Update

September 11, 2013 in Uncategorized

So this is just an update

It’s been a rocky road for me getting back on track this time

But it IS finally getting easier

I was thinking yesterday in the car as I was driving to work

About the process of detoxing from sugar and getting back on track

It doesn’t matter how many times I do this…

I always seem to have a selective memory

I can’t even describe to you how out of control

I can feel towards my eating

Once the sugar is in me and I’m giving into it

As I try to get back on track, I always feel like I can’t accomplish it

The cravings to eat are so strong

That it seems like something I won’t be able to conquer

As I’m trying to stick to my plan

Thoughts invade my mind of what I want to eat

I also get lost in emotions

Thinking that I have too many stressful things going on

For me to try “today” to stick to the plan

I’ll think that I won’t be able to get through my day

If I don’t eat something I “want”

Rather than something I know I “should”

I’ll start believing that it’s more important to comfort myself

And just get through the day feeling “sane”

Than it is to stick to the food plan, deny myself, and suffer from cravings

That make me feel like I’m going crazy!!

The problem is that there never is a perfect day at home or at work

A stress free day that would make it simple for me

I know this in the rational side of my mind

But it doesn’t make it any easier

This is why I often set out to follow my food plan

And then slip up at some point in the day

Because I will tell myself that I am just “comforting” or “helping” myself

I’m just doing what I have to do to maintain my sanity….right?!

And that is more important in that moment than sticking to a food plan

I might have multiple days or weeks like this

Where I give in to the emotional side

And as a result of that…

I fall deeper into the slippery slope of making compromises

And eventually not even trying at all

This process is like being in a deep hole

Where you are trying to find the resolve to climb out

But often make it halfway out of the hole only to fall back to the bottom

The most important thing I’ve found during this time is to not quit completely

To keep working at it every single day

To keep reading the blogs or magazines or websites that encourage you

To keep praying for God to help you fight temptations

And to just give yourself mercy and grace to keep going after it

To keep trying again and again….even when you fail

I had one critical day last week

Where I woke up and immediately wanted a breakfast taco

For me this is a food item that often causes me to go way off track

I absolutely love the breakfast tacos we get out here in San Antonio

The problem for me is the potato in the potato and egg tacos

And the tortillas which are something I should not eat

When I start eating them, I always want one every single day after that

And then two

And then three

I had gotten into a bad habit of including these in my morning routine again

So I was trying very hard to remove this habit from my day

But this particular morning, I failed

And because I failed at THAT….I then felt justified to eat oreos !!

So now it’s about 11 am and I feel like I’ve already bombed the day

But then this thought popped in my head….

“START OVER RIGHT NOW”

Just start again….

Forget what happened

And start fresh!

But then there is the other part of me….

The one that believes the day is shot

So ENJOY it!!!! GO Crazy!!

You’ve already messed up….so just keep going and start again tomorrow

But then I reminded myself that I don’t have to define my life

By the 24 hour increments we go by in society

Where our day starts when we wake up and ends when we go to sleep

I decided that my life is a long flow of time

And I can break up my “start line” any way I choose

If I choose to “start” at 11 am…then that is my choice

So I decided to throw away convention and start again

Ignoring what I had previously done by eating the breakfast taco and oreos

And choosing to say that even right now

Even with those things sitting in my stomach that very second

I can choose to rewind and start the day again

I gave myself permission to do that….putting away what had happened

And refusing to dwell on it

This is actually a very hard task to accomplish for me mentally

As I tend to enjoy giving myself that free pass once I’ve messed up

And I also tend to feel defeated and beaten down when I’ve slipped up

But on this day, I found the conviction and determination to just LET IT GO

And start again

This was a turning point for me

I made good choices the rest of the day

And  by 4 in the afternoon I felt really good about myself

And that is another amazing thing about this process

If you can get in a little success here and there…your confidence builds

And THAT is one of the biggest problems I often have

Lacking confidence in myself to get through a segment of the day successfully

Once I have managed to make a good few choices in a row though….

I find my confidence building back up

And this makes it a lot easier for me to keep going

The same is true of exercise

If I can just get up and do SOMETHING….no matter how small

I start to feel a lot more confident in myself that I can keep at it

And then it builds and builds fueling more good decisions for the future

I’ve lost and regained the same 12 pounds now for several months

I lost 4 pounds last week and gained back 2 from bad choices

Now I’ve re-lost those 6 pounds leaving me another 6 pounds to lose

To get back to the lowest weight I’ve reached yet

I reminded myself of the things I was doing before that helped me

And one of them is making sure I have food I can eat quickly and conveniently

So I don’t make bad choices

Here are some of the things I’ve bought this week to help me stay on plan

 

