Am I a Fraud?

January 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

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January 13th

 

This is happening a lot lately

I’ve read it on Facebook boards

I’ve had tons of emails about it

And it doesn’t seem to be going away

So I’m going to address it

 

Am I a fraud?

Are my pictures fake?

 

Here is one of the comments

That is pretty typical

Of many I’ve seen lately

 

“These pictures are fake.  There is another Facebook page that tells you these are fraudulent.  Just letting you know”
I have no clue what Facebook site
Is saying that I’m a fraud
Nor am I going to search for it
But I can tell you whoever is saying it
Is not alone
They are in good company
Here are just a few examples of
Some emails I received this week
“First off–it is obvious your pictures are fake because no one can get that big and stay alive.  You photoshopped the pictures to make yourself look bigger than you are.  You did not lose that weight.  You may have lost some weight but no way you were ever that big”
 
 
“You’re a fraud.  You faked the pictures and not very well.  Just thought you should know not everyone is a dumb**** and believes your !#@! “
 
Now receiving negative emails
Is not that new to me
i’ve been receiving comments like this
Since I lost the 1st 100 pounds
So the moral of the story is, if you’re over weight….. Have surgery.  Why don’t you  try eating less and moving more.  What an idiot
 
It must be nice for you to be able to afford weight loss surgery but not everyone out there can do that.  So I don’t think it’s fair for you to be acting like you did any of this on your own when you didn’t.
 
I lost 130 pounds and I did it the right way.  I exercised and I changed my eating habits.  I didn’t take the easy way out. I do not support what you are doing and you will never get any praise from me. You should have done it the correct way.
 
You got your stomach gutted out.  What a great example you are for your kids.  Now you’re a freak of nature.  Guess they were already used to you being  a freak anyway walking around looking like you did before
 
Why are you not ashamed to show these pictures? How could you let yourself get that big? It’s no surprise your husband left you.  You deserved it.  But your poor kids didn’t.  They should be taken from you.  They deserve better than some loser who can’t keep her husband happy and who shoves food down her throat all day. You’re pathetic
 
 
You’re still one ugly bit***
 
 Oh yeah…
It’s fun having a blog
This is why my comments are moderated
Why you may not see yours show up right away
Because first I have to sift through
THAT
I have a general policy in my life
That I feed the positive
Not the negative
I try to let all of it
Just roll off my back
Because in spite of the negative comments
I’ll get the amazing positive ones
And then I’ll get emails from someone saying
I helped them in some way
I gave them hope on some level
And SO FAR
That has made putting up
With the other stuff
Worth it
I started this blog
To distract myself from eating
I didn’t have much else to do
From the comfort of a chair
I was still very immobile for the most part
Only being able to walk in short spurts
Because of the pain in my feet
But that’s not the case anymore
I can walk
I can run
I can go, do , see
I have my life back
I could shut this blog down today
And never return
I could start journaling in a notebook
The old fashioned way
Because a notebook would never tell me
I’m still an ugly bit@!**
Or that I’m a fraud
But it also wouldn’t
Give me all the wonderful feedback
That so many do here
So there you go
The toss up
Now my blog’s purpose
Is to try and help others
To use the pain in my life
For a purpose
To give hope to those
Who are trapped in their bodies
But how can I do that
If people think I am a fraud?
If  people think my pictures are fake?
Here is a before video I did
I’m smaller in this video
Than I am in the picture of me
Sitting on the couch
In the red shirt
Like many people
I yo-yo’d on the scale
At one point I was close to 450
And that’s the picture at the top of this page
The one of me on the couch
Wearing the red shirt
Savannah took that one
On the sly
If she had shown it to me
At that time
I would have deleted it
I had to lose some weight
To get the surgery
I had already lost about 20-30 pounds
In this “before”  Video
But it shows me standing up for a short time
In the middle
Around the 1:54 mark

Does seeing me stand up
Walk around
Live and in person
Prove I’m not a fake?
Apparently not
Because I had someone write and tell me
The lighting was off
The video looks distorted
It’s fuzzy
And that proves it was not real
Well it’s true I had bad lighting in that video
Sorry to say I’m not so great at making videos
That is why I don’t make very many
My 1 year video update was dark too
Maybe it was also fake??
I also had someone tell me
That because I got up and walked in that before video
It proves I am a fraud
Because I said on my 200 Pounds Lost video
That I could barely walk at 417 pounds
So let me clarify
Could I walk?
Yes
BARELY
Which last I checked
Means:
Scantily, Meagerly, Sparsely
Which is what I did
If you’ve ever been at a very high weight
You would know what I mean
And I know many of you do
It means I can walk
So long as I can tolerate
The mind crushing physical pain
That every step brings
Yes I can walk
So long as it’s just across the room
And I have something to lean on
Or a chair where I can rest
When I get to the other side
I’ve fielded this question a thousand times
But it never seems to get answered
To anyone’s satisfaction
If my pictures were fake
Why are there at least 10 more
Just like them
Of me at the same size
Are they fake too?
Was the picture of me in the hospital fake
Is that oxygen tube up my nose fake?
Were the doctors in on it too?
And all the nurses?
Helping me create a fraudulent photo
Of me in a gown
In a hospital
To fake out the world?
And if my pictures were “cropped”
Wouldn’t I look SMALLER?
Not bigger?
Or are they implying my current picture
Is cropped?
Why would I bother to photoshop and crop pictures
To make me look smaller
In an “after” shot
If I’m also uploading everyday photos of myself
That my kids took of me in my pajamas?
If you think I look better in some pictures
Than others
Then you’re right
I do
Because I’m human
Not because I’m photoshopped
I’m baffled at how
I can put up pictures of me almost every week
For 17 months straight
Showing me losing weight
And people still think it’s fake
But putting that aside
There are the comments
About weight loss surgery
About how I’ve fooled everyone into believing
That I lost that weight on my own
When really I am hiding the fact
That I had weight loss surgery
At what point did I hide THAT?
On the About Me page where it is clearly stated?
Or on my 100 Pounds Lost video
Or 200 Pounds Lost video
Where it is right there on the first few slides?
There is one thing I set out to do
When I started this blog
BE HONEST
I was in a dark and deep hole
I thought I was going to die
I was gaining weight with every month that went by
And I had no hope
I did not talk to people
I did not open my life up to people
You know what I did?
I sat in my recliner
With  my 5 bags of Reeses Peanut Butter cups
And my 3 bags of Kit Kats
And my 2 gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream
And my 4 boxes of donuts
And my 2 gallons of milk
With my case of pepsi
And I turned on Netflix
Because Netflix never accused me of being fake
Reeses never called me a fraud
No one knew me
And no one cared
I had no hope to give myself
And none to offer others
The best I could do was get through the day
And hope I woke up alive tomorrow
Or prayed that I didn’t
Depending on my level of pain that day
But things are different now
And all I ever wanted to do
Was let others know
There is hope
I never said the hope is in weight loss surgery
I never said I’m an advocate for everyone having it
I’m with most people on this issue
Why would anyone have it if they didn’t feel they had to?
I  just said it’s something that helped me
But that I support everyone
No matter what method you use
Haven’t I said that from the start?
To the people who write
Emails to me like this one
That I got yesterday
“You don’t get no credit from me.  I had to work for every pound I lost. I did not get surgery”
To you I say
‘Good job!!”
And I mean it
I really do
I am pretty sure all I’ve ever done
From the start
Is to try and cheer people on
I know a ton of people
Who are losing weight without the surgery
I WISH I WAS ONE OF THEM
Do you think I wanted to lay on a surgery table
At 417 pounds
WITH SLEEP APNEA
Do you know what the risks are with that?
I already had problems sleeping at night
I already had oxygen cutting off every time
I would lie down
I have 4 children
I’m a single Mom
Do you think I would voluntarily have a surgery
That has potential risk of death
If I was not DESPERATE??
To the person that said
I should have just stopped eating
And taken up a hobby
I can only say
“Thanks for the advice”
Because honestly
I don’t know what else to say
If I could have been different
I would have been
If I had known how to fix myself
Without help
I’d have done it
Maybe if someone had locked me up
And forced me to detox off the sugar
Before surgery
I would not have needed it
Who knows!
I’ve learned a lot in the past 17 months
I have changed the way I eat
I have started exercising
Been to therapy
Worked on unraveling the mystery
Of what got me there
And what will get me out
But people who think weight loss surgery
Is the easy way out
Need to redefine “EASY”
Crawling out of a 600 foot pit
Full of pythons
With a ladder
Is going to suck
But it won’t suck as bad
As trying to get out of the pit
Without the ladder
But EASY?
Not sure that’s the word
We’re looking for
But I get it
In this arena
People will take their jabs
And when you open your life up
You’ve got to be willing
To take some hits
But people that think this surgery
Prevents you from overeating
Or makes the pounds melt away
Should know THAT belief
Is the fraud
Do you know that I can eat
An entire bowl of ice cream
And half a box of crackers
Over the course of one day
Did you know
That I can eat a hamburger from McDonalds
And an entire small chocolate shake
In one sitting?
Did you know I can eat
Two tacos from Taco Cabana
And a small coke?
Did you know
I can eat 6 chocolate chip
Nestle Toll house cookies
Over the course of 10 minutes?
And if I wait another 15 minutes
I can get another 6 at least
DId you know
I can eat a Jr Whopper from Burger King
And most of the onion rings that come with it?
I can eat a snickers bar
And a donut
If they are the soft glazed ones
From Krispy Kreme
I can eat two
And if I wait maybe an hour
I can get more down
I don’t like to talk about this
You know why?
Here’s why….
I KNOW THIS INFORMATION
BECAUSE I HAVE DONE IT
I’ve done all these things
Over the past 17 months
At one point or another
I’m not proud of it
And I’m not trying to advertise it
As the right way to do things
But wait….
Since I didn’t tell you before
Does that make me a fraud??
Have you never noticed
On the sidebar
Where it shows how much weight I have lost
That there are times
Where it hasn’t moved
FOR MONTHS
And then suddenly
It picks up again?
I mean sure we have stalls..
But a whole 2 months with no weight loss…
Come on…
I didn’t show up to Crossfit one morning
Because on my way there
I had the overwhelming urge to get tacos
At 8 in the morning
And I just kept driving
Right past Crossfit
Straight to tacos
Did you know that my stomach gets tighter
The less I eat
But the more I eat
The more I try to cram in
The more I push the limits
The more it will hold
That can be dangerous…
Do you know  Chicken in A Biscuit crackers?
I love them
I can eat about half the box in one day
The other half tomorrow
You see crackers liquidate easily
That’s how you cheat
Your “weight loss surgery” stomach
I do not have
Anything going on with my stomach
That causes malabsorption
Of what I eat
My surgery is purely restrictive
So what I eat
I ABSORB
I eat a Reeses
I absorb a Reeses
And yes I can eat a Reeses
I can eat two
I can even eat three
And if I wait awhile
I can eat four
If you really want to
Overeat
Even though you had the surgery
You eat what they call
“Slider Foods”
They go down easy
Like mashed potatoes
Ice cream
Milkshakes
Chips and Queso
Chili
Soup
Cookies
Cake
I could go on
But I’m not trying
To make you hungry
The point is this
I know these things
Because I’ve tested it
Why have I tested it??
Because I’m a sugar addict
Because I struggle with an eating disorder
Compulsive Overating
Binge Eating
I use food for comfort
I use food for pain
I use food for stress
I use food for anxiety
And in moments of weakness
I’ve gone back to those patterns
And had to fight my way out again
To avoid sinking further in the pit
I suffer from depression
I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder
Well I shouldn’t say I suffer from it
I should say I overcome it
I claim victory over it
And I refuse to let it win
I have to manage depression
Sometimes it rolls in like a black cloud
For no reason at all
And it says
EAT CAKE
So because I deal with
Depression
And panic
And anxiety
I have to fight off food
Because what worked for me
Was the one pound bag
Of Peanut M and M’s
And it still works
Not the full pound bag
But the small one goes down
No problem
I know this because I freaked out
I had a panic attack
And I reverted to my old way
Peanut M and M’s go down easy
They slide right on in
A whole bag fills me up
Uncomfortably
But they’re in
If you think weight loss surgery
Will cure the problem
It won’t
It’s a major help though
It’s a miraculous tool
But let me tell you
It’s NOT enough
If that’s all you’ve got in your toolbox
I am the one saying no to cookies
And chips
And tacos
And I am the one
Dealing with it
When I don’t say no
And face the consequences
When I eat something with sugar
The cravings return
The hunger returns
And I’m going crazy all over again
I’m a work in progress
Fine tuning as I go
Weight loss surgery doesn’t wake me up at 5 am
And force me to the gym
Weight loss surgery doesn’t lift the bar
Weight loss surgery doesn’t swing the kettlebells
Weight loss surgery doesn’t jog on the treadmill
I DO
Weight loss surgery
Doesn’t walk past snickers in the store
And not pick it up
THAT IS ALL ME
Or that is God giving me the strength
To pass it by
Because I could pick it up
And I could eat it
And every last bite
Would fit in my surgically altered stomach
Or shall I just call it
The freak of nature
As one commenter
So eloquently put it
But does the surgery help me?
YES!
Because I can’t eat the whole BAG
Of Snickers now
In one sitting
That is the difference
But could I eat one every day?
YES
And it would lead to more
I’ve felt like a fraud before in my life
When I let my mother down
When I let my Nana down
Both times I felt like a fraud
Like someone who pretended to be
What they’re not
A good daughter
A good granddaughter
Who in the end
Failed them both
I thought I was a good wife
But I got fired from that job
Swiftly and severely
Told in no uncertain terms
That he had gotten something different
From what he had originally signed up for
He married one person
And got another
That’s how he felt
And he wanted his money back
He wanted to return me
FOR FRAUD
For turning into someone else over time
Than the woman he married
Looking nothing like the girl I was
In 1995
Its been an interesting ride
This blog
I’ve appreciated the wonderful people I’ve met
For a hermit like me
Who spent years in the recliner
Staring at netflix
This has been one crazy ride
I’ve appreciated all your feedback and comments
The help you have given me along the way
And all I ever wanted to do
From the beginning
Was to give hope
But some things lately
Have made me question it all
The hate mail
Being told Im a fraud
A fake
I wanted to devote a part of my life
To helping others
With the same problem
And I thought the way I could do that
Was on this blog
But now I’m not so sure
If this is what God has for me after all
It could be this is hitting me especially hard
Because I’ve been sick
For the past 3 days
With what the doctor says
Is NOT the flu
But what must be the best imitation
Of it that I’ve ever seen
But here’s the thing
I am a person
A real live person
These aren’t computer generated posts
From some robot
Made of steel
With no feelings
I knew when I shared my life
To this degree
That I was taking a risk
But it still hurts
To hear someone tell you
That your husband should have left you
Long before he did
Because you’re still
An ugly b*tch
 I’m not fake
I’m not a fraud
And anyone that knows me
In real life
Who saw me living in that body
For years on end with no hope
Who has seen me
With their own eyes
Work my butt off
For this long
To get here
Knows this story
Is no fraud
But still
To be called one
Repeatedly
STINGS
I’m going to reevaluate
My place here
Whether what I am doing
Is of any real help
I prayed every day
That I could share my story and faith
In a way that would convey hope to those who need it
I hope I never hit you over the head with it
I pray that my friends of other faiths
Never felt I pushed my beliefs on them in any way
I hope they always felt respected by me
Because I respect and love everyone
Regardless of their personal beliefs
Regardless of the methods they choose
I leave you for now
With this beautiful song
Sent to me by my friend Tonya
Who said it reminds her
Of the transformations we make in life
The changes we undergo
From where we once were trapped
In our cocoons
We now emerge as butterflies
It is  a song without words
Which is perfectly suited for today
As at this moment
I feel done with words
It might be time
To just sit back
And let the rest of my story
Play out on its own
With no more words
It may be prudent
For me to take some time
To “Close Shop” for repairs
Repairs of my heart
As a means of self-protection
From some of this toxicity
Reapir
Because unlike the rumors
I’m no fake
I’m no fraud
I’m a real person
With real feelings
Who didn’t photoshop
211 pounds out of her life
I had to beat every pound
Into submission
Using multiple tools
And every day is a fight
I need to celebrate
The victory over the darkness
Not allow the darkness
To overshadow
What I’ve worked so hard
To achieve
So if this is just
A passing storm cloud
Then I’ll see you tomorrow
But if I never say another word
Then just remember
That these three
Said it all
 
