Fatal Attraction

November 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Have you ever felt like this?

 

If you have a love affair with food

You’re not alone

Many people do

Then wonder why it is so hard

To get away from it

To break up with it

To go on a diet and stick to it

It’s not as simple

As eat less and move more

Not when there are emotional ties

 

Just look at a few phrases we use

 

Comfort Food

Source: google.com via Holly on And see how many cookbooks you get

 

 

 

We’re not looking for food to curb our hunger

We’re looking for comfort

And we’re looking for it IN FOOD

Clearly we are not alone

Because so many books

Sell themselves based on that phrase alone

 

You see

Food DOES  give comfort

It does bring relief

But that’s not all it brings

With its sweet embrace

 

It wraps you in its arms

And whispers softly

For you to surrender

To your feelings

To your emotions

Give in“, it says,”….Let go…”

Just lay back and bask in the sweet glow

Of the comfort food

 

Don’t think about what will happen tomorrow

Don’t worry about the consequences

Of our tryst

Of our passionate night together

Just live for the moment

Live for right now

Consume me…it says

Throw caution to the wind

 

Do you think food does not offer a steamy relationship

Full of passion

How many times have I hidden our love?

Planned for those secret moments we could be together

Just the two of us

 

It was my secret lover

I would make excuses to leave the house

So I could be with my love

Stealing moments so we could be together

 

We would find an empty space in a parking lot

Where I could devour my love

Glancing up at times to make sure

No one I knew was driving by

To catch me in the act

 

I would make sure to hide all the evidence

Often feeling guilty afterwards

But then anxiously awaiting

Our next secret meeting

Longing for those moments we could be together

 

Here is our love song

 

Food offers a real relationship

Complete with emotions

Complete with the high you get

From something that can make you feel

Safe

Warm

Loved

 

The excitement

Anticipation

Of your time together

The rush when you finally see each other again

The sadness when you’re apart

Tell me that’s not a real life love affair

 

It can get dirty too

Steamy, hot, passionate, forbidden

Risky, exciting, and just BAD

You don’t think so?

Ever heard of

FOOD PORN

 

People spend hours

Looking at pictures of food

Like Playboy and Hustler

There are entire magazines devoted

To nothing but food

 

Like someone planning for a big date

We spend hours preparing for that meal

Shopping for it

Decorating the table

Arranging it on the plate

Awaiting that moment we get to sink our teeth in

And consume it

 

We have tv shows

And cookbooks

And endless amounts of pictures

We food gawk

We food stalk

Spending hours on pinterest

Lusting over recipes

Lusting over the tantalizing promises

That they bring to our minds

 

Like a porn addict

We can’t tear ourselves away

The visual image draws us in

Seduces us

 

Until you find

That your mistress

Is a Dominatrix

And once she has you

She will lock you in chains

And beat you into submission

Soon you’ll find her 31 flavors

Left you with 50 shades of pain

 

I had a long term lustful and passionate affair

With food

The longest lasting relationship I’ve ever been in

It lasted longer than my marriage even

We would break up

But in the end

I’d always go back

 

Oh sure

Maybe there would be a few weeks here and there

Maybe even a month

Where we would see other people

Pretend we were over each other

Sometimes we would see each other in the store

And I’d walk right by

Acting as if I didn’t care

 

There it was on the shelf

Staring at me from afar

Locking eyes

Trying to lure me in

 

The words,”You’ll be back

Rang in my ears

No one will ever love you the way I do

Haunted my dreams

 

And in the end

It always pulled me back

I would convince myself

That this time would be different

That I’d maintain some control

Some boundaries

But soon I’d surrender

Running back into its arms

 

The make up after a break up

Was always the best

Days upon days on end

We would spend isolated with one another

Just the two of us

Consuming one another

As if there was no one else in the world

 

But like all abusive relationships

Something would happen

I’d realize once again

That this was nothing more

Than a vicious cycle

A roller coaster

Of bad mistakes

That only led to pain and misery

 

Right before I had weight loss surgery

I wrote this blog post

Regarding my feelings

About food

I knew then

What I know now

That something drastic had to happen

For the cycle to be broken

 

