You’re An Overcomer

July 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

I woke up

And that was enough

Pain everywhere

In every part of my body

I would lay there for awhile

Trying to muster up the strength

To get out of the bed

First I would have to motivate myself

To move my right leg towards the edge of the bed

It took a lot of energy just to move my leg

When you weigh 417 pounds

NOTHING is easy

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Even breathing is difficult

When you stop breathing several times a night

You wake up exhausted

You don’t really sleep at night

You wake up suffocating

Scared

And fall back asleep

Only to wake up the same way

Gasping for air

By the time morning comes

You’re so tired that you wonder

If you’ll ever get rest again

It might take me 20 minutes to get out of bed

I’d maneuver myself over

Finally mustering up the strength to move my arms

In such a way, I could try and lift myself up

Luckily for me, I have the kids

And they’d usually come and try to pull me up

HEAVE…HO

And then I’d get to a standing position

And that’s when the real pain set in

My feet were always swollen

So swollen I was in size 13 shoes

Walking in the morning was the worst

One of my kids would hold my hand

As I made my way to the bathroom

Where I’d sit down on the toilet seat

That was way too small for me

My right leg jammed into the wall

Cutting into the toilet paper roll

Hoping the seat didn’t crack

AGAIN

If I felt up to it, I’d get in the shower

Because by the time I made it from the bed

To the toilet

I was exhausted

Sweat pouring down my face

From the workout it took to walk from the bed

To the bathroom

I had a shower chair

The kind made for the obese

And I’d turn on the shower

And just sit there for awhile

Trying to catch my breath

Taking a shower was utterly exhausting

It was a job

Even reaching my hands up over my head

To wash my hair

Wore me out

My stomach hung down almost to my knees

So washing every part of my body involved

Picking my stomach up just to get every area

Yep—that’s the glorious truth of obesity

And shaving your legs???

Good luck with that

If you have the energy to make that happen

Then more power to you!

By the time I made it out of the shower

I was already sweating again

From the effort it took

Most of the time my oldest daughter would help me

She’d often wash my hair for me

On the days I just didn’t feel I could handle it

Being that obese is incredibly exhausting

It’s essentially being disabled in many ways

And every bit of your life is a challenge

Just sitting in a  chair is difficult

Because you’re so uncomfortable

LIFE is uncomfortable

Being alive is uncomfortable

It takes a lot of mental strength to tolerate it

To tolerate the pain

The physical pain that obesity brings

On your joints

Your back

Your knees

Your feet

The mental anguish of being trapped in a prison

Of your own making

Finally I’d be out of the shower

But then more work began

Drying off was too hard

Having to bend over to dry off the drops

Was too much

So you drip dry

And say “Forget it”

Sometimes I’d just lay down on the bed

Until my hair dried

Because holding a hair dryer up for as long as it took

To dry my hair

Was never going to happen

No strength

No energy

Not even for the little things

I’d usually bring the hairbrush to the bed

And every few minutes, I’d brush a piece of my hair

Working at getting it done as much as I could

From a laying down position

The problem with that

Is it meant eventually I’d have to get up from the bed again

And that was another job

Swinging my leg over

Trying to haul my weight up

Sometimes it took me an hour at least to get all this done

And it seemed like an insurmountable task

Putting make up on??

Standing in front of a mirror to get that done

Not happening

By the time I made it back up

Sweat was already pouring down my face

So what was the point?

I was always hot

Blazing hot

When I weighed 417 pounds

My body was an inferno of my own making

With no reprieve

Today I hopped out of bed

No issues

Getting up was nothing more than a normal activity

I was running late

So I took a quick shower

Washed my hair, shaved my legs

5 minutes tops

I dryed my hair without even thinking about it

Got my clothes on and my make up done

And then I was out the door

No sweat pouring down my face

No fire burning me up from the inside  out

And it’s AMAZING

To be able to live life

Accomplishing daily tasks that used to bring me to my knees

Now with no effort

Is an absolute gift from above

This is life now

Uncomplicated

Unrestricted by the weight that used to weigh me down

And now I appreciate all the little things

Because I was beat down

Ruined

Defeated

And now I get to live

I’m a prisoner whose chains have been broken

My kids don’t have to haul me out of bed

My daughter doesn’t have to walk me to the shower

And place me in a shower chair

To wash my hair

I’m FREE!