Never Lose Hope
 
 
It’s been a pleasure,
 
Holly
 

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{ 150 comments… read them below or add one }

Kelly January 10, 2013 at 4:35 pm

Awesome,simply awesome. I thank you again for your brutal honesty and courage to put pen to paper and tell your story. You are inspiring and very witty and I certainly thank you sharing your story which inspires me to keep driving past Taco Bell and heading home and make peace with baked fish! Never give up and I always say make my haters my motivators!

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Fee January 10, 2013 at 4:36 pm

Please Holly don’t let these horrible negative haters win. You are an inspiration, you’re my inspiration!! The hate that they spew, is nothing against the positive message that you send everyday with your blog and living a positive healthy lifestyle! Having weight loss surgery is not a cop out its a tool!! Mental hunger is still there… you have to fight that everyday! Just by saying that it is the easy way out shows how little they know!! Please Holly don’t let them win! Fight them the same way you fought to have your life back!

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Katherine January 10, 2013 at 4:43 pm

Oh, Holly, I hurt so badly for you. You are so brave, and you have shared so much of yourself. You do not deserve cruelty in response. I am generally a quiet reader, because even leaving a comment produces a lot of anxiety in me. Its easier hide and not admit, even anonymously, that I fight the same demons. But I do. I understand the fight you are in, the fight for your life and your very soul. Because Satan wants our complete and utter destruction. But as you have gently reminded us over and over, Christ provides a way out. There is hope for victory. That hope requires our active participation in the face of enormous opposition. But that hope is always there. Thank you for reminding me of that hope on my darkest days. Thank you for your ministry and the transparency that I know has come at enormous personal cost. I wish every blessing for you and your family, and if Christ is calling you to a new thing and your time of blogging has ended, please know that the work you did here was blessed, and that it made a difference. You will be in my prayers.

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Crystal @ Serving Joyfully January 10, 2013 at 4:49 pm

Holly, I’m so sorry that you’ve had to endure such comments! As a fellow blogger, I know all too well the HATE that people can spew out at you 🙁

Selfishly, however, since I just discovered your blog, and it has given me a renewed hope, I pray that you will NOT give in to those people and let them win!

I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m not going through it right now, but if you stop writing, then they win, the hate wins…and you will probably keep on keeping on and WIN your battle.

But the rest of us who are still losing, may not have enough hope and motivation built up yet. You are inspiring people to hope for change, and I pray that you can see that the good outweighs the bad, and keep on for our sakes.
Crystal @ Serving Joyfully recently posted..Thriving Thursdays Link up and a little updateMy Profile

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Sarah January 10, 2013 at 4:49 pm

Holly, there are often times that I read your blog and think, “OMG, that’s exactly the way that I feel!!” We seem to be living very parallel lives. I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Keep on keeping on!!! You have touched many people with your open, honest talk.

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Melissa D January 10, 2013 at 4:51 pm

I find it funny that some people have that much time and hatred to send such garbage. It just shows that they really haven’t grown in their own journey of weight loss or even life. You don’t force people to read your blog or to join you on your journey. There are always going to be those people that are going to drag you down it’s the nature of the public blogging beast. If you are happy with yourself and the progress you’ve made it doesn’t matter what other people think. (easier said that done I know). I heard a wonderful thought the other day and it’s directed at the people who are rude and get in the way of our daily life: “you need to pipe the F*$K down.” I don’t say it outloud to my haters…YET… but it makes me smile when I say it in my head. keep your chin up! You do good things!!!

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Sarah January 10, 2013 at 4:53 pm

Holly-
I have been reading your blogs for months, but just haven’t commented. I think now is the perfect time to start. You are amazing. I have followed your journey with hope and tears and excitement and have been cheering you on as much as a stranger can. You have taken your greatest struggle and put it out there for the world to see. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that and the encouragement your words give me each day. The internet is an amazing place where you can find so much information and some really fantastic people. However, it’s also a place where people with their own insecurities come to make themselves feel better by putting others down. Then you have the trolls who spend their day looking for sites to leave nasty comments on. Any comment that uses vulgarity or calls you names is a troll. They are doing it to get a rise out of you, just like the bullies in elementary school. They’ve never grown up. You are a beautiful woman and with each day and each picture it’s clear how much stronger you are becoming. Part of me hopes you’ll continue the blog because I’m selfish and look forward to reading your thoughts and seeing your successes. As do many, many others. But I also hope that you’ll continue for you. The people who call you a fraud and who belittle you are hoping to shut you down and stop your progress. They want you to fail so that they don’t feel like such failures themselves. Don’t let them win.

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Jacquie Roeten January 10, 2013 at 4:56 pm

How horrible people can be 🙁 I am sure its just jealousy….. You are an inspiration to me and many others. I understand that all the negative things can be hurtful and you are a big enough person (no pun intended :)) to get past them….you have to !
Huge cyber huggles, jus’ ’cause sometimes we need a huggle, all the way from Holland !
Jacquie
Jacquie Roeten recently posted..Cooking QueenMy Profile

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Cindy January 10, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Wow such hate out there in the world. Im so sorry you have to put up with this crap. To put yourself out there in order to help others and then have idiots berate you for any and every little thing…its mind boggling. Hugs.

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Cindy January 10, 2013 at 4:59 pm

Try not to let what people say bother you. No matter what you do, someone always has something negative to say. I love reading your blogs. If someone thinks that surgery is the easy way out then I’m not sure what their definition of easy is, because I’ve not found it to be easy at all. Anytime you lose weight, no matter the tool you use, it’s hard. Keep up the blogging because you are such an inpsiration to so many.

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Amy January 10, 2013 at 4:59 pm

I can’t begin to understand why some people seem to have nothing better to do than stir up trouble and hurt people. There have been some cases recently where people claiming to be ill have been exposed http://healthland.time.com/2012/11/30/munchausen-by-internet-faking-illnesses-online/ but you’ve never been anything but genuine and have certainly never asked for anything from you readers. I just mention that article on the chance that some people are just riled up and looking for a fight to start.
Please do whatever you need to do, whatever is best for you. I for one have found your blog refreshingly honest and forthright and a joy to read but it is your blog and if it is no longer enjoyable then it needs to stop. I’m sure just leaving your archives up will continue to help people.
So, on behalf of the folks who DO believe in you and have felt lucky that you’ve shared your journey – good luck!!

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Darby January 10, 2013 at 5:06 pm

I cannot fathom how that people could be so hateful. I have recently started following your blog and it is an awesome tool for me to use. I love the interjection of your faith, because you are able to do so without being too forceful. It angers me that people could be so heartless…nothing about what you have accomplished so far has been easy and anyone that is overweight and is/has done something about it should know better than to resort to degrading your achievement as a fraud. I’ll admit I have been jealous, at times, of those who have surgery, but the more I learn about the surgery and recovery, I think it makes the weight loss all the much more an awesome accomplishment. Your body has to recover from a major surgery (big ordeal) so that it can lose weight (terribly hard)…easy way out???? I sure don’t think so. I suspect you are stronger than your detractors and hope you will continue with your blog. You are truly making a difference.

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Marjolein January 10, 2013 at 5:07 pm

Hi Holly,
I live far away from you, so I will not have an opportunity to thank you in person, I hope you know how inspirational your writing is. I forward your blog post daily to a friend, and we are both very much encouraged by yoru writing. God has a plan for you and I am certain that you already know that, I pray that continuing to write will be a part of His plan, since you are such a blessing to many, including people whom you may never meet. I do not understand why there are so many broken people in the world, who delight in negativity, perhaps beacuse ultimately we are all broken until we are healed by Christ in His time. Of course you must do what is best for you, and I wish you all God’s blessings on your continued journey towards health and wholeness. God does make all things new, and His mercies never fail.
If you decide to keep writing, I will certainly keep reading, I have found it to be a very big encouraging factor in my daily walk.
May God richly bless you and yours.
Peace to you.

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Frank January 10, 2013 at 5:10 pm

i’m so sorry for the hate mail you’ve recieved, but please dont go anywhere. i need you. i need your motivation, positive attitude. you are such a motivation to me and my weight loss journey. you are an amazing woman. your story hits home with me.. plz dont go.. i’m praying for you..

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Liza Glick January 10, 2013 at 5:11 pm

While I understand how hard it must be for you to keep getting such ugly emails, I hope you find the strength within you to ignore it and keep the blog going. I for one have gotten SO MUCH out of you, your blog and your writing and I feel it would be an absolute shame for you to stop. Please don’t leave! (or make a private blog for people who are really interested?!) HUGS!

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Lisa Minkert January 10, 2013 at 5:11 pm

I can’t imagine the comments and things you have seen or read. It’s the devils way of knocking you down, but you have an amazingly strong faith and you know where to turn for your inspiration. Keep doing what you are doing. If you chose to continue the blog or not, we all will continue to think about you and lift you up in our prayers. For those of us that are on the same journey, I hate that you have to deal with the stress and drama. I have had nothing but positive support since my surgery and I don’t know how I would have handled it, because as you said, it is so easy to turn to food when life knocks you down. I love you for the person you are and the light you bring to my life even though we have never met. We will forever be sleeve sisters, and that is a bond that cannot be broken regardless of what all these evil people say to you. Keep your head help hi and don’t worry about the negative people. It’s all about God, your kids, and yourself!!

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Erin January 10, 2013 at 5:14 pm

Keep fighting girl! I know you’re not a fraud and I completely believe in you. So sad that people can be so nasty. I hope that you’ll return and keep spreading your positive stories. Good luck to you.

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Adelyn January 10, 2013 at 5:17 pm

Holly,

I too am angered and saddened by the comments that you have gotten. I can certainly understand why you might think to give up the blogging. And of course you know the hundreds of reasons to keep it going. So it comes down to how can you have both??? A blog and a shield from the negativity?

I once read an article about hiring someone to screen the messages. And then the suggestion was to find someone who has similar blog traffic and exchange services. That way 2 people get help in filtering and no one has to spend more money. If it were me, I would not want to spend more money…

Anyway, that way you can continue to spread the message of hope that is helping so many. You can’t do it at the expense of your own self image and worth.

BIG hugs.

Adelyn
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Pam January 10, 2013 at 5:22 pm

Holly I hope you never stop blogging. I look forward to your posts. I feel so badly that people leave nasty comments. I hope you can realize that there are all kinds of people out there and when some get a chance to be anonymously mean, they take it. One thing about Sparkeople, I never get a bad comment, sometimes people can be a little judgmental, but I just ignore that.

I did submit my weight loss story with pictures to the Huffington Post and they published it. There was some nasty comments about how fat I was, and how old, and that I needed a new hair do and a face-lift, etc. but I just laughed about it. For an extremely thin-skinned person (oh how those taunts used to hurt when I was fat), I can’t believe it didn’t bother me at all, but it didn’t. When I was fat, those comments HURT and I never forgot a single one of them. But I guess now that I am normal-sized, comments about my appearance don’t bother me as much, because I know there’s nothing I can do about my appearance now. I can’t afford plastic surgery, and I AM old (62), so this is how I look. I’m okay with it, and if others aren’t okay with it, that’s their problem.

I have long looked at WLS as being just a tool in losing weight. It is NOT a magic cure. In fact that’s what a nurse told us at a informational meeting I went to about WLS. She said this surgery is just a tool. And I wanted it anyway. But then I found out my insurance didn’t cover it. However, my daughter-in-law’s insurance did cover her surgery and so she had it. She did lose weight, about 75 lbs. She needed to lose probably 2 or 3 times that much, but after those first 75 pounds (which only took about 3-4 months), she just quit. I’m sure that now her stomach is all stretched out again, because it is huge and she regained every pound she lost plus maybe a few more. So the fact that people can FAIL even after WLS, says to me, there is still much work, self-discipline, and deprivation involved in losing weight and KEEPING IT OFF.

So you go Holly–keep doing what you’re doing–and those of us who support you, will try to drown out those mean people, those nay-sayers, those people who evidently never had their mother tell them, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all!”
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Gayla January 10, 2013 at 5:24 pm

Holly – I don’t know you at all. I found your site a few days ago when I was looking for information about Planet Fitness. I read a few of your posts, that about you section, looked at a few pictures and then went on with my day. But, an hour later I find myself back on your page reading through older entries. And when I walked into the gym later that afternoon and just wanted to turn around and walk back out again, I thought of you. And I told myself, if she can walk up and down the hallway right after surgery, I can do 10 minutes on the treadmill. And at 10 minutes, I decided I could do 20 and then it turned into 30. I don’t know if you’re a fraud and, honestly, I really don’t care. Remembering your words and your story kept me going when I needed to keep going. So thanks for that.

