There was a time in my life where it never even occurred to me that a person might be so large they could not physically fit in ANY chair manufactured.
Then I lived it.
I became that person.
I outgrew the entire world it seemed.
Little things suddenly became obstacles.
Every day life was now a mountain I could never climb.
As I’ve lost weight, these things have been returned to me.
I no longer have to fear that I will break furniture or not fit in a chair.
I have the strength, balance and coordination to get on an escalator and not worry about falling.
Many people don’t realize that the bigger you are, the more difficult it becomes even to balance.
I fell so many times over the past few years because my body was weakened by the weight.
Now I walk freely.
I go up and down stairs.
I don’t live in constant fear of falling.
Or twisting my ankle.
Or having a heart attack.
But here’s the thing—the more your life changes….the less aware you become.
What used to be so exciting….”I can fit in that chair!”….now becomes “normal”.
And what’s so exciting about normal, right?
In a normal life, you wake up and get out of bed.
You head to the bathroom.
You go get your coffee.
You sit down and check email.
Nothing exciting about that, right?
But what if you could not sleep in a bed?
What if your weight suffocted you at night so you had to sleep sitting straight up?
What if you could not get out of the recliner or bed without assistance?
Or without breaking a sweat from the struggle?
What if your feet were so swollen upon waking up that every step was frightening?
The pain induced tears.
And fear that you would fall?
What if your simple trip to the bathroom upon waking up resulted in you breaking the toilet seat…..AGAIN?
What if the distance from your bedroom to the coffee pot brought you to your maximum heart rate
So that you had to stop 4 times on your way there just to catch your breath?
This was my life. Every day. For a really long time
And I don’t ever want to forget that
It’s vitally important that I never forget.
You want to know why?
Because PAIN is really effective in changing your life.
REALLY REALLY EFFECTIVE
It was very painful for me to go walking at 417 pounds.
To get up and pace the hallway or walk to the mailbox.
But everything was painful.
It was painful for me just to go to the bathroom because the toilet is located next to the wall which allowed no room for my body
In my bedroom, the toilet is right next to the wall. That only works for you if your body is of a fairly normal size.
And the toilet paper roll was on that wall where it would dig and press into my leg.
I had to physically remove from the wall where the toilet paper roll had been hung because of that
We had to take it off the wall and buy a free standing toilet paper holder.
Because I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without being jabbed and pricked by the toilet paper roll since my body didn’t fit into that space!
The most trivial things you would never think of had become a huge problem.
If walking was painful…why would I ever choose to do it voluntarily for exercise??
It was the absolute last thing I wanted to do because it was just so painful.
But living in my body at that weight was even more painful.
THAT pain had become worse than anything.
Even worse than the pain that comes from exercise.
Or the pain that comes from saying no to food I’d rather say yes to.
The pain of living in that body every day….living in total bondage to food….THAT pain had become positively intolerable
So I decided the pain of pacing the hallway or walking to the mailbox was worth it
If it could help me escape the intolerable pain I was living in every second of the day.
Remembering our pain can be a good thing. Especially if it was the pain that brought us to change.
I had a “normal” weekend to some. But to me it was extraordinary. Filled with a million things I could not have done 19 months ago.
I took my kids to the mall. And something crazy happened.
I realized that we went PAST the elevator in the middle of the mall.
I used to struggle to get to the elevator. That was my goal because then I would know I had made it halfway.
But yesterday I found myself breezing past it without even noticing!!!
It seemed as if suddenly I was all the way to the end of the mall and wondering how I got there!
Usually it takes so much longer to walk the length of the mall..I thought to myself!
Usually my knees are hurting and I’m tired long before now…
I don’t go to the mall that often but every time I do, I find that I have improved.
This was the first time I went to the mall and it really did not phase me in the least.
Nothing hurt. I wasn’t tired. And the mall seemed SMALL.
Is the mall getting smaller?? Has the length of it shrunk?
These thoughts go through my mind.
The reality is this…the mall is the same.
I am the one that has changed.
And pain brought me to that point.
So reminding myself of that pain helps me to stay focused.
I don’t live in fear that I will gain all my weight back
But I do live in the very sobering reality that it could happen if I ever fall into the trap of minimizing how much pain I was in.
Minimizing the very real power food has had over my life and the potential it still carries to control me.
Lack of pain is a wonderful thing.
I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing it is to walk free from pain.
But I can’t forget where I have come from because that would make it easy to go back.
The END of the mall…we had never walked all the way to the end before!
Fitting in massage chair at mall! The part where you put your legs was still tight the last time I tried it. But not this time!!