The Fiery Furnace of Obesity

 

If you’ve ever been significantly obese

You’ll know

We don’t need extra heat

We carry it with us

Everywhere we go

 

I haven’t been cold

IN YEARS

Only recently have I started getting a little cold

I didn’t even realize I COULD get cold

 

Being obese

Is like wearing 100 fur lined winter coats

In 110 degree weather

EVERY SINGLE DAY

 

I was always hot

Blazing on fire hot

Because one of the many drawbacks to being obese

Is living in a constant state of fire

I mean you’re already in never ending pain

Every inch of your body hurts

Why not add fire too??

I mean let’s make it a REAL party!!

 

When people would come in my house

And it was 55 degrees

They thought they had entered an igloo

My power bill was through the roof

Because I had to run the air conditioner

Constantly

But I was so hot

That sweat would be pouring down my face

When everyone else was cold

 

You’re probably wondering about the kids

Well luckily

We moved here from Alaska

So they were used to freezing temperatures

And that’s what the inside of my house always was

Freezing

To everyone else that is…

To me–it was still a fiery furnace

 

But still I had to keep it down

To mid freezing temperatures

Just to tolerate my life

Just to get through the day

 

So if it got really cold

The kids would just

Bundle up in mittens and gloves

And snowsuits

And ear muffs

Because mama was hot!!

 

But if every day life

Is already bad

Just wait

For the Texas heat

 

417 pounds

Summer heat

It’s more than unbearable

It’s like living every day of your life

In a raging inferno

 

And when you have to go somewhere

You get in the car

Which by the way

Takes all of your energy

You try to aim all the vents at your face

Because if you can just keep the heat

From baking your face

Then maybe you’ll live

 

You finally make it to wherever you’re going

But now your hair is sticking to your neck

Your makeup has melted off

And your clothes are drenched

With sweat stains

It’s  a grand life, isn’t it??

 

One of the things I LOVE

About losing 207 pounds

Is that finally

FINALLY

I’M NOT ON FIRE !!!!

And I just LOVE it

 

For years of my life

I was hot

So hot that sometimes

I had to just stay home

And sit under the fan

With big bags of frozen vegetables

Strategically placed

To keep me from melting

 

But the fun continues

Because when you’re hot constantly

When you live in a neverending state

OF FIRE

You sweat a lot

I would sweat so much

That I had to buy prescription strength deodorant

And reapply it by the hour

 

Not only that

I would develop a heat rash

In all kinds of wonderful places

My favorite being

Under the boobs!

OH JOY!

Yes bring on the party people

Because heat rash under the boobs

Is AWESOME!!

 

Talk about pain!

It hurts

It’s like getting a really evil sunburn

And you’re already so uncomfortable

You’re already roasting 24 hours a day

So  let’s add heat rash burns

To the list of things we have to tolerate

Just to get through the day

 

How do you handle it?

Baby powder!

You have to powder yourself up

Like a donut

Oh geez…

Why must the analogies in my mind

Always go back to food!

 

There was always a powder explosion

In my bathroom

As I was constantly trying to flour myself

To get rid of these heat rashes

 

But I’d usually just trade

One blazing situation

For another

And my thighs were usually the culprit

You see they were fire starters too

Always ready

To stoke the flames!

 

I could no longer wear skirts

Or dresses

Because that left no protection

My thighs would just rub together

Ripping off the skin

 

I will never forget

Years ago

When I started teaching

It was my first day at work

And I was about 300 pounds at the time

 

Standing up all day

Walking around all day

Created a major problem

By the time the day was done

I could BARELY walk to the car

 

SO I hobbled home

Powdered myself up again

Took a strong pain reliever

And prayed for it to get better

Before tomorrow

When I had to go back

 

Heat

Fire

Rashes

Just another day in the life

Of an obese person

Just one more thing to deal with

Because your life isn’t already painful enough!

 

But never fear

No fire would last forever

Because I could always put it out

With  the sweat

Dripping from me at all times

 

When you’re obese

You’re hot

ALL THE TIME

Your internal temperature

The equivalent of HELL

 

In  my world

There were no seasons

Just one long giant summer

That started a decade or so ago

And just kept getting hotter

With each passing year

 

It’s odd that I’m talking about heat

In the winter

Right?

But not really

Because this is the first winter

In well over 10 years

That I have EVER been cold

 

I came here from Alaska

And I was almost never cold there

It was Minus 30 degrees

And while everyone else was bundled up

I threw on my coat

And was fine

 

So here’s a side benefit

To losing weight

Your power bill goes down dramatically

And suddenly you find yourself

Being able to exist

JUST EXIST

Without being boiled alive

What incredible, marvelous joy!!!

 

I can put on deodorant in the morning

Just regular normal deodorant

And it lasts all day

 

I don’t wake up in a puddle of sweat

I can go somewhere and arrive

Without my hair sticking to my neck

And my make up melted off

 

And you know what’s REALLY FUN??

Wearing fuzzy pajama pants!!

And slippers

And even a sweatshirt

To keep you warm in the winter

 

Oh I would wear sweatshirts

And long sleeved shirts

And pants

Outside in the blazing heat

Just to cover myself up

To hide my body

As much as possible

Even if it meant having a heat stroke

To do so

 

But inside the house

I wore as little as possible!

A giant T-shirt with plenty of air flow

Loose fitting anything of any kind

Because it was all about keeping me cool

Killing the blaze

And trying to keep my head above the flames

 

The heat works in my house

I know this

Because I turned it on

Something I have barely ever done

In 7 years

 

So that’s what I do

I hang out in the house

In my pajama pants

Bundled up

Enjoying the cold

Enjoying life

Outside of the furnace

 

 

 

On a sidenote

I now fit on the couch

I’m telling you

The craziness around here

Just keeps on coming!!

 

Fitting in clothes

That’s nice

But stepping outside of the furnace

THAT’S SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!

 

If you, my friend

Are still in the fire

And you feel as if someone

Just cranked up the heat

Then I want you to know this

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

 

Many are with you

And while it seems that there is a wildfire

That has spread out of control

I can promise you this

There is hope

Because if I can find my way out of the flames

So will you

 

Speaking of FIRE…Have you entered my Giveaway to win a Free Kindle Fire HD?  It goes until January 12, 2013