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Staci January 10, 2013 at 5:24 pm

I just have to say. Those kids aren’t yours and I know it. You have borrowed them all these years and changed diapers and puke clothes, stayed long hours alone in the ER, and sent Savannah in the store for groceries for years even tho she isn’t your child! At least you took them to Disney, though, as a repayment for getting your blog some attention.

Pffffftttttt.

Holly, you don’t even have to address this. It is nutso. I can see how some people make the comments about how you didn’t lose this weight, the surgery did it for you. I will be 110% honest. Before I met you through your blog and your fb page (stalking you through my MIL’s fb, lol) and emailing you personally, I also thought surgery was a stupid answer to the problem. But I also never weighed 400 lbs. And I also never lost 100 lbs only to gain it all back. And I also was awed by the fact that you could kick my butt in exercise a million times over. Walking 5 miles? Never done that before. Crossfit? I’d dislocate ALL my bones, not just my patella. Lol The bottom line is you have your life back. Your kids have a Mom who is alive and involved, not just sitting on the sidelines and in all reality holding them back from their lives. Sure, losing weight the “right way” is always, always, always the first option. But my MIL weighs nearly 400. She is horribly uninformed, has a low support system in her household, cellulitis in her legs, a bad back, and can’t walk from my driveway to my house without panting for breath and sweating like she’s dying. Sadly, I don’t believe she CAN lose the weight without surgery at this point. And I mean that. And it’s sad. But it’s reality FOR SOME PEOPLE. And you were one of those people. Way to go that you did what GOD BROUGHT INTO YOUR LIFE through your brother and Nana. Way to go that you didn’t do it AS A COP OUT. You have worked your tail off very often since the surgery… literally and figuratively! Lol And this comment isn’t mean at all, but if you wanted to be some “amazing” story and have “amazing” pictures, why wouldn’t you photo shop off the hips/thigh area that you still point out that you so much cringe at when you see your pics.

Promise me you will never give these misinformed people, mislead people, uncaring people, and trolls another second of time and attention on your blog ever again. They don’t deserve it. If you got 50 negative emails in one day, there would be 100 to counteract them. You are human, you are real, and you are LOVED! 🙂
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Aubergine January 10, 2013 at 5:26 pm

I am sorry for all the stupidity and cruelty you’ve had to endure because people suck, especially if given anonymity and a platform.
To counterbalance that, I’ve been a reader of your blog for a long time, but never commented. I had to comment now though because I have to tell you, I’m ~300lbs (5’2″) and some days your blog is the only thing that gets me onto my exercise bike or out for a walk. I come back here, read your words, and say “yeah. if she can do that, I can do it” and get back on track.
Please don’t let stupid people get you down. People will argue about anything because it makes them feel better, and if they feel like you somehow “cheated” or you’re “faking” having been as big as you were then they have an excuse not to be healthier or lose the weight they’ve been meaning to. That’s a reflection of them, not you. Please take the time you need to get past them, but please come back. It’s incredibly selfish of me to ask you to do that, but there are people out here who need your example, and who need your encouragement. Thank you for everything you’ve written and shared so far. It means more than you realize.

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Sergeant Slim January 10, 2013 at 5:27 pm

Hey Holly,

I see this alot. People who are jealous of your success, will attack you because of their short comings. When we are in the public eye, theirs gonna be folks who want to knock us down. I know you are for real, and I think you are doing great stuff. Please keep it up!

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Elizabeth January 10, 2013 at 5:29 pm

Hollie, everytime I read your posts I tear-up. Your honesty and candor and uplifting spirit touch me greatly. Your blog has made a very big difference to me and I think you are very strong.

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Erin January 10, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Holly,
I’m not even sure how I stumbled onto your blog….but I have been reading it for weeks now. I really enjoy it and check it every day to see how you are doing. I’m not a blog reader….and I NEVER leave comments, but I literally felt sick and sad after reading your last post and I felt compelled to send some love and support your way. What is wrong with people? Amazing that even as adults we are still dealing with what basically equates to bullying! I have been overweight my entire life and I will be 40 in two weeks. I have decided that this needs to be in the year I get control of my weight and start having the life I want and start feeling the way I want to feel about myself. I have the exercise thing down…..I just don’t have the food part down….so your posts hit home a lot!! It’s a never ending struggle and it’s comforting to know other people have the same thoughts and feelings. PLEASE hang in there and don’t give up doing something that you seem to enjoy, you do well and something that so many people find comfort and support in. I know it’s easy to say when you have to read through hate and garbage….but I pray that God gives you the strength and wisdom to know that those people are sad and hurting. They are so miserable in their lives that they lash out at others. You are just darling and so are you children! You are truly blessed and I know you have blessed so many other people. You hang in there hon! As my Grandpa used to say “Don’t let the bastards get you down”!

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Sandy January 10, 2013 at 5:49 pm

I echo all the “good” comments above. You are real and the bullies that exist in the world will always exist. To give their comments any response is to give up your power to them. They are just pathetic manipulators who really don’t know what is real (and they spell poorly too!). I was trashed for a couple of weeks and couldn’t understand why someone would go to the bother to even care–mine were–I was an old lady (at 59 I feel rather young), didn’t lose very much (40 pounds seemed puny but almost made me die young) and surgery was a cop-out (I was banded almost 3 years ago). It hurt. There is no “Right Way” to lose weight. Yet we all have had that look from others. How could we resort to something so stupid they plead. Well when your life is on the line, we do what we have to do to keep us alive.

I just hope, like in all your posts, you keep your chin up and continue your inspiring posts. I believe in you 150%. If I didn’t I wouldn’t follow your story. Stay strong and keep on blogging. It’s our lifeline.
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Lee Ann January 10, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Holly I really hope you come back. I hope you dont let the haters get you down. I know how hard it is. You (and I ) go thru life being picked on for being overweight and you try to do something about it- ANYTHING about it- and you STILL get picked on. It is a neverending cycle isnt it? BUT you have people here that love you, support you, believe in you and understand you. You are a motivation for me. You are a beautiful woman. You Are You. Dont forget it and please dont let others change you and what you are doing because of their poison.
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Shannon January 10, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Wow, I am really shocked that some people would write those horrible comments. You said that you’ve considered the surgery for 10 years before doing it. It’s not like you only needed to lose 20 pounds to fit into your prom dress for a high school reunion. Clearly those comments were made by someone who hasn’t read all of your posts. How you had to deal with rude motorists while out walking around the block. How, at first, you could only walk to the mail box. Then to the neighbor’s house. You’re posts are an inspiration to me. Since reading your posts and watching the Videos in your blogs, I MOVE, I am AWARE of what I eat, I look forward to waterparks with my family, going to the Zoo, LIVING LIFE instead of just thinking “oh, it’s Wednesday, let’s eat garbage. How you use your tools is what is making your a success. I am learning to use my tools from you. xoxo

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Angela January 10, 2013 at 5:55 pm

Holly,

I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all those stupid people. Obviously people have strong opinions about anything, everthing. I just never fail to be amazed and why they find it necessary to lash out at someone about something they don’t approve of when that thing has no impact on their life. YOUR weight, surgery and subsequent weight loss has NO impact on these people so why do they find it necessary to contact you? Why do they find it necessary to be so nasty? It’s not like you are picketing in front of their home trying to convenience THEM to get surgery!

I wonder if they struggle when they look in the mirror just as we struggle when we step on the scales? Is the mirror their friend? Do they see themselves as some truth seeking superhero?

What did they gain from saying those things to you? What have you gained from what you’ve said to us? I suspect you are the winner by a long-shot! Anyway, I hope you are the winner. I know I’ve enjoyed your blog and I’ve been able to relate to so many of your stories. We forget that there are others out there like us. People who have to be careful of chairs. People who have to buy whatever is large enough to cover them, forget fashion or looking for a specific color; find the size and just buy whatever they have.

You have to do what you have to do for your well-being and safety.

Best of luck to you. Stay focused on your goal and take it one day at a time. Stay on your food and exercise plan. You will beat this. You will beat those remaining pounds into submission!

Thank you Holly!

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Tess January 10, 2013 at 5:55 pm

“Haters gonna hate”. It’s sad but that’s a fact. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve never in a million years thought you were a fake, a fraud, or anything other than genuine. You are an inspiration to me and a LOT of others out there. I can understand your need to step back and take a breath. I hope you come back, I’d honestly miss you like a long-time friend. I wish I lived closer to you, I’d give you the biggest hug. But at any rate, DO NOT let these haters derail you!! You don’t “need” to do the blog, but you DO NEED to keep fighting your fight, for you and for your family. Don’t give up that, whatever you decide to do with your blog. Lots of love and hugs to you, Holly, I mean it.

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Rae Rae J January 10, 2013 at 6:04 pm

It is amazing to me when I read how hurtful and hateful people can be in regards to comments. There are some blogs I feel are “fake”, and I choose just not to leave a hurtful comment to them. What kind of person would that make me?
I have been very fortunate not to receive that kind of negative energy, so far. But let me reassure you – you have been an inspiration to me throughout my weight loss. I know you are the real deal, and I love you!
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Sandra January 10, 2013 at 6:05 pm

Holly,

I am so SO sorry that people treat you this way, attack you and hurt you. Your blog, your story, your life … it is such an inspiration to me. When I first thought maybe, just maybe … WLS was for me and started really researching it, I discovered your blog. And what I found here made me cry and laugh and praise God for leading me here. You are my inspiration and I wish you lived in my town … because I would so stalk you … er, I mean I would so offer up my friendship to you! 😉 I pray that you continue seek your own heart, to seek God’s will … and you do what you need to do for you and your family. If you do shut down this blog, I will be saddened, but I will understand. I need to go through and copy my favorite posts and save them to my computer … for when I need that extra little push to get through a day.

I know you don’t know me at all … but I love you, Holly. I, also, want to selfishly beg you not to leave this blog. I need you. I care about you. I think you’re a wonderful example of a loving, Godly, warm, caring, determined, strong woman. I am praying for you and for whatever you decide to do (and hope to still see you on FB).

Much love,

Sandra G.

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Lady Amanda January 10, 2013 at 6:05 pm

This is Holly’s Bff Amanda writing to you now to tell you that Holly is not a fraud and I was stunned when I started seeing people saying that her pictures were fake. I don’t understand why people feel the need to put other people down. I don’t understand why people want to take time out of their day to deliberately cause a problem. Well, I do know….they are fulfilling Satan’s work here on earth and it makes me sick. All Holly has done is share her feelings and her struggles. I personally know people that have had their eyes opened to the struggles that morbid obesity creates. Most people don’t think about chairs breaking, or having to go up and down a staircase to go somewhere, not fitting into a public toilet stall, or not being able to get into your car because someone parked too close. All of her blog posts are opening people’s eyes and I believe it is making them more compassionate toward people that are larger. It might mean that someone gives up their seat on the 1 couch that is available at the dr’s office when someone larger walks in (because every other seat is very small and they might not fit)- or making sure that you park so that you aren’t prohibiting someone from easily being able to get in their car- or understanding when someone turns down your dinner invitation to a restaurant because they may not feel like they will fit in a chair or booth there. People who haven’t suffered with a weight condition don’t understand these issues and I feel like Holly’s blog is helping people to understand and is helping to put into words how obese people often feel …so that they can convey it more easily to their family and friends. Remember when Holly got stuck in the tub and thought she was going to have to call the fire department? I have gotten stuck in the tub before during pregnancy and it is a scary feeling- my husband had to pull me out- but what if you live alone and don’t have a phone or anyone to help you….just think of how scary that could be for someone. Sharing those feelings with everyone is what she has felt like she has been called to do- however, dealing with all of the hate mail, emails, facebook posts and everything else online does drain a person after a while. It gets old QUICK! What I ask is for everyone please pray that Holly gets well soon (I disagree with the dr- I think she has the flu)- and that the hate mail subsides and that she feels an inner peace about what she is supposed to do- whether is be to continue blogging or to just stop. I hope she continues to blog because I feel like she has a lot more to share that can help people- but at the same time I understand how all of this hate mail and fraud talk can take it’s toll after a while. Remember back when Holly first started walking in her neighborhood and people would yell mean things out to her when passing by- but she kept on walking…..she didn’t let it stop her. I hope the same thing is true this time- but I will totally understand if she feels God is calling her to stop her blog. I ask for your prayers and if you know her personally and have an old picture of her maybe you could email it to her- maybe we could talk her into doing a blog post in the future with those pictures- who knows! (because she used to delete almost every picture taken of her) I do want to thank all of you who have said such lovely things and made soo many sweet comments since the blog started. It is hard to believe that this time last year she might write a blog and get zero comments and now she always has a bunch of comments. It is really neat to see. I have actually learned things from reading the comments- people have written down great tips and ideas and thoughts and some of them have helped me with my daily eating and exercise. Thanks again to all of those who have been soo uplifting during this time in her life- you have been a blessing to her and to me. Thanks. – Amanda

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Jacquie Roeten January 10, 2013 at 6:47 pm

I think you are the most awesome bff anyone could wish for ! You are so supportive not just for Holly !!
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Sandy January 10, 2013 at 10:19 pm

So glad she has a BFF like you. You tell her we want her back cause we so really truly care. The tears are flowing that bullies can do this type of harm. Give her a big hug from all of us!
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Staci January 12, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Hi, Amanda! It’s Sassy Staci here! I sent a personal email to Holly that I hope encouraged her. No reply yet, but I know she is sick. Also, I know when I feel bummed and people are cheerleaders, I kinda just want to shove them off a cliff and go back to hibernation. LOL Anyway, glad I scrolled down and saw your reply to the post. Good to know someone is still in touch with Holly personally. Hope she is back and at ’em soon. 🙂
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carla January 10, 2013 at 6:08 pm

I can’t believe how mean and hateful people can be. Holly you have helped me. I’m on a diet now and I’m getting physical therapy 2 a week at home because I can’t get out. Thank you for giving me hope. I don’t comment much because I just don’t talk much anymore. I know you know what I mean . I sit here in my recliner day after day but I’m better than I was. Thank you so much for everything you have posted. You give me hope thank you.

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Sharon Cullen January 10, 2013 at 6:09 pm

I would hate, hate, hate to see you shut down your blog, something you obviously love to do, because of the haters. Those people, they’re mean, spiteful and unfeeling. They have a right to their opinion but that doesn’t mean they have to voice that opinion in such ugly ways. They’re the ugly **tches. Not you. Never you.

