Fashion Disasters

December 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

One of the things

That has plagued me for years

Is Fashion

 

It’s not that I have any fashion sense to begin with

Because I don’t

I’m one of those women

That needs to buy an outfit straight off the display

Complete with all the coordinating pieces

Right down to the jewelry

Because when it comes to putting things together

I just don’t have “it”

Whatever “it” is

 

Maybe it comes from my many years

Of having no choices

For close to 15 years now

I’ve been obese

And with every passing year

My choices became smaller

As I grew bigger

 

For the past 6 years

I could only shop at Catherine’s

As I’d  outgrown

Lane Bryant and Avenue

Plus size sections in other stores

They were no longer within my range

 

So for many years

I had ONE store—Catherine’s

And that was IT

But even within that store

I was limited to the biggest size available

Only what that one store

Carried in that one size

And if they didn’t have what I needed

Then I went without

 

We all have our personalities

The kinds of clothes we’d like to buy

We all have our style preferences

And once upon a time

Way back when

Back in another life

I could wear what I wanted

I could shop for what I wanted to wear

Instead of just what fit

 

But those days were gone

So I wore only what Catherine’s sold

And one year

Much to my dismay

Catherine’s loved zebra print

LOTS OF IT

ON EVERYTHING

 

Not that there is anything wrong with zebra print

I might have even liked it

If I didn’t have to wear it

FOR EVERY SINGLE OUTFIT

 

For quite awhile

Everything I wore down to my underwear

Seemed to be some kind of zebra print!

 

If it wasn’t that

It was polka dots

BIG ONES

Because apparently the buyer at Catherine’s

Loved polka dots too

 

Because when you weigh over 400 pounds

What you really want

Is zebra prints and polka dots

To draw MORE attention to you

Than you already have coming your way

 

Even if I could find a shirt or blouse that I liked

They would always slap some kind of glitter or sparkles on it

And at that point in my life

I didn’t want glitter

Or sparkles

Or zebra print

Or polka dots

 

Yet there  I was

At the mercy of whatever they brought in

That I could find in my size

 

If some buyer got over excited

With gigantic flowers

Then that’s what I was wearing

ON EVERYTHING I OWNED

 

Big gigantic flowers

Or big gigantic polka dots

With glitter

And sparkles

And feathers

 

There were times when I wondered

If plus size fashion designers

Secretly hated obese people

And that they sat around

Coming up with the worst possible clothing designs

To make our lives more miserable than they already are

 

In some ways it was almost a relief

When I outgrew Catherine’s

Because then out of total desperation

I found One Stop Plus on the internet

Which to my relief

Carried clothes up to size 44

 

They had a lot more options

Although the reality

Was that nothing ever really fit

NOT REALLY

 

When you order clothes off the internet

You roll the dice

And besides

Your body is not really one size

At least mine isn’t

The middle of my body might be three different sizes

In three different places

 

And speaking of sizing

Just because I get wider

Does NOT mean I get TALLER!

It’s bad enough to be obese

But I’m also about 5’2″

And it never fails to amaze me

That the wider they make the pants

The LONGER they make the pants!!

As if I’m growing both ways

 

But this was the worst part

THE ABSOLUTE WORST PART

The LOCATION Of the plus size section

In most stores

Is always the farthest away!

 

Why is the regular clothing section

Right by the door

When you first walk in the store?

BUT

To get to the plus size section

You have to walk all the way to the middle of the department store

Get on an escalator

Ride to another level

And then walk to the other end of THAT floor

Before you finally get

To the plus size section

 

I was reminded of all this today

Because I did something crazy

I went to the mall

 

That alone is still kind of insane for me

Because I couldn’t go to the mall for years

Last year in fact

Was the first time in many years

I was able to go to the mall

And walk through Macy’s

And enjoy all the Christmas decorations

 

Here I am exactly one year later

Doing the same thing

And still thinking in my mind

“I’m doing it!! I’m here!!”

 

I walked in the door of Macy’s

And immediately within my first step

I was in the women’s section

THE REGULAR SECTION

Not the plus size section

 

And while I was standing there

I thought to myself

I wonder…..

Because I wonder a lot these days

Can I fit into this?

Can I wear that?