This is what it means to break your chains

Losing weight is more than a number on a scale

It’s more than what you look like

More than fitting into a pair of jeans

For the super obese

It’s release from captivity

It’s the Governor who calls in at the last minute

And pardons your death sentence

That’s what it is

FREEDOM

To everyone who feels they will never escape

I want you to know there is hope

It won’t be overnight

But if you believe that there is a chance

If you have faith that there is a possibility

That one day you could find your way out

Then that’s all you need

Today take 30 seconds of your life

To walk in place

Even if it hurts

Take 30 seconds to make your way to the front door

Even if you can only make it halfway

Do it every day

And the next day

And you’ll find that the strength will come

Tell yourself that you’re beautiful just as you are

And know that it’s true

Remember people are praying for you

People you may never know

That pray for the prisoners

Because thats what we are when we’re trapped in our bodies

We are prisoners

And there’s a way out

But it takes you giving yourself the benefit of the doubt

And PATIENCE

Because it takes time

All I could do was 30 seconds

And guess what??

THAT WAS ENOUGH

30 seconds led to a minute

A minute led to two

And that led to three

In time you will build on it

Your strength will grow

Just don’t quit

Don’t give up

You will overcome this

Because that’s what you are

You’re an OVERCOMER

And you know why??

Because it takes ENORMOUS strength

To live in a body that size

To live with that kind of pain

You’ve already survived that

So you know you have what it takes

This was me 2 years ago

Laying in a hospital bed

Wondering if my life would ever change

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And here I am today

With my daughter, Annabelle

She gave me this book the other day

It’s called “You Can Do It!!”

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And it talks about failure

And how no matter how many times you’ve fallen

You can rise again

Because  I have over 20 years of failure

In this business of losing weight

And my kids know that

Because they’ve seen me all of their lives

Try–and give up

Because I had gotten to a point 2 years ago

Where I’d thrown in the towel

On diets

On exercise programs

On MYSELF

But they never gave up on me

They always believed I had it in me

To give it one more try

And that’s all I had to do

Just believe

Just keep trying

With the smallest seed of faith left in me

So that’s what we did as as family

We planted that seed as small as it was

And I grew it 30 seconds at a time

And in the end

That was really all I needed to do

Stop trying to take on the world all at once

But give yourself a chance

To break it down into do-able steps

If you do that

And keep at it

You’ll survive

And then you’ll do more than that

You’ll thrive!!

You’ll blossom!!

And you’ll get your life back

One small step at a time

Because you ARE an overcomer

If you’ve been overweight

If you’ve been obese

And you’ve lived through the adversity that it brings you

Then you’re already stronger than you know

Because that is NOT an easy life

It’s a prison

And you’ve survived

So you can overcome anything that comes your way

Believe it!!

And step out in faith!

You can do this

THAT is the  TRUTH

 

YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER

 

Just don’t give up

Stay in this fight until the final round

Because you’re not alone

Soon you will spread your wings

And fly!

http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photos-hope-concept-image28927468



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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Vikki July 31, 2013 at 12:15 am

You have described my life, I am a prisoner in my body, I wanted so much to have surgery for weight loss, but my insurance does not cover it. I feel so overwhelmed at times. but I come every day and read your blog and it encourages me that maybe I too can do it, wont be as fast as if I had surgery but I can get it done one step at a time. Thank you for sharing your life!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down July 31, 2013 at 1:25 am

You can do it honey!! Even without the surgery. I have learned a lot over the last 2 years about what i needed to do and I think at this time if I had cut out sugar I could have done it without the surgery. I was a total sugar addict and it was ruining my life. Even with the surgery, if I eat sugar it consumes me. Just take it 30 seconds at a time and you will get there!!

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sandie July 31, 2013 at 1:15 am

Gosh you are an over comer. I am so proud and envious of you in a good way. sandie

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down July 31, 2013 at 1:26 am

Thank you Sandie! But don’t be envious. It takes time but we can ALL do this. I promise!

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Lorenda July 31, 2013 at 4:03 am

You look great in your new picture from today!

