The Roller Coaster

September 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Embarking upon a weight loss journey

Trying to lose a large amount of weight

And overcoming all the obstacles in your way

Is a lot like riding a roller coaster

It’s not going to be smooth sailing

At least it hasn’t been for me

A roller coaster is full of surprises

Once you ride it…you’ll know

But when the ride comes to a stop

Will you get back on?

Even after you’ve seen the twists and turns

The ups and downs

Even if the ride makes you cry and throw up

And scream

When you walk away from it

You turn right around and get back in line

To ride it again

Because it’s not about the perfect ride

The perfect straight line from point A to point B

It’s about the bumps in the road

It’s about the scrapes and the trips

And what you do with them

You are going to lose weight

And then you might gain some back

You are going to drink all your water and workout every single day

And then you’re going to drink no water and lay on the couch for three days

Because someone said something to you

And made you feel like none of your progress mattered at all

Or maybe your ex-husband flew into town

After having not seen you in a year

And the last time he saw you, you looked like this

And you felt weak

And you could barely walk

You had no strength and no hope

But since that time you’ve lost 180 pounds

And now you look like this

And you’re doing things like this

 

And shocking yourself by doing things like this!

 

Because when you were here last summer

You never dreamed you’d be here just one year later

And it wasn’t easy, you know?

Because at one point in time

You wanted to just let death take you

Because what was the point?

But then you decided to try anyway

So you got out there day after day

And walked

Rain or shine

hollyrain2

And it hurt every step of the way

There were times you wondered if that was rain on your face

Or tears

And when things got really tough and you wanted to quit

You would sometimes think to yourself

“I’ll show him”

Because Mom used to say

 

So when you could barely breathe going up that hill

And you wanted to give up

Sometimes you would imagine

That day

When you would see him again

And he’d have to say

“Good job”

Finally he would have something positive to say

Because in your mind, you remember all those years

You were told to ROTATE on the couch

“Could you please not sit in the same spot on the couch every day?

It caves in the couch you know…from your weight”

You spent years being rotated like a tire

Never being allowed to sit in the same place

Because your weight was screwing up the furniture

Maybe this time things will be different

And then the day finally comes

You know you’re not to the finish line yet

You still have a long way to go on this journey

But losing close to 200 pounds and 9 dress sizes

Is definitely noticeable

You’ve accomplished something

And now that day has come

Where he will finally have something positive to say

So you open the door

And there he is

With no reaction

None at all

Three times you see him over the weekend as he comes to get the kids

And drops them off again

Three times nothing is said

Not one comment

Not even “Good job”

When a person loses 180 pounds and 9 dress sizes

It seems to me

That it would take more effort NOT to say something

More effort to have NO reaction

Than to simply say “Good job

After years of being rotated like a tire on my furniture

After one long year of blood, sweat and tears

All I wanted was just ONE nice comment

Just ONE

I would even have taken a comment made NOT to me

But to the kids at least

Like “Wow…your mom has lost a lot of weight

Just some recognition…even the slightest bit of acknowledgement

That I had accomplished something

But no….

Nothing

No response

No reaction

No comment

It’s funny to me that I even expected it

It’s odd that I spent so much of my time killing myself on those long walks

Spurring myself on

With this image in my mind of

“I’ll show him!!!”

Because at the end of the day

He really could care less

And I don’t know why that bothered me so much

But it did

It seeped into my subconscious without me even realizing it

And it stewed there all week

And I found myself saying

Why do I bother?

Who cares?

Nothing I do matters anyway

I’ll never be good enough

Not even for a “thumbs up, good job, keep up the great work” comment

Because that’s all I wanted

I just wanted a little recognition that I’ve worked my @@#$^&! OFF to get here

But instead I opened the door

And was met with the same look I was given at 417 pounds

Which made me wonder

DO I EVEN LOOK ANY DIFFERENT???

All of this is going through my head

Maybe it’s not noticeable

Maybe I haven’t really made any progress

I’m really fooling myself

No one can even tell

What is the point?

Why do this?

Why say no to Pepsi and yes to water?

Why say no to the couch and yes to the barbell?

