Unplugging from the Food Matrix

April 8, 2013 in Uncategorized


Have you ever seen that movie The Matrix?

Because I think that movie is about my life

You see unplugging from the food

Is like unplugging from the Matrix

Only you can decide if you want to take the red pill and escape from the Matrix

Into harsh reality

Or keep taking the blue pill

Otherwise known as excess food

Which will keep you plugged into a world that may not be real

But does protect you in many ways from having to deal with hard things


The Matrix is a world that’s not real

It’s the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth

It’s a prison for your mind

Fed to you through food that keeps you asleep

And if you choose to take the red pill

Like I have

You’ll wake up to the truth

And you have no idea what that truth may be

You have no idea what you’ll wake up to when you put down the food

What issues you may have to deal with

What bad memories you may have suppressed

What lies you’ve been telling yourself for years

When you wake up from The Matrix

You’ll see the world as it is

Not how you painted it through chocolate frosting


It’s like that movie Inception

Your world is like a dream

A dream you created

A dream you decorated with sprinkles and hershey kisses

A dream you tied together with licorice and adorned with chocolate chips

A dream you injected with creme filling so it wouldn’t feel so empty

Because it made it easier for you to handle

Easier for you to tolerate

When you stop spraying whip cream all over your junk

And decorating it with gum drops

You’ll wake up and ask yourself

“How did I get here??”

You’ll look down at the scale one day and wonder

WHAT??? How am I THAT number?

Like the movie Inception says…

You never really remember the beginning of a dream

You’re just suddenly there



How many of us created a dream world

To make our real lives easier

And when we take away the food

And we scrape off the frosting

And knock off the sprinkles

We wake up to reality

Where the dream starts collapsing

And shrapnel can hit us if we don’t duck


Because losing weight means losing that protective layer that shielded you

From the things you didn’t want to know

The things you didn’t want to remember

Waking up from the dream is hard

Unplugging from the Food Matrix hurts

Because losing your food could mean falling into that rabbit hole

And entering Wonderland

Where you must unravel your life now

Instead of seeing it through sprinkles and frosting

Which made it appear much sweeter


Sometimes we unplug from the Matrix

And wake up to reality

But then we discover it’s too hard

So we go back to the food

To whatever it was that could keep us plugged into a fake world

That tastes sweeter than reality


Some people willingly choose to go back there

I know I have a thousand times

Sometimes like Cypher from the Matrix

We decide….

Ignorance is bliss

We decide….

We don’t want to remember anything

We don’t want to work through anything

We don’t even care if our gingerbread, candy covered, whipped cream with a cherry on top world is real or not

And we choose to plug ourselves back into the Matrix



I can’t tell you how many times in my life

I’ve decided ignorance is bliss

Something uncomfortable or difficult has happened

And I drove straight to Walgreens to pick up a tub of ice cream

And 5 bags of candy

Maybe I’d go through the drive through of some fast food restaurant

And bring home fries and a combo of anything

Crank back the recliner

And feed myself the numbing agents that worked

Suddenly plugged back into the food

The Matrix is telling me that I”m happy

The Matrix is telling me it’s all ok

I flip on a Netflix movie and suddenly all is right with the world

Suddenly I’m not upset or sad or frustrated

I’m just lost in a swirl of chocolate love

A maze of mint chocolate code that tells my brain nothing is wrong

And the bills still have to get paid

The person I’m avoiding still has to be dealt with

The car still needs to be inspected

But none of that matters now that I’m plugged back into the food matrix

The dream has taken over

And reality can stuff it

Because now I don’t care


Inception and The Matrix are two of my favorite movies

Because they so adequately explain

What life is really like for many of us

Who choose to plug into food

Plug into the Matrix

And exist in a dream world

Covered with a chocolate shell

That keeps us safe from reality


Losing weight is not as simple as finding the right diet and exercise plan

At least not for me

I found a way to deal with the hard things in my life

By shelving them

Burying them

Avoiding them

Denying them

And when food isn’t there to cover them up

They’re exposed

And they’re back in my face

Screaming for me to either confront them

Or cover them in hot fudge and swallow them again


I want to tell you this will be easy

But it’s not

I just know that it’s possible

And that much has to bring hope



But still possible

And some days

That’s as good as it gets


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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Marc April 8, 2013 at 1:30 pm

