Valentine’s Day for those that feel alone

February 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

After watching Kate Hansen groove to Beyonce warming up at the Olympics

I feel the need to now sing

All the Single Ladies…

All the Single Ladies…

But then I’d have to add in a line for

All the Single Men….

All the Single Men…

Because I know they’re out there too

And both of us are wondering where we belong in Valentine’s Day

But even if we THINK we are the only people dreading this holiday

We’re not

Because there are plenty of married people who don’t really love Valentine’s Day either

Sometimes as single/divorced people, we get it in our heads that anyone who HAS someone

Is totally happy

That simply because they have a ring on their finger and/or a boyfriend/girlfriend

That they are blissfully happy and Valentine’s Day is pure heaven for them

It’s just not true

I have married friends who dread Valentine’s Day because their husbands/wives don’t ‘get into it’

They forget about it

Or they don’t somehow live up to their expectations

It sucks to have no one

Because then you really feel alone

But what if you have someone

And that someone takes a pass on Valentine’s Day

Forgets it

Or just does the minimum to get by

Suddenly you feel just as alone

You begin to question if they care at all

And maybe you even feel trapped because this is your significant other

And they don’t find you all that significant

So I write this to anyone and everyone

In fact, even if you are in the most amazing, fulfilling and satisfying relationship

This is still for you!!

Because I have been married for a decade

And single now for almost as long

And I have discovered that loneliness can live in both places

But then my viewpoint changed

I began to realize that Valentine’ s Day was not a holiday for me to be PASSIVE

To sit back and wait for someone to either make me happy or let me down

To wake up wondering if my kids or husband would acknowledge me

Tell me I matter

And then an opportunity for me to feel bitter and depressed with good reason

If they didn’t

It’s my right to overeat and dwell in self pity, right???

The people I work so hard for every day don’t even care enough to buy me a card!!

Another scoop of ice cream please!!

More cake!!

Let’s drown our sorrows in chocolate syrup!

Then I woke up

I realized that I can sit in lies

Where I believe I only matter if someone ELSE tells me I do

Or I can wake up to the TRUTH

And realize that I MATTER

I AM LOVED

I AM SPECIAL

No matter who else on this planet knows it

Did you know that right now my cat is trying to walk across the keyboard to this laptop?

I bet you didn’t know that, right?

But that doesn’t make it any less true

YOU ARE SPECIAL

The fact that someone else in your world doesn’t know that

In NO WAY negates the fact that you are special

They may not realize it, acknowledge it, appreciate it

But it doesn’t change the fact that you are

You are special  (Psalm 139:14)

You are loved (Romans 5:8)

You are worth more than you know  (Matthew 10:31)

You are a treasure  (Matthew 10:30)

And you matter (Ephesians 1:4)

Now if  you believe that

(And you should)

Then why are you waiting for someone else to let you know??

Whether you are married, single, widowed, divorced

Valentine’s Day can be the greatest holiday of your life!!

I hereby give you full permission to unload on yourself a bounty of LOVE

Once you start doing this…you will never hate Valentine’s Day again!!

This is what I’m doing today

1. Going to the gym!!  Exercise is loving yourself (I question this at times but I know it’s true!!)

2.Making myself a special flavor of coffee that I bought in advance because I wanted to make it special

3. Thanking God for all the special and unique things about me and giving myself a pass on the negative!!

4. Buying myself 1 dozen Roses….yep! It’s happening people!

5. Going to get a pedicure (RUBY RED!) and a manicure

6. Buying myself a new book (I love to read), a new coffee mug (b/c I like them)

7.  Taking myself out for a steak dinner!!! Not only is it low carb–it says You are Special!…(Ok my kids can come….they don’t want to feel left out,right?!)

 

And if I ever end up in a relationship when Valentine’s Day rolls around….

They’re going to have some stiff competition!

Because I don’t ever intend to stop this tradition of treating myself!

We are all special

God commanded us to love others AS WE LOVE OURSELVES

Do you know that is actually the second GREATEST commandment he gave us??

Right after loving God…we are told to love others AS WE LOVE OURSELVES

 

 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Matthew 22:36-39

What if you don’t love yourself though??

How can you show love to others if you don’t show love to yourself?

And how can you love yourself if you don’t first believe you are worth being loved?

So I challenge you today to love yourself

Because YES…..you are worth it!!

Many of the things I listed that I’m doing for myself (like getting a pedicure)

Are things I could not do at 417 pounds

Even walking into the store to buy myself flowers

Felt close to impossible

So if you are someone who feels especially isolated and alone due to your weight

Then you need to know ALL THE MORE just how special and precious you are

I started doing my best to treat myself in a loving manner when I weighed 417 pounds

Even if it was just treating myself to a warm blanket because my feet were too swollen to go buy flowers!

Do what you can do to remind yourself that you matter

Because once you believe that…truly believe it…

You will be able to love others with the same love that you give to yourself

This morning I wrote letters to all my children which I tucked into their Valentine cards

I told each of them what I find special and unique about THEM

My mother used to do this for me on every Valentine’s Day

And now I do this for my kids

But there have been years where I was so caught up in my own self pity and loneliness

That I let this slide

That’s what happens when we forget to love ourselves

When we sit around and wait for someone else to tell us we matter

It’s nice to have someone to do this for us

But it’s not necessary

Not when we have One who has already offered us his love

And who tells us every single day that we are precious to Him in every way

Believe it

Internalize it

Live it

And when you do this

You can pour that love out to those that need it

photo

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Here are some other posts I wrote on Valentine’s Day last year and the year before

It’s Valentine’s Day…But is it happy or not?

You are Loved

 

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

LHA February 14, 2014 at 5:03 pm

A lovely post. May everyone reach out to those around them who might be feeling lonely today and make their day a little brighter. Kindness to others is a way to bring love into your life too.

You have your children and many friends and cyber-friends who are helping you celebrate Valentine’s Day so I hope it is a wonderful one for you. May lots of love and appreciation come your way today, as you certainly deserve it!

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Heather C February 14, 2014 at 5:04 pm

Enjoy your day, Holly! I’m about your age, have been married almost 21 years, and I don’t need a particuar day of the year to show/tell my husband (or kids for that matter) that I love him. He asked me what I wanted, and I said “don’t waste money on something stupid!” I asked him to pick up the kids from school so I could have the day off. To love myself, i’m going to take a nap!! :o) enjoy your streakspunds delicious!

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Kristi February 15, 2014 at 4:21 pm

Great post! You are a an amazing woman and so full of life. You are my goal! I make sure to have time for my growing kids and work but put myself on the back burner. I believe I have turned off the fire too. I need to turn it back on for me! Thank you. I can’t imagine how great of teacher you are with all this insight to life. I wish my kids could have a teacher like you in their school. You have lucky children and a room full of children from all walks of life needing your attention and love. Good job following Christ’s lead.

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Shay February 16, 2014 at 1:50 am

YES!! This post was awesome, because it was all so true! Besides loving that you pointed out the everyone IS special, I also loved the exercising daily tip–because it makes me feel SO good–and the book and coffee mug thing because I am addicted to both of those! In fact, one of my favorite gifts was a coffee mug with a heart and a mustache on it. Not sure what the mustache means, but I think it has to do with the fact that I’m really wanting to run a Mustache Dash, but it hasn’t come to my town yet. Anyway–loved this post! So many things jumped out at me, and it was a fun read. 🙂
Shay recently posted..Trashy Recipe Recommendation: Chocolate-Covered StrawberriesMy Profile

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