a divorced woman in an obese body

Sure I felt rejected much of the time

Dismissed

Ignored due to the way society viewed me

But I thought that within me I carried an inner confidence

That wasn’t affected by what others thought of me

Or what I weighed

I based this confidence on the Word of God

On His Promises

On the statements He made regarding who we are in Christ

But when I lost over 200 pounds

Suddenly other people took notice of me too

And now I no longer had to depend on “just God” to give me that confidence

Now other people could do that

And that is where I went wrong

 

We never want to depend on others for our self worth

Because that is going to constantly waver

The same people who will find you valuable once the weight comes off

Are the very same people who will judge you if it comes back on

And anyone who finds you worthy because of how you look on the outside

Is someone who looks at the superficial

And there is nothing deep about that

 

I have struggled a lot with finding my worth since I lost over 200 pounds

It is so hard to see people treat you differently based solely on how you look

And it’s actually disturbing  to be honest

That the world we live in is that judgemental

It discourages me sometimes and makes me question others

Often wondering if people are worth my time when I wasn’t worth theirs 2 years ago?

Losing weight is a double edged sword

It can make you stupid (for lack of a better term)

Because this new found freedom can go to your head

And cause you to fall into bad decisions

 

It can easily cause you to feel confidence in YOURSELF

More than God

Making you think you don’t need to go to Him as often

Because you’ve got it all under control now

 

I’ve made all those mistakes and more

And it leads to more misery than you were in to begin with

I haven’t been very happy now for quite awhile

I think that shows in my blog

Because when I’m confused about my own journey

I just don’t know what to say

I don’t know how to explain to anyone

That having your dream come true (a huge weight loss)

Doesn’t always lead to happiness

Instead, for me, it led to this whirlwind of celebration

Where I could live my life out loud again

No longer held back by the chains that would bind me

But I went off the deep end

Diving into a world where I felt like I was making up for lost time

I had not dated in almost a decade of divorce

So I made up for that by having several pointless relationships that led to no where

Mostly because I COULD

I just had one long party to make up for the years I was shut in and shut out

And you know where it led me?

Right back to misery

 

The party is NOT where it’s at

Losing weight so men will want us

Losing weight so people won’t judge us

Losing weight so we can be wild and free

Those just aren’t the goals we need to make

I didn’t even know I had MADE those goals!!!

That wasn’t my intention

My intentions were pure

I just wanted to be there for my kids

I wanted to walk without pain

I wanted to fit in a chair without breaking it

I wanted to live life without oxygen and an electric scooter

Both of which I knew were coming my way if things didn’t change

But once I started to really get there

It opened up Pandora’s Box

And sadly I was not able to avoid many of the temptations that came my way

I let it get the best of me

From 417 to about 180 in 2 years

And maybe it was just too much…too soon

 

So here I am now trying to reconcile those things

And feeling at times defeated

I’m unhappy with many of the choices I’ve made

And I’m realizing that I wasn’t miserable for the past decade

Just because I weighed 417 pounds

It wasn’t all about my weight

And weight loss will only take the physical weight off

It can’t fix the other things that are wrong

 

Sometimes in life we find ourselves facing an enemy

That only seems to grow with strength over time

The enemy gets bigger

As we get smaller

That is often how I’ve felt

As if with every pound I lose

It feeds the enemy’s arsenal

Coming back at me with something new each time

And I’ve felt at times defeated

Regaining and losing  the same 20 pounds over and over again

Struggling to find that first fire I had at the start

Seeming to jump the same hurdles

Never getting anywhere

How many times will this happen?

How long will this go on?

 

We experience dry spells

In our walk of faith

And in our walk of weight loss

We walk through the desert sometimes never finding the stream

And we wonder how far will we have to walk before we find the oasis

How much longer before we reach that turning point?

 

And when we feel defeated

You know who is celebrating??

The enemy of course!!

Bringing his band onto the field even before the game is over

Because that’s what the enemy does

He signals your defeat BEFORE the clock has run out

He tells you you’ve made too many mistakes

You can’t stage a comeback now

Look at how far you still have to go

It’s impossible!!

GIVE UP!

And even when there is still a quarter left in the game

Out will come his marching band

Just to prove the point that they know you can’t win

So they’re already celebrating!!!

 

Watch this clip of a football game

Where the other team was SO SURE they had won

They sent the marching band out onto the field to celebrate their victory

Before the game was even over!!

 

Not only did he have to make it to the end zone to score the touchdown

He had to run through an entire marching band in his way!!

 

And that is what we have to do

The enemy might be celebrating right now

He might have already sent his band out onto the field to declare victory

And like me….you may often have felt like the war has been won

And once again—you’re the loser

The great accuser and father of lies

Wants you to believe that it’s just too late

That the promise of victory is NOT coming true

That you put up a good fight

The score was CLOSE

But you are not meant to win this fight

 

This is where the lie lives

And I have been as guilty as anyone of believing it

Thinking I’m too tired to keep going

That I don’t have it in me to try one more time

“I’m done with this!!!“, I think

I’m tired of the endless cycle

Sick of the uphill climb!