However, I understand why you’re thinking of shutting down–or at least taking a break.

This is, and always has been, about you. About your journey. Your feelings. Your thoughts. Your need to help others. When it stops becoming a help to you and becomes a hinderance to your health, both mental and physical, then its time to reevaluate.

I understand, but I will still be sad if you leave the blogging world.
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Denise January 10, 2013 at 6:11 pm

Holly, I, too, am saddened by what some people are saying about you. I know that really has to hurt [I haven’t had the success [yet] that you have had, I, too, have received negative comments about my size from people in my life. But since my history hasn’t been posted publicly like yours has, I haven’t experienced as much negative feedback from those that don’t really know me].

I sincerely hope that as time goes on, you will realize how special you are and how much good you have done not only for yourself and your children but also to the so many people here that follow your blog. You are inspirational and provide so much hope for us that haven’t yet achieved all of what you have accomplished. I hope, in time, that you’ll be able to feel proud of what you have accomplished in your tough journey, both in the weight loss and better health but also in being such an inspiration to more people than you may realize.

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molly January 10, 2013 at 6:11 pm

“And they overcame him (satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.”
Holly, your testimony is worth more…whatsoever things are true and lovely and good, think on these things. I think about you a lot. I have told my daughters about you. I have learned so much from your failings, not your successes. I have fallen into the same traps, and thought “she told me this would happen”. Your testimony is worth more. It is not about how perfect you are. But that you are human and you crashed and you got back up, over and over and over again. So get up!! This is a spiritual battle. Your testimony is worth more. Love you.

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Kelliann January 10, 2013 at 6:14 pm

Hollie – I really really hope you don’t leave us. I think you are incredible, brave and strong.
I was in SHOCK when I read those comments. I mean, are people really so hateful that they have to try and bring someone else down so badly, to make themselves feel better?
My jaw was actually hanging open reading them.
I know people out there are cruel, but… damn.
Surgery (for you and I) was our gift from God. You (and I) have worked our sweaty butts off for every pound. It’s only a tool, and people can chose to use it or not. We chose to use it, and we have changed our entire lives to make ourselves healthier.
YOU are incredible.
Mean People SUCK.
Hope to see a post from you tomorrow…
much love –
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tori January 10, 2013 at 6:20 pm

I’m sorry to read that people are saying those mean spirited things to you. The people that have written those nasty things to you are idiots and are only trying to bring you down to their negative level. They’re jealous and haven’t done their research very well.

While I am not a fan of weight loss surgery I am a fan of using what ever tool THAT individuals feels neccessary to put them on the path of a healthy lifestyle. Weight loss surgery is a TOOL, just like weight watchers, for losing weight. The surgery IMO is not an easy decision, shouldn’t be taken lightly, and there are steps you have to take to prepare for the surgery and for life after the surgery. All of which YOU KNOW and have been implementing for the last 17 plus months.

Holly, I pray that you continue to blog. I understand you are hurt by their words (I know I would be) but you ARE so much better than them and your story has helped so many.
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vickyd January 10, 2013 at 6:26 pm

First of all, let me say that I hope you feel better real soon.

Secondly, regarding your post…it’s unfortunate that those of us who choose to blog about our WLS journeys also open ourselves up to so many hateful comments. I wish people would follow the advice that if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all! That said, this is the world we live in and something we have to deal with.

You have been so amazingly open about your life, your struggles, disappointments, and successes and I, for one, appreciate it more than you’ll ever know. So many times, I’ve felt like I’m the only person who feels a certain way and it is so comforting to read about other people who feel that way too.

I understand completely if you decide that no longer blogging is the best decision for you at this point in your journey but just know that you have a lot of supporters and cheerleaders as well who are on your side and wish you nothing but happiness.

God Bless you.

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Amanda January 10, 2013 at 6:30 pm

Nooooo! Holly, you CAN’T leave yet! I need your honesty, your eloquence, your infectious courage and upbeat attitude. Okay, you can do anything you want to do, but don’t let those kind of people drive you away, or steal your joy, just because apparently they have nothing exciting or positive happening in their lives, so they want to poo-poo yours. How petty and ignorant people can be!

You are amazing! You have given me hope, God has used you to reach out to so many of us, NOTHING can ever take that away!

Love you girl, and I don’t even know you in real life. But you are more “real” to me personally, you understand more of what it is like to be ME than almost anyone in my “real” life. Thank you for having the courage to be real, and share yourself.

No matter what, you win. Because you get to be you. And they are stuck being them. Sucks to be them, apparently.

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Jenn M January 10, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Holly,
You are strong and you have the power. You have proven that to yourself, and I can see that, a lot of us can. You know what you have been through, and what it’s taken to get from where you were to where you are now, and I can understand, as a lot of your story sounds awfully familiar.

We act out what we believe about ourselves, so therefore the vile coming out of these people’s mouths and what it says about them! It says way more about THEM and their darkness and nothing about you. I know you “know” this, but you need to hear it regardless.

You could certainly go on with your life, happily and with friends and family in real life. But I hope you don’t let these people have control over your life, over your hard work, and over what God says about YOU! His opinion is the one that matters.

Check this organization out for help with online abuse if it goes too far:
http://www.haltabuse.org

Jenn 😀

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Lisa Kristal January 10, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Oh Holly! Don’t you dare give up! Don’t you realize that once the knuckleheads of the world start spitting at you that you are doing something wonderful for the world? I teach kids kicked out of school for guns, knives, drugs and violent acts. If I had a nickel for every time one of them called me a bit%*# I would be able to buy myself something nice from Nordstroms. The old saying, ‘hurting people do hurtful things’ really applies here. There are so many messed up people in the world that just want others to feel as awful as they do that they take it out on the good people of the world. DON’T YOU LET THEM! I know your mom and grandma are in heaven, so you don’t physically have them to support you, but I am here to tell you Holly that they are watching over you and we, your ‘blog readers’ are so blessed to have your wonderful presence in the world. Stay the course Miss Holly… I’m rootin’ for you!

Lisa

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Sharon O'Haver January 10, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Holly, don’t let the idiots bother you. And for you
idiots – Holly was my daughter’s English and bible
teacher at Trinity Christian Academy. I’ve watched
her from the before to the after. Those of you with
such vile, ignorant and erroneous comments – get
a life. It’s obvious your jealous of her courage.
God bless you Holly!!

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Kim January 10, 2013 at 6:58 pm

First thing I want to say is I love your blog!!! It inspires me. It lets me know I am not alone in this journey. Up until reading your post today it made me want to help others, as your writing has helped me. To share with them some of the joys and freedoms weight loss has brought to my life.
Being on the same weignt loss journey as you, I know your posts are not frauds. Alot of the things you write about you could only know by living it. If you had not been there you just could not relate in ways you do. I am 100% certain your weight loss journey is real. There is no doubt.
All that being said, I do not understand why someone would take the time to read your post< think it a fraud and then take more time to write you an ugly comment about it. Why not just move on to something they feel is real?
In the end it does not really matter whether it's real or not. If your writing helps just 1 person have the courage to make a possitive change, you've done something good!! No in fact something GREAT!!
Just know for every negative comment you get there are 10 more possitive ones out there that some just don't have the courage to post!!
I know your writing is helping countless lifes!!
Thank you for sharing!!

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Deb Warren Hudasko January 10, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Love your blog. I am sickened how mean society is. I hope my two children are as caring, compassionate and moral as your babies. They had to grow up quick due to your condition. I applaud you for taking control. Whomever says “you took the easy way out” must not struggle with their weight. Kudos to you…keep up the good work.

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Caroline January 10, 2013 at 7:06 pm

I think what you’re doing is awesome and I’d say keep up with the blog. It obviously helps you and holds you accountable. It’s easier said than done but don’t listen to the negative comments. People post them about all sorts of people. My cousin was broadcast as the strongest cheerleader in the US after a picture of her surfaced. Men said she wasn’t feminine and a slew of other mean things. Ive been teased about being anorexic even before I actually developed the eating disorder because I’m naturally small. People want to say mean things when they are sad. I guarantee you if they were happy they wouldn’t say them. Keep your head up! You’re well on your way to your goal! I have one question for you though… Why do you write your blog in short phrases instead of sentences?

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Mary Ellen January 10, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Holly–you inspire me every day and I would miss you so much if you stopped blogging! I’m so sorry that you have received these unwarranted and mean-spirited comments. Please know that I am praying for you and your family.

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Karen Sanders January 10, 2013 at 7:10 pm

You know, it never once occurred to me that your story wasn’t authentic. My best friend had the weight loss surgery 5 years ago. I have watched her struggle and face serious consequences of it. For her, she had bad side effects like malabsorption. She now has a feeding tube because she can’t eat what her body needs to survive. No, that surgery is NOT the easy way out. It IS a last-ditch effort to save your body and life. I am happy for you that you could do it so your children would have your around for longer and you could get out of that recliner.
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Blannie Smart January 10, 2013 at 7:28 pm

Hello Holly,
I just came across your blog today and was very saden by the harse comments and posts that you have been receiving. It is sad that the world we live in today causes individuals to feel it is okay to say such negative things. You are right positive in ONLY! I am inspired by what I have read so far and for those of us who are truly inspired please reconsider staying away. I know you have to do what is best for you but thanks for your honesty and for sharing your story! I can’t wait to continue reading…. Wishing you the best

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TS January 10, 2013 at 7:30 pm

I just found you on FB, please stay. It is amazing how people can sit behind their little boxes of internet and say the most astounding things to people they will never meet.

I am an old ICU nurse, I took care of many patients post bariatric surgery. I’ve seen some smashing successes, and I’ve been there as patients have died. I have a graduate degree, used to have tons of credentials till I let them lapse, and I still am extremely overweight. So no matter what, it isn’t easy for anyone, and anyone who feels theirs is the “only” way or that other methods are “easy” is ill-informed. Anyone who sends you the kind of emails you posted above is an idiot and not deserving of your time.

I find you inspirational and real. So please stick around and let’s work on being healthy.

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Christine January 10, 2013 at 7:31 pm

I’ll withhold my true comments since they won’t be nice! Having said that…DON’T STOP! You inspire me.

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Sunny January 10, 2013 at 7:41 pm

I cannot believe people are so vicious and hurtful. I guess they just love to put people down as to build themselves up.
I too am a Christian really totally on Christ for everything in my life. I thought it was a cop out on my part to have the RNY because I wasn’t relying on God. But we get surgeries for other things…so I had mine on 12-4-12, Best thing I could have done for myself. I really enjoy reading your blog because it is real…..honest, and down to earth.

Please don’t let the

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Sunny January 10, 2013 at 7:45 pm

I cannot believe people are so vicious and hurtful. I guess they just love to put people down as to build themselves up.
I too am a Christian really totally on Christ for everything in my life. I thought it was a cop out on my part to have the RNY because I wasn’t relying on God. But we get surgeries for other things…so I had mine on 12-4-12, Best thing I could have done for myself. I really enjoy reading your blog because it is real…..honest, and down to earth.

Please don’t let the haters win, but if you need to take some time off I understand.

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Tootsie January 10, 2013 at 8:07 pm

I recently found your blog and sat and cried reading all the posts. Your honesty and openess struck right to my heart. I am 67, have had open heart surgery, just diagnosed with diabetes, arthritis every where and depression added in for good measure. Please don’t let evil people stop you from doing what you do so well. Not only in losing weight but living life and for me, giving me hope that i too can win this battle. Do not let the enemy win, you were made for better things.

All my prayers are with you sweet girl and may the Lord heap many blessings on you.

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Sunshineandproverbs January 10, 2013 at 8:12 pm

I am a fairly new reader, I haven’t seen the videos you posted and I’m not going to go watch them now. I KNOW you are NOT a fraud. I can feel it in your words. You are an inspiration. You are so incredibly brave to share your story with the world. I never would have thought strangers would be so cruel to someone working so hard to help other people!! What would you possibly gain from lying? I hope you will consider letting someone else moderate your comments before you fully shut it down. But no one can blame you if that’s what you decide to do. Your posts are so honest and they give me strength. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. You deserve only good things.
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Emily January 10, 2013 at 8:13 pm

It really saddens me that people have been so hateful in regards to your success. My father had surgery and I saw how it transformed him and my sister and I have always struggled with our weight. This last year I lost 50+ lbs and counting because I dot want to end up like him, having to go to desperate measures. But I know you are an inspiration and real! Keep working and keep loving those beautiful kids!

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Pippy Reaux January 10, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Sweetie I already posted on facebook but I came here and read your story. I know it hurts, people are mean. It’s hard to be spiritual with so much hate being thrown at you. It’s harder to overlook it. Surgury is only a tool and you know as good as I do that we can drink our calories. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I will always be your facebook bud. Do what you have to do for you…. time will heal and give you strenght to conquer the hate. Someday we will meet and hug, and laugh, and cry for the poor souls that would rather put people down rather than to see the true light of this journey. Blessings Sista…

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Lynn January 10, 2013 at 8:17 pm

Holly, I am so sorry that some people are just plain idiots. You are such an inspiration! I would not have signed up for your email updates or still read your blog after a year if I had thought you one. The way that people lose weight, weather from surgery or from doing it the old-fashioned way, shouldn’t matter. We are all on the same journey!!! No way could you have faked those pictures. And why would you have poured your heart and soul into this blog or anything else for that matter, if it wasn’t real? I know I wouldn’t have.

Kudos to you – please don’t take these fools to heart. You are FANTASTIC!
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Beth January 10, 2013 at 8:17 pm

I have been lurking and reading your amazing story. This is the first time I have commented, but I had to. The haters are few, but they are mean and horrible. But you have so many people who KNOW that you are a real person, KNOW that you are beyond inspiriational and KNOW that everything you post on this blog is from your heart. You don’t know me. But you have changed my life. I look at you and say, if her life had taken that turn, if her life had turned out that way and she still dug herself out of that dark pit, SO CAN I!!! I see so much of myself in you, right down to the peanut M&Ms and the mint chocolate chip ice cream. But you have helped me change that. You have helped me see there is hope. Please don’t leave because of the haters. Don’t let them win. You deserve that tiara. You deserve to wear it every day!