Hi Holly…a very deep and psychedelic post. I believe that the reason so many have these relationships with food is a. Food is so plentiful in the U.S.A. and b. Our processed foods have so many chemicals and flavor additives in them that are intentionally there to affect the brain, causing food cravings. You didn’t sit down with a tub of organic broccoli. It wouldn’t have the same affect as a tub of ice-cream.
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Staci April 8, 2013 at 2:01 pm

“Losing weight is not as simple as finding the right diet and exercise plan.”

This is 110% true. I know exactly how to lose weight and what to do. It’s getting my MENTAL STATE to cooperate that has been the problem.
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AD April 8, 2013 at 2:55 pm

I woke up from Sugar and walked right back into Life.

True story. 😀
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Jane April 8, 2013 at 3:24 pm

Holly, thanks for today’s post. Once again you have expressed the way I feel about junk food. I would rather eat cake, cookies & candy than eat healthy food. It’s all about the emotions. Since my knee surgery I have been on a sugar binge. When I got on the scale and saw the weight gain I got scared. I have been one week sugar free and coming out of my fog. Keep my in your prayers. I also got the ok to go back to the gym this week. I just know my trainer is going to kick my butt!


peggi April 8, 2013 at 3:27 pm

Your blog inspires me to keep trying when all I want to do is quit. I hit a plateau that lasted a month and I was thinking why am I doing this. I felt like there was no reason to continue if I wasn’t loosing weight. I figured I might as well eat what I want since I can’t loose weight anyway. Then you posted about the plateau and inspired me to keep trying. The plateau broke and I have lost more weight. I also realized that I feel so much better without all the sugar. My mood is much more stable than before as well as the anxiety. So, I have chosen to eat healthy and feel great. Thanks for your posts and encouragement.


Jayne April 8, 2013 at 5:33 pm

I absolute relate 100% to this blog….oh Holly you keep talking my language when It comes to my life. I have been a bit concerned because I am encountering a whole new world of knowing when I just want sugar to cope with life and then somehow having the strength to push through and not eat and coming out the other side battle weary but having managed to not eat and finding out that I will not die from these uncomfortable feelings. Your blog and group are a huge answer to prayer for me. Years ago I worked with heroin addicts and they would talk about how their nerve endings hurt and they just wanted another fix and this would be after they had been off Heroin for a few weeks……..I know exactly what they were talking about now and my drug has been sugar….never dreamed this would be so difficult!!


Daphne @ Daphne Alive April 9, 2013 at 1:34 am

This post is just what I needed! I’ve been going through some tough stuff with an unknown illness, and anxiety over this new pregnancy, and of course morning sickness doesn’t help either. I haven’t binged like I used to, not even close.. but I recognize unhealthy (mentally and physically) habits when I see them. Yesterday I started tracking my food more diligently, and this post is a great reminder why I’m doing just that. Thank you.
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Christine April 9, 2013 at 5:04 am

Oh how I wish I could give up sugar completely, but I am holding myself back. I am newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes so it is critical that I dump the sugar and cut carbs, but it is so hard. Especially now, I just lost my dad and the need to take comfort in food is overwhelming.
A few years back I took a medication that make my dreams quite lucid, to the point where I had trouble separating the dreams from reality. I loved my dreams! I couldn’t wait to go to bed at night so I could dream. Life was so much better and easier in my dreams.
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Kitty Fantastik April 9, 2013 at 12:21 pm

This post hit home for me, it’s where I am at right now, this minute with my struggle to get my eating & weight under control. All weekend I ate handfuls of jelly beans or mini eggs through out the day as I dealt with ‘everything that needs to be done’. These ‘things’ seem as tho they will never end and just continue to pile up around me. Eating the candy/chocolate is at times the only ‘thing’ I want to do. I recognize it IS an escape even if it’s momentary. Choosing the fantasy, the blue pill is so rewarding at times, it just helps me to get through whatever I’m doing that I don’t want to be doing. It’s a coping mechanism that can kill you.