Abusive relationships are never simple

For some part of you will always remember the good times

I wouldn’t be lying if I said

Food was there for me in my darkest hour

It got me through sleepless nights after my husband left me

Where I had nothing else to look forward to

But morning muffins and evening pie

It got me through panic attacks

And depression

And my mother dying

But in the end

I had to face the fact

That it hurt me more than it helped me

I had thought its love for me was pure

When in the end

My lover was planning my death all along

Like someone secretly slipping poison into your dinner

But then caring for you while you’re sick

It would be my comforter

Even as it poisoned me further each day

The fact that the one hurting you

Is the one comforting you

Is a cunning dichotomy

A shrewd manipulation

To make you more dependent

The weaker you become

It wants you all to itself

Sick and twisted is its love for you

So much so

That it would rather sit by your bedside nursing you in your illness

While secretly being the one that slips the poison into your tea

It will have you all to itself

Or no one will

 I began to see the sick and twisted nature of our love

So I packed my bags

To sneak away in the early hours one morning

Where I willingly submitted myself to a surgery

A restraining order of sorts

Against my abusive lover

Since I couldn’t keep myself away

Even when I tried

My divorce was tough

But this might have been tougher

For I had depended on food all of my life

It had come to me when I was very young

And we had shared a lifetime together

Through good times and bad

What would it take?

For me to say goodbye….

It was a dysfunctional relationship

But it was what I knew

It was how I lived

How I survived

It was what I depended on

And I just didn’t know

If I could really ever let it go

If I could really walk away

Break ups are rough

Especially in the beginning

But if you manage to perservere

To keep your distance

To stay away

You may find in the end

A light that shines in the darkness

One that is pure

Not selfish

One that gives

Instead of takes away

You’ll get stronger

Because soon the poison will leave your body

Without your twisted lover there to serve it up to you at every meal

You will find yourself regaining your stength

And that is when you’ll see

That it never loved you at all

Instead it sought to control you

To make you its slave

But now things are changed

Now you live in the light

And you see your lover for who he is

He looks different in the daylight

He now appears dark and menacing

And you see his lies for what they are

When that lover comes knocking on your  door again

Making false promises

And whispering sweet love songs in your ear

You’ll be stronger

You’ll know

You don’t need that anymore

That destructive life

That dysfunctional relationship

You’ll be able to look that lover in the eye

And say

We are never ever ever getting back together

 

And this time

You’ll mean it

 

It’s true that there will be days

Where you’ll only remember the good times

You’ll think

“Maybe I exaggerated…maybe it wasn’t really all that bad

That’s when you’ll need to remind yourself

Of what you went through

 

The pain

The misery

Being controlled

Being dominated

By something that stalked you day and night

With an obsessive love

That would rather see you dead than free

 

Fatal attraction

That’s what it was

There may be lonely days

There may be tears

But your secret lover

Was nothing more

Than a criminal

Plotting your death

Planning your demise

 

Like a serial killer

He may not have succeeded with you

But he won’t give up

He’s already moved on to his next victim

 

You’ll see them

Limping through the store

Struggling to walk

Loading their carts with the same poison

You once consumed

There they go

On their way to meet your secret lover

 

Are you surprised?

Did you think he was faithful to just you?

Did you think you were the only one?

Your lover is a playboy

With many notches on his belt

 

He lives as a chameleon

Known by many names

For some he is sweet

For others salty

But his dark embrace

Seeks to strangle us all

Tighter and tighter his grip becomes

Until slowly he chokes the very life out of you

 

Now that you see it for what it is

You plan your escape

But there are many who are still under his spell

Say a prayer for them

For you know what they go through

You know the lies they fall for

 

His taste is sweet

But his lips are laced with poison

Tell him it’s over

Tell him you’re not coming back

You deserve more than this

Be free

 

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Staci November 5, 2012 at 5:49 am

Like EVER! 🙂 I am reading a book right now by the lady who wrote Potatoes Not Prozac. It’s about sugar sensitivity and sugar addiction and how to break away. I am in a BAD, BAD PLACE right now, Holly. 🙁 Pray for me. I could use it. Love reading your blog because it’s helpful to me. I deserve to be 400+ right now, and it’s honestly a miracle that I’m not. I feel like this all just took hold of me in the last several months. It’s really creepy.
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Deb November 5, 2012 at 7:56 am

Holly, this post is so true and it hits home after my Friday. I literally could not stop shoveling food into my mouth even though I wasn’t hungry. I ended my day 500 calories over my daily limit, and I could myself lucky that that’s ALL I went over by. I don’t even know what triggered it, but something did and the binging began.