I found this new yogurt in the store and I was SOO ecstatic

I haven’t been able to eat yogurt in the past because of the high sugar content

So I was happy to see this yogurt and I’ve enjoyed the convenience of packing it for work

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I have to be careful with any food item that says “No ADDED sugar”

Because that doesn’t mean it won’t have sugar

So when I’m really sticking to my food plan, I watch this carefully

In this case, it has only 2 grams per container which is AWESOME where yogurt is concerned

As that is very hard to find

For me, eating things with no more than 4 grams of sugar is key

So this has fit the bill

 

Of course, this is a staple for me in the morning

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Right now Starbucks has their Pumpkin Spice Latte out and its tough for me to resist

It’s probably my favorite Starbucks drink but it’s loaded with sugar

From my understanding it has about 37 grams of sugar just in the Tall

Which is exactly what I don’t need!

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I make a version of my own at home

Using my Keurig Vanilla coffee K-cup

Some of the sugar free pumpkin pie Torani Syrup

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And mixing in some of my Atkins Vanilla Shake

Or a tiny bit of heavy cream

I’ve heard you can use Almond Milk which is also supposed to be very low in sugar

But I haven’t tried that yet

Another great place to get ideas is the World According to Eggface Website

Here is a link she has to a Pumpkin Spice Latte

 

This week I also bought sausage patties and eggs

I always do better with food that is easy to make

I’m not saying the way that works for me is the best

But if it’s quick, easy and simple then I am more likely to eat it

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I like using the liquid eggs when I cook because it’s just easier for me

And I microwave the sausage patties

I just am careful to make sure the sausage isn’t “MAPLE” which includes sugar

Today I actually did cook something which took a little bit of time

I poured the liquid eggs in the pan and added the already diced peppers I had

Along with the pico de gallo

Then I microwaved a sausage and cut that up and added it

That’s about as fancy as it’s going to get for me

I used to make these a lot and they are filling and satisfying

It’s like I somehow ‘forgot’ what I need to eat to keep myself on track

Just conveniently forgot!

But thankfully my memory and sanity are returning!

 

I also buy these fully cooked burgers at the store

Its better if I make my own ahead of time and save them

But in lieu of that….I buy these

When I am really on track, I am usually eating a lot of these

I cook one and add some cheese, pickles, a tomato slice, lettuce, mustard and mayo

I eat it with a fork making sure to steer clear of the bun

This makes me feel like I had something yummy and it fills me up

I plan to keep these stocked in the house again like I used to
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I also buy these peeled hard boiled eggs for quick snacks

I find if I’m really starting to lose it

I can tell myself to pop an egg before I do anything else

Even if I don’t WANT an egg (which I almost never do) I still make myself eat one

Usually this takes the edge off and calms me down to the point where I can take a bit more time

To think clearly about what I REALLY want

Because what I REALLY want is to lose this weight and be healthy!

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Something else I’ve gone back to this week

Which really helps me when I want something sweet

Is sugar free jello and sugar free whipped cream

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There have been a lot of times over the past two years that I’ve felt I was going to lose it

If I didn’t get some kind of dessert

I would go in and just take about 2 or 3 shots right out of that can!

And it made me feel better

Then once again…I just forgot about it

And stopped buying it

So I’m glad we found each other again!

Of course you have to be careful that you don’t go crazy with it

But for me it has helped a lot when I’m wanting something sweet

But I don’t want to cave in and eat something I know will harm me!

 

Going back to working outside of the home

Has required me to change my routines

And not allow myself to get “caught” without food

Making it easy to rationalize the drive through

So I always pack something now and bring it with me

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Shakes and string cheese!

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These are some of the things I have done this week to help myself get back on track food-wise

I’m also making sure to get up in the morning and work out

Even if it’s a short walk…it’s something!

I feel much stronger and in control this week than I did last week

Each week that goes by, it gets better

But I want to say this about breaking food addiction

It’s a lot like stepping in oil

Have you ever spilled oil in the kitchen?

Or stepped in a puddle of it in the garage

The more you try to mop it up

The more it spreads around

If you’re standing in it

You may slip around before you get out

And that’s what it’s like when you’re breaking free from food

It may take a lot of slipping and sliding

Before you finally get your bearings

That’s the case for me every single time I fall back into bad habits

And have to work my way back to freedom

But the good news is this

YOU CAN BREAK FREE

And so can I !!!!!

I hope your week is going well !

