Really, Santa??

December 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

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Do  you ever feel this way about the holidays?

It seems like just the other day it was Halloween

And I was thinking how great it was going to be

When Halloween was over

And the endless piles of candy

That they prominently display during the Halloween season

Everywhere I go

Would be put back into their rightful places

Tucked neatly in between the cereal and coffee aisle

Or in their usual racks by the cashier

 

But then I forgot

Halloween was quickly followed by Christmas

And the giant stacks of candy

Were brought out again

 

The second I walk in the door

There they are

I can’t even get my cart

Before I’m met with an endless row

Of Reeses peanut butter cups

But I pass them by without hesitation

Refusing to dwell on the memories

Of our past life together

 

I head to the shampoo

That’s all I want, you know?

I’m just trying to wash my hair

But there they are again

Endless rows of candy

Right in front of the shampoo aisle

I’m not even safe near the soap !!

Food is not supposed to be on this end of the store

With the toothpaste and perfume and greeting cards

And yet there it is

Calling to me….

Reminding me of all the good times….

 

It has cute snowmen on it

Little Christmas trees and angels even!

That means it’s ok, right?

It’s a special occasion

Special enough to inject myself with the poison

That will take me so far back into the food

I’ll wonder where the time went

 

I’ll wake up from the fog next year this time

Realizing I landed in a pile of chocolate

That was just meant for a one time splurge

But ended up being my life

For another year

 

I know myself now

I know I have to keep walking

So I grab my shampoo

Not even sure if it’s the right one

And walk

 

I walk with a purpose

A woman on a mission

I remember my mother’s voice

When I would walk to school as a child

She’d say to me

“Holly…walk with a purpose…don’t look left nor right”

She wanted to make sure I got there quickly

Before someone could snap me up!

 

The same is true now

Walk with a purpose

Don’t look left nor right

Don’t stare straight into the candy

Don’t hesitate

For it could suck you in and blind you

Blind you to its power

Blind you to its poison!

 

It’s time to make my way out of here

Away from my stalker

Who seems to meet me at the end of every aisle

 

I’m just going to grab some vitamins before I go

And then ironically

There they are again

Hershey’s Kisses

You know the ones

Special for Christmas

 

Oh yes…

The Hershey KISS

The Kiss of Chocolate…

But for me

This is no sweet kiss at all

It’s more like

The Kiss of death….

 

And there they are

Stacked SO ironically

In front of the pharmacy

Where we’re all sure to end up some day

If  we were to truly eat the amount of candy

They are trying to serve up to us at every turn

 

So I leave the grocery store

With my pride in tact

I have survived another onslaught

I’ve navigated my way through the mine field

And come out victorious!!

 

Just one more stop on my way home

A visit to the Hallmark store

To pick up some Christmas cards

 

I love that store

It always smells so good

There is always some candle

Filling the air

 

But not today

Today I’m met with a familiar smell

All too familiar

 

And then she greets me as I come in

“Welcome to Hallmark”, she says

But then it comes

The words….

Like slow motion from her mouth

“HELP YOURSELF”

 

And there they are

A plate of cookies

Free for all!

Just a kind token

Of Christmas cheer

To most patrons

But to me

They are my nemesis

 

And so it seems

I can go no where today

Without being met with the food

How many battles must we fight

In one day??

 

The chocolate chip cookie

Has different tactics

There it sits in the refrigerated aisle

Next to the milk

And it says to me

Oh it’s not for YOU, Holly….It’s for the children”

And there it is….

One of my biggest lies of all

 

It took me awhile to realize

How often I use my children

To mask the reality of what I’m buying

 

I can tell myself it’s for them

I can tell myself it’s not “fair” to deny them

But in the end

It is my mouth to which it falls

 

Awhile back

I bought ONE package of cookie dough

For the kids….you know?

