Pamper Yourself!

January 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

I think when we are overweight

We fall into this habit of feeling like we don’t deserve

Anything at all

I would often think to myself

“What’s the point of getting my hair done when I weigh 300 pounds?”

“What’s the point of getting my nails done when I weigh 300 pounds?”

“What’s the point of carrying a nice purse or wearing a nice necklace”

In my mind, it was all cancelled out because of my weight

 

I would often tell myself

“When you can lose 50 pounds then you can go get your hair done”

As if it was something I did not deserve

Until I could prove myself worthy

And being worthy was proven of course

Through weight loss

Being overweight SHOULD NOT exclude you

From being able to get your hair or nails done!

Yes there came  a time

When I no longer could fit in the chair

And that excluded me

 

But how many times did I exclude MYSELF

When I still COULD fit in the chair?

And yet I would not do these things

Because I would tell myself

“What’s the point?? You’re so overweight it doesn’t matter anyway”

Many times this is how I felt

Almost as if I did not deserve to do anything else

Regarding my appearance

Unless I was thin

 

I feel very lucky that I had my mother

And Nana

And Amanda

To always encourage me NOT to feel this way

I had God filling my heart with the truth about my value

And the truth of what I deserved

And if you ask me

I deserved AT ANY WEIGHT to feel good about my appearance

Regardless of what I weighed

 

No matter how big you are

No matter what you weigh

You deserve to treat yourself

To a new hairstyle if you want

A new hair color if you desire

A new color on your nails

Whatever it is!!

 

You deserve just as much as anyone else out there

To feel pretty

You deserve to wear whatever style YOU like

Not just what the plus size manufacturers say you should wear

You should not say to yourself

“I will do it once I lose the weight”

Why do we say that to ourselves?

We are NO LESS deserving

If anything, we NEED IT MORE!!

 

I needed to do these things for myself

At my highest weight

Even more than I need to now

Because when you are obese and struggling with your self esteem

That is exactly when you need reassurance

That you DO deserve the little things in life!

You do deserve to be pampered and treated

Like the precious treasure that you are!

 

I’m not suggesting we all go out and break the bank

And I’m also not suggesting that doing your hair and nails and makeup

Is something you should do…because maybe that’s not your thing

I’m just saying that treating yourself….pampering yourself….

Is something you deserve NOT because of what you weigh

But because you are special

Just as you are

 

To me, pampering myself may not be what you think

It could mean getting my hair done

Or getting a pedicure (now that I can fit in the chair again)

But I’m also talking about the little things

Like wearing my favorite pair of slippers

Drinking my coffee out of a special mug

Lighting my favorite scented candle—Apple Cinnamon

Buying myself my very favorite flowers–Daisies

That is paying attention to the little things

YOU doing the little things FOR YOU

Not always waiting for someone else to do it for you

 

I’ve learned a lot about how to treat myself

From living the last 7 years of my life

In an obese body, divorced and alone

I could just accept that being divorced and obese

Meant never having anyone bring me flowers again

Or I could accept that God loves me more than anyone out there

And if I don’t love myself enough to do the little things for me

Than I can at least believe that they are from Him

 

If I waited for someone to show up at my door

With a bouquet of daisies

I might be waiting for the rest of my life

But when I decided that I was deserving of them

Without needing anyone else’s approval

That’s when I gave myself permission

To buy them

FOR MYSELF!

 

We all deserve to feel special

And if you have to do it for yourself

THEN DO IT!

And know this

YOU DESERVE IT

Even if you’re obese

Even if you’re alone

 

In fact…maybe you deserve it more

BECAUSE of those things

Because those things are hard burdens to carry

And you’re doing it

You’re surviving it

So celebrate the fact that you’re hanging in there

And remind yourself that no matter what the facts appear to be

YOU ARE SPECIAL

 

I like putting lotion on my skin

To make it soft

Taking the time to do that

Is like showing yourself a little bit of love

But for years I never did that

Almost as if I did not deserve it

Simply because of my weight

 

Soft skin??

Who needs soft skin at 400 pounds?

I have no husband anymore

No one to care if my skin is soft anyway!

So why bother?

These are the thoughts that would run through my mind

 

You can see it’s a battle

One day you believe you are worthy

And then a month goes by where you don’t believe you are

Applying a daily dose of God’s truth to your life

Will help correct that misconception

Because it doesn’t really matter what the facts APPEAR to be

Obese….single….rejected…alone

None of it matters

I deserve soft skin, my favorite slippers and that full bouquet of daisies regardless

Don’t I?

Don’t YOU?

