Back On Track Part Two

August 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

This is my first week making a serious effort to get back on track.  It’s still amazing to me that I can work so hard for so long (2 years to be exact) getting my life on track.  Yet it takes no time at all for me to fall so far into a pit that I wonder if I will ever crawl out.  

It’s not that I wanted to be off track.  It’s not that I enjoy looking at my weight loss ticker to the right and never seeing it move.  I do not enjoy feeling defeated nor do I get any pleasure from the realization that I have fallen into bad habits that I know are self destructive.  Yet in the midst of all that, I often continue to do the very things I hate.

There is a scripture that I relate to in these times of backsliding.

“I do not know why I do the things I do.  I do not do what I want to do.  But I do the things I hate.  And if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it but my wrong ways in me. ”  (Romans 7:15)

 

I come back to that scripture over and over again because quite honestly it describes my life at various times.  What hits me the most is this point….It is no longer ME doing it…but the wrong ways in me.  In other words…MY HABITS.

Habits make or break us.  We do something at first and we don’t intend for it to become a recurring action.  Yet within no time at all, we are doing it repeatedly maybe even subconsciously.  Then in the end it is an automatic response and something we no longer feel we can control.

About 6 months ago, I reached a point where I felt I had garnered some great success.  I felt I had developed good habits and I was on my way to that final goal weight!  I could see it in sight.  I felt I had rounded a corner and no longer was I hundreds of pounds away from my goal.  I wasn’t 300 or more pounds overweight.  I was 63 pounds away from the “finish line” and for me that seemed like nothing but a hop, skip and a jump from victory.  For many, 63 pounds seems like a long stretch still to go.  For me, having already lost several hundred pounds it didn’t seem like that far to go.  I’d already lost 60 pounds 4 times over!  So I said to myself “I GOT THIS!”  and then I did something VERY dangerous….I let my guard down.

 There I was again falling into one bad habit after another.  Bouncing right back to the same bad habits that took me to 417 pounds.  Buying what we call “slider foods” in the weight loss surgery community—potato chips, cookies, pretzels…the foods that liquidate and slide right down taking up little room in your stomach and making it easy to take in a lot of food in spite of your restricted stomach size.  I had stopped working out and I had gained back 12 pounds.  How would I ever get back on track again?

I’ve struggled for months to get back on track.  Doing little more than maintaining my weight and yet being unable to move forward.  This week, however, I finally flipped the switch and was able to make progress.  So what was it about THIS week that allowed me to finally get back on track?

1. I went back to the gym.  I didn’t care how long I was there or what I even did there.  I just wanted to physically get myself in the door.  I made my task there manageable with my primary goal just being to get there and then get there again the next day.  

2. I threw out the junk food and went back to my protein shakes, no sugar, chicken and salad.  It was not easy but I can tell you that after one week back on track, my appetite has significantly diminished.  I feel more in control today than I have in months.

3.  I returned to my daily habit of getting up early to read my Bible and ask God to give me insight and strength.  

4.  I decided to forgive myself for the mistakes I had made.  I determined to not live any more days in regret and guilt over having gotten so off track and instead move forward with the grace and mercy that God has promised to pour out on us if we ask.

 

It’s a struggle to get back on track because habits are formed with each day that goes by.  At first it is hard to reengage.  It is tough to get back to the good habits and forsake the bad.  It’s important to know, however, that with each day that goes by it becomes easier.  Habits are formed through repetition so we must do them daily with consistency in order to get to that point where they become easier and more automatic.

At the end of this week, I have lost 4 pounds.  It is the most weight I’ve lost in quite awhile.  I feel better.  My mood is improved.  I know that I am getting back on track.  Am I there yet? NO  But I know this….when we step out in faith and determine to try again….God meets us where we are and leads the way.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Sheryl C. August 31, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Yay! I’ve been worried about you. I’m rooting for you!
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anne August 31, 2013 at 7:10 pm

I love that your frame of mind seems so much more positive in this post! (And I know for me, just getting inside the gym door is 90% of the battle … so WAY TO GO!)
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Pam August 31, 2013 at 7:13 pm

I think being able to get back on track is what separates the long term success stories from those who regain weight. What you said about the WLS slider foods really hit home for me. Because those are still the foods I crave, I now I would have been a WLS failure.

