Another Giveaway is in the works for January!
The Giveaway winner for December announced at the end of this page!
Every year on Christmas Eve
We bake cookies
And leave them for Santa
I eat them
I mean what choice do I have right?
It’s not my fault someone invented this tradition
But as a good mother
I need to follow through with it
I even have a special little plate we leave out
“Cookies for Santa”
Am I going to ruin the fun of Christmas?
I am addicted to sugar
If sugar was an illegal drug
I would have been
Hobbling down some dark alley
To obtain it
Meeting with my dealer
Down some stairwell off a back street
In the dead of night
To buy my white powder in a baggie
For whatever the cost
Hobbling because I could barely walk
From what it had done to me
But when I’m eating sugar
I’ll do most anything to get more
I wonder sometimes
With the closing of Hostess
If there aren’t people doing this very thing
Exchanging twinkies in some darkened basement
And I never forget
How that could easily be me
If I allowed myself to minimize the devastating effects
It has on my life
Cookies for Santa
What a sweet tradition
What a deadly decision for me
Because will it end at one cookie?
Or will this be the time
I get lost in it
It’s not worth the risk
And I know that
So I decide to buck the system
No cookies for Santa
And now I’m the Grinch….
My son is the youngest
He doesn’t quite get that leaving cookies for Santa
Is the equivalent
Of leaving out drugs for a drug addict
The addict being me
That his Mom might end up sneaking through the hallways
To eat them herself
And fall headfirst down the rabbit hole
That took Alice to Crazy Town
But I consider it
Because I want my son to be happy
I want him to have the same memories
The others had
The same fun
It’s so hard to live inside my brain
The little devil on one shoulder
The little angel on the other
Both of them screaming at me
Telling me what to do
And what to NOT do
But this year I know something new
I know that the way I eat now
Is not some temporary “diet” I am on
Something I am doing until I hit a certain number
It’s just how I live
It HAS to be
To remain free
So knowing that means
I can’t take a day off
I can’t just decide to eat cookies
Because it’s a Christmas tradition
I can’t just decide to take time off
For the holidays
Because taking time off from the way I live
Would be like taking time off
From being a Mother
Taking time off
From paying my mortgage
Can I do that because it’s the holidays?
Can I tell the kids I’m not going to be their mother
Because it’s Christmas?
Can I tell the water company
I’m not going to pay my bill
Because it’s the holidays?
No these are things you don’t take time off from
Because you can’t
You’re committed to parenting your kids
No matter what
Holidays, sick days, “don’t feel like it” days
You just can’t skip out
That would be like saying
It’s not that important
Or it’s important
But not enough to stick to it
Over the holidays
This way of eating
Is now my life
Its non negotiable
Like being a Mom
Like paying the mortgage
This is my life
Because this is where freedom lies
And I won’t give that up
Not even for Santa
I used to view it as a punishment
Having to refuse sugar
But I don’t see it that way now
If someone offered me poison
Or something I was allergic to
Would I view refusing it as a punishment?
I would view it as a blessing!
And that’s how I view this
Yesterday I denied myself
And all the sugary foods that used to mean
Christmas is here
And you know what happened?
I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT
And I never thought THAT day would come!
But there is power in it
Because you know that there are other things out there you can eat
There are other options
So why poison yourself with the very venom that is trying to kill you?
Sticking to the plan on the holiday
Means this is no longer a ‘plan’ or a ‘diet’ or a temporary fix
It means this is my life
This is my freedom
And not even a man in a red suit can take it from me!!
My son left this letter for Santa on the table
I thought it was cute!!
Here I am with my older girls
In our matching Christmas pajamas!
This is the first time
That I have ever been able to do this
To buy matching pajamas to wear with my kids
I’ve always wanted to
I’ve often admired the pictures I see posted of others doing this
But it was certainly not something I could ever do
UNTIL THIS CHRISTMAS!!
We walked into a store
We saw matching outfits
We picked up one in each size
And we did it as if it was
A totally normal thing to do
Finding MY size
In the same area
This is crazy!!
I could barely believe it happened!
Here are the kids
Here they are opening presents
CJ looks pretty happy
In spite of the fact
That no cookies were left for Santa
It appears he isn’t scarred for life after all!
Being a single mom
Means no father to drive them to the store
To help them pick out presents to give me
But my kids have never let that stop them
They are resourceful
And they make things for me
And you know what?
I will treasure them more
Than anything they could ever have bought in a store!
I hope next year when Savannah can drive
That they will stick to the homemade creations instead
Because they bring me joy!
This is what Annabelle, Charlotte, and CJ made me this year
A motivational scrapbook of sorts!
And I LOVE it!!
Savannah gave me this poem which I love!
And this year I gave a present to MYSELF!
A 5 mile walk!
You see…I woke up thinking to myself
It’s Christmas! You deserve a day off!
Why Exercise? This is the perfect excuse not to!
But then my brother
Who has now lost 270 Pounds
Texted me “Merry Christmas”
Followed by this picture of him and Beth
And this one
And this one
And they looked pretty happy in those pictures
I thought to myself
“Come on Holly…the presents are opened…there are 24 hours in this day…
You can’t take even 10 minutes for a walk?”
I mean it’s not like I’m saying “yes” to something bad
I’m saying “yes” to exercise
Yes to the very thing that has literally
Changed my life
Because even a short walk
Makes my knees and my hips feel better
So I decided I would not be defeated today
Today of ALL days
I will celebrate Christmas
With a gift to myself
Annabelle came with me
And we threw on our Santa Hats
With the tiaras
Because we ALL should have a tiara
And wear it proudly
We are sons and daughters of the King
So wear your crown
And walk in victory!!
And that 10 minute walk
Turned into 5 miles!
Because once I got out the door
This isn’t so bad!
And that’s always how it works
Getting out of the door
Is 90% of the battle!
Because once you do
You’re on your way to victory!
I hope your Christmas was special
Because you are very special to me!
I can’t believe the gift I have been given
Through the people I have met here
You all uplift and encourage me
And I hope you know
That even if your holidays did not go as planned
Tomorrow is another day
His Mercies ARE new every morning!
Holidays can be tough
For some they remind you of losses
For others they are filled with temptations
But regardless of where you’ve been
Today is a new day!
Remember that book my kids made for me
The cover says
“Never give up!”
So let’s keep going!
Let’s keep getting up when we fall!
Let’s take on that mountain
And climb right into the New Year!
Straight into 2013 together
Congratulations to Madeline for winning the “I Love Coffee Giveaway!”
If you didn’t win this time, there will be more to come so check back!
Another one in the works for January!