 

After being able to fit into that shirt

At Universal Studios

One off the rack

I wondered if maybe

I could fit into other things too

 

So I did something completely crazy

I picked up 6 different items

Shirts, blouses, sweaters

FROM THE PETITE SECTION

 

Do you know I actually forgot

There WAS a petite section??

I actually forgot that existed!

I used to shop in the petite section

Back in my former life

Before I gained all the weight

Back in my 20’s

But it has been so long

I forgot they had one

 

The plus size section does not have that

It does have “petite” or “short” pant lengths

On the rack mixed in with all the others

IF YOU CAN FIND THEM

And even then

All the planets have to align

For you to not only find your pant size

But then to find one in “petite” or “Short” as well

 

So here I am

Barely in the door of the mall

Already in the womens clothing section

Standing in an entire section devoted to “Petites”

It’s like some magical dreamland

Where everything is for short people!

WOO HOO!!

 

So I made it into the dressing room

With my 6 different items

That I had picked up

In the size

Petite XL

 

That’s right

Not a 5X

Or a 4X

Not even a 1X or XXL

But just little old

Extra Large

 

And then it happened

They all fit

THEY  FIT!!!!!

I can’t even believe that I just typed that

 

I kept staring in the mirror

And then trying to reach around behind me

To double check the tag

Could it be

That I fit into an extra large?

In the REGULAR clothing section????

 

And the best part

Was that there were all kinds of clothes!!!

There were flowers

And zebra print

And cheetah

And glitter

And polka dots

If that’s what you wanted

 

But there were also other things

This crazy, unbelievable, insane concept

CALLED CHOICES !!!!!!!!!

 

Like a nice cream colored sweater that I saw

Just a simple cream sweater

And that’s all I ever wanted, you know?

 

I didn’t want anything fancy

I just wanted a sweater

Just a nice cream sweater

Without the polka dots and the glitter

And the beads

And the feathers

And the giant flowers

And the cheetah

 

Because there are times when I’ll want all that stuff

There are times when I’ll be in a cheetah mood

But sometimes

You just want what you want

Just a basic cream sweater

And you never can get it

Because you don’t fit

And you don’t have choices

 

I just wanted choices

I just wanted the right to wear

What I felt comfortable in

My own style preference

That was all

And for over a decade

That was too much to ask

But not today

 

When I went to the hospital to have my surgery

In July 2011

I was wearing a size 38

I was 3 sizes away from outgrowing

The biggest size available on the internet

 

I have dropped 11 dress sizes

And for the first time ever

I can shop in the regular section

I HAVE CHOICES

 

I can actually shop

For what I want

Not JUST what fits

This is an entirely new concept to me!!

 

So I bought that cream sweater

In size Petite Extra Large

And while there was nothing fancy about it

Nothing sparkly

Or glittery

To me…it was the single greatest clothing purchase

Of my life!!!!!!

 

Today  I did something

I used to love to do

I went to the bookstore

And BROWSED

 

I love to read

And one of my favorite things in the world

Is to be around books

My mom was a librarian

I grew up in libraries

And there is something comforting to me

About a cup of coffee

And endless rows of books to peruse

At my leisure

 

When I lost that ability

It was truly one of the saddest days of my life

For I lost one of my favorite past times

Something that took me out of my misery

And transported me to another world

Something that brought me enjoyment and peace

 

But at 417 pounds

It only brought pain

No longer able to take my time

No longer able to browse

And now

Even the small things

Were gone

 

But today we went to the bookstore

I stood in a long line at the Starbucks counter

Of Barnes and Noble

To get my coffee

The cashier apologized for me having to wait

To which I replied

“I don’t mind one bit!”

Because I don’t

Long lines no longer defeat me

 

I actually enjoy standing there

Because standing in place

Used to horrify me

Standing there

With all your weight pushing down on  you

Pressuring you into the ground

With the excruciating back pain killing you

Your feet killing you

That’s no longer the case

I have the strength to stand

So I stand there

Always being careful to notice

The ABSENCE of pain that I feel

The absolutely amazingly wondrous absence of pain!

 

I spent an hour wandering down the aisles

Taking my time

Sipping my coffee

And simply enjoying life

 

All while wearing

My simple cream sweater

 

Because that’s all I ever really wanted, you know?