 

If the reason you are not getting your hair done

Or nails done

Or wearing your favorite make up

Is because of your weight

Because you feel you don’t deserve it

Then that is something you need to change right now

 

The lipstick you like

Doesn’t have a weight limit attached to it

You can wear it at any size

I would even have my toe nails painted RED

Because red is my favorite color

Part of me would say not to do that

Not to be too bold and draw attention to myself

Because I already had enough attention coming my way

But other times I would be more confident

And say…PAINT THEM RED!!

Because I knew deep down, I deserved to have whatever color I wanted!

Regardless of my weight

 

I had to wear flip flops for years

Because of my swollen feet

So hey…

I might have been in year round flip flops

But my toes looked good!!

 

I struggled with this a lot

I had weeks and months where I did not feel this way

Where I let my weight rule over my self esteem

Rule over what I felt like I deserved

 

But over the years I tried very hard to treat myself to these things

Regardless of my weight

Because while I had voices in my head from the past

Telling me I did not deserve it

I had scriptures in my heart showing me that my value

Had NOTHING to do with the scale

Nothing to do with my weight

 

Don’t judge by appearance or height. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

 

 

My mother really helped me with this

She would constantly send me cards telling me

That I was loved

That I deserved good things in my life

That I was not a failure

That I was not deserving of rejection and ridicule

 

Amanda would email me daily

She would tell me I was smart and beautiful and awesome!

She would remind me that who I was

Had nothing to do with my weight

That my worth and value lied NOT in my appearance

Nor in how “good” or “bad” I was that day

But my value lied in the fact that God chose me

Just like He chose you (John 15:16)

From the beginning of time

 

Being “chosen”

That is the opposite of rejection

And like the scripture says above

He looks on the HEART

He sees past the facade

He sees who we are

Deep down inside

He is not bound by appearances or some number on a scale

 

I fully recognize how difficult it is

To be trapped in a body that is large

And have society and many people reject you

Based solely on appearance

 

I am grateful every day for the people in my life

Who would NOT stand by and let those bullets

Assassinate what little pride I had left

Oh—it took effort on their part

Because being rejected by my husband

In large part due to my weight

Being cheated on constantly

Made me feel that I deserved nothing and no one

It is hard to NOT internalize that

When it is your daily existence

 

That is why we need people in our life

To surround us with the truth

And if no one is there to do that

Then do it for yourself

Fill your mind with the truth

And treat yourself as you deserve

Even if no one else is willing to do it

 

Amanda and my Mom did not live near me

I have spent the past 7 years living alone with my children

They did the best they could to boost my spirits long distance

But I was the one who had to get out of bed every day

And face the world

I was the one that had to decide if I would choose to believe the lies

Or believe the truth

Some days I chose truth

Some days I fell prey to the lies

 

I had months and even years

Where I just believed every lie that I was told

But slowly I began to come out of that covering of deception

And realize that I was a person

Deserving of love, acceptance and blessings

And just like the car I drive does not define me

Neither does the body I walk around in

Determine my worth

 

My mom started sending me gift certificates

To go have my hair and nails done

Right after my husband left me

She knew I was handling a tragic situation

And that my self esteem was taking a serious blow

That I had been told repeatedly my value was attached to my weight

And many times I felt suicidal due to the battle in my mind

The voices that told me over and over again

That I was not worth it

That I had no value

 

I had to fight it daily

But then a new voice began to speak out

Quiet at first

But growing louder as time went on

“Buy yourself flowers! Go get your hair done! Go get a pedicure!”

You deserve it

 

Do you know I had to fight myself to do these things?

I felt embarrassed walking in to get a pedicure

I would tell myself how dare I go in there

And do something for my appearance

When the whole world feels that I could clearly care less

About my looks

If I am overweight

 

But that is a lie

I do care

I always did

But at the same time

Who decides that being overweight means I don’t care

I see lots of overweight people walking around

That are far more beautiful than those with perfect bodies

But beauty should not be judged

By weight alone

 

Who cares what you weigh

You deserve the same treatment that anyone else does

The manufacturers of clothes make it extremely hard

The bigger you get

But that doesn’t change what you deserve

 

I lived for quite awhile in the 300’s

During the time of my divorce

I was still at a weight where I could fit in a hairdressers chair

And find clothing

So I tried my best to work with the limited resources I had

 

As you can see in this picture below

I have my nails done

Something I did far more often at that weight

Than I do now

But I did it more for myself

Because THAT was something I could do

 

I could not control the fact that I was limited in my clothing

But I could get my nails done

So I did

I wore rings and my nice watch

I tried to do what I could do

I tried to control what I could control

To make myself feel better

 