 

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephanie September 11, 2013 at 8:01 pm

Its like you knew I needed a kick in the butt….how do you do that? I ahve been falling off my exercise routine and my diet for the last few weeks since vacation and I too keep thinking I will start tomorrow. Well tomorow starts now no pasta and bread for dinner tonight goign for some eggs and sugar free jello for dessert 🙂
Thanks

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Connie September 11, 2013 at 8:11 pm

So good to see that many of your “go to” foods are the same as mine! Reassures me about my choices. I have found “Carb Smart” yogurt at our local Spartan grocery – I think it has 4 carbs for a 6 oz container. Some of the flavors have a distinct “chemical” sugar taste, but many others are very good. Will have to look for the Dannon ones to see how their taste is. Good to see you are conquering the beast again!

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Shannon September 11, 2013 at 8:39 pm

You are doing a great job of getting back on track! I am already hooked on Atkins shakes as a result of your blog… 🙂 I’m super excited to see this yogurt option; I’ve never seen that in the stores before (I’m going to look for it!) I love all of these heat-n-serve options, some of them I have never tried before but I might now! Like you, when I ate something I shouldn’t have (this went on for years and years) I would just think that the next thing I ate didn’t matter because I already messed up. I spent at least 10 years eating like this, thinking that it didn’t matter because I was too far gone. Now I know that isn’t true and this can be reversed! As always, thanks for sharing. I especially like your posts about what you eat because I get a lot of ideas from it.

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Heather C. September 11, 2013 at 8:43 pm

Pre-shelled eggs? Ingenious!! I didint think of peeling mine, but brought 2 to work…what a mess. I told myself “never again.” I’m gonna have to find these. Sometimes we pay more for ‘convenience’ foods (i.e. chopped veggies, etc.) but it is SO worth it if it keeps us on the straight and narrow.

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sunnydaze September 11, 2013 at 8:45 pm

What a wonderful feeling of being back in control. You got this! Thanks for the great food ideas and I love your travel coffee mug – where did you get it?

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karen September 11, 2013 at 11:30 pm

Thank you , I love your blog!

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Linda September 12, 2013 at 12:13 am

You rock Holly!
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TAMMY September 12, 2013 at 11:03 am

Thank you. I really enjoy your blogs.. I relate to your struggle so much. I too live in Texas and the food here is so good– I love the Tex-Mex food here and find it hard to eat just a little. I have been trying to make my own at home. Find that FF refried beans and scrambled eggs with a sprinkle of cheese and salsa help me and is super easy. A can of refried beans last 4 meals! super affordable too. I look forward to your reading more of your blog and wanted you to draw strength from your fans! =)

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Jerica September 12, 2013 at 12:32 pm

Green Mountain coffee has Pumpkin Spice k-cups. I use those, and then I don’t have to worry about getting that pumpkin flavor in my coffee. They are in stores now. I use my sweetner of choice, or sometimes I just add a splash of sugar free vanilla Coffee Mate. I have tried almond milk in my coffee, but I don’t care for it. I like almond milk a lot. I will drink it or bake with it, or use it pretty much anywhere I would use cow’s milk. But – for me, it has the texture and mouth-feel of skim milk, and I need something a little more creamy and decadent in my coffee. I am glad to see you are getting back on track – I am right there with you, and starting to feel good again about the choices I am making. I wanted a sweet treat last night, and was really stressing over it. I seriously didn’t care if I sabatoged my whole day. But I stopped and thought it through, and decided against the fast food sweet treat I was fixated on. Instead, I got on my bike, rode the 3 miles to the store, found a little something sweet that would fit into my goals for the day, and rode home. I was so proud of myself for making that choice.

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Lori September 12, 2013 at 12:43 pm

I am in the same place as you. I am trying to get back on track and lose the 30+ lb regain. So far, I’ve had a good week.
Lori
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Jessii September 12, 2013 at 2:36 pm

Have you ever read Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst? I think you’d really like it and get a lot out of it.

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lori September 12, 2013 at 5:10 pm

Glad you are getting back on the wagon. I loose the same 5 or 6 pounds when I diet (with sugar), so I know how frustrating that is!

Also, I don’t do Adtkins (tried it once long ago), but I count calories, making sure I am not getting sugar, mostly (I don’t care about the sugar in an occasional blob of ketchup).

I wanted to tell you that I also do the “whipped cream thing.” I have used it in the past when I needed dessert without actually eating dessert — straight from the can.

This time around I am trying not to eat any artificial sugar to see if that helps me. When I lost 40 lbs before (and then gained it all back) I stopped eating sugar, but ate artificial sugar. I never stopped craving sugar and consequently was misreable.

Since I started again to be sugar free — 2 months now, I have not even had artificial sugar, and for me, so far, it seems to help with my sugar cravings. We shall see. Like you said, everyone has what works for them and what they can tolerate as far as sugar is concerned, but I thought I would try this “no-artificial-sweetener’s diet” and see if that calms the cravings.

Thanks for your post. love you to.