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annamarie July 31, 2013 at 12:45 pm

You are absolutely righ Holly.
I need to print this out and constantly read it over and over again.
So quickly I am ready to throw the towel in and say forget it.
But then the aches and pain set in and then I think I am so over this, that I need to push harder.
It may be slow but eventually it will be better, with the grace of God besides me.
Thank you for such inspiration and hope.
annamarie recently posted..Been keeping myself busyMy Profile

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Linda Kuil July 31, 2013 at 1:01 pm

love.

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Lou July 31, 2013 at 1:58 pm

You are a true inspiration! I have been struggling for years to lose 60 pounds. I just can’t seem to do it. Thank you for your generosity to share with us. You’re awesome!!

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Laine July 31, 2013 at 2:14 pm

Holly, just when I am thinking that your entries can’t possibly get any better, you blow me away with your compelling poetic writing. Thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing to share with us and for inspiring us and comforting us – and giving HOPE to so many! I know that reading your blog has changed my life in so many positive ways, and not just because I am now exercising, eating healthy meals and snacks, gradually losing weight and NOT binge eating, but because I have more faith, positivity, and empathy. And those that are close to me and those that I work with are reaping the benefits of the improved me. I wish that you could have a magic crystal looking glass and see the faces of the countless people whose lives are better because of your courage, generosity, and eloquence. Again, heartfelt thanks.
Laine

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Pat July 31, 2013 at 3:39 pm

Holly you are an inspiration. I have 80 pounds to lose.

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Tess July 31, 2013 at 5:27 pm

I just want to give you a big ol’ hug!! You’re awesome!! Inspiring me every day. <3

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sunnydaze July 31, 2013 at 6:55 pm

You are definitely an overcomer. You are blessed to have such a wonderful support group. Inspiring. I’m so happy for you that you’re not a prisoner anymore.

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Vikki July 31, 2013 at 11:12 pm

Thank you so much for your encouragement! I’m going to try your sugar detox plan, planning to start this week when i can get out to stock up on the shakes. Thanks again, Vikki

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LHA August 1, 2013 at 1:29 am

How inspiring! Taking us inside your life before you had surgery and began to lose weight was like opening a door into what must have been a nightmare. You must be so proud of yourself and your children and how you all worked together to deal with day to day life! It is truly amazing to think of all you have accomplished. Congratulations to you and to your children. You have so much to look forward to now! Wishing you the best and thanks for taking the time to write this wonderful blog!

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Shay August 1, 2013 at 2:20 am

I’m so happy for you! I think the awesome thing about you is that you look at the “little” things in life like getting out of bed in the morning, and you realize that it’s actually a big thing and a wonderful blessing.
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Sally August 1, 2013 at 4:20 am

I love coming here because it helps me focus. And remember not to just eat absent mindedly. Really check in with my feelings and pulse myself if I really need food or am just bored. I appreciate listening to your voice as it helps me find mine.

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tz August 1, 2013 at 12:14 pm

As always, so nicely done! You have come amazingly far. You are such an inspiration (I even send our patients to your blog so they too can find inspiration in your words :D )
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Tyson Mckinney August 1, 2013 at 6:56 pm

By the way, less than a year after surgery, I met my future husband. I cannot begin to describe the beauty of life after weight loss surgery. Working with my husband from our loft in Dallas is a life beyond anything I could have ever imagined. My photography career is doing well and I was featured on barebulb.com in the “Emerging New Artist” section.
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Margene August 3, 2013 at 7:36 pm

You are so descriptive and real! And mostly inspirational and Amazing!!! It’s HELL to be in the prison of obesity. And if you don’t suffer enough from all the physical and emotional effects, you also get mistreated and verbally abused by strangers, others and sometimes family. It’s hard to see the beauty in oneself when it seems the world and everyone around you see’s no beauty in you when you are heavy or obese. We need to see with different eyes!!! I guess that’s what coming out of that prison helps us to see… SEE WITH NEW EYES.

Thanks again for another wonderful post! The pic with you and your daughter it just beautiful and you look so happy!!