When none of it makes any difference at all?

When someone who has not laid eyes on me in over a year

Can have literally NO reaction at all

Not even a hint of it flicker across his face

I begin to doubt that I even look different

I think to myself…

How could his face not even register a reaction?

Is it THAT little of a difference?

And now here I am beginning to question everything

It’s a complete and total mindscrew.

It’s tough to keep going

When things derail you

This was a big one for me

Bigger than I expected

I thought I was beyond this

Grown up from caring

From letting the comments or lack thereof affect me

But it did

Because so much of what I do

Is trying to prove that I’m worthy

That I’m not some worthless, repulsive, woman who can’t accomplish anything

Who has to be rotated like a tire around her furniture

Just once I wanted to say

LOOK AT ME NOW!!

Not because I want him back

But because after so many years of humiliation, rejection and despair

I wanted FOR ONCE to be told

Good job

But now I know it’s never going to happen

I can lose another 100 pounds

And get plastic surgery and botox

And have every part of me nipped and tucked

And put back together like the Bionic Woman

And it won’t matter ONE BIT

Not to him

I could open the door in Heidi Klum’s body

And he would have no reaction

So maybe I should take a line from Heidi

And just say

“YOU’RE OUT!”

Out of my head

Because THIS is the kind of event

That can lead back to food for me

The truth is this

We can’t do this for the approval of others

Because there are some people in this life

Who will never care

I’ve even found

That the people who were the MOST vocal about our weight

Are the LEAST vocal now that we’re losing it!

One of the reasons I’ve had to start over with new friends

Is because I actually lost some along the way

One of my closest friends over the past few years

Threatened to never speak to me again if I had the surgery

And meant it

So we have to  do it for ourselves

And for the people in our life who matter

The day will come when someone says something to you

To try and throw you off track

Or maybe they say nothing at all

In an effort to bring you down

Maybe it derails you for awhile

Maybe it throws you off course

But at the end of the day

There is one person who will always notice

Who will always care

Who will always recognize your hard work

And His reply is “Well done!” (Matthew 25:21)

This roller coaster ride

It’s thrown me for a lot of loops over the past year

But I’m still getting back in line

And I’m ready for another ride

Because I’m finding out

That I’m stronger than I used to be

And I get up faster every time I get knocked down

It still stings

But I’m learning how to block the punches better

Sometimes a left hook still gets me and leaves me a little disoriented

Life is about getting punched in the face

And feeling the sting

Getting knocked down

And disoriented

And then getting up anyway

Wiping away your tears

And replacing it with sweat

And ultimately we must remember this

No one has the power to really make you feel bad about yourself

Unless you let them

Which reminds me of a post I wrote awhile back

All about Rocky and life lessons

Because Rocky said it best

And honestly–he’s right

Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!Rocky

Am I going to bury my head in a bag of Doritos

And refuse to work out

Because my ex-husband who used to rotate me around furniture like I was a set of tires

Who walked out on me for a younger, thinner model

Now has no reaction when I’ve lost almost 200 pounds

Proving once again that nothing I do will ever measure up

Not even worthy of a “Good Job” comment thrown my direction?

Because maybe I’ve spent enough years looking for my worth in the wrong places

Some people are going to keep knocking us down

No matter what we do

And we can blame them for our demise

Or we can go out and get what we’re worth

Knowing that we’re worth it already

We’re worth it at 500 or 600 pounds

We’re worth it at 300 pounds

We’re worth it if we weigh the perfect number and are at our goal!

We were worth it all along

And we never needed the approval of those who would never give it to us anyway

So we have to get up and get back to it

I may get knocked down

But I’m no longer going to stay there like I used to

Drowning myself in food

I’m going to get up

Because no one is going to ring that bell while I’m still laying on the mat

I have too much to live for

 

 

And so do you

So let’s get on the roller coaster and ride it to the very last second

Throw our hands in the air and enjoy the ride!

Some people may get off the ride

They may tell us to get off with them

But don’t

Stay on the ride

Strap in your seatbelt

And keep going

You’re worth it

We all are!