I’m not complicated

I don’t require a lot

I like the simple things in life

And today

I was able to have it

 

A nice cup of coffee

Endless rows of books

A sweater I picked out

Because I liked it

Not just because it fit

 

These are the simple pleasures

We often take for granted in life

Until they are stripped away

By the food

Whose merciless domination of your life

Steals from you every last piece of enjoyment you have

Until you’re left with nothing

 

After I bought that sweater in Macy’s

I had only a few steps to the door

From the regular clothing section

Since it’s directly by the front door

Directly by the parking lot

 

But before I left

I glanced back towards the escalator

So far away from the door

I remembered how painful it was for me

To have to walk from the car to the door

Past the regular section

All the way to the escalator

Up to the next floor

All the way to the plus size section

How each step was like walking on nails

 

I was blown away by the irony

That when I could barely walk at all

When I really needed the section by the door

That was when I had to walk the absolute furthest

To get to the section I could fit in

But now that I have the ability to walk everywhere

The clothing section is right by the door

 

Having choices is a glorious thing

But I will never  forget

The fashion disasters that were forced upon me

Simply because

I was obese

 

I will never forget

How far away the plus size sections are always placed

From the door

Making the people that have the hardest time with distance

The ones who have to walk the farthest

 

I’m thankful for the 11 sizes I’ve lost

But with each and every size

I’ve gained a perspective

I never would have gotten

Any other way

 

I’m wearing my cream colored sweater

And it’s lovely

But underneath it

Lie the memories

I will never forget

The pain I will never forget

 

Because I’ve been there

It’s a part of who I am

And it’s a good thing to remember

Because my freedom is precious

And it’s not to be ever taken for granted

 

For the very second we forget

What it was like

That is the moment

Our freedom can be snatched from our hands

Once again

 

I can shop in the regular section of a store now

I can fit into an XL

I have the privilege of choices now

I am not at the mercy of a clothing designer

Who has decided polka dots

Should be on every single thing I own

And it’s amazing

 

But do you know what would be MORE amazing?

If someone out there

Could hire a fashion designer

Who had some compassion for plus sized individuals!!

Who could open their eyes and realize

That being obese

Doesn’t suddenly make you want to wear

Zebra printed polka dotted glittery sparkly sweaters

With feathers hanging off them!!!!!!

 

And while we’re at it

Put the plus size section by the door

And let those who can handle it

Walk to the 2nd floor

ALL THE WAY TO THE END

 

Because if you’re going to make us wear

Gigantic flowers and polka dots  on every single thing we own

Then at least put them by the front door

For the ones who can barely walk!

 

The next time you see a super obese person

In a fashion disaster

Remember this

They had no choice

They were forced to wear what fit

Whatever the merciless compassionless fashion designers

Decided to put them in that year

 

Choices are a beautiful thing

It’s small in comparison to the other

Amazing things that happen to you

When you lose weight

But sometimes it’s the little things in life

That bring you some joy

And that is something I truly wish

Everyone had the opportunity to experience

 

 

 

PS.

 

This must have been bothering me for awhile!!

 

As I just realized I wrote about this same exact topic

 

Over on Breanna’s blog

 

Right before I had the surgery

 

You can check out more of my fashion horrors and disasters

 

By reading the post I wrote here 

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{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

Daphne @ Daphne Alive December 10, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Oh this is SO true. One time I really needed a new sweater and the ONLY one I could fit was this ugly itchy sweater with cats all over it and for some stupid reason they stitched on strings of pearls. I didn’t buy it, I just couldn’t I was about 22 and I didn’t want to look 70 wearing a CAT sweater!

I LOVE your new sweater by the way. I wish we had a Macy’s here!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Oh my gosh…stitching on the necklaces. What is up with that? I know exactly what you are talking about!! And the cats…and the birds…and the glitter…flashbacks!!! LOL

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yulaffin December 10, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I know the feeling. I am on my own weight loss journey and have lost over 200 lbs so far. It is bliss to go from wearing sizes 8-10X to 2X.

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm

WOO HOO!! That is simply amazing! Congratulations! I am sooo happy for you!

