To This Day…

February 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

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I saw a video the other day

Titled “To This Day…”

It was all about the “profound and lasting impact”

That bullying can have on people

You may not have been bullied as a child

But if you’ve been obese

At any point in your life

You’ve probably been stared at

Judged

Ignored

Condemned

Maybe like me you had some guy yell out his truck window

“You’re too fat to be outside”

As I was walking down the sidewalk

Struggling to breathe

Trying to get some exercise

Fighting for my life

 

Maybe you’ve been pointed at in Walmart

By little children who say “Look Mommy–that lady is fat”

And you know they meant no harm

Because they’re just kids

But still it hurts

 

Maybe you’ve had to go to the doctor’s office

Because you were so sick you just couldn’t avoid it anymore

But had to sit through the lecture he gave you first

About how you’re going to die early

“If you don’t START caring about your health”

As if  every second of your day is not already consumed with that very thing!!

But when people..even many doctors… see you are still obese

Year after year

They don’t say

“Wow.  Here you are again and I see you are still fighting that same battle.  It must be so hard on you.  I admire your perseverance”

No instead they look at your weight chart noting the gain and  say

“When will you start caring?? Why are you not trying to fight?”

Because if we have not lost weight

That means we aren’t trying??

Says WHO?

Does our lack of success prove we have never tried?

If a batter strikes out three times

Does that mean he never stepped up to the plate??

If a player fails to catch a football

Does that mean he never suited up for the game?

Just because I have not suceeded

Does NOT mean I have never tried

It only proves we are fighters

Because we are still in the game

Even if we get no recognition due to more losses than wins

Because while some may think you don’t care

The opposite is true

You DO

You just can’t find the power to change

YET

 

Maybe you’ve dreaded visits with family

Because of that inevitable “intervention” that will take place

Where the well meaning relative pulls you aside and says

“I know you don’t want to hear this but I’m only saying it for your own good”

“You need to lose weight”

“Please try”

And you go home more depressed than ever

Because ALL YOU DO is try

Only to fail once again

And now you can’t even spend time with your family

Because all they see is your weight

Not your heart

Many people are well intentioned

But some are not

 

They’re the ones who leave notes on your window

Underneath your handicap sticker

That say “Fat is not a handicap”

So you have to juggle your oxygen tank

As you reach to the windshield and try to grab the note off

Though it’s hard for you to maneuver at all

Maybe you can’t get the note

So you have to drive home

Staring through that note all the way there

Until you can get a stick long enough to drag it off

Though it’s burned into your memory forever

 

They’re the ones who laugh when you walk by

And mumble words under their breath when you’re a few feet away

The ones who pretend to cough

While saying the words “Whale” into their hand

Because they think it’s funny

To stab people in the heart

So you just  keep walking….pretending you can’t hear

The world can be a cruel place

Whether you’re a child or an adult

And sometimes we carry those wounds

Even to this day

 

This video speaks to that issue

And does it well

If you’re someone who has felt this way

Then I want you to know

There is hope

Because while there is pain

There is beauty

And while some people spread hate

Many spread love

 

Don’t forget in your pain

To look for healing

Because while you may be wounded

There is still hope

Even to this day….

Even in this hour…

Don’t give up

Until you find it

Because the words that matter

Are the ones you speak to yourself

That say

I am loved

I have value

I am worth it

 

 

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Anele @ Success Along the Weigh February 21, 2013 at 12:50 pm

I so agree with you because I’ve been there (and even at my weight, I’m still somebody else’s “I can’t believe I weighed that much” starting point which is depressing.) I keep fighting. I win in the overall scheme of things but after losing 219 lbs my body is fighting to hold onto the rest. I exercise 6 days a week, eat like a saint and more often than not my body laughs in my face on the scale, on the measuring tape and being stuck in the same size. (Nope, no medical reason for it either. Sometimes you almost wish there was SOMETHING you could blame it on!)

But I do have to say that I WISH someone would have had an “intervention” with me before I got 6 lbs away from 500. That wasn’t even enough for me to see that, it was the possibility of the Mr having a medical issue that kicked it into gear. I wish someone had said “I love you and I’m afraid you’re going to die. I don’t want you to think I’m judging you because I’m not, I’m just scared you’re going to leave my life way before I’m ready to say goodbye.” I’m watching my mom kill herself with crap food. She had WLS 15 years ago and has gained about 2/3 of it back. She’s in constant pain and is doing nothing to change her circumstances. She has access to a private pool at her sisters house all summer to do no impact exercise. She claimed it was “too expensive to eat healthy” but I bought her 10 meals for $38 at the grocery store…something she’d blow through in sweet teas and stops at random fast food places over 2 days for lunch and dinner. So yes, while I agree there are many people trying and failing….sometimes there are people out there who gave up and are seriously going to die by their own hand that don’t have to. Some are choosing food over life. I did. I can’t force my lifestyle on her, it has to be her choice and I’m terrified she’s not going to see 60. (She’s 55.)
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Crystal @ Serving Joyfully February 21, 2013 at 3:45 pm