But you are on your way!!! We do need to forgive ourselves, none of us are perfect, we make mistakes, bad choices, eat the wrong things, but if we can find our way back, we will make it to the finish line. Love ya Holly!!!
Pam recently posted..Some Thoughts on WLSMy Profile

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Paula August 31, 2013 at 8:36 pm

“Buying what we call “slider foods” in the weight loss surgery community—potato chips, cookies, pretzels…the foods that liquidate and slide right down taking up little room in your stomach and making it easy to take in a lot of food in spite of your restricted stomach size. ”

You taught me something new today.

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Karen P August 31, 2013 at 9:03 pm

So glad that you are going back to the weight loss behaviors and habits. Finding your way quickly is a good plan so that a lapse does not become a relapse and that a relapse does not become full out deep hole.

Cheering you on, Holly. This is why I’ve chosen abstaining from ALL of my trigger foods- not my fault I have them, but I figure my higher power has tasked me with managing them with food, exercise, meditation and other tools.

Keep up the good work and Ownard!!! Karen P
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Heather C September 1, 2013 at 12:19 am

Wooooo Hoooooo! ;o). I am so jealous that your body allows you to lose 4 lbs in a week. Regardless of what the scale shows, I will never “arrive.” It has taken me too many years to figure this out, but alas I understand. I know when I hit maintenance this time I will be able to maintain…and I know you will too Holly. Keep fighting this fight!

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16blessingsmom September 1, 2013 at 1:54 am

Holly, I am so glad for you that you are getting back on track. I too had a time period, after losing fifty pounds, that I thought I “had it”. ha. This is a battle for life! Thank you for being so open because although I would never wish anyone to be sidetracked, it is so helpful to know that you are so real.

Thank you, and I pray for you and wish you all the best,

Della

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Losing The Rolls September 1, 2013 at 5:05 am

It sounds like you are on your way to turning things around. Good for you Holly and congrats on this week’s weight loss. You’ve got this.
Losing The Rolls recently posted..Down, but not outMy Profile

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Pj Geek September 1, 2013 at 1:07 pm

Wow, I was meant to read your post and read that scripture. I’m going to copy it down on some colorful paper and make it in to a bookmarker. I invite you to read my latest post of Saturday about a Friday where I beat that urge to follow old habits and my own comment back on Sunday morning where an old habit rose up yet again. We are all sisters and brothers in this.
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Paula September 1, 2013 at 1:10 pm

Oh, Holly… I am 59 and I have been you three different times. I have lost over 100 pounds on three different occasions.. and 87 pounds, and 63 pounds, and 57 pounds, and heaven only knows how many times I have lost less than 50 pounds. I am thankful that you are finding your way.. I am trying to follow your example and am using your 4 steps. I have lost 63 pounds this time and have 72 pounds yet to lose. I am so afraid that I have stretched out my stomach after my vertical sleeve surgery, but I am going back to the guidelines that I was given for protein consumption and solid food/meal.

Honey, please, PLEASE don’t let yourself “backslide” with your weight. You are so lovely, regardless, but life with your children and your health are primary.

Finally, I keep thinking of the little song, “Jesus, be the Lord of all.” The last line of the chorus is, “For if You’re not Lord of everything, then You’re not Lord at all.”

I wish and pray for you to have success and blessings beyond measure. God will surely give you the desires of your heart.

If you ever want encouragement or someone to just pray with you, someone who knows where you are, someone to walk this with you, please email me and I will give you my phone number.

His, with all Glory to His Name…

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Lydia September 1, 2013 at 3:29 pm

Thank you for writing this! It spoke to me also! I’ve also gotten into the habit of buying and eating slider foods. And your comment on them turned on a light. So I’m switching gears and taking it back to the beginning. High protein, veggies, and water water water!

Thanks for the reminder and inspiration! I really enjoy following your journey…since we’re both WLS stories! Thank you! 🙂

Keep it up! You’ve done incredible!

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Elaine September 1, 2013 at 5:36 pm

4 pounds in a week. Awesome! I’m lucky to get 4 pounds off in a month. Way to go!

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Tiffany September 1, 2013 at 6:11 pm

Good for you and that is exactly what it takes one day at a time.

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Rhonda W September 2, 2013 at 2:38 am

Hooray! Thanks for your honesty and keep on truckin Holly… very proud of you and your accomplishments. I know that you can take off those last 63 pounds. Thanks for sharing the scripture. It was really what I needed to hear. Hugs to you, Rhonda

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