Lori
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ErinK September 12, 2013 at 5:13 pm

Love the stepping in oil analogy. So true for me too. Being prepared is essential to winning the battle. Never give up – never surrender! I’m fighting right along with you, and your posts are always encouraging. Five days ago I finally (again) stepped off the crazy sugar train into the land of calm and stable, and am on my way to losing what I regained. Praying for you!

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Christine A. September 12, 2013 at 6:27 pm

oh my gosh, that is so me. I blew the morning so I’ve already shot the day. Where does that thinking come from? I have know idea, but it is firmly planted in my head. Thanks for the great food ideas. It’ll help me to get back on track too. God bless you sweetie.

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Paula September 12, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Hang in there.. I am really, really praying for you. I have lost over 100 pounds three different times, only to regain it and more each time. It is so easy to watch it happen without doing what is necessary to stop it. You are awesome, God is able, and has made you in His image.

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anne September 13, 2013 at 12:30 am

YES!

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Lynne September 13, 2013 at 2:25 am

I just caught up on your last few blogs – everything is so timely and appreciated! Two weeks ago I was feeling strong and on track, Now…not so much. I’ve been crying to myself every day about my lack of control and pretty much told myself I’m ready to give up. I came here tonight and read your words and I’m re-inspired! Thank you so much for your uplifting and kinds words you write for all of us. No matter what you’re struggling with, your willingness to share is such a blessing. Peace.

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Shay September 13, 2013 at 4:05 am

Holly, try–try really hard–to hold onto that “start over” attitude. Because it will save you a whole lot of misery! If you have a morning where you cheat, you can so very easily get right back on track with your next snack or meal. I used to do the feast or famine thing, too, back in my 20’s, and those days where I strayed from my healthy food and went all day to crap food were just awful. I had a stomach ache at the end of the day and knew I’d be paying for it all week with harder workouts and more stringent calorie-counting. It took me awhile, but I learned to do the “start over” thing. And then the “start over” thing sort of morphed into “everything in moderation.” That’s what works for me now. I also love to work out (okay, I love the feeling I get for 23 hours after I put that one hour of really tought work in per day), so that helps, too.

I have a suggestion for the days when you feel like you just can’t get to the gym and get a workout in: Have you heard of Shaun T’s T25? He’s the creator of Insanity, and I love the program, but I think it can be overwhelming if someone is not used to that type of work (although it sounds like you would be if you’ve done Crossfit-type stuff). Anyway, it’s the same type of stuff, but it’s in 25-minute workokuts. So you get Insanity-type work, but in only 25 minutes time. And we can do anything for 25 minutes, right?

I’m a lover of all workouts and I love to push myself, and I can telll you that I’ve seen it all when it comes to workout DVD’s b/c I love them. And I can wholeheartedly recommend this program. I just started back to work full-time and I love it because some days, it’s the only workout I can fit in. But by the end of that 25 minutes, I’m sweating so hard that it feels better than many 45-minute workouts I’ve done! Check it out–seriously, how awesome is it to get that kind of a workout in 25 minutes? (And no, I’m not being paid for this endorsement…haha!)
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down September 13, 2013 at 1:39 pm

Thanks for this tip! I hadn’t heard of it and I’m going to try it!!

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Sheryl C. September 14, 2013 at 12:42 am

Great ideas, Holly! I’m glad things are going better for you. I’m rooting for you!

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Lyndsey September 20, 2013 at 6:01 am

Holly, thank you for blogging. Our weight loss journeys have seemed To be running somewha parallel. I haven’t lost nearly as much as you (only 60 lbs) but I have been losing the same 10 lbs for 3 months so I feel the pain. I am back on track now. I too am addicted to sugar. I handle my addiction a little differently- I eat sugar daily but only for breakfast with a balanced meal that I have to eat in an hour. The rest of my day is low carb. I eat salads, salmon, and a lot of the same foods you do too. This for a good 8 months had worked like a charm and then I slipped up one time and its like you’ve said before- a slippery slope isn’t it? On top of that I had to have surgery so that prevented the exercise. I am so ready to just continue my journey and I am part of a biggest loser type challenge that started last week. I’ve lost 3 lbs this week and that was even with my period starting haha. For me I have learned that I must e strict with myself. For me if its outside of that hour it can’t even taste sweet. It starts the cycle. But if I know I can have a treat in the morning I seem able to survive the day. I can have in my mind anything as long as I wait til morning. This works very well for me. It’s called the carbohydrate addicts diet and it might be great for you to think about for your maintenance- just a thought. 🙂 it’s not a diet for me but a way of life. It keeps me sane and gives me back control. I have confidence I will finish my journey now. Just needed to learn a few things the last couple months!!

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