I am happy to say today (and Saturday) were so much better. I am fighting the desire to fall into old habits again.
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Dagny November 5, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Oh Holly!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. So many people need to learn this! It’s a painful truth that some of us must accept! So many people tell themselves they can eat whatever they want “in moderation.” Or they can eat “light” versions of all the foods they’re the most connected to. But it’s like going back to that abusive lover, over and over again! It’s painful, but you may realize one day that you HAVE TO BREAK IT OFF! And yes it will hurt for awhile. But when the connection breaks for good, you know you’re free at last!!!
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Daphne @ Daphne Alive November 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Yes! You described it perfectly. “Comfort food”, but what I tell people is that it is absolutely SICK and TWISTED how it gets control of you and manipulates you!
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tz November 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I’ve feel this way about food…I really like your point about it being an abusive relationship and it’s so true, and just like being in an abusive relationship I always feel like everything I do in this relationship is MY fault…hmmm, food for thought (oh alright, tacky, but I couldn’t resist).
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suzanne November 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Those are exactly my feelings for junk food!
For a while now I’ve been luck that although I really enjoy food it’s just food. I don’t doubt though that I could be hooked again very quickly. It’s a slippery slope but one that I’m staying on top of right now.
Sometimes I find it hard to be on the computer because blog after blog are making things like “light” turtle pie that still needs a cup of sugar! Nope I just delete as fast as I can.
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Linda Kuil November 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Unfortunately, our relationship with food really can’t end, we just need to learn to set boundaries with food just like with people. We learn that some people, like certain foods, are just toxic, and we need to cut them out of our lives. Other people we can take in certain doses, a friend you visit once in a while, a short phone conversation. Then there’s the loved ones we can’t imagine living without them, just like our bodies need for certain things, like water!
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Lisa November 5, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Wow! Best post yet! Very detailed and very courageous of you to write such an honest account of the brutality of being ‘comforted’ by food. Thanks again for writing with such amazing honesty!
Lisa

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molly November 5, 2012 at 7:52 pm

My sister has MS and is completely bed bound for four years and diabetic and weighs four hundred pounds. But before she got MS or diabetes or became bed bound, she weighed four hundred pounds. She had a constant love fest with food and just never cared what anyone said about it. She was happy. She could do what she wanted. But now she lays in bed day after day and all she can do is eat, with the one hand that still works. That’s all she thinks about now…what to eat next. And that is all there is to do…for the rest of her life. She is 56. And I sit here with a candy bar in my hand, thinking how could she let this happen to herself? Why didn’t she care? God help us and you, Holly. Thank you so much for caring enough for all of us.

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Karin November 5, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I love your analogy to a lover-do you mind if I post a bit on my blog?

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down November 5, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Thanks!! I would love that!!!

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Amanda November 6, 2012 at 12:34 am

Yes!!!! I was practically blushing at parts of this post, it is sooooo sensual. And so true. Food has been my lover, though I never really looked at it like that. I have had a love affair with it for over 20 yrs now, and it’s killing me.

Thank you for the courage and creativity of this post, I think there are a few people I need to read it to, so they can understand. Like my poor sweet husband, who at different times has decided to be sweet and bring me a Jr Frosty from Wendy’s, instead of a large….and he doesn’t understand why that isn’t really helpful. He is a big believer and pusher of “everything in moderation”, and he scoffs at me when I say I’m all or nothing with sugar, there is no such thing as “just a little bit”.

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Laura November 6, 2012 at 1:48 am

I never really thought about the ways we talk about food before I read this, we really do set ourselves up to fail with things like “comfort food” etc we have to remember that we are (for the most part) in control and make our own choices.

As food as not seen as a harmful substance and classed as something we could abuse like drugs there seems to be very little help for those of us that fall under its spell!
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Christine November 6, 2012 at 4:33 am

Great post and so true. Sometimes I almost panic if I don’t have any sweets in the house. Even if I don’t plan on eating it, just having it in the house is comfort for me.
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Pam November 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm

“Never ever ever getting back together!” Such a clever way to compare food with a lover who is very very bad for you. Killing you, actually. I like that song, my son is a huge Taylor Swift fan, so we always listen to the country radio station when he’s in the car with me, although Taylor has definitely “crossed-over” and you can hear her everywhere now.
When you think about how pervasive food is–the magazines, the recipes, the food blogs and entire TV networks devoted to it, the restaurants, the advertisements–it’s amazing that there’s anyone out there that is NOT overweight. I have decided that to some people (those “normal” ones) food does not offer such an intoxicating allure, as it does to me. Because if it did, everyone would be morbidly obese. Come to think of it, the country is fighting an obesity epidemic isn’t it? I guess those of us who are addicted to food might just be in the majority. Maybe this will lead to more help being offered for those of us fighting that food addiction, whether we’re successful or not, because it will always always always be a battle for me. How about you?
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Trish @I_am_Succeeding November 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

You hit it bullseye!!
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Fee November 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Wow, such a great post!

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