I’m so sorry about your mom’s circumstances and I do understand how frustrating that can be for you as her daughter when you love her so much. I think the thing for a lot of people isn’t so much that they aren’t trying, or don’t care, but just that the food/depression/anxiety, whatever is driving them…has such a hold on them that they just feel overwhelmed, helpless…and even though they KNOW how dangerous it is, they just can’t seem to take control and win. It’s such a long hard process and some people just aren’t in a place to be able to beat it. That’s me anyway. I might look like I don’t care when I’m still eating a candy bar, but it’s just that I literally feel like I can’t do anything else. I suffer from severe chronic depression that literally zaps away all of my strength and energy. It’s just hard…and it’s easy to think that someone should do this or that, but it’s harder to actually do it.
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Joyce February 21, 2013 at 2:18 pm

I felt this way most of my adolescent life. But then I went to college and the entire dorm liked me! It was such an eye opening thing to realize that THEY WERE WRONG! It made me angry that I had spent much of my life thinking it was ME – that something in ME wasn’t worth love and friendship.

But I also am afraid that I can remember times when I made others feel bad and those actions are scars. I am a new person in Christ Jesus, I have been forgiven, but will never forget – nor should I.

There is one boy at my daughters school that I make a point of reminding her that she needs to be kind, to say hello and try to include him in on things some times. I have told her how it would hurt me if I were to take my child to school every day and see him sitting alone all of the time, and have no friends, and never get invited to the parties, and always being the last one picked. How that would make me as the mom cry myself to sleep.
My heart aches for the world to be different for people.

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Karen Sanders February 21, 2013 at 2:45 pm

Our culture is so obsessed with thin. It isn’t about being healthy, in my opinion. One of my main parenting goals with my soon-to-be son is teaching him to love all, or at least be kind, and not judge. I hope I’m successful. I don’t anyone to ever feel those devastating feelings because of him.
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Jill February 21, 2013 at 3:49 pm

“If a batter strikes out three times Does that mean he never stepped up to the plate?? If a player fails to catch a football Does that mean he never suited up for the game?
Just because I have not suceeded Does NOT mean I have never tried
It only proves we are fighters
Because we are still in the game
Even if we get no recognition due to more losses than wins”

Do you know how much this spoke to me today? That was so wonderful to hear. I have just been sitting here thinking about what a loser I am because I keep trying to lose these last 10 pounds. I need to remember the 35 I’ve lost already. I need to remember that I am healthy and strong and good and that my weight or my clothing size does not make me a bad person. Thank you thank you thank you

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Cathy February 21, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Holly, I understand completely! Having trouble the last 7 years with uncontrolled blood sugar, being the healthiest eater I know and trying to exercise, only led me to my endo saying, Well if you don’t want to try to eat right, exercise and lose a little weight, there’s not much I can do for you!! That’s when I said good-bye to him for the last time! Sometimes you work so hard, but people see what they want to see and judge you for what they think you are. I’m so glad that God knows the truth and that he can see my heart.

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Sarah February 21, 2013 at 7:05 pm

As someone else said, our culture is thin obsessed, and I think it’s so important to teach people that it’s actually HEALTH that we’re striving for. They should, in theory, go hand in hand- however body composition is different in EVERYONE… as my dad recently understood as his chunky daughter BEAT HIM in a foot race. He might be thin, but that doesn’t make him healthy.

I’ve been here; done that for so much of this post. Makes me sad. 🙁

Sarah
http://www.thinfluenced.com

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LizInScotland February 21, 2013 at 8:08 pm

Ohh…another post I could’ve written myself. So familiar, especially the family intervention bit…I refused to go visit my family (I live in Scotland, they’re in Hungary) for 4 years because I was embarrassed and fed-up. I finally bit the bullet this past xmas, even though I was at my hugest ever weight. It made me realise I had missed so much time with them, all because of procrastinating. I had a gastric band fitted this past Saturday, and am feeling tentative optimism about the changes to my life ahead.

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Cassie February 22, 2013 at 7:21 am

This post brought tears to my eyes. It’s hard to believe that such terrible people exist in this society but unfortunately it is true. Thankfully I have never experienced any of this first hand and thank god. If I ever saw someone say something to someone about their weight, god help them. I did have this fear though as I rode my new bike the other day that people were probably laughing at me. Then I realized, for very jerk who is judging me, there are 10 more people thinking “good for her”. I will never stop this battle and when I get there, I will raise a one finger solute to all the haters.

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