Thanks for writing this, it helps me to look at what I’m going through with a different perspective.
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Betty April 9, 2013 at 12:46 pm

Good morning! someone crossposted this on MyFitnessPal (with accreditation) and I wanted to nip over and tell you what a fantastic post this is. They’re two of my favourite movies too, and while I’ve used the analogy in a lot of other ways, it never occurred to me it might also apply to my relationship with food. :\ I struggle with it, especially socially, when I’m at my partner’s family’s huge birthday dinners and I feel like if I turn down the cake or whatever I’ll hurt their feelings. I still haven’t found a way around that.

I’ve bookmarked your blog. See, at one point, I also saw the photo of you and the little girl in your starting weight pants (probably in your progress thread) and realized as I was scanning the blog – oh hey, this is the pants lady! *laughing* Might not be the way you intended to be remembered, but my brain works strangely.

Keep on keeping on, Holly. And thank you for sharing your process; it helps me (still figuring out where I’m at) recognize necessary but uncomfortable truths about myself. *lol*



Sheila April 9, 2013 at 3:31 pm

Great analogy Holly…

And the whole time I was reading your blog I was thinking of Wreck It Ralph…omg that animated movie is set a world made of candy…I wonder how many people subconciously wanted candy when they watch that movie?
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Beth April 10, 2013 at 6:44 pm

you are always so inspiring….I have plugged back into the matrix countless times….even AFTER having weight loss surgery….but I am trying again to get back on program…I have years of suppressed memories….I don’t know if I will ever remember them but I will try to trust Jesus each day to help me to hang in there and not run back to sweets….


eves April 14, 2013 at 10:08 pm

Wow. You said this so perfectly. This is exacty how I feel!! I dedicated this year to finally losing the 100+ pounds I need to…and decided that I needed a psychologist who specializes in binge eating to help me…I know I need to face the things that make me dissappear in a binge…but facing them without food gas been soooo hard. Thanks for this post. I bookmarked it and will read it often because the truth is I don’t want to be this person. I’m sick of looking around and thinking “how did I get here”…”who is this person I have become”…I want to vbe me..and I don’t even know who I am. I’m 31 yrs old and have never even met myself…just a food drugged pretend version of me.


Jessica April 14, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Holly – As always, you hit the nail on the head and speak the truth of what so many of us are thinking and dealing with!! Thank you for your inspirational story, and journey. I have just started this trek (for the last time!) and was so motivated by your blog that I started my own little one just to keep me going on this long haul. Thank you!!

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Jiffij April 16, 2013 at 7:17 pm

So insightful. Thank you for voicing these truths and struggles that I share.


Sean May 3, 2013 at 8:25 am

Thought provoking post.

I just watched Inception for the first time on Sunday. Had to watch it 3 times to get my head around. The same with The Matrix its needs at least 2 or 3 viewings for me to get it.

Today there is 24/7 tv, internet and whatever, most people are completely distracted. But why? because they don’t want to face the truth are find out who they really are.

I going to read this post again!


spydacat June 24, 2013 at 2:55 pm

*chucks the blue raspberry licorice twists into the trash bin*….. I can’t remember actually putting those in my purse this morning. freaky.
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carenician February 10, 2017 at 2:28 pm

A few years back I took a drugs that make my dreams quite lucid, to the point wherever I had bother separating the dreams from reality. I loved my dreams! I mayn’t wait to go to bed in the dead of night therefore I could dream. Life was so a lot of higher and easier in my dreams.


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