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Barbara January 10, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Holly, I’m not so great at expressing my thoughts in writing like you are so I hope that what I’m about to say makes sense . . . first of all, thank you so much for sharing your SELF. I’m glad that you’ve shared the negativity that you deal with through your blogging because you’ve made us aware of it and I think that’s a good thing. You shouldn’t have to keep that part of your experience to yourself. I can’t even imagine receiving comments like the ones you’ve received without wanting to punch someone’s lights out. You continue to amaze me and inspire me and I admire your strength and courage! (((HUGS)))

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Cindy H. January 10, 2013 at 8:54 pm

I respect your decision because I know you need to put your family and yourself first but you are one of my favorite bloggers and I am inspired by you every time I read a post. If you decide to come back I am here and waiting. You are an inspiration to me and many others 🙂 God bless you!

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Katrin January 10, 2013 at 8:55 pm

What is wrong with people! This must have been horrible for you to go through. In my eyes, you have been motivational, brave and inspiring. We all have our own journeys to go through and it helps to have each others support on the way. Noone needs the negativity. You have done amazingly well!
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Wendie January 10, 2013 at 9:09 pm

I love love your blog and have even told other about it! I’ve sat here for most of the morning with you post open, knowing I wanted to say something, but unsure what. I’m still not entirely sure and don’t think I could get all my feelings out in coherent words. I will say this though….

Ignorance breeds fear. Fear breeds hate. Hate breeds violence.
You must remember that those who have the knowledge know the truth. Those who want to learn are open to it. Those who don’t aren’t for you to fix. They have to be left to the higher power. As long as you lead a true and honest existence there is not much more you can do, except pray!
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16blessingsmom January 10, 2013 at 9:12 pm

One of my daughters likes to say, “Haters gonna hate”. Please don’t let it get to you. I have had the same thing, to a lesser degree, for having so many kids. I am irresponsible, hogging all the resources, not giving them enough attention, living off the government, blah blah blah. And it hurts. But you are beautiful, so beautiful, and I love your blog! If you need a break, then take one. But please come back!!!! I get so encouraged by you.

Della

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Tina January 10, 2013 at 9:31 pm

some people simply aren’t believers, of anything or anyone. Some just can’t. That would mean serious self reflection in their lives that they just couldn’t handle. God gives you only what you can handle, right? And, they simply can’t handle you, your success, your bright light of hope. If they did, they would have to admit how that light is sorely lacking in their lives and how bad they need it. It is much easier to spew hate and negativity, to push you away. I will pray for them all.
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Tara January 10, 2013 at 9:32 pm

Holly, I don’t know if you’re ever going to get all the way down to bottom of these comments but I hope your eyes land on this one.

I lost a shit ton of weight.

I almost signed the papers for surgery.

Then I didn’t.

I didn’t walk out of the doctor’s office vowing to do it all on my own. I returned to my everyday life and continued to eat well above what should have been normal and allowed my body to grow into sizes I never thought I would reach.

It took many years after that for me to finally begin taking the necessary steps to taking control of my life. I say necessary because while surgery didn’t happen to me I understand the “I need to do anything to get out of this dark hole” feeling.

It’s a shame that people downplay where you were, where you are and the journey from both points in between. Surgery wasn’t for me and I’m thankful that I didn’t take that route but that doesn’t mean I’m better than you or that my weight loss is any more real.

The feelings of “how did I get here”, “how do I do this” and “will the darkness ever leave” are the same no matter how you begin the journey.

The important thing is that you begin despite all the feelings keeping you stuck.

I’m really honored to have found your blog. I’m honored at the possibility of meeting you at Fitbloggin. I’m honored that you and I are continually fighting the battle to live, to move forward and to show the world that life doesn’t have to be where we stand if we don’t want to be where we are standing…

xoxo
Tara
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Trish @I_am_Succeeding January 10, 2013 at 9:39 pm

If you stop….they win. You have nothing to prove to anyone and I know you are an inspiration to me and absolutely not a fraud!!!

Do what is best for YOU. What YOU feel is right for you! Either way you have blessed my life in ways I never thought anyone could.

XOXO
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Sara Thornton January 10, 2013 at 9:46 pm

I don’t get how anyone can feel they are entitled to even say some of these things. People are entitled to their own opinion, that is true, but how can they justify acting like such horrible cowards hiding behind a comment or email on a blog saying these things to people? I like how the majority of the copy/pastes you’ve put in have horrible grammar, spelling sucks, can’t even calm their hypertensive angry selves down long enough to speak correctly and civilly. I honestly think these people are the ones who have failed at weight loss and for whatever reason haven’t the nerve to go talk to their own doctors about what they can do about their own weights. If it’s a person who is victorious in getting the weight off without surgery, why on earth would they feel the need to ride in on some high hobby horse and tell you you did it wrong, surgery is an easy way out. How the hell is that an easy way out? I’m sorry, did anyone YOU know wake up from an operating table and go OMG HOW EASY? No.. I’m sorry, but people with an addiction NEED intervention. Sometimes that intervention NEEDS to be a little more than exercise and diet. Most of us who have had WLS have done those things. You know how long I was an ACTIVE member of WeightWatchers? No. Do you know how many times and the length of time I’ve spent on other diets, exercise regimens, plans for losing weight? No, you know nothing other than what we offer you for information. I hate when people try to fill in blanks to thinks they know nothing about. If you, Holly, did not have WLS and tried to exercise and just plain eat healthy you may have broken yourself even more and I mean that physically. With WLS you lose at a higher rate, someone who is as morbidly obese as we were really needs that extra tool to assist.

In the end these people are ignorant, hateful, and just plain ugly in their own hearts. God has special words to say to these people on judgment day, don’t let them hurt you. You are beautiful in all the ways and you are not here to entertain or make anyone PRAISE you or anything else. You are just here to offer your experience and it is us the reader to take it as we do. When does having a blog mean people should PRAISE you? No, go away people with your horrible thoughts and dream crushing comments.

And as for this amazingly awesome person (not) who felt the dire need to tell you about your husband leaving you and your kids should be taken away…. Ummmm who are you? Do you have some high authority career in which you are entitled to say such a horrific thing to a loving, caring mother who obviously cares and loves for her children to the best of her ability? No, I bet 100% that you do not. Even if you did I don’t think lashing out irrationally online at someones weight loss blog is justifiable. Also, she lost weight and is obviously perfectly capable of caring for her children. Oh and another thing, her husband leaving her was very hard on the entire family. There is no way on earth that that comment was ever okay to just say to someone you sad poop. She got that big because of jerks who just do and say as they please and stop at nothing, not even upon destroying the lives and mental status of those around them. Why not READ someone’s story before you go around laying your opinions around in which no one even asked for in the first place anyway? Yeah..

There’s this thing, it’s called a life. If sitting on the internet reading a blog makes your brain tick to the thought of saying to someone these horrible comments about their life, their story, then get the F off of the computer and go run on the treadmill or something other than trying to spread your misery onto others. You don’t even truly know anyone just because you read a blog.

Holly, you are so much better than these people. I know you can’t stop it from at least seeping in a little bit but try. There are 100% more people out here that follow your story and love you and care for you than there are jerks who just say whatever comes to their nasty little brains. God will deal with them.

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Lettie January 10, 2013 at 9:51 pm

I am absolutely dumb founded. Every time I hear stories about people being so cruel I am absolutely flabbergasted. I just can’t believe who stupid and cruel some people can be. The energy it takes, alone, to mess with someone else’s life like this. My goodness. I am so encouraged by your story. Thank you for sharing despite the assault that it brings you. I have to wonder what kind of pain and sadness these people must be in to feel comfortable to speak to you like they do. God bless you and your ministry.

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Melissa January 10, 2013 at 10:12 pm

I am so sorry that you are getting those kinds of comments and emails. I do not understand how people can say hurtful things like that at all. There is no one way to lose weight there are many ways just like there are many ways to gain weight. Everyone has a right to make their own choice because it is personal responsiblity.

Holly you are an inspiration. Though we don’t have the same journey and I am a fellow WLS patient I still can find things that you do each day and blog about each day to bring into my own journey.

Keep the head up an the eyes on the Lord. You are doing HIS work and you are doing HARD work!

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valerie January 10, 2013 at 10:16 pm

Holly,

I have been reading your blog for several months now, but this is my first time commenting. I want to thank you for being so open and honest. I am not overweight, but I have struggled with pretty severe binge eating over the past decade. It has taken so much of my self esteem, caused me so much isolation, and lead me to skip out on so many opportunities. But your story gives me hope that I can get better. What you have accomplished in the past year and a half is truly inspiring.

I was honestly shocked to hear that you have received negative emails and messages. How could anyone have anything bad to say about someone so good? I look forward to reading your blog each time you have a new post, and I am constantly amazed at how beautiful you are – inside and out! I would love for you to keep blogging because you are an incredible writer and an amazing storyteller. But, more than anything, I want you to succeed in this journey of yours – to live life to the very fullest with your wonderful kids, your brother, your new sister in law, Lady Amanda, your pets. (See, I know your whole cast of characters! Can you tell that I am a regular reader?) So, if you need to step away to protect yourself, I understand. But I hope and pray that the benefits you receive from blogging outweigh the negativity.

I also want to say that, although I am Christian, unfortunately, I think that many Christians often do not do a great job of representing God’s word. They come off as preachy and pushy, and who likes that? But I can tell you without a moment’s hesitation that you have never come across as preachy or pushy. No, Holly, you are pure class and grace. I truly believe that God has great plans for you. I have no doubt that your blog has brought more people to Him. You make me want to know His word better. You make me want to know Him better. Isn’t God mysterious and grand? At over 400 pounds, I bet you never thought that God would handpick you and say, “That’s my girl Holly. I am going to shed such grace on her so that she will help others to know me.” Well, I am sure God said it much better than that, but you know what I mean. 🙂

Holly, you have made me laugh, and you have made me cry (like full on sobbing ugly cry). Thank you for inspiring me and giving me hope. If you do step away from blogging, I will keep my eye out for your memoir (you REALLY need to write one!), and you and your awesome kiddos will be in my prayers.

Much love to you. You really are an angel.

Valerie

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Angela January 10, 2013 at 10:20 pm

I found your blog yesterday…..and let me tell you THANKS! For writing your journey down for all to see. I’ve been at such a bad spot for about a month and was so ready to give up and let the food win….but I started to read your story/life and I found a spark in me I haven’t had in a while. I got on the treadmill this morning after a month of making excuses to not exercise. Your truly are amazing! People suck! I tell my kids this almost everyday( well I don’t say suck. But they can be mean) for me and all the others you inspire daily I hope you stay. But I totally understand why you wouldn’t. Because if this was me receiving the hate mail I would have tucked tail and crawled under a rock and never post/read again. Kudos for being so strong to read those hateful words and still post!

And again THANKS for sharing your TURE words. I know they are because if you are a food addict you know these words coming from you are so very true!!

I hope you feel better soon!
Angela

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Jane January 10, 2013 at 10:25 pm

Well, Holly, I am so sorry to hear that so many mean people are suggesting such ugly things. I certainly don’t believe you are a fraud. In fact, I was considering sending you e-mail to ask if you think you could have done this without surgery, because surgery wasn’t a magic pill as some would suggest. You HAVE battled every pound. You are the one who got up and walked, and the one who went back outside the day after some A$$HOLE told you that you “were too fat to be outside” You are the one who said no to foods that weren’t good for you. You are the one who took control of your life and changed.

I am so sorry to hear that anyone would say such rotten things. You have helped me in more ways than you could even know. I don’t comment that often, but I always read, and I like that you’ve shared the bad with the good, THAT makes you seem very real. If you need to “close up shop” for your own sanity, I get it, but I will miss you and I want you to know that you have helped and I have quietly rejoiced with your success.

I wish you the very best and I hope to be able to continue to follow your successes.

Jane

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Nancy Olsen January 10, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Holly, I have never posted to your blog before, but I had to respond after this posting of yours. First, I am so sorry that some people can be so mean and vicious. It’s really hard to believe that people would write such awful things to you and accuse you of being a fraud. It makes no sense at all! How can all of the pictures and videos you have included here be fake? They have clearly showed the changes in you during your whole process of weight loss and exercising to get in better health.

Your writing, your pictures, the support of your kids for your successes, and everything else on your blog has been so inspirational to me! Even today’s post, when you talked about the things you’ve eaten when you shouldn’t have and then all of the conscious choices you have to make every day to continue to lose weight and get healthier, was very reassuring to me. I’ve been sick for the last week or so, and I’ve really been struggling with the munchies and haven’t been able to exercise regularly. I haven’t done too badly, but I started to think that I was doomed to not lose any more weight. When you shared that you’ve eaten a lot of things that weren’t the best for you but you still are doing so great and continuing to lose weight, I realized I’m not doomed, and I can start doing better and start losing weight again.

Second, I really hope you don’t stop writing your blog. I have been reading your blog for several months, and you have been a huge inspiration to me. I had gastric sleeve surgery on June 27, 2012. Your blog has helped me recognize and celebrate all of the little and big changes that have occurred as the result of my surgery, and all of the really hard work I’ve done since having surgery. You are a very good, very eloquent writer, and I feel like I personally know you from reading your posts. When I listened to the radio interview you did recently, you sounded just like I expected, and your positive attitude, sense of gratitude, support to everyone trying to make positive changes in their lives, and your faith came shining through. I would really feel a great loss if you stopped writing your blog. I’m now really sorry I haven’t posted sooner, because I think it’s really important to let you know what a great influence you’ve been on me. I’ll understand if you need to take a break from blogging, but if you do, please come back again!!

Nancy

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suzanne January 10, 2013 at 10:57 pm

There will always be haters. I have found since blogging there are fellow bloggers that like nothing better than to spew hate at other bloggers. I honestly cannot figure what they get out of doing that.
On the other hand I have met some of the nicest people in fellow bloggers.
You are one of the nicest bloggers I’ve had the pleasure of following.
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Marissa January 10, 2013 at 11:06 pm

Holly,
I have only just found your website recently. Well, actually, my daughter found it and showed it to me. I watched your video and cried. I cried because I felt so overwhelmingly happy for you. As someone who has struggled and is still struggling with obesity – I applaud anyone who is able to lose weight and live a healthier life, whether it be diet or weight loss surgery. I am happy for them – no matter how it came off. I have an aunt and cousin who had gastric bypass, and by no means has their weightloss or life been easy after surgery.

I am sorry you’ve had to endure all these heartless, hateful, spiteful emails and comments. It’s hard to believe people could be that cold-hearted towards another human being. Your story has no doubt helped many people and encouraged them to try to change their life and I thank you for being so bold and honest to share it with us. Please, take new courage. (I know that is easier said than done) I know you bared your heart and now it’s hurting. Don’t let them win or get the best of you, don’t give them the satisfaction.

