Here’s a a quick update on how I’m doing with the goals I set out for myself in the post titled Game Plan
As I mentioned in this post, I have rediscovered my Leslie Sansone walking videos. I started with the 1 mile walk because while I could physically do more—I was utterly unmotivated. I get into these ruts from time to time where depression hovers over me and the thought of doing any form of exercise feels like an insurmountable task. What always works for me is to go back to keeping it simple. Ridiculously simple. That means I do 5-15 minutes the first day most likely just to get mentally back into the routine. If I consistently do something ( no matter how small) every day…it doesn’t take long for the motivation to kick back in.
It’s been about 2 weeks since I started back with my walking videos and I am now doing my 4 mile video every day. I break it up into increments. I do 2 miles in the morning and 2 in the evening. I am even looking forward to it!! How crazy is that? This is what always happens when I choose some form of exercise I will not dread and start simple focusing on consistency. I’m extremely pleased that I worked my way out of this rut and I feel progress happening!
2. FOOD PLAN
I am continuing to refocus back on my Sugar Addiction and Detoxing plan.
In the past few weeks, I have slowly found myself regaining control. I have not been completely “clean” with my sugar free eating BUT I have gone from literally laying in bed with an extra large bag of Hershey kisses (GASP!) to eating virtually no sugar by day 12. I have slipped up almost every day BUT I have refused to allow myself to view it as total failure. I continue to focus on dealing with my cravings in a rational way by remembering that they will not last forever nor do they have the power over me that I often believe they do when I have a wrong mindset. I forgive myself when I slip up and I let each victory remind myself that small wins will build into big ones.
By doing this, I have lost about 2 pounds which is “ok” but not mind blowing. However, here is where the real victory lies.
I am not GAINING and I have managed to stop the runaway train.
For me, it is not just about losing weight. It is also about not GAINING. As someone with a history of binge eating, I have always been able to pack on pounds fairly quickly. This is scary because you can easily gain 25-50 pounds in no time when you are out of control. This is how people such as myself can get so dangerously large that it can quickly impede their daily lives in every area. It is frightening for me to go into a tailspin of gaining weight every single day. Even having had weight loss surgery, I can find ways to do this which scares me even more. SO..the biggest success for me is not so much the 2 pound loss but rather having stopped the crazy weight-gaining tailspin I have been in for awhile. I will continue on this path and it is getting easier by the day as the sugar cravings once again leave my body.
I have been back to using the Flylady method for the past 12 days using her daily tasks. I cannot believe what a difference this has made! Her concept works for me because it is the same way I approach exercise and food. One step at a time. Small victories leading to bigger ones. It might seem ridiculous to clean out your medicine cabinet for your daily task when your sink is full of dishes or your trash might be piling up. However if you attack one small area every day then sooner or later it all starts coming together.
I’m 12 days into her 31 Babysteps and I cannot tell you how much working on being organized in my house makes a difference in managing depression, anxiety and overeating!
In addition to these 3 areas above, I also picked the following goals to work on because in my past experience they help me become more motivated and positive.
1. Listening/Watching positive audio/video messages
I used to do this all the time but I got out of the habit. Reading books and listening to positive, uplifting messages always helps to keep me uplifted.
This week Joel Osteen had a message that was more helpful to me than almost anything I have heard in a long time. I have struggled tremendously dealing with guilt and regret over bad decisions/choices. Wallowing in guilt and regret never helps me but how do we start believing that God is willing and in fact excited about blessing us in spite of the things we have done?? How can we believe He will lift us up one more time even if we feel we don’t deserve it? This message really helped me turn a corner in my thinking. You see, we can know the truth but when we backslide and find ourselves regretting some choices–our thoughts/emotions will tell us that we don’t deserve another chance! We will actually start to believe that we are beyond help!
This message reminds us that God is looking to pick us up when we fall. No matter what you may have done, God never stops running after you. He never turns His back on you. He is ready to pick you up and take the heavy burden from your shoulders!
