Really, Santa??

 

Do  you ever feel this way about the holidays?

It seems like just the other day it was Halloween

And I was thinking how great it was going to be

When Halloween was over

And the endless piles of candy

That they prominently display during the Halloween season

Everywhere I go

Would be put back into their rightful places

Tucked neatly in between the cereal and coffee aisle

Or in their usual racks by the cashier

 

But then I forgot

Halloween was quickly followed by Christmas

And the giant stacks of candy

Were brought out again

 

The second I walk in the door

There they are

I can’t even get my cart

Before I’m met with an endless row

Of Reeses peanut butter cups

But I pass them by without hesitation

Refusing to dwell on the memories

Of our past life together

 

I head to the shampoo

That’s all I want, you know?

I’m just trying to wash my hair

But there they are again

Endless rows of candy

Right in front of the shampoo aisle

I’m not even safe near the soap !!

Food is not supposed to be on this end of the store

With the toothpaste and perfume and greeting cards

And yet there it is

Calling to me….

Reminding me of all the good times….

 

It has cute snowmen on it

Little Christmas trees and angels even!

That means it’s ok, right?

It’s a special occasion

Special enough to inject myself with the poison

That will take me so far back into the food

I’ll wonder where the time went

 

I’ll wake up from the fog next year this time

Realizing I landed in a pile of chocolate

That was just meant for a one time splurge

But ended up being my life

For another year

 

I know myself now

I know I have to keep walking

So I grab my shampoo

Not even sure if it’s the right one

And walk

 

I walk with a purpose

A woman on a mission

I remember my mother’s voice

When I would walk to school as a child

She’d say to me

“Holly…walk with a purpose…don’t look left nor right”

She wanted to make sure I got there quickly

Before someone could snap me up!

 

The same is true now

Walk with a purpose

Don’t look left nor right

Don’t stare straight into the candy

Don’t hesitate

For it could suck you in and blind you

Blind you to its power

Blind you to its poison!

 

It’s time to make my way out of here

Away from my stalker

Who seems to meet me at the end of every aisle

 

I’m just going to grab some vitamins before I go

And then ironically

There they are again

Hershey’s Kisses

You know the ones

Special for Christmas

 

Oh yes…

The Hershey KISS

The Kiss of Chocolate…

But for me

This is no sweet kiss at all

It’s more like

The Kiss of death….

 

And there they are

Stacked SO ironically

In front of the pharmacy

Where we’re all sure to end up some day

If  we were to truly eat the amount of candy

They are trying to serve up to us at every turn

 

So I leave the grocery store

With my pride in tact

I have survived another onslaught

I’ve navigated my way through the mine field

And come out victorious!!

 

Just one more stop on my way home

A visit to the Hallmark store

To pick up some Christmas cards

 

I love that store

It always smells so good

There is always some candle

Filling the air

 

But not today

Today I’m met with a familiar smell

All too familiar

 

And then she greets me as I come in

“Welcome to Hallmark”, she says

But then it comes

The words….

Like slow motion from her mouth

“HELP YOURSELF”

 

And there they are

A plate of cookies

Free for all!

Just a kind token

Of Christmas cheer

To most patrons

But to me

They are my nemesis

 

And so it seems

I can go no where today

Without being met with the food

How many battles must we fight

In one day??

 

The chocolate chip cookie

Has different tactics

There it sits in the refrigerated aisle

Next to the milk

And it says to me

“Oh it’s not for YOU, Holly….It’s for the children”

And there it is….

One of my biggest lies of all

 

It took me awhile to realize

How often I use my children

To mask the reality of what I’m buying

 

I can tell myself it’s for them

I can tell myself it’s not “fair” to deny them

But in the end

It is my mouth to which it falls

 

Awhile back

I bought ONE package of cookie dough

For the kids….you know?

And I had a bite

Just one bite

 

But we all know it didn’t end there

Oh I was lucky

Because it could have been worse

It could have ended tragically

With you never seeing or hearing from me again

Because one bite has all the potential

To end the war

WIth me as the loser

And food the winner

 

But I stopped myself

And 2 weeks later

I was still thinking about it

Still wanting to buy them

Still wanting to eat them

 

That’s all it took

Just one bite

And  I was craving them

All over again

 

There they are

The chocolate chip cookies

And there I am

Across the crowded room

We are like star crossed lovers

And that cookie is from the wrong side of the tracks

 

We long for one another

Like Romeo and Juliet

But we are not meant to be together

Like the Capulets and the Montagues

 

Because the endings are much the same

Death and disaster

Yes..in that way

We are very much the tragic love story

 

For in the end

I’m always the one

Plunging the dagger into my chest

Only the dagger

Is made of cookies

And cake

And pie

And candy

And sugar

But the result is the same

 

Only this time

I’m rewriting the ending

This time

I’m walking away

 

I survived the grocery store

I survived the Hallmark store

I just wanted shampoo and some vitamins

And a Christmas card

But to obtain these things

I had to prepare for war

 

It’s a battlefield

Even at the holidays

More so at the holidays!

And it won’t let up

Because next will come Valentine’s Day

And with it

Another onslaught of candy

 

So we fight

Whether it’s visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads

Or visions of candy up every aisle of the grocery store

We all know the truth

There is no such thing as a special occasion

For someone who can’t say no

After just one bite

 

The special occasion for me

Is this

That today I got out of bed without help

That today I tied my own shoes

That today I played with my children

And never ran out of breath!

 

Christmas is a time of miracles

The miracle that Jesus came into the world

Humbly and without fireworks

But with one clear mission

To save the world

 

The fact that I woke up today

And navigated the land mine of food

That was everywhere I went

Even in spite of my efforts to avoid it

The fact that I came home with only the things

I intended to buy

That is my miracle

 

That miracle is fashioned

By the Saviour

Who was born in a manger

So that I could live

 

And I’ve finally learned

That I can celebrate that

Without chocolate

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