God Bless…
~Margene
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Nicola August 4, 2013 at 11:43 pm

Thanks Holly, what a lovely and motivating post. I started bootcamp two weeks ago and I was completely overwhelmed on the first day, but now each time I go I’m able to do a little bit more, and a little bit more again. It doesn’t matter if you start small, because you can build up to something big that you never thought you’d be able to do!

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Alicia@ eco friend;ly homemaking August 6, 2013 at 1:06 am

Wow what an awesome testimony you have!!

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Betty Taylor August 6, 2013 at 5:48 am

You post is so great! I felt what you were feeling at the time. I am so happy that you were able to get the weight off. I have never been as heavy as you were but 50 extra pounds makes you feel like crap. I can’t even begin to image what 300 pounds feel like.
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robin August 7, 2013 at 10:49 am

WOWWWWWWWWWWWW! Im trying to get rid of 60 pounds I cannot for the life of me imagine how very hard your life was for you! I am so very happy for you and your children, please never go back.

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ErinK August 7, 2013 at 3:32 pm

What an awesome post! This week I started the sugar detox process, again. : ) Thanks for being such an inspiration for so many. Anxious to hear how you are doing. Praying for you and your sweet family!

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Mary August 8, 2013 at 6:21 pm

I am 5’3” and I weigh 274 lbs. That number use to be 283 lbs last summer and I “lost” weight. I’ve been on Phentermine (thanks to my doc) and now I’m on metformin. I quit smoking 8 weeks ago because the price is too high and I want to be healthy. I would like to get pregnant this year. I work for an medical insurance company (ironically enough) that *will not* cover the lap band or gastric bypass (or any weight loss surgery) for employees. It will for patients that are not employees. Ugh. To top that off, I was diagnosed with severe back problems, pre-hypertension, and now a lipoma (fat/benign tumor). I am so tired all the time, and depressed that I have a hard time even staying awake past 7 p.m. (I work full time at a desk job). I did get an exercise bike as a wedding gift (got married in June) and that is nice, if I had energy to exercise. I’m in constant pain at this weight and I’m depressed. So, I am trying to do my own “liquid” diet of 600-800 calories a day for 3 months. I have to lose 80 lbs for me to *safely* have a baby in my own opinion. When I discussed weight loss and pregnancy with the doctor she also said that if I lost weight it should be fine. I’m 34 this month and running out of time (I have one fourteen year old son with an ex-boyfriend). I just want to lose weight, and I’m willing to do it at any cost. I’m letting myself have a bagel or bread with cream cheese every day and Nicorette gum so at least I feel like I’m chewing somewhat. Ugh. I hate being fat.
PS: BOTH OF MY SISTERS HAVE HAD LAP BAND OVER 5 YRS AGO AND ARE AT THEIR BMI WEIGHT NOW. KEEPING IT OFF. MOST OF MY FRIENDS WHO HAVE HAD GASTRIC ARE DOING GREAT ONE OF THEM IS A SIZE 2 NOW (SHE WAS MY SIZE AND IS MY HEIGHT).

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Linda Cusano August 9, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Holly, I have been ready your stories and I had tears in my eyes. Partly because I have been so ignorant and did not really realize the physical hardship and the toll it takes an a human being. I have tears in my eyes, because you stayed strong and accomplished so much and your daughters have their mother back. I am just blown away, because I never would have thought that you were ever so overweight. Kudos to you for your accomplishment and encouraging words to people. Wishing you continued blessings in your new life!!!!

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Ms. BMJ August 15, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Thank you so much for this post. I needed to her it today!

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Crystal September 18, 2013 at 11:41 pm

Wow. I was nearly in tears reading your story.

I’ve been overweight all my life. From about 3rd grade on. I’ve tried diet after diet and just end up giving up. It is a battle! I’m a huge emotional eater and I have a huge food addiction. (I’m just calling it what it is).

You’re such an incredible inspiration.

Tomorrow I’m starting fitness training through the grace of God is going to be free of cost. (I’m unemployed).

I’m so looking forward to getting my life back. I could use some prayers as I step into this journey once again. I want so badly to lose the weight and keep it off for once. I know with the Lord’s strengh I can do it anything.

I’M AN OVERCOMER! ! ! ! (LOVE mandisa’s song. She’s amazing!)

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