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jennxaz December 10, 2012 at 3:14 pm

so true! and I don’t sweat when I shop anymore. I remember my hair would be soaking wet after going to the mall to get a pair of pants!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Oh yes!! The sweating!! So so so true!

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Adelyn December 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I agree that this is so true. I used to get the compliment that I dressed well “for my size”. And I did. And I took pride in that. And it was EXPENSIVE. I would hunt and hunt and hunt for something that looked nice. I even learned to make jewelry to be able to wear it.

Now, I can find clothes EVERYWHERE. In every color and style and PRICE. I am saving money right and left by being smaller. There are more brands and more styles and more stores that I think they all have to lower prices to compete with each other. When you shop at the “one store” you get one choice and one price. And when you find something that fits that does not have zebra, glitter, cats and birds…you just buy it. It is like you are not even allowed to think it should cost a reasonable amount.

It is still a good thing that I know how to make jewelry, however…I have to take all mine apart to make them smaller!!!

yay us!!! We are doing it.

LOVE the sweater to bought.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 10, 2012 at 3:37 pm

How did I forget about the cats and the birds?? Did I block it out? And SO true about us not even looking at the price. No choice in the matter!! And you make jewelry? That’s awesome! Do you have an etsy shop or something? Would love to check it out.

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Adelyn December 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I don’t have a shop. I should!! I just make what I wear.

I did once ask a store clerk for the non-fowl section of sweaters. She didn’t appreciate it. But seriously…what is with all the birds on sweaters?!?!? I don’t get it. 😉
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Dawn December 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Awesome! I still have mental blocks about sizing – I seem to still gravitate to the largest size, even though I know that it’s too big for me. I can’t seem to believe that I need the smaller sizes – I have to just make a manual choice (rather than automatic) to the smaller size, but I always doubt.
You look great, and it sounds like you feel great too, which is way more important!
Dawn
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Liza Glick December 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Browsing the bookstore with a cup of coffee is one of my favorite things to do too! You look beautiful in that sweater, enjoy it and all your choices now – you’ve earned them!

Liza – who is down 6lbs! 🙂

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Ducky December 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I love “feeling” along these journeys with you. Not sure if that makes much sense but I felt so excited while reading about your choosing items and them actually fitting! Strange as it is, sometimes the actual size has nothing to do with finding clothing that fits. I DETEST shopping. RARE is it that I find something that I both like and that fits me. I wear the same ONE pair of jeans until they literally fall apart and am the same with bras. I have such a hard time finding items that fit well and that I feel good in. Most of the time I am in yoga pants and a hoodie or oversized Tee.

HUGE congrats on your continued success and enjoyment of life. Its a great journey!
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Kim December 10, 2012 at 4:53 pm

That sweater is ADORABLE! Congrats!
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Linda Kuil December 10, 2012 at 4:56 pm

They put the plus-sized section in the back because they aren’t usually as fashionable as the women’s clothing. I am 5′ tall, and it always pissed me off that my size 22/24 was made for a 6′ tall woman. Occasionally I was able to find “short” jeans, but it wasn’t the norm. Being able to buy anything you want is DANGEROUS!! I went to Kohl’s on Saturday and found $6.99 sweaters in the juniors’ section! I got a juniors’ XL long cardigan for $6.99 then 20% off! How can you pass that up?
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Sabrina December 10, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Awesome – It drives me crazy that the plus size section is upstairs with the kids clothes and appliances.

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Lady Amanda December 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I wish we were closer because I would put wild girl in her cream sweater and you guys could pose together- it would make a super duper cute pic. Am soo happy you are back to book shopping in person. Am so glad you have a blog because I know it is opening the eyes of many people who read it and would never ever think of the fact that people sometimes don’t get a choice at what they wear. I feel like all of the designers have gone mad because I like solid colors and they are next to impossible to find- unless they are soo low cut that who ever wears it might as well be naked. And I agree with the lady about the bird sweaters- what is the deal with that? It is like they think that you need a bird, a tree, or a dog slapped on every sweater. Haven’t the designers clued in that people actually have BAD SWEATER parties nowdays – and they are making fun of a lot of the stuff that has tons of stuff plastered all over it- and that those of us who actually want a sweater we can wear everyday are looking for something normal and not decorated. I wish I had talent in art because I would design and market clothes for plus sized people- and they would all be plain- with solid colors. 🙂

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Sunny December 10, 2012 at 6:59 pm

This was such a great post. Yes, I have bought things only because it fits. You have done such a great job.