I am wondering if it might be a good idea to have a good friend or someone you could trust to screen your emails and messages and just weed out the negativity before you even have to deal with it.

Anyway, just a thought.

Hugs dear lady,
you are an inspiration to me!
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JRD January 10, 2013 at 11:29 pm

Holly, this is an exceptionally brave post, and I commend you for it. You are a very special person, and you have fought so hard for all of your success. Please don’t let these haters and ignoramous’ chase you out of your own blog. I cannot believe the rudeness and sheer spitefulness in these comments. Sheesh. People need to get a life, and look at their own lives instead of hating on others. I hope you stay blogging, I love reading your posts, and one of your most precious gifts is your vulnerability. You are doing the work, and I couldn’t have said it better myself – the surgery is a TOOL, it doesn’t make us put the cookie down. That’s all you. I defy anyone to say we haven’t stumbled on this journey, or reverted to old patterns of eating under stress. Its human nature, and a work in progress. Stay strong, honey. Big hugs and love from Montreal!

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Jeanette January 10, 2013 at 11:40 pm

Holly, I am in tears. I am so sorry about people treating you like that in such a mean nasty way. You did nothing to deserve it. I read your posts all the time and look forward to them. I have felt that even though you have been through so much that God was using your pain and experience to help others and offer hope to so many of us. Sometimes for me just reading your posts and knowing I am not alone has been such a help to me. You don’t know me, you owe me nothing but you have helped me so many times with your posts. I thank you for the blessing you have been to me. Whatever you decide to do know I wish you only good the rest of your life and that I will be so happy if you do decide to keep posting. God bless you and your precious beautiful family is my hope and prayer.

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Eleanor January 10, 2013 at 11:44 pm

First I wanna say forgive me for not reading the other 78 comments before I post this. I’m sorry if I repeat sentiments already stated. I just don’t want to see you go away, much less go away hurt.

It has been a while since I last commented. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been reading. This blog has meant a lot to me in the last 10 months . When I first started reading I was low. Very, very low. It wasn’t just my weight, it was everything. I couldn’t find a job. I lost my place to live. I lost my circle of friends because I couldn’t afford to go anywhere with them. I was lonely, feeling helples and hopeless and unwanted.

I won’t say that reading your blog made all that go away….because it didn’t. What it did do was help me to realize I was not alone. It gave me something to look forward to. It gave me hope that if you could come so far, maybe I could too. It helped me help myself to keep going. To keep trying. To not give up or give in. Because when you feel alone it would be easy to do.

I still struggle, but things have gotten better. I have a job with a wonderful non profit who totally appreciate me being there. I won an animation contest. I found a place to live. I lost 30 pounds.

Negative reinforcement is everywhere, and it especially festers on the web. Trolls are abundant, and they feed on the knowledge that they made you cry. I understand how being inundated by it regularly can make one want to just walk away. But I hope you find it within yourself to just let trolls be trolls and turn away from them, not us. You are gaining visibilty, and trolls feel they don’t have anything that is worth looking at so they try to get the visibility that comes with spewing hate at you.

Congradulations on how far you have come. Whether or not you walk away, know that there will be those who will miss you.
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Rockin' Mama January 10, 2013 at 11:57 pm

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:8-9

Holly, if you were not effective in your writing, openness, encouragement, and joy, do you think the devil would be prowling around you? That old accuser of the brethern (Rev. 12:10) is not interested in bothering those who are like him: liars, cheaters, etc; His game is to destroy truth, peace, joy, goodness, etc. STAND FIRM IN THE LORD; He will fight for you!

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

“Simon, Simon (Holly, Holly), satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I (Jesus) have prayed for you, Simon (Holly), that your faith may not fail. AND WHEN YOU HAVE TURNED BACK, STRENGTHEN YOUR BROTHERS (AND SISTERS!).” Luke 22:31-32)

And how do we know the Truth? We study the REAL THING; the Bible. And what hope do we receive from the Word? “Jesus answered, ‘I am the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father except through me.'” (John 14:6)

Does the serpent want us to believe and share God’s truth from the Bible? No, no, no, because then we would not live in darkness like he does. Then we would have to make ugly, hateful, evil comments to those who are living in the light of God’s love, and we would have to discourage and hurt those who are living in the light. What did Jesus tell us to do when people hurt us? “Love your enemies, and PRAY for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:44-45)

Continue bringing hope and joy to people who look to you as an example. You have never been a quitter, so don’t let “bitter grapes” sour the celebration of how far you have come on your journey. We all love seeing the “victory pictures”: the photos of you and your family enjoying life the way God intended for us to enjoy His creation! We love the pictures of you at the beach, and of you fitting into chairs and bathrooms and plane seats; the smiles on the faces of your children and the sweet way they cheer you on, cheers us on, too! Your future is built on the SOLID ROCK, not on sinking sand; grasp that future and give it all that you (and God!) have got!

“By their fruit you will recognize them. Every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruits you will recognize them.” (Mt 7:16-20)

FEEL BETTER, GO FORTH, AND BE FRUITY! WE’RE ALL PULLING FOR YOU!

Love you, D

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Tracy Stevenson @ My Tiny Tank.net January 11, 2013 at 12:00 am

Hi Holly it is brave of you to share this with us. As a blogger we see many comments that we don’t share with our followers. Spam, unrelated or just darn right mean. I think my first hateful comment made me scared and then I realized that in fact that commenter was unhappy. Anyone who spreads hate and negativity is unhappy themselves. When someone is unhappy they can not be happy for others and it only makes them feel better to spread unhappiness and negativity to others. The great things is is that if you are happy it is hard to be affected by someones negativity because as a happy person you are powered with confidence and love.
And I know this is why you can share this story with us. There is no fake or fraudulent activity in being honest. Honest with yourself and others. If someone is claiming you as a fraud then they themselves are a fraud. Because they are only fooling themselves.
I admire your honesty and commitment. Keep spreading your love and confidence. Your passion and word. I keep coming back for more.
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Donna January 11, 2013 at 12:07 am

My dear Holly, I was so schocked when I read your blog today, I couldn’t believe that people would feel so inferior or jealous that they would say such things. I love seeing and hearing about your family. I pray that you will somehow know the wonderful work your blog provides. I will keep checking to see if you are back, I want to see how your kids mature, and you continue with your work and journey. God bless

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Sheila January 11, 2013 at 12:07 am

Oh Holly, you can’t leave us!!! Whatever will I do without your words of encouragement and love? I’m sitting here feeling like someone has punched ME in the stomach because of what horrible things people seem to feel perfectly fine spewing at you. DO NOT LET THESE IGNORANT PEOPLE WIN! You are an amazing person who has triumphed over so much in your life. You can’t let these latest kicks be the final ones. I know I would feel exactly like you if someone was doing this to me. I would want to close my blog and hide away my feelings so they would be protected. I think you have helped waaaaaaaay more people than you even realize. No matter what you decide please stay in touch with me via email. Hugs.
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Margene January 11, 2013 at 12:34 am

Oh Holly… you make such a positive difference to so many people. You represent HOPE!!

Nobody EVER erected a statue to a critic.
I’m sorry for the hurtful, judgmental things people have written in to you. I don’t know why people are so afraid of something being a “fraud”? I believe it just reveals the fears they have inside their own hearts. Fear of their own failures. I believe virtue cleaveth to virtue, truth cleaveth to truth. Those who are capable of froud themselves, find it all around them. We see what we want to see. I would think that the good, amazing, hopeful, inspiring things about your story and journey is what resonates in MOST people who visit your blog. The “Silent Majority” if you will.

There is already SOOO much to bring us down, and to feel discouraged about. But your story is a story of second chances!! A story of HOPE, and story of PERSISTENCE. People NEED MORE stories like that. People are hungry, even starving for that!!!

If you can, try not to let a “vocal minority” discourage you from sharing your powerful story and insight with others. But do take care of yourself and know that you are admired and loved!!!

~Margene
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Lindsey January 11, 2013 at 12:36 am

Your blog is one of my favorites to read and I will be so sad if you stop writing, but honestly I don’t think I could handle reading all of those awful things that people say to you. I can’t help but wonder what’s going on in their lives to make them so hateful. But you have such an important impact on those of us who read your blog. I have so much sympathy for the people I see who look just like your “before” pictures. I used to look down on them and judge them for letting that happen. But now I feel like I understand a part of how difficult their lives are, and how badly they are treated by every single person they see. And I don’t want to be one of those people who treats them badly. I smile and say hello, try to let them know that I see them as a real person, and that’s because of you.

I also have to tell you – my sister lost 40 pounds a couple of years ago. Her drivers license had her old photo still when she got pulled over and the officer did not believe that she was the same person. After losing 40 pounds! It’s no wonder that people question you after you lost 200 pounds. You don’t look like the same person, but you probably also don’t look like your baby pictures either – because you’ve changed! And they probably want to prove that you’re a fraud so that they don’t feel bad about the fact that you’ve worked so hard to lose this weight and they haven’t done anything. They want to believe it’s not possible so that they have an excuse not to try.

I think that you are amazing, and your blog has a bigger impact than what you see right now. I probably only comment on 1 out of 20 of your blogs that I read, even then most of them make me realize things I didn’t before, and make me think about things, and make me smile. Please don’t quit – the internet needs you 🙂

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Inga January 11, 2013 at 1:37 am

Holly, it boggles the mind and hurts the human spirit to know that there are people out there so hard hearted, vicious and cruel, to strangers, no less. Truly, what is wrong with some people?

You are physically and spiritually beautiful, truly, you are gorgeous! Your beauty shines through in your children also, all 4 are simply adorable. I see your progress pictures and marvel at your amazing metamorphosis, I have felt many of the emotions you have expressed.

Just one more time for emphasis, you are a lovely young woman! I’m quite sure that one day when you feel ready it would’nt take much more than one of those pretty smiles of yours to attract a good, decent intelligent, kind, man that you so deserve.

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Sarah January 11, 2013 at 1:40 am

Holly, I appreciate your blog. I hope you realize that the self-awareness with which you write is amazing. Self-awareness can be a mirror that reflects other people’s thoughts and feelings back at them. The people who criticize you are expressing the doubts, fears, anger, and lack of control that they feel about themselves, often unconsciously. These horrible comments reflect the mindset of the sender far more than they reflect your reality.

It’s easy to see why you are taking a break– I hope you find it peaceful and healing, and let it clear your thoughts about sharing your experience publicly. It’s an enormous gift you’ve given us, and it sounds as though it came at a price. Don’t let the stress impede your progress and goals– distance yourself as much as you need to stay on task! You’ve worked incredibly hard and deserve to remain on-task!

Here’s a link to an article that Kaiser Permenente’s weight loss clinics wrote, about the emotional benefits and burdens of obesity, and how that changes with rapid weightloss. They say it’s important to address this emotional component– it’s one of their leading indicators of success. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2912711/

Take yourself a break from the public, but not a break of doing whats best for you, your family and your health!!

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Tracy January 11, 2013 at 1:45 am

What is wrong with people!?!?!?
It doesn’t matter how you did it. You did it, you’re still doing it and you ARE an inspiration to others! You rock 🙂

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Michele January 11, 2013 at 2:37 am

Please keep doing this blog you are an inspiration to so many of us that are here reading every post. I just found your blog and it keeps me going when im on that treadmill and dont think i can do no more and I remember just to take it 30 seconds at a time. Dont let them win.

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Rey January 11, 2013 at 3:55 am

Holly,

It makes me really mad that people would be so cruel to you. Makes me want to punch some hater noses! You are an inspiration to so many people, myself included – as is evident by the almost 100 comments to this particular blog. Keep up the good work! I am proud of you and proud to call myself your friend!

Love ya,
Rey

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Joyelle January 11, 2013 at 3:59 am

Repost from Facebook: So, Holly Jordan Rose–I read your blog post after posting my earlier comment (which was just based on your status)–and I got upset. Me being “real”…I’m sure “my heart will hurt for them” later–but this pushed a button with me tonight: I cannot stand ignorant people offering baseless comments on things for which they lack facts. And yet, that is exactly what the internet allows stupid people without the proper self-discipline to do. Cowards hide behind the screen of a laptop or ipad & anonomously (& sometimes not anonomously) post trash. As many have already said–you cannot let the cowards win. They are the enemy’s tools for stamping out your impact…maybe take a breather for a minute to consider your strategy, but do not retreat from the fight. There are people who are still waiting on the other side of your complete victory–and they need to hear about it.

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Mike January 11, 2013 at 4:12 am

I can tell you all that think there is anything fake about Holly you could not be more wrong, I have been blessed enough to have shared some time with her before and after her surgery and can’t tel, house enough how real, positive, motivated, caring and uplifting of a person she is, I know first hand how easy it is to lose your self in food and how easy and quickly it can over take ones life and for her to have done what she has is nothing short of miraculous, I just pray I can achieve even half of what she has.

Holly you are an incredible person you can’t let these few lost souls effect you there just doing the enemies work in attacking you because you are doing such great things in your life the life of you kids and the life’s of the people blessed to know the REAL you.

Always your friend
Mike.

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Donna January 11, 2013 at 4:29 am

Holly, I cried reading your blog. Please don’t quit. Your blog kept me going through the year it took me to get to my WLS date. Because of you, I joined a health club yesterday. Your blogs regarding CrossFit convinced me that there were clubs out there that actually cared about people. After visiting three, I finally found one that was the right fit for me. So a big THANK YOU.

As for the haters, they are probably struggling with their own weight issues. It is most likely making them feel better about their pitiful selves by saying cruel hateful things to you. Don’t let them win. You get those comments/emails…DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!!! Your good comments, I”m sure, outweigh the cruel negatives. Keep going. You are wonderful. Just talk to your children…they will tell you.

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Rhonda January 11, 2013 at 4:37 am

Please don’t let the haters win…. You are awesome Holly and I appreciate all you have written. I am too cowardly to put my issues out there for all to see and I certainly understand how the negative comments can sting. Sending hugs your way my friend. Rhonda

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Jen January 11, 2013 at 4:42 am

Holly–I am such a fan of yours–for your insight; for your honesty; for your writing style, for your positive energy! Your posts speak to my heart and my situation–and I have not had weight loss surgery! I really don’t think you should spend any more time or energy trying to justify what you are doing to people who choose to act in cruelty and hate. Anyone who reads your words and hears your story with any regularity KNOWS that you are the real deal! Thanks for having the courage to put yourself out there!
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Colleen January 11, 2013 at 5:17 am

I rarely comment on blogs, but do read many. I have about 200lbs to lose. I turn to yours for encouragement. You are so supportive and encouraging. I can understand how you are feeling if you are getting those kind of responses. Makes me cringe. If you decide to keep at it, just wanted you to know you are inspiring so many. Thanks.