But as hard as it is to believe

In spite of our screw ups

In spite of our setbacks

That clock has NOT RUN OUT

As long as there is still breath in our lungs

We have a fighting chance!

 

If God gave us the promise

If He said we could defeat this

Overcome this

Have victory over this

Then what He said still holds true

In spite of what wrong roads we’ve been down

That cannot change the promise we were already given

 

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I found out the journey was more complicated than I thought it would be

I’ve fallen off the wagon

I’ve fallen into bad habits

I’ve even believed more than once that I just can’t do this anymore

But I’m tired of feeling defeated

I’m tired of letting the enemy’s band march all over my field in victory

When the game is not yet over!!!

If I’m unhappy with how things are

Then it’s time to change it

I can cry about it

Or I can get up and FIGHT

I can press on

 

What should we choose?

Defeat?

Or should we get up

Dust off

AND PRESS ON

 

We know the answer, friends!!!

God has not brought us this far to throw us overboard now

In spite of ourselves, there is a force greater than us

Ready and willing to raise us up to victory

He can breathe new life into our dusty dreams

And clear that end zone of the obstacles in our way

Pressing us forward to victory!

 

Today I am going to stop caring how many false starts I’ve had

Stop wondering if I can ever finish what I started

There may be unseen things I can’t predict

But if I put one foot in front of the other

With no looking back

I will find victory and so will you

We have to keep going even when the walk feels long

We must run hard until this race is won

And PRESS ON!

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Anneli Byrd May 12, 2014 at 6:27 pm

Beautiful!!! I am constantly making the mistake of thinking that I know what the battle is, when I really have no idea at all! Here’s a story I like–God told a man that it would be his life’s task to push against a large boulder that was blocking a path. All his life the man faithfully spent his days pushing the boulder without budging it even one inch. One day when the man was old and no longer had the strength of his youth, he cried out to God in despair convinced that he had failed. God said to the man, “My son, your task in life was to push that boulder, in doing so faithfully, you developed a strong body as well as steadfastness and patience. Now I will move the boulder.”

God Bless!
Anneli

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16blessingsmom May 12, 2014 at 8:48 pm

We battle not against flesh and blood, but powers and principalities….(Ephesians 6:12)….we war against thoughts and feelings, against our own sin. I was so thankful for this post, I read it in the car as we approached home after driving 19 hours from Georgia back to NY, visiting one of our soldier sons who had a Family Day while in boot camp. He isn’t allowed candy, soda, coffee, pizza, or any other treats while in Basic Training, so of course we brought him some chocolate, and some PayDay bars, and drove off base to get him Chinese Take-out. I had to remind myself that these things were for him, and my goodness what a struggle these past days have been! Feed me, feed me, is all I hear from myself sometimes. I had just decided before reading your post, for the millionth time, that I am renewing my battle! Starting again, again! No more candy for me. No more “tastes”. No more messing around with the enemy, no sugar, at all, no chips, no bread. All the things I know I shouldn’t have, I do not need, but they slip in, and I get fooled and deceived into thinking It’s Okay. It is NOT okay. I am fine with good wholesome healthy food! IT is a mental battle, and one I need to fight every single day of my life, and if I set my sword down and scarf down some M&M’s without thinking, I need to pick it right back up again!!!! Thank you for the encouragement! Keep fighting the good fight!

Della

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Calleigh May 12, 2014 at 10:03 pm

Don’t you dare give up….ever. We stumble, we fall, what matters is if we get back up and try again. It’s a valuable lesson that is filled with empowerment every time we reflect and pick ourselves back up to keep fighting. I’m going through a very challenging period of self-discovery and one of the most important lessons I have learned so far is we are given challenges to learn from and to grow and the minute I am not living true to myself is the moment I am faced with a very hard lesson to work through. Stay true to yourself Holly, don’t give up.
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Melissa May 12, 2014 at 10:57 pm

Thank you for this post…

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Rhonda W May 13, 2014 at 2:28 am

Beautiful blog Holly and very insightful. I have recently gained 10 pounds and I’m struggling to get my “mojo” back. What I do know is that I can never give up or I will be defeated. You’ve got this girl! Hugs, Rhonda – PS Love that new blog award you are showing on your page… congratulations and well deserved.

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Karen P May 13, 2014 at 2:59 am

Press on! Start where you are. Keep going, onward. Hang in there Holly and I know you’ll find what you are looking for. I always thought it should be easier than this, but it is what it is.

Strength and courage to you for the next steps. Karen P
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LHA May 13, 2014 at 1:03 pm

Excellent writing on the power of perseverance. Everyone has obstacles to overcome in their lives. Quitting never solves the problem, only a stubborn refusal to give up will see you through! Through decades of dieting, if I have learned anything it is that there are always going to be bad days, weeks or even months. Keep pushing on no matter what! The alternative is defeat. Thanks for putting it so well!

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ErinK May 13, 2014 at 5:00 pm

Excellent post Holly! I agree with and have experienced much of what you said. So thankful we have a God who never gives up on us. Thank you for continuing to fight – you inspire the rest of us! Never give up – never surrender!

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robin May 14, 2014 at 10:42 am

BRAVO!

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Jenny May 20, 2014 at 7:57 pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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