I had my surgery on 12-4-12 and just beginning my journey. I need to lose at least 100 lbs. I can do this!!

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Mimi December 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

You go girl! You are looking fantastic! This is a huge milestone in your journey! You should be so so proud of yourself! I hate how the clothes are separated . . . .or should I say segregated like that. It’s just not right. I still cringe remembering having to shop in “that” section. Keep up the awesome work!!
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Mary Ellen December 10, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Holly,
I cannot tell you how much I love your blog! You hit the nail on the head with respect to the loud patterns and colors that are often the only available choices in plus size clothing. I am on my own weight loss journey while following along with yours. I still cannot believe it when regular size clothing fits me. Have you considered writing a book? You have a gift. Thanks for the encouragement you give me every week! All the best, Mary Ellen

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 11, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Thanks Mary Ellen!! That’s so nice of you! I am so happy for the progress and success you have had on your own weight loss journey!! That is awesome!! And your comments are an encouragemnt to me!!

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Amanda December 10, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Yes! The day I gave up Lane Bryant was one of the happiest days of my life. You’re right..the buyers hate fat people…what fat person wants to wear giant anything? Or something that draws attention to their butt or their stomach? Or wear a tent with no shape or real design? Ugh. To have choices! Congratulations on the PXL!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

The tents with no shape! What is up with that?? My daughter, Savannah, tells me that is the plus size fashion designers attempt at a Maxi Dress but I’m not so sure. I also wonder why so many things are sleeveless in the plus size section? Am I the only one trying to cover up my arms? UGH. They need to hire all of us to be their buyers!

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Jane T. December 10, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I agree the simple thing in life are truly the best..good reminder not to take any of the little wonders in life for granted. And you look darling in your sweater!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 11, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Thanks Jane!!

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Alicia@ eco friendly homemaking December 10, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Oh Congratulations!! Your sweater is so pretty and looks great on you!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 11, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Thanks Alicia!!

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Tammy December 10, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Congratulations! You’re living my dream. Your cream sweater is a dream of mine too and I absolutely love that the sleeves are the right length. Like you mentioned, the bigger the size the taller they must think you are. I wear a 5x blouse and have to buy 3/4 sleeves only. Full length are about six inches too long. Come on! I won’t wear anything that doesn’t at least come past my elbow, so that leaves 3/4.

Catherine’s is the one and only store that I can buy female clothes from. Nothing else fits, and I am at the top of the sizes for shirts. I’ve given up on finding pants there. My calves are two wide. I have to buy my pants online from the same men’s catalog that I purchase my husband’s clothes.

At my size, the last thing I want to do is call attention to myself, so I really don’t want the sequins or glitter or the big flowery or wild prints. I won’t buy the sequins or glitter, so that leaves me with loud flowery or wild prints.

I hope someday to have the same experience that you had at Macy’s. Until then, I am hard to miss…not only because of my size but because of my bold zebra print.

Enjoy all the new experiences!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 11, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I completely agree Tammy. Who wants to call attention to their butt with glitter and flowers?? I am so glad to know I’m not the only one feeling this way! When that is almost all they offer, you begin to wonder if you’re the only one that doesn’t like that fashion statement! Good to know I’m not alone! I went to your blog and I love your honesty. I know this is a tough uphill battle but you can do it!

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Jill December 11, 2012 at 6:17 am

Oh, again this post spoke to me. Plus size clothing choices… don’t exist. And I don’t understand why they don’t get it. What is up with the sequins, cats, flowers, sunsets, and other embellishements? Honestly, when I was at size 32… really, I would have killed for a simple 3/4 sleeve plain, dark shirt. (because you know, I wanted to be invisible at that size) But no… let’s only have hot pink shirts with giant lime green tulips on it available… Arrrgh. I’m just stating to get to the point that I have no idea where my body is… I had a whole boutique of clothing sizes in my closet, from 22 to 32… and the 22 pants are starting to be pretty loose…and it’s actually crazy how weird I feel about that… I’ve been living in my closet for years, never having to get new pants (unless it was a LARGER size) and the thought of actually need to go to a store in a few weeks to get a *gasp* size 20, has me a little freaked out. And part of it is the choices… at a size 32, you are so right, there are no choices, you just buy whatever isn’t tight. And while 20 still plus size,, there are a heck of lot more choices. AND I’ve also just realized that I could shop in the plus size dept at Macy’s now… which I havent’ done in years because I was far past the size 24 option… and that overwhelms me too. So crazy this journey is… And GOOD ON YOU for finding a PXL sweater! It IS a milestone 🙂