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Shari January 11, 2013 at 6:03 am

Its really sad that someone had to take time out of their day to bring someone else down -someone that they don’t even know – in order to make themselves feel good and relevant. People suck doll, shake it off and remember – Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter!
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joy January 11, 2013 at 6:24 am

Wow!!! My jaw literally dropped when I read the horrible negative comments said about you. That is just awful and you do not deserve it at alll!!! Everyone makes different choices and just because yours is different from others doesn’t make you a fraud!! I am just shaking my head that people can be so closed mind. Food addiction is an awful thing I deal with it everyday and I have panic disorder so i can totally relate. Big Hug!!! Keep on bloging because you DO make a difference!!!
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Another Reader January 11, 2013 at 7:00 am

Just to echo that I’m so sorry you’re experiencing the venom that the dregs of the world spew online. Anyone who becomes “public” in some sense experiences this. I don’t know why the anonymity of the Internet inspires people to say such evil things.

Please know that every night after I put my kids to bed I check your blog. When there’s a new post, I read it, and it gives me inspiration every time to finish off my evening WITHOUT binging on the snack foods and other foods I used to munch away on all evening. Your blog is a big help to me.

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Michelle M. January 11, 2013 at 7:04 am

Holly, I hope you don’t leave us. I look forward to reading your blog. Please don’t give the haters the power of you being you. Every negative thing they say about you tells nothing about you but says a lot about them. I have had so many people say ugly things about me and I always live by “What others think of me is none of my Business”. I hope that the Positive comments outweigh the negative ones and you re-think the Amazing work you do providing Motivation for those of us that know you are Beautiful, Honest, Caring , Loving, Amazing and just plain Awesome.

-The best way to Love is to Love as if you have never been hurt.

Michelle

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Merry January 11, 2013 at 7:44 am

Holly-
It takes courage to put your life on the internet. I want to thank you for your wonderful posts. You have given me hope that I to can follow down your path and get where I want to be. The cowards who spew hate anonymously on the internet are jealous that you are taking charge of your life and finding your path to a better life. Thank you for posting your ups, downs, and the truth. You have a lot of people who are on your side.

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LizInScotland January 11, 2013 at 8:45 am

Oh, Holly, this bought such tears to my eyes. I am going for my initial weight loss surgery consultation at the hospital today, and I can honestly tell you it was the “real person” approach of your blog, your honesty and heartfelt writing that was the final push I needed. I read daily, and am so very inspired by you. I cannot believe the level of hostility some people allow to manifest with their words. It is disgusting and disgraceful to treat anyone in that way, and it brings John 8:44 to mind. Chin up, beautiful Holly. Cheering you on from all the way over here in the Highlands of Scotland. x

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Kimberley MacDonald January 11, 2013 at 1:16 pm

I can’t believe anyone let alone many people would write such things to you! It does take a lot of courage for you to put yourself out there like you do, and I hope you continue. I’m not someone who struggles with my weight but I still find your posts inspiring in many struggles of life. There are people who will have something bad to say regardless of what you do, and although it feels very personal, please don’t take it that way. It’s easy for sad, mean people to sit behind their keyboard and type hurtful things like that because the Internet provides for quick, thoughtless comments. It allows them to feel temporarily empowered but try your best to make that short lived by brushing the comments off and focusing on the positives.

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Lara January 11, 2013 at 2:31 pm

This is the most motivation website I have come across and I look forward to reading your posts. Screw the haters. Anyone with VSG…did not take the easy way out. period.

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Jack Sh*t January 11, 2013 at 2:53 pm

Haters gonna hate, Holly. Don’t let it get you down.

And for the record, I think you’re a really pretty b*tch. 🙂
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Bela January 11, 2013 at 3:32 pm

Holly, I don’t frequently comment on blogs. It’s not fair, I know. You provide inspiration, put your whole brutal beautiful self out there, asking in return only acknowledgement and feedback in the comments. And yet something holds me back.

But this time I had to comment. There’s not much I can add to the myriad supportive loving comments above, except to point out how many people have said as I do that we regularly read your blog, are inspired by you, and cheer you on … quietly. So for every negative comment, there are likely 10 or more readers who are quietly reading and loving and feeling with you.

I hope you decide to stay here, in this space you have created. If you don’t, we understand.

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Tammy Herrin January 11, 2013 at 4:00 pm

It’s times like this when I’m glad my blog doesn’t have but a handful of followers. You are so much stronger than I would have been with all that negativity. However, there isn’t a single weight loss/health blog I follow that doesn’t seem to have the same issues with trolls. Misery loves company. No matter how you lost the weight, people would attack you. No matter how many pictures you had from before or proof that you really went through this experience, people would attack you.

I really hope you don’t go away for good because people like me need your inspiration. People like me who may have lost 50-60 pounds on their own, but still find encouragement from your posts. Because regardless of how you lost that initial amount of weight, you’re still doing it. You still have struggles, you still have to work out and watch what you eat. You still go through the same issues that I’m going through, which gives me hope. It lets me know I am not alone. In this cruel world where it may feel like no one else understands what I’m going through, it’s blogs like yours I know I can turn to for comfort and support. It’s people like you that I know will be there to lift me up when I need someone in my corner. You are a beautiful woman with amazing accomplishments. NEVER let anyone take that away from you.
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Paula January 11, 2013 at 4:32 pm

Holly, I already personally emailed you but decided to post here too. I am retired, so I have lots of time to read lots of blogs, diet and otherwise. I don’t know when it happened, but people started sitting behind their computer screens and letting all their viciousness out. It must make them feel powerful to tell off total strangers, most of them would not say anything if confronted by the person in real life. My guess is most of them that you hear from have not had your success in losing weight, so they feel better if they can make you feel bad like they do. People that can never be happy for others will never be happy in their own lives. I understand if you feel you don’t want to keep telling your story, but as you can see from all these comments, you are an inspiration to so many of us. I personally feel happy at seeing the change in you, seeing your lovely family, and it’s clear you are such a good person. Whatever you decide, God bless, and I would miss you a lot if you shut this site down.

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Lea January 11, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Please, please, please don’t let the judgmental people win. You are the winner in this story Holly. I know every single thing you have said is true because I myself need to loose 300 pounds and everything you have said applies to my life. You inspire me so much, I read your blog often and go back and re-read so that I know there is hope for me. You are a wonderful woman full of truth. These nay-sayers don’t know what they are talking about. Seriously, I know how hard it is to ingore these rude and nasty comments, but please ignore them and move on. DO NOT LET THEM WIN!! The people that are important in your would know you are for real. It doesn’t matter what the others think. We love you Holly, and I hope to see you back tomorrow, stronger that ever!

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Estrella January 11, 2013 at 5:52 pm

Hi, I have found your blog to be very insightful, and touching. You have fought a lot of challenges in your life, and it appears that you have come out ahead. I believe that people who insult others are just trying to make themselves feel better about their own situations. It is hurtful regardless, but if all the good you bring to people outweighs the hurtful mail, I think you should continue your journey. I have also though that to see true evilness and hatefulness in people only justifies that there is also true good and love out there. There must be a balance and all that hate just reinforces that there is a greater good, doesn’t it?

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patricia proctor January 11, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Holly,
I want you to not leave blogging and I will tell you why. I lost my 18 year old son almost 2 years ago and i used food to comfort and I feel trapped in my body. I also lost my mom and dad a few years prior to my son mind you I am 35 years old so I have to live a lifetime without them. Ok now I had no HOPE for a long time, then I stumbled across your blog and EVERYTHING you write reminds me of me. I am not making this up out of all the blogs i read yours is the most inspiring to me I know you didnt do this blog for fame you poured your heart out. I would be so sad if you let the haters take my inspiration away(YOU ARE NO FRAUD THEY ARE BECUASE THEY SIT BEHIND A SCREEN AND CALL PEOPLE NAMES)..I know that surgery does not fix it all it is a tool.. Ok enough rambling…

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Lori January 11, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Holly, I’m so sorry that people have hurt you with their idiotic comments. I’m sure this idea isn’t new to you, but when one of my kids gets picked on at school, I always tell them that we need to pray for that person, because people who do those kinds of things are hurting inside. When we start to look at bullies as people we should pity, I think it takes away some of their power to hurt us. (Forgive me if others have said the same things in earlier comments, as I haven’t read them all.)

I also tell my kids–you don’t have to put up with it. I hope you do what makes you the happiest, Holly. I don’t blame you for not wanting to deal with that crap, but I sure will miss you if you don’t return. You’ve truly come to feel like a friend. Whether I see you again or not, know this–I wish you lots of love, happiness, and success in life; there’s no one more deserving.

P.S. You’re beautiful inside and out; don’t let anyone tell you any different!

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Marilyn January 11, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Holly -thank you for your honesty. You are an inspiration. I just found you and am feeling as if I am sitting talking to you you are a very real person, not a fake in any means. I fight the same battles, am 3 1/2 years from WLS, and bless every day, but easy??? Not in a heartbeat!

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Courtney January 11, 2013 at 7:31 pm

I’m so sorry to hear the things that people have said to you and about you! Your writing has been such a source of encouragement and a learning tool for me. I really can’t say thank you enough for how you’ve put yourself out there like you have to bring a message of hope to myself and others!!!

I would love to continue hearing your story and learning from your experiences, but if it becomes apparent that it is time for your blog to be finished then I want to support you in that. I’ll pray for wisdom and healing for you in the days ahead.
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Daphne @ Daphne Alive January 11, 2013 at 9:54 pm

It’s interesting that you get such negative feedback. I mean, you have to wonder, what drives them to write such hate? WHY are they so passionate to write such crap?

Unfortunately there are really cruel people, some do it for fun (trolls) and some do it because they’re bitter. As the saying goes, “don’t feed the trolls.” They don’t deserve a thought, or any of your time.

You want to know how *I* know this is all real? It’s the way you write. You writing is so beautiful, so inspiring and written by someone who has been in the darkest depths of addiction. I can relate to every post you write. You’re more real than you might think, and I thank you for writing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, and I’m sure the majority of us think so too.

I’m also not sure how people can think any less of you because you had surgery. It’s YOUR life, YOUR story, YOUR weight loss. Every single person on the planet loses weight differently. Your way was clearly not their way, end of story.

Love you, your blog, your writing. Chin up Holly.
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Cindy January 11, 2013 at 10:00 pm

Holly–
You are a gifted writer and an inspirational one at that. There are cruek people out thaere and i just don’t understand that. I look forward to your entries and am disappointed on days when there isn’t one. Please do not let the haters bring you down.
-C

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Jill January 11, 2013 at 10:01 pm

Holly,

I’m glad you are taking the time you need. If you come back, I’m thrilled, and if you don’t, please know your journey and honesty has made a difference in my life and my journey.

It is truly incredible how so many people feel they have the right to just be terrible people. And they must know, deep down, when they look in the mirror each morning, how that ugliness from inside them oozes out.

You are strong, but at some point I can imagine it wears a soul down to just deal with that crap, even though you know who you are. So, you don’t need to carry everyone with you on your journey, you can step back and breath and if you come back you will be welcomed. And if not, well then thank you for your words in this short time.

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marjaypen January 11, 2013 at 11:25 pm

You state very clearly and with such heartfelt honesty what so many people with food addictions feel every day but are unable to say out loud. It is unfortunate that the cruel, small minded people leaving negative comments can’t just work on their own journey and not rain on someone else’s progress. Weight loss happens differently for everyone and surgery is just one tool. Just like gym equipment, measuring cups, medications, etc. I completely understand if you need a break or time to reflect but I would encourage you to carry on what you feel God directed you to do. Don’t doubt in darkness what God revealed in light! When people leave negative comments use the tool called DELETE! However, if you decide you are done know that you have touched more lives than you can imagine by sharing so deeply. You have spread hope. You are a gift!

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Michelle W. January 11, 2013 at 11:40 pm

I only found your blog recently—through a tweet by @bl12joe. I’ve only scraped the surface of your posts. Unlike some, I feel you were very brave to have the surgery. I can see that it was a last ditch effort to save your life. The folks who say that you took the easy road have no idea what they’re talking about.
Having been morbidly obese for most of my adult life (I was over 300 lbs during my last two pregnancies) I can relate to the constant struggle. Losing is not easy for some of us and unfortunately it’s a catch 22 because you can’t lose effectively if you don’t move and you can’t move if you don’t lose the weight.
My mother recently offered to pay for me to have weight loss surgery. I declined. Not because I think it would somehow discount my weight loss, but because I’m a coward. I’ve read about the diet that must be followed, the possible complications, the emotional things that you might face and I’ve decided that I’m not strong enough to do it.
I applaud you for taking that risky step. For making the effort to move and change for your children – and yourself.
I have no idea why there are so many hateful people in the world and I can only imagine what it must be like to have to sift through the nasty comments.
For every 1 of those negative, nasty commentators, I’m sure that there are 3 or 4 that are being blessed by your journey but don’t always take time to comment. Maybe you could disable comments? That way you won’t have to deal with the ugly people and those of us who are benefiting from your posts can continue to read. (Just a thought)
Be encouraged–some of us are truly inspired by your posts!

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renee January 12, 2013 at 12:14 am

I’m sorry you have had to endure such awful comments. You are an inspiration! I need to lose 25-30 lbs and find it hard to even lose that first pound. It is hard!! You should be proud of every pound you lost. I hope you do keep your blog up, it helps me, and it helps a lot of people that you don’t even know about. I hope to read about all your future victories!!!

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Shelladawn January 12, 2013 at 1:37 am

Holly you are truly an inspiration to so many. I have only started reading your blog a couple of weeks ago, but I find your blog uplifting. You are incredible. Most haters are jealous. Pure and simple. Always want to bring somebody down cos they hate their own lives. But I understand how their words hurt and sting. I hope you decide to keep going with your blog. Good luck for the future. Love from Australia.