Jan07pic6

 

I love red

I love plaid

Not everyone does–but I do

And I remember this day

I remember feeling beautiful

I was wearing my favorite color

I remember I’d gotten my hair and nails done

Bought a new dress

And brought home some flowers

I had treated myself that day to some pampering

And regardless of what anyone else might think

On that day

I felt beautiful

So therefore I was

 

The most important thing to remember

Is that getting your hair done

Or your nails

Or buying yourself some flowers

Is not some privilege you earn

Because someone comes along and deems you worthy

Just like it is not a privilege that is removed from you

When someone walks out the door deeming you Unworthy

No—You OWN that privilege

No matter what size you wear

Regardless of your relationship status

 

Over and over again, I would go through phases

Of not getting my hair done

Simply because I would tell myself

“Nothing you do will matter because of your weight”

This is the voice in your head that will ALWAYS tell you this

That because of your weight, nothing else matters

It isn’t true

You are beautiful because of who you ARE

Not what you weigh

 

Women often have spa days

Days where they pamper themselves

I am here to tell you that no one needs this more

Than someone living with morbid obesity

 

Are you kidding??

We are trapped in bodies that are painful!

Our feet are often swollen from the weight

Who needs a foot massage more?

I will tell you who

The obese person living with swollen feet!!

 

We have to struggle against societal pressures

And the voices in our head

That tell us we don’t look attractive enough

I’m not saying we should bow down to that

And give it any credence at all

I am just saying if anyone deserves to be pampered

IT IS US

 

Those living in overweight bodies

Are the ones who should be at the front of the line

To be pampered

Because we probably need it more than anyone!

 

When you struggle with depression

Or with feeling low about yourself because of your weight

Getting up and putting on make up

And getting dressed

Can actually help you out of the slump

 

If you are a stay at home mom

Or you work from home

Or you’re overweight

Or you are single

These are all reasons for you to think

I’ll just live in my pajamas

Who cares

 

Because maybe you aren’t going anywhere outside of the house

So why bother

Or maybe you won’t be seeing anyone that day

So it doesn’t matter

Maybe no husband is coming home after work to get dressed for

Or you feel like your weight trumps everything else

So why bother

 

But here’s the thing

Even if no one else sees you

You see yourself!

You don’t have to have someone acknowledging you

Acknowledge yourself!!

Put on make up for yourself if you like

Do your hair just for YOU

Buy yourself flowers!

I had to do these things over the past 7 years

Because if I did not do it for me

No one else would

 

And when you decide that you deserve these things

Regardless of what you weigh

Regardless of if you have a man to do it for

Something magical happens

You begin to believe it

Because someone is finally treating you with some respect

Someone is finally treating you the way you deserve to be treated

And that someone is YOU

 

When you get up, take a shower, and get dressed

Put on your shoes and some make up and do your hair

And throw on earrings even if you’re not leaving the house!

You start to realize that you have value

And realizing your value will help you survive the years of obesity

That threaten to take you down

 

Call me crazy

But when you do these things

It seeps into your mind

It makes you feel better

Suddenly you have more energy

More confidence

And you accomplish more throughout the day

 

I’m sure there are psychological reasons behind this

But I have found that when I get up and do these things

Even if I have no where to go and no one to see

It elevates my mood

I start to think to myself

“I deserve good things! I deserve blessings! I have value!”

And I have even found

That I eat less on those days

Somehow I feel stronger mentally

More confident

 

So try it

And know

That no matter what you weigh

You deserve to be pampered

You deserve to be treated well

You deserve to feel pretty

 

Maybe hair and nails and make up is not your thing

So pamper yourself some other way

Just realize that you deserve it

As much as anyone else

And if we are being honest

You might even deserve it MORE than anyone

Because you’ve spent enough time being devalued by society

Being made to feel like you aren’t those things

When in fact you are worth more than any amount of silver or gold

 

And if you don’t have someone in your life

Like my mother

Or a friend in your life like Amanda

To send you a card to tell you you’re worth it

Then let me be that friend to you right now

Let me be the one to say to you

What they said to me

YOU ARE TREASURED

YOU ARE LOVED

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

 

So the truth is this:

You are of the HIGHEST value

You are wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-16)

Worth more to Him than anything (Matthew 10:29-31)

You are more precious than rubies (Proverbs 3:15)

He paid a ransom for you because of your worth to Him (1 Peter 1:18-19)

You cannot escape His love (Psalm 139:7)

And THAT, my friends, is your TRUE worth

 

 

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicola January 24, 2013 at 6:33 am