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 11, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I sooo understand the issue about the sleeves. This is SOO true! And the hot pink shirt with lime tulips? I am pretty sure I own it! Once you get to an 18/20 you can really start finding some clothes so that is very exciting! I just recently made it into a 16 and that’s when the world really opened it. I almost can’t even fathom what the future will bring!

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Pam December 11, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Another great blog Holly. You write so beautifully and I relate to everything you speak of–never ever forget where we came from and appreciate the little things! I hope when you hit goal, or even before, you compile all these blogs into one fabulous book. I would buy it!

I do want to warn you–now that you’re fitting into regular sizes–be very very careful. I went a little wild myself. It was like a wonderland when I walked into the store and had so many choices. Like you I had sized myself out of every real store, even those that exclusively sold BIG sizes, and had to order all my clothes on-line, so I could get my 5X’s! But when I fit into XL’s, and eventually L’s and even some M’s, I went nuts. I bought so many beautiful new clothes, simply because I could. Now I have the credit card bills and overflowing closet to show for it. Since I’m about to retire (only 6 more days to work!), I won’t have much cause to wear all my beautiful new clothes, which is kind of sad. Like you, I can wear petite, at least in pants. My waist is long, but my legs are short. Like you said, we are all many different sizes! How I used to yearn for long, lean legs, but that was not to be, even losing 178 lbs. didn’t make my legs any longer! But those petite size 10 slacks and jeans sure fit nice, and sometimes even an 8! Isn’t shopping fun?! I’m at the mall all the time–and I hadn’t been there in years either! Now, hopefully those department stores will get the message–and move those BIG size sections to the FRONT of the store where they belong! GO HOLLY GO!!!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 11, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I hear you on that Pam!! We definitely have to be careful that we don’t transfer one addiction for another! I know shopping is just on the tip of being fun for me. I can honestly say I’ve more than hated and despised it for years and years. It is great joy to be able to have choices or to know you will be able to find something if you need it. Good warning though! I know I have heard from a lot of people that they went a little overboard when they lost weight! I guess they made up for lost time!!

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Kristen December 12, 2012 at 10:08 am

My sister and I have a weight loss wall in our kitchen where we write on sticky notes about things that encourage us on our weight loss journeys. One of our stickers says “Plus size clothing is UGLY” because a lot of it is! She jokes with me that most of my stickers are about clothing, anyways 🙂 It can be more expensive too! I just bought a simple black sweater dress and because the ones from the stores at the mall are all too small and tight, I had to pay 80 bucks for one from LB. It was ridiculous.

But your sweater looks gorgeous on you! Keep up the great work and keep inspiring others!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down December 12, 2012 at 11:59 am

I love your idea of a weight loss wall where you write sticky notes to encourage yourself. I used to do this with post it notes all over the house but then it seems I forgot about how helpful it was. What a great idea!!! It’s really awesome that you and your sister can work together. And I totally understand the price hikes on the plus size clothing! Now that I can shop at Ross and Marshall’s I can’t believe how much money I can save!

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Kirsten April 4, 2013 at 4:16 am

First, I just want to tell you, Holly, that I love your blog, you’re an awesome inspiration to all of us, and I’m wreak fan.

Oh I so hear you about how all tops, sweaters, blouses and other “up top” clothing apparently MUST be festooned with sequins, glitter, appliques, rhinestones, beads, pearls, bows, ruffles, and stitched on necklaces. If not that, then everything must have screen printed kittens, butterflies or bunnies. I have found that to be the norm in plus size fashion, whether in actual shops or online. Supposedly the idea is to draw the eye upward and away from, uh, the rest of unsightly you, but all it does is draw the eye to all of unsightly you. Which makes me uncomfortable. There is nothing inherently wrong with all these types of festoon, but I just want to blend, disappear into the background so that people don’t stare and whisper, teenagers (an occassionally adults) don’t laugh and make barnyard animal noises at you and little kids don’t say ‘Mommy/Daddy why is that lady so FAT?!’.