And I had a bite

Just one bite

 

But we all know it didn’t end there

Oh I was lucky

Because it could have been worse

It could have ended tragically

With you never seeing or hearing from me again

Because one bite has all the potential

To end the war

WIth me as the loser

And food the winner

 

But I stopped myself

And 2 weeks later

I was still thinking about it

Still wanting to buy them

Still wanting to eat them

 

That’s all it took

Just one bite

And  I was craving them

All over again

 

There they are

The chocolate chip cookies

And there I am

Across the crowded room

We are like star crossed lovers

And that cookie is from the wrong side of the tracks

 

We long for one another

Like Romeo and Juliet

But we are not meant to be together

Like the Capulets and the Montagues

 

Because the endings are much the same

Death and disaster

Yes..in that way

We are very much the tragic love story

 

For in the end

I’m always the one

Plunging the dagger into my chest

Only the dagger

Is made of cookies

And cake

And pie

And candy

And sugar

But the result is the same

 

Only this time

I’m rewriting the ending

This time

I’m walking away

 

I survived the grocery store

I survived the Hallmark store

I just wanted shampoo and some vitamins

And a Christmas card

But to obtain these things

I had to prepare for war

 

It’s a battlefield

Even at the holidays

More so at the holidays!

And it won’t let up

Because next will come Valentine’s Day

And with it

Another onslaught of candy

 

So we fight

Whether it’s visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads

Or visions of candy up every aisle of the grocery store

We all know the truth

There is no such thing as a special occasion

For someone who can’t say no

After just one bite

 

The special occasion for me

Is this

That today I got out of bed without help

That today I tied my own shoes

That today I played with my children

And never ran out of breath!

 

Christmas is a time of miracles

The miracle that Jesus came into the world

Humbly and without fireworks

But with one clear mission

To save the world

 

The fact that I woke up today

And navigated the land mine of food

That was everywhere I went

Even in spite of my efforts to avoid it

The fact that I came home with only the things

I intended to buy

That is my miracle

 

That miracle is fashioned

By the Saviour

Who was born in a manger

So that I could live

 

And I’ve finally learned

That I can celebrate that

Without chocolate

_______________________________________________

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Sara Thornton December 21, 2012 at 4:52 am

This is sooo true. I really am not doing that great with temptation. But luckily have not gained any back. I will prevail! I am so proud of you for not grabbing one. I would not have been so strong. I have had a number of Christmas cookies already. *sigh*

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 21, 2012 at 5:59 am

I totally relate Sara. This is such a tough time of year. Temptation is everywhere! I want you to know that I am really proud of you. I know how hard you have fought to get where you are and you have made amazing progress!! I know that you will get through this difficult period of time and before long you’ll be losing again!! You can do it! You are strong and you never give up. That is what I love about you!
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Staci December 21, 2012 at 5:13 am

It’s just unreal. Last week, I sent my husband to shop for me because I knew I just couldn’t face it. It’s EVERYWHERE. And you can guarantee come Jan 1st all the V-day and Easter candies will start hitting the shelves. @@
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 21, 2012 at 6:00 am

Like you said, it is everywhere. It amazes me how every single aisle it seems can be filled to the brim with candy! Walmart is equally bad. Its almost like I can’t shop without a blindfold!! And you’re right, Easter will bring another onslaught. Can I get your husband to shop for me too?? LOL Maybe he can mail it to me!
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Pam December 21, 2012 at 5:56 am

This time of year is very hard. Food and candy is everywhere. In one of your pictures, there was a red bag of Lindor Truffles. I am addicted to all candy, all sugar, but those Lindor Truffles, OMG, they are truly TO DIE FOR! I bought a couple mini bags of them for Christmas stockings. They are all in big sacks up in my Hall closet waiting for the stuffing of stockings which takes place late Christmas Eve. For some reason they don’t tempt me now….probably because out of sight is out of mind, but I hope that lack of desire or temptation lasts when the stockings are emptied Christmas Day and the candy is more visible!!!