Well said, Holly! All of us are worth it, at any size. One of my goals this year is to have a shower, cleanse and moisturise my skin and dress in clean clothes every morning, as there are times when I don’t and it makes me feel bad about myself and to doubt whether I can accomplish what I need to on that day. I think I’ll add getting a manicure and pedicure to the list as well 🙂

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tz January 24, 2013 at 11:57 am

you are so right…I think not pampering ones self is cause and effect…I know I always put myself last and so don’t take care of myself, let alone pamper myself….for some reason I felt undeserving….and food became my only option. You’re so right pampering yourself is so important for one’s self worth.
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Linda Kuil January 24, 2013 at 12:05 pm

We all deserve to be treated well and with respect, especially from ourselves!
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jennxaz January 24, 2013 at 1:19 pm

Man, I sure tend to forget that! I give to everyone else and have a hard time spending money on myself..maybe thats the mom in me..but you know when I do, I smile more!

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Tammy Herrin January 24, 2013 at 3:15 pm

I have a hard time spending the money to go get my nails done (b/c as much as I think it’s pretty I seem to pull them off within a week) but I do pamper myself by painting my nails. No matter what my weight is, painted nails make me feel sexy and delicate. So whenever I need a pick-me-up, I go home and redo my nails. For those days I REALLY need that extra boost, I’ll go buy a new color of nail polish. It’s amazing how much joy that $8 bottle will bring.
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Pam January 24, 2013 at 4:16 pm

Holly–So much of what you say is true. When we’re obese, we don’t feel worthy, AND we know even if we have our nails done, our hair done, and wear a pretty outfit, we still look FAT in that mirror, so we finally decide, “Why bother?”
Like you however, I always cared how I looked. Oh I didn’t do much with my hair, it was long, gray and straggly, I pulled it back with a barrett and I had quit wearing make-up a long time ago. But I still cared. I enjoyed buying new things to wear, even if it had to be done from a catalog in order to get a big enough size to fit me. When the package came in the mail, it was like Christmas, and then when I would try on the new clothes, it was so disappointing. I didn’t look like the normal-sized models they used in the catalogs. NOPE. I was still FAT.
Three years ago next month, on a whim I stopped at the Nail Shop out at the Mall. I had not been to the Mall for a long time. None of the stores there carried clothes that would fit me (NO stores did–not even Lane Bryant!), and it was hard to walk so far without a cart to help support me. But I had lost over 100 lbs. and was shopping for new clothes at the MALL! I had been playing with having my nails done for a while. I’ve always been embarrassed by my fat hands with my short, pudgy fingers and short uneven fingernails. But as I lost weight, my wrist bones reappeared and rings started fitting again and I wondered how my hands would look if I got some fake nails. So in I waltzed in to the nailshop and got beautiful LONG fake nails painted a pretty mauve color and I FELL IN LOVE with my hands. I didn’t reach my goal weight for two more months, but I never quit having my nails done. Yesterday I tried shellac at the nail person’s suggestion and I love them even more. They’re so shiny and DARK RED!
Yes, I also got my hair cut and colored and I keep it that way, but my hair is no longer my crowning glory, as it has gotten horribly thin. I still try to make it look good and keep it colored, but I sure wish I had my beautiful thick hair back. There’s a new commercial on TV where the woman says something like, “I wouldn’t change anything about the last 10- years….except my hair.” That’s me. I have been doing some reading, and found out that many older women experience thinning hair. I never knew that, but not I’m living it!
And I don’t even want to talk about all the new clothes I bought. OMG, my closet is full, as is the closet across the hall in the spare bedroom! And now I’m retired. So where will I wear all these pretty new clothes, that are like new? I take so much better care of my clothes now too. I’m careful about how they are washed and hung up!
It’s easy to tell ourselves we deserve to be pampered at any weight. And you looked gorgeous in your red plaid dress. I too LOVE red and plaid. I never let my size dictate what colors I wore, but I did want to hide in a corner when I was morbidly obese and not be noticed.
I’m still not flamboyant, but I do love to dress up and today for instance, I have nothing to do until 6:00 p.m. tonite when I take the granddaughters to dance class. But I showered when I woke up, and put on a pretty, navy blue frilly blouse that I’ve probably only worn a handful of times. so even though I’m not going anywhere, I still feel pretty with my colored (thin) hair, my shellacked nails and my lacy blouse. Us girls like to feel pretty don’t we? At any weight!!
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Tasha Cantrell January 24, 2013 at 4:53 pm

VERY well said! Thank you for this reminder and ESPECIALLY for speaking God’s truth to all of us! Be blessed!