(once upon a time a parent would shush their child and tell them notto be rude, but now they just say things like ‘Because she’s a big fat stinky pig who wants to eat all the food so skinny people can’t have it.’ True story.

But I digress.)

However, I can get past all that festooning, because as you said, it’s all that’s available. And while it’s possible to find petite or short pants, it’s extremely difficult – because apparently the majority of severly obese people are short.

What I cannot get past is that shirts, tops, and blouses nearly always have arms that hang to the floor (in keeping with our supposed giraffe length legs theme), great big scoop necklines or choker colar tight crew collars (why is there NEVER v-neck anything?), and the kicker? The shirts, tops and blouses barely skim your hips, so that every step you take exposes your bare belly, your fat roll(s) bouncing all over the place, and always what looks like camel toe….even though it’s not….it’s just that when your fat everything pulls in weird ways and creates illusions, and never the flattering kind.

And why wh WHY, when you find pants in your size, must it always come with a belt that doesn’t even begin to meet? Should the belt not be the same waist size as the pants?? I can’t follow the logic on that at all. I mean, first off, fat people generally don’t wear belts because we generally do t tuck in our shirts, but in the event such a thing ever happened, the belt should fit!

Anybody know what I mean?

I mean c’mon…….every single pair of pants or jeans has to have 5-6 inches or more taken off (rather than walk off the excess length…) and all sleeves have to be tight rolled to stay up, but the hem line barely covers anything. I hate that! Even as a fat person I don’t want to see that on anyone else……I know how disgusting it looks. To be honest, I don’t want to see anyone’s belly, fat or skinny. Save the skin for the pool and the beach.

I have a theory about all this: I really think that manufacturers and designers are in cahoots and want to shame us into losing weight, or at least never being seen in public, by severely restricting our choices in clothing and only providing us with selections we’d not be seen dead in if we had another choice. I really do. I’ve been told so many times that the fact that there are ANY choices out there is simply enabling me to be/stay fat. Ive also been told things like ‘no point in giving you people anything fashionable…….nobody wants to see you anyway, and besides you all just drip your food down the front of you when you’re stuffing your face.’. Again, true story.

It follows the same logic as:
‘nobody wants to see you in public you disgusting fat a** so just stay home – wait for it- so why don’t you get off your fat a** and get out and do some exercise?

Or:
‘you should NOT be eating that, in fact yu should not eat AT ALL, EVER – wait for it – but it’s my birthday, I’ll be offended if you don’t have one little piece of cake, it can’t possibly hurt your diet.
Or, my latest fav, from a judgmental trainer at an overpriced gym:
‘My GOD, you’re SO unfit! How did you let yourself GET to this point?? You need to step it, now, get moving, faster, harder, GO!’

Because all this things make total sense, right? Aye aye aye.

But thats alright, because I was sleeved 18 Feb, at 288lbs and I’m down to 256, so I’m doing alright. A little slower than a lot of new sleevers, but I’m quite pleased with my results. Thats about 4.5lbs a week, if you factor in my 2 weeks and a bit stall. Certainly better results than I EVER had with WW or any other diet (and I tried them all!) not to mention the results. Got from the lap band (just couldn’t make that work; wasn’t right, for me). So if I can keep up even just 1/2 that momentum, I’ll be 4 lbs lighter than the lightest specific weight I can ever recall in my whole life. I mean obviously I wasn’t always 185 lbs, but I can’t recall any number lower than that. I just know that I was 14 and 185lbs, and even though I was still fat, I was able to buy clothes in the normal sections of normal stores. I could wear a 14 easily and squeeze into a 12, although it was pretty snug.

I will get there. When I do, will not forget where I came from. Not everyone is willing, or fortunate enough to have surgery to help with their weight, and I am very lucky in that regard. I will make the cost of this very amazing tool I’ve been given and hopefully become an inspiration to others as well.

Cheers

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