2. Spending 15-20 minutes every morning in prayer and reading the Bible in an attempt to fill my mind with the spiritual “food” I need to gain power and strength to keep going in a positive direction each day.
I have probably completed this goal over the past 12 days about 50% of the time. The days that I get this done first thing are the days I find myself feeling stronger and more confident in my abilities to fight the temptations of overeating. I know how important this is and therefore I believe obstacles will get in the way to keep it from happening. I need to make this the top priority!
3. Finding a new group to attend at church where I make an effort to make good connections with like minded individuals.
I am actually an introvert. I don’t mind spilling my guts to the internet!! I’m just not quite so great at doing it in person. I’ve always struggled with social anxiety so going into a new group stresses me out. And stress can lead to cupcakes!! LOL
I do know however that finding a good group can be very helpful. So I tried a few groups over the past 12 days. The first one was advertised as being open to married or singles. As it turned out, everyone was married. This happens to me about 85% of the time when I attempt to join groups within the church that are open to married/singles. I think it is great that they are open to having singles/divorced individuals in their group but I find that I am usually depressed by the time I leave. It’s not because I find being divorced/single a thing that generally depresses me daily. It’s because being in groups where everyone is married and constantly referring to their spouse just highlights the fact that I am single. I might have been just fine before I walked in but after an hour in that environment I start to question whether I am happy or not? I think if a married person attended a class with only single people every week they might end up feeling the same way. It’s no one’s fault…just the dynamics that happens.
The second group I tried was also open to married or singles. At first I thought it might be a mixed group because 4 of the women were there on their own. All 4 of them talked about how their husbands were not there because of work or other obligations but most of their comments within the group referred back to their marriages. Again—that is normal!! I’m just saying when I find myself in these types of environments it almost always leads to me feeling more discouraged than anything else as I am the lone wolf in the group living the single life.
To add to it, they were studying Ecclesiastes. I happen to find this book to be one of the most depressing books of the Bible. It basically details how meaningless life can feel when we seek fulfillment in all the wrong places. Now that is a great theme!! It’s just that you have to make your way through all the deeply depressing and meaningless things as the author is seeking the answers. Of course this is why studying a book in its whole context is so important. If you only read a few verses of Ecclesiastes like this one….
says the Teacher.
Everything is meaningless.”
If you stop there, you’ll just be depressed!! I think in an effort to find something more uplifting, the group discussed this passage
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
Everyone in the group discussed the blessing and joy of marriage because then they are not alone. As the only single person in the room, I found myself quickly becoming depressed. I wasn’t depressed before I walked in but I sure was when I walked out!!!
Now of course I know that this was not the intent of the group. It just so happened to be the passage that was being discussed. I also know that being single/divorced is not the end of the world because regardless of how “alone” we may feel at times—we are NOT alone. Sure it might be great to have someone in the flesh day in and day out but God has promised to be there with us when no one else is. That is what I reminded myself on the way OUT the door!!
I will admit when I make an effort to attend a group…and this sort of thing happens…I can often get discouraged. I will sometimes say to God…
“Really?? I mean I am TRYING to do the right thing here…find a group…and instead I am faced with these obstacles and my effort to do something positive only brings me down! Shouldn’t I be rewarded for trying to find a group and not punished with discouragement?”
This is when we have to pull ourselves up by the boot straps and move on!! Not every group is the one for us. So just keep trying.
My 3rd try was a class that is studying the book Changes that Heal. It was a cross section of singles and married individuals. It was truly a MIXED group. No one there seemed to be overly focused on their “status” as either married or single. It just felt like a group of people in a room trying to be open, uplifting and encouraging. I really enjoyed it!! I found myself clicking with people, smiling, laughing and looking forward to being there next week.
SO….that was my week. I am proud of myself for the positive steps I have taken and I look forward to building on that and continuing the progress I’ve made!
How was your week?