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Tracy January 12, 2013 at 12:16 pm

Mother Teresa’s Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

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TheLapbandChronicles January 12, 2013 at 3:29 pm

Holly, I don’t sense that your website/blog is fraudulant, but I can understand why someone might get that impression. I only say this because of the many fake websites and blogs that do exist as “covers” to eventually lead the reader to a weight loss “product”. These fake blogs are surprisingly numerous and some are excellent in their ability to disguise the real intent (the sale of some “magical” juice or berry or whatever).

There are freelance writer job boards, such as Elance, where tons of people are looking for freelance writers to create sites or blogs which will slip in the product name (it’s called SEO writing) into the content of the site or blog posts. Some are done so cleverly that you aren’t even aware that you are being sold the product. All it takes is a “successful weight loss blogger” (a fake person, created by the writer) to start talking about how xxxx helped her lose 100 pounds for that product to start flying off the shelves (or the internet site the blogger points to).

This is obviously not your case, as you don’t point to any products or even the name of the surgeon who did your Sleeve. (Yes, there are blogs set up by clinics or surgeons who want to drive business to their facility.) But I have to say my antennae did go up due to a couple of details on your blog…things that didn’t seem “right” to me.

The first is your mention of breaking your ankle several times due to your excess weight. But you never spoke of any surgery to fix this, or having a cast, or using crutches/walker to get around, or being immobilized. That made me suspicious because I’ve sustained a broken ankle (from falling down some stairs) and had plates, pins and rods placed into the ankle. I was immobilized for six weeks, and had to relearn to walk after that. It was a huge life-altering event for me, and I can’t imagine someone breaking their ankle FOUR times and still being able to do cross-fit. I’m two years out of my ankle surgery and I still can’t walk correctly, let alone to a sport such as cross-fit.

So reading that you had broken your ankles numerous times but never seeing a mention of you wearing a cast, etc, made me doubt the authenticity of your blog.

Also, the high-quality graphics and interface of your blog is quite untypical for a stay-at-home mom. So that also marks your blog as a suspicious one, and one that is co-opted by a company whose intent is to sell a product through what is seemingly a weight-loss/support site. Your site has more the look of a sleek enterprise than a stay-at-home mom, The content is also quite high-level in terms of writing style; again this in not consistent with typical SAHM blogs.

I hope you do not take this comment as dismissive of your efforts. It is not. I only offer it as a possible explanation of why some readers might doubt the authenticity of this site. I do think your story is real but even if one didn’t, there is lots of inspiration in your tale, and much to identify with, which is always a comfort to those in pain.

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Ann January 12, 2013 at 5:11 pm

I recently found your blog and love it! I appreciate blogs with such honesty. Good writers like yourself can put in words what many many others are thinking and feeling.

I really don’t know how you put up with trolls though. I read about a blogger who has someone else moderate their comments. They might have even paid a service to do it, I can’t remember. Anyway, that might be a good idea for you.

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Alisha January 12, 2013 at 5:23 pm

I’m new to your blog after stumbling across you on MyFitnessPal. I have 40-ish pounds I want to lose, and I feel that can be an overwhelming amount for me to actually lose. 🙁 And then I read a blog like yours … HOPE for anyone on their journey that weight loss is POSSIBLE! I don’t like the idea of surgery … diet and exercise are all I need … but I know people who have had stomach stapling surgeries, and how it has saved their lives. I have to remind myself that I am not in their situation, and so I don’t know what they are feeling … and so I try to offer encouragement, instead.

I hope you can ignore the hate filled messages you receive …. that you can instead focus on the messages from strangers like me who validate your efforts, who support your choices and encourage you on your journey. If I had been in your shoes, I would have taken the exact same path … I have no doubt in my mind. I’ll travel this weight loss journey “with you” as I start on my own, and I thank-you for being so open to share it with the world.

Blessings!

Alisha

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Anna January 12, 2013 at 6:17 pm

this entire post made my heart SO sad……..rejection is an awful, awful, awful feeling, and people who hide behind the internet to say such awful things are cowards. Please don’t let allow them to win….let God and His Word through you win!! No matter what, Holly, I will still come to your site to read previous posts, and to pray for you in your courageous journey. This stranger from far away loves you, and your style of writing is *completely* inspiring because it shows how real you are…the hurt, the pain, the struggle to do what is right. I am praying for your heart to heal from these cruel comments. HUGS.

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Anna January 12, 2013 at 6:34 pm

ps One of the reasons that I DO find that your blog is real and authentic, is how often and how much you give credit to God. I have no doubt in my mind that if you were a fraud, you would be pointing people to Christ. Just sayin’. =) =)

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Anna January 12, 2013 at 6:35 pm

oops, **you would NOT be pointing people to Christ.

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Kelly @CurvyFitGirl January 12, 2013 at 7:00 pm

Holly, the worst thing you could do right now is take a break from blogging. And I’ll tell you why. Because then you give those people who sent you those awful things power over you. NO ONE should ever have that kind of negative power over you. NEVER. Who cares what they say? You leaving for a while won’t make them stop running their mouths. Just my two cents.
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Pamela January 12, 2013 at 8:08 pm

Please do not let these people have any power over you. The absolute radiance on your face can NOT be faked, you have worked so hard, you have earned every reward you have received. I believe in you.

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Dagny January 12, 2013 at 9:15 pm

Oh boy the dark side of the blogosphere! It comes with the territory! The years I had my weight loss blog I got so much hate mail and even now already I have people challenging me, what business do I have writing a book and trying to trip me up on many points I’ve made. I even have some nutjob sending letters to my corporate address right now.

I hope you might find some logic that reassures you in my book. Losing weight is SO DIFFICULT that people desperately want to believe there really is a magic bullet. But when all the gimmicks and fad diets fail, they can’t handle it. They see someone else who has succeeded and they think you must have had some kind of an unfair advantage, some kind of a “cheat”!! And of course, our society harbors a deep and vicious disgust with fat people. That’s just a painful truth. Even when we make ourselves “acceptable,” that hatred lingers.

We can only press on! Doing what we know is best for ourselves and sharing our message with those who wish to hear it!
Light & Strength to you, Holly!
Dagny
Dagny recently posted..Fat Exploitation of a Different KindMy Profile

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Nikki Mohamed January 13, 2013 at 12:00 am

Negativity just seems to flow from a lot of people. I rarely get negative comments on my blog because hardly anyone reads it anyway…but I’m also basically just a smart ass commenting on my life as it happens along and only playing the vulnerability card a few times a year. You, however, have opened up your entire life to the whole world and that invites judgement. Personally, I think that displaying bad manners seems to be more acceptable to some because they do so in an anonymous setting. They seem to believe that their hateful comments and snide remarks and name-calling is justified and that it “doesn’t really count” because this is the internet and if you didn’t want to be judged then you shouldn’t have posted your blog in the first place. But those are the same people who snicker and laugh and point and whisper in public, too. Rude and insensitive people don’t usually limit their bad manners to their internet remarks. But here’s the thing: YOU know that you are not a fraud. You also know that you are GORGEOUS just like we, your supporting readers know. You are doing this for the 5 most important reasons on the planet- you and your beautiful children. And they know that you are no fraud and that you work hard to achieve your target goals and how hard you struggle with those bad habits and temptations that creep into life at the most difficult times. You are and continue to be an inspiration to all of us who are struggling with weight….some who have also opted for the surgical route and others, like me, who have not. It doesn’t really matter what method you use to get to the starting point, it only matters that you continue on the path you’ve chosen. And when you step off of that path…you regain your footing and get right back on it. I know that the media in the West plays up the word “jihad” to mean “holy war.” It actually doesn’t. It’s Arabic for “struggle”. Each of us has our own jihad or struggle to deal with daily. For some it’s weight….and we fight it and struggle with it more on some days than others. For others it’s the struggle for controlling their vicious tongues….and sadly, those who send you hate mail are losing their internal struggle in a very bad way.
Love to you and much encouragement and prayer. <3
Nikki Mohamed recently posted..10 Days of WETMy Profile

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Chris January 13, 2013 at 2:42 am

Jealousy is ugly isn’t it? You are doing awesome, and have done amazing things for yourself! Keep it up and ignore the haters!
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Cathy January 13, 2013 at 4:07 am

Holly, Jesus said that they hated him first so don’t feel alone! Be of good courage and let not your heart be troubled! You have no idea how many people you inspire! Go forward doing God’s work. Work as your doing it for the Lord! You have a beautiful smile, so
smile!

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Tonya Rose January 14, 2013 at 3:29 am

Holly, as difficult as it may be at times, follow your heart. Ignore the negative and continue on your remarkable journey. Unfortunately, the world is full of ignorant and hateful people. For the rest of us, we all know you are genuine and honest and your writing reflects your character. I have known you for many years now and I’ve personally seen you struggle with obesity. I’ve listened to you cry when your world seemed to be crumbling. I’ve waited a long time to see you get to where you are today. I know this has been a long and excruciating process for you. You are finding courage, strength and resolve that you probably never knew you had. Nothing tugs at ones heart strings more than seeing a loved one kicked while they are down and then pick themselves up off the floor and fight through all of the blood, sweat and tears. I am so very proud of you, for the woman, mother and friend that you are. You are truly an inspiration and I hope that if and when the day comes that you choose to leave your amazing blog, that you do so on your own accord. Don’t let anyone ever silence your voice when your voice has so much purpose and offers hope to so many. Thank you, for sharing your journey with such brutal and beautifully honest and reflection.

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Lauren January 14, 2013 at 8:51 pm

Although we blog about entirely different things, I believe our purpose in blogging is the same. To chronicle our own journey, garner support, and get the message out there to others struggling that they are not alone. I am a subscriber to your blog for the simple fact that I admire your courage, your honesty, and your ability to promote the health and well being of others by sharing your inspiring story. Please continue to ignore the negative, and focus on the positive spirit that you promote in your blog posts for the people that truly need your example of what someone can do 🙂 -Lauren, peaceoutofpieces.com

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Brenda January 15, 2013 at 12:35 am

Holly, I have been reading for some time and haven’t posted yet. I want to tell you this: I think you are incredibly brave FOR showing pictures of how you used to look. I mean, I have lost 50 lbs so far and still can’t post my before pics on my medifast page. PLEASE don’t let the mean evil people in the world win.

If you inspire just ONE person (and I would bet it is like thousands) to take care of their health so they can live and have life more abundantely then you know you are doing the right thing.

This is your calling girl!!!

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Lalie January 16, 2013 at 6:12 pm

I think what it comes down to is people forget that ALL humans deserve compassion and love no matter what they look like.
When people can’t do something for themselves jealousy can rear it’s ugly head and turn into hatefulness much too often.
I have really enjoyed reading your blog the last few months I’ve been reading it…didn’t discover it until a few months ago.
I hope you continue because you’re an inspiration to people no matter what trials they face.

Lalie

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Amy January 16, 2013 at 7:47 pm

I just wanted you to know that I’ve really enjoyed your blog. I love having insight to lives that are different from mine. I hope you stick around. I am sorry so many people were mean to you.

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LISA January 17, 2013 at 3:54 pm

I just wanted to say you are inspiring. I met Lee in VA in a support group and he told me of your website. Between you and him, you have really helped me work through some things. I had my surgery in late June and did great, then my Mom passed away on August 31st. I thought I could not bother with weight, protein, etc and then I read your posts about you sitting with your grandmother and it really hit home.
I hope you don’t think I am crazy saying you have helped me when I have never even met you. Your stories just ring so true to me and I want to thank you for putting them out for myself and others to read.

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Michael Gilstrap January 17, 2013 at 11:52 pm

Thank you for your bravery in keeping your blog and sharing with us. I appreciate you and am sorry people have made it necessary to for you to respond to such hate and ignorance. For every negative message I believe there are many more that are inspired and motivated by your message and honesty in putting it all out there.

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Nancy January 18, 2013 at 7:51 pm

You are not a fraud. Why are there so many jerks in this world? Congratulations on a job very well done. You are beautiful and inspirational. You have totally turned your life around. That is very impressive.

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Alison January 21, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Don’t listen to those rude people, Holly. You are amazing and make me cry tears of joy for you more often than not.

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Kjarlune January 24, 2013 at 8:54 pm

Angel you are AMAZING!!!!! I had the sleeve in August and am down 130…Started at 424…you are inspiring…Thank you and as a fellow sleever… we did not take the easy way at all!!! so AWESOME!!!! huge hugs from a fellow sleever!

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Yvonne McCarthy February 8, 2013 at 4:41 pm

My second favorite quote is Nelson Mandela’s “resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die”. Even though your feelings are probably more about being hurt, it’s the same process. Some people have such horrible lives and the only thing they seem to get any joy from is being a troll. Some stay with the same subject matter and some cross over and spew vitriol anywhere they can. It’s not about you pretty lady….their thrill comes from your reaction and those who comment with the same reaction.

In a month I will be 12 years out from gastric bypass and I have maintained my 130 pound loss. It is something I have to work on every single day and I had to find a way to get out of my messy head so I volunteer full time online helping and supporting anyone regarding anything WLS. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was acknowledging these trolls, trying to feel some compassion because they are certainly miserable, and then feeling grateful I don’t live in their head. I move around that bump in the road and keep heading toward what I want most in life. I also realized that while I spend tons of time trying to change that person’s mind, I have lost so much time that I could have been helping someone who wants it. I have a Facebook page called Bariatric Girl and there are several motivational images there. One of them says “Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you”. Another “Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt. You are beautiful. All those comments about PhotoShop aren’t even serious. They are just trying to get a reaction. On my blog, You Tube etc. I have to approve the comments first and I just delete the nasty ones and concentrate on the people who are really in need. Sure it hurts for a minute but then I let it go when I realize it really isn’t about me. The moment a Facebook group turns nasty I just leave. I spent 30 years being morbidly obese and it’s time to live! Congratulations on being featured in the Huffington Post. Remember the people who care about you will celebrate your victories. Hugs, Y

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Living 400lbs May 9, 2014 at 6:37 pm

This post came up on another as a “related post” and I just want to respond to “First off–it is obvious your pictures are fake because no one can get that big and stay alive”

Hi! I’ve weighed about 400lbs for 10 years. I’ve weighed over 350lbs for 20 years. During those years I’ve worked in software, taught at community college, dated, gotten married, traveled, been my parents’ caretaker, and so on. Obviously I’ve made different choices than Holly about my weight. That does not mean that people cannot stay alive while weighing 400lbs.

I will also note that during the last 20 years I’ve had years where I work out diligently and (say) walk around Disney World with ease, and I’ve also had years where I don’t work out regularly (or I’ve been injured) and walking a mile takes serious effort. It’s not JUST about weight.
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