Prescription Strength

 

 

I always struggled with my weight

And soon after I got married

We moved right across the street

From a Hostess Bakery Thrift Shop

Where everything was discounted

And that was when it started

My love affair with Hostess

Daily I would buy quantities of it

Boxes and boxes of donuts and cupcakes

Becoming more and more hooked every day

 

I still remember the day I stepped on that scale

And it said 200 pounds

I just never thought I would see that number

I had always told myself

“As long as you don’t hit 200–you’ll be ok”

And then I did

 

Somewhere around 1998

Phen Fen came out

And I remember driving to a house

Where some doctor had put a sign out front

And was prescribing it for people

 

I crammed into the living room

Or “waiting room”

Along with probably 50 other people

All waiting to walk out of there

With hope written on a white prescription note

 

I would have tried anything

And I did

But nothing ever worked

I lost maybe 20 pounds on Phen Fen

But it made me feel strange

So I quit

I’m glad I did

As studies later showed it was not safe

But I tried all the pills anyway

When you’re desperate….you’re desperate

And over the years my desperation grew

 

Of course I tried the usual over the counter pills

Like Dexatrim and Acutrim

They couldn’t touch my hunger

Not even close

 

Later they took the Fen out of Phen Fen

And then it was just Phentermine

So I tried that

But it didn’t work either

 

I tried Bitter Orange and Chromium

And Chitosan

Green tea extract and Hoodia

And Guar Gum

They prescribed me Meridia

And Alli

If they made it

And a doctor would prescribe it

I tried it

But my hunger was insatiable

Uncontrollable

Stronger than any medication a doctor could prescribe

 

But here’s the “prescription” that worked

To keep the hunger at bay

And it was all about the sugar

I can’t say this enough

Because it’s critical to keeping me sane

It’s so critical to my weight loss

That I have to share it

Repeatedly

Because above all else that I do

This is the one element that has proven to be more powerful

Than any drug out there

Eliminate sugar

 

I know that people will tell you

That you can eat sugar in moderation

But what they SHOULD be saying

Is that THEY can eat sugar in moderation

Because while they may be able to

Not everyone can

 

No one ever says

ALL PEOPLE can drink alcohol in moderation

They readily accept in society

That alcoholism is real

And that some people have a tendency

To become addicted to it

No one ever insists

That alcoholics should try to acquire the skill

Of drinking alcohol in moderation

And yet almost every diet I’ve ever been on

Seems to believe that this is a skill

You can acquire

With sugar!

 

Think of how many people out there

Are addicted to this substance

Sugar

And because they are still eating it

They can never rid themselves of the powerful hunger

That rages inside of them

There they go

Diet after diet

Being set up to fail

Over and over and over again

Because the diet they are on lets them eat

The very substance that sabotages them!

It’s amazing they have the strength to keep trying

 

In many ways

It’s like a cruel joke

A prank

To keep telling people

That they can eat an addictive substance

In moderation

If they just try a little harder

Be a little stronger

As if it’s their fault

As if they’re  a failure

Because they can’t stick to the plan

 

But this is what I have lived through

For the majority of my life

Trying so hard

But only getting so far

Because my willpower was never enough

To defeat a substance so strong

 

I saw a news article the other day on Yahoo

About Meth addicts

It showed before and after pictures

Of what these individuals looked like

Before they got hooked on meth

And then what they looked like after

 

It was tragically sad

There were young people with their lives ahead of them

There were people vibrant and full of life

And then the same people

A few years later

Their faces scarred

Their lives ruined

Many completely unrecognizeable

After meth took control of their lives

 

I have something in common with those people

Just look at a picture of me at 417 pounds

And you will see

The destruction that sugar has had in my life

Creating inside of me a raging hunger

That drives me to feed it

At all costs

Even unto death

 

People mean well

They do

But if they are not sugar addicts

They just don’t get it

 

I CANNOT EAT SUGAR IN MODERATION

The same way an alcoholic can’t drink liquor in moderation

It’s addictive

SUGAR IS ADDICTIVE

Maybe not to everyone

But to MANY

And definitely to me

 

So no matter what anyone says

I know the truth FOR ME

And it’s absolutely miraculous

The way it quiets the hunger when you rid yourself of it

It’s far more powerful for decreasing appetite

Than any prescription drug I ever took in my 20 years

Of trying to medicate the hunger away

 

There should be hospitals for sugar detox

Because it’s awful

Headaches and dizziness and shakiness

Mood swings

It’s real

 

But when you’re done with it

You’ll know

Because the insatiable hunger inside of you

Will start to quiet down

And suddenly you’ll have more control than you ever thought you could

 

I’ve been working on this for a long time

And I have found that the longer I work on this

The more pure I become with eliminating sugar from everything

The more amazing it is to me

At how my appetite disappears

 

I wonder to myself sometimes

“Is this how ‘normal’ people feel?”

“Is this what I’ve been missing out on all my life?”

“Is this what it’s like to not be starving to death every second of the day?”

Is this what their life is like?

Going through the day without being plagued

By a constant hunger

By a ravenous, insatiable, merciless hunger

That stalks you every second of the day

That overwhelms your mind

And brings you to your knees?

 

Is this what it’s like to live

Without obsessive thoughts about food

Because it’s AWESOME

And I really think that this is how we are supposed to feel

This is how those NOT addicted to sugar feel all the time

Maybe that’s why they don’t “get it”

Why they can’t relate to that hunger that stalks you day and night

 

I’ve put sugar back into my body

And it all comes tumbling down

Before long I’m as insane as I was before

And it’s scary

Then you have to detox and suffer for a time

Then wait for the peace to restore you once again

 

This is as close to a magic pill that I’m going to ever get

I still have to work hard

The way an alcoholic has to drive past the bar and not look back

But to be released from this dark master who I thought would never  unchain me

Is one of the greatest things to ever experience in this life

 

More people should know

How dangerous sugar can be

Because I’m only just realizing

That I was a junkie

An addict

And every single diet I ever went on

Was destined to fail

So long as it was feeding me

The poison

That kept me hungry

 

This is not the cure all

It’s not the only thing I have to work on

To be free

Because there are certain foods I have to stay away from

Even if they are sugar free

Not because they do something to me chemically

When I eat them

But because after so many years of pairing that food

With an emotion

I now have a psychological tie to it

Classical conditioning

 

Being me can be tricky

So many layers of issues related to food

To carefully manage

But in the end

It is worth it

It is possible to break the ties that bind you

To conquer the strongholds regarding food

That keep you so deeply bound to its destructive pull

 

If you’re hungry all the time

And you feel that you can’t control it

Give it a try

Eliminate sugar

And see what happens

The detox will hurt

But then you’ll find freedom

And when freedom comes

You’ll never want to let it go