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Nicole January 24, 2013 at 4:58 pm

this is so true!! I’ve got so big I can’t give myself a pedicure and I’m too embarrassed to go to the salon. So I have no paint on my toes. I think it’s winter, who is going to see them? I don’t have a man, I live alone. I’m going to see them! I have not got my hair done or even trimmed in almost a year. Last time I went I was so nervous the chair was going to break when she was adjusting the height.
I enjoy your blog, I am just starting my journey through weight loss surgery. Thank you!!

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Sheila January 24, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Love this! And I didn’t comment but loved your last post too about the difference in your 20’s/30’s being morbidly obese compared to now being in our 40’s and healthy! Amazing what good health and nutrition can do to your looks. But back to pampering yourself…I just remembered years ago (I’m 41 now and was maybe 26 at the time) my husband had bought me an all day spa treat. It included a massage, haircut/color, lunch, pedicure and makeup. He paid a fortune for it but felt like I really would like and he wanted to pamper me. I was sitting in a robe (that barely fit of course, as I was MO at the time) and was at the haircutting part of my day, when the hairstylist tried to sell me DIET PILLS. The nerve! I’m paying HER to do a service and she took one look at me and declared that she could “fix me” (because all obese people are “broken” right??) with her pills. I still to this day had wish that I had the GUTS to get up out of that chair, march over to the salon manager and explain that just because I was obese didn’t mean I came to be shamed into buying expensive diet pills (that most definitely would NOT have fixed the problem.) Instead I sat with my cheeks red, and felt miserable the rest of the day. What a horrible waste of money. But I did learn my lesson …which was namely finding my voice. I used to let people cut in front of me at the deli line, or at the checkout counter, because as large as MO people are in real-life, many people treat us as invisible. It took many years but I did finally find some of that inner strength (thanks God!) to say THIS IS NOT OK. You are not allowed to treat people like this. I only wish I could run accross that hairstylist now and give her a little piece of my mind. But I’m sure God dealt with her in his own way. 😉
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Ronda January 24, 2013 at 8:19 pm

I just wanted to share with you that today while grocery shopping, there was a woman going up and down the aisles with me who was on a scooter cart. I remember you story of the woman on the scooter and how embarrassed she was, etc. I made a point to smile at her and say hi. Then, since we were in the same aisles all the way thru the store, I chatted with her, and made a joke about how I might be stalking her 🙂
I just hate the idea that anyone would go through life with very little human contact and feeling ignored. I thought of you the whole time I was shopping and couldn’t wait to get home and share!
Have a great day.

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Mama Syder January 24, 2013 at 8:32 pm

Such a positive post! Found your blog on MFP, watched your video and wanted to pop over and say hi. You are such an inspiration! Congratulations on your weight loss, you look amazing! x
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Amanda January 24, 2013 at 9:25 pm

Another excellent post, and as usual, you hit the nail on the head. I feel (and have felt) these exact feelings for years now. Hair, clothes, make up, shoes…..relationships, friends, career options, and on and on. How sad, that I am wasting my life, putting living on hold, till I am “good enough”. I had a hard time seeing myself worthy of love and respect when I was a healthy weight, years and years ago, much less now.

But, something in me has been changing over the last few years. Slowly I am deciding that I am worth too much to stay like this. Life is too short to be this miserable. This is the only life I get to live, I need to make the most of it. And it starts by loving myself enough to do what’s best for me, regardless of what anyone else thinks I deserve.

Thank you Holly!

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Diane January 25, 2013 at 12:51 am

Holly – I am so happy that I found your blog and the one today really hit home for me!

Thank you!

Diane

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jackie January 25, 2013 at 3:33 am

You story made me sit here a just cry…I lost 100pds after my kids were born that was 15 yrs ago…6 years ago my health began to decline an 3 yrs ago I was diagnoised with fibromyalgia..my life has chg’d so much since then..I no longer work, or drive or have a job..an I have been clinging to my faith since then…over the last 4 months I managed to get 30 pds off but for every step forward I wind up a few bk with health issues..after reading your story I really believe the good Lord is saying just don’t give up…thank you for your courage..thank you for your testimony…it will touch an inspire more ppl then you will ever know

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Shannon January 28, 2013 at 5:03 am

I love reading your blogs because I feel like my feelings are validated. There have been many days where I didn’t shower or get dressed, not put lotion on or even look at myself in the mirror because why would it matter. When I was a “normal weight teenager” I looked in the mirror for hours a day! Now as a 41 yr old mom of 3, I never take the small time for my own self-care. I love when you wrote that the special (things) we do for ourselves are like gifts from God. You ARE Special, You ARE Beautiful, and you ARE loved. Thank you for another blessing.

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