We have to be strong every day Holly. But if we slip for just a minute, we also have to realize we can start over. One slip doesn’t mean we regain every pound, it just means we have to try harder. NEVER NEVER NEVER give up. That’s my mantra!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 21, 2012 at 6:02 am

So true Pam!! And you know what? I took the pictures down b/c I suddenly realized they might be a trigger to someone. I mean truly just the visual image popping in your mind can be enough to lead a person down that road. Including me! What was I thinking??! But you give me hope, Pam, that maintenance can be done and done well! You are my hero!
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Linda Kuil December 21, 2012 at 12:35 pm

It does bombard us from just about every angle doesn’t it? The Valentine’s candy will be out on January 2nd, and then on February 15th (along with the VD candy at 75% off) Easter will be all set up. The only chance we get to breathe is those few months of summer. Thank God for no 4th of July basket or stocking!!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 21, 2012 at 2:24 pm

hahaha…you’re right!! At least we have the 4th of July! Grilling steaks and hamburgers is right up my alley! That one I can do!

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Jen December 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Hi Holly! Thanks for a great post. I loved the point you made that —
“That was just meant for a one time splurge, But ended up being my life, For another year.” Ugh! This is so so true. If I am eating a lot of sugar, my body will be addicted to it, and it will be harder for me to say NO to it once Christmas is over. Food does not have to be our celebration–I’m still learning this one! It does take daily persistence and dedication. Thanks again!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 21, 2012 at 2:24 pm

So true Jen! Thanks!

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Courtney December 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Way to overcome the food land mines! A couple things I’ve found that help me not even have to see sweets or snack food very often is by switching where I shop. For toiletries and household items I shop on soap.com or diapers.com (free two day shipping!). It really helps me avoid those impulse purchases I tend to make at stores and cuts down on errand running time. I also shop at a co-op grocery store (it is a fraction of the size of supermarkets) where there is very little candy, although the last couple weeks I’ve seen a noticeable increase of holiday treats. Some things are more expensive than a chain grocery store, some are less if you’re already buying organic, but it is a much easier place for me to avoid food temptations. Hope you have a wonderful day!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 21, 2012 at 2:23 pm

What a great idea Courtney! This is a really awesome suggestion. I’m going to start doing this!

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Karen Sanders December 21, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I cannot even fathom how hard Christmas must be for you. Here’s to a Merry, less sugary one!
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Tasha Cantrell December 21, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Hello Holly! I have just found your page today…and liked you on Facebook. 🙂 I totally understand your struggle. I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on October 26th of this year. I don’t have as much of a challenge as you have faced but I know weight loss is a struggle no matter what. I am so very proud for you and LOVE that you have placed God in the center of your journey! I will be praying for you and I look forward to following your blog.

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Lady Amanda December 22, 2012 at 12:07 am

Loved the little letter to santa- so I had to post it to my facebook so everyone could see it! It does seem like one holiday after another happens and it is a constant stream of food. I agree. There are treats around every bend. It is like the food industry it trying to torture us on a daily basis.

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Daphne @ Daphne Alive December 22, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Great post! It’s true, starting in September we’re hit with Halloween candy, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas!! I actually quit checking my Pinterest because of all the food recipes floating around, and I quit checking blogs that featured holiday treats and snacks. But going out and about is a totally different matter!
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Linda Sherwood December 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I pretty much had to unsubscribe from all of the recipe boards on Pinterest because all I saw was food when I logged in. I was tired of being tempted by things I didn’t need to eat.

I shared your picture and linked to this blog from my blog. Stay strong, Holly! I love your stamina and encouragement for all of us. 🙂
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Tracy December 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

this post really spoke to me this morning!!! lets stay strong and keep fighting the good fight!!!!

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suzanne December 24, 2012 at 1:40 am

I walked through the grocery store with no problem until I was almost out and saw a display of dark chocolate sea salt covered peppermint chocolates for 2.99. I started walking faster!!
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