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{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

Sheila September 9, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Wow. Just wow. What an amazing blog post Holly. My jaw dropped that he didn’t say ANYTHING at all about your loss. But the more I kept reading what you wrote, the more I realized that you are so right, you cannot get validation from anyone or anything externally. And since no one else can validate your worth, that means no one can knock you down. At least not permanently. And every time you’ve been knocked down you came up fighting and kicking and screaming, and came out stronger. Such a wonderful message Holly! Blessings to you!
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Mari September 9, 2012 at 11:58 pm

You are so inspiring! I hope you realize what your words do for all those who read this.
I can tell you that there is absolutely no way your ex isn’t noticing the change in you – not only the change in your body but also the change in your spirit and the light in your eyes. He doesn’t want to acknowledge it because it may tell him he made wrong choice when he left. So – you did show him, and you’ll continue to show him!
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Lady Amanda September 10, 2012 at 12:04 am

I notice everything and I have noticed every little thing- all the way down to seeing you in a different pair of work-out pants the other day in your latest Crossfit pictures. You are doing incredible things. I am super proud of you. As for him- you know how I feel about him….we won’t even go down that path right now. (insert devil horns here! hahaha) I can totally understand how it was soo strange that he didn’t say something- because I agree with you that someone has to go out of their way to NOT say something. It all boils down to jealousy. I am super proud of you! You are doing an incredible job raising your kids- supporting your family- and working out and getting fit. You rock! Love ya!

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AimeeWrites September 10, 2012 at 12:09 am

*applause*

(That was a standing ovation.)

He does not deserve a moment of your thoughts. He had his chance, and he showed you what he really thought of you. I am proud of you for pushing his abuse (because that’s what he’s doing by ignoring your success – purposefully going out of his way to NOT make you feel good about yourself) out of your mind, or trying to.

And remember, for everyone of those people who puts you down for doing this awesome thing for yourself, there are a hundred of us cheering you on!

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cindy September 10, 2012 at 12:11 am

I have been reading your blog for awhile but never posted but wanted to say I think you are amazing and an inspiration to me and my weight loss. Keep up the great job… You do not need him to affirm you because truly you are amazing without him or without any comments from him. I truly believe he does not want you to succeed and he feels threatened by your weight loss and you getting healthy. Hang in there… I sure wish I lived a lot closer you would be an awesome walking buddy!

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Kathy September 10, 2012 at 12:14 am

As I read your post, I felt every emotion you expressed in your words. I have had that, too … so many people comment on the amazing weight loss, but it’s those one or two people that we crave some sort of acknowledgement from that makes it difficult. Yet, it’s these times in our lives when we realize how incredibly strong we are after all. We get knocked down, but God helps us back up every single time. Every single time. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your amazing journey.

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tz September 10, 2012 at 12:50 am

good riddance! You deserve so much more in a mate. This does not sound like a nice man. It is so not you, it’s him that is flawed. It’s good that you didn’t let your self wallow after his hurtfullness.
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Brook September 10, 2012 at 12:50 am

What people say or don’t say to you says way more about them then it does about you. You look amazing and are doing a great job. You have a ton of people cheering you on.

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Anele @ Success Along the Weigh September 10, 2012 at 12:53 am

Oh trust me honey…you DID show him and there is NO WAY IN HECK he’s going to acknowledge that. If he does, that gives YOU the upper hand and someone like that requires power because of every single thing in himself that makes *him* weak. He noticed. He’ll never tell you, even if you get down to 120 lbs, he won’t say anything.

As much as we want that vindication of that “up your nose with a rubbah hose” feeling, weak people that thrive on keeping others down by saying nothing where normal people say “good job” won’t give you the satisfaction. That’s why as much as it stinks, you’ve gotta go on pushing knowing that in the end, his opinion doesn’t really matter anyway. The people who support and love you…be lifted by them and their adoration of you!
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16blessingsmom September 10, 2012 at 1:51 am

You are amazing! I can so relate to going for those walks -rain or shine, not knowing if the wetness on your face is from the rain or your tears. I am SO SO proud of you!!! And happy for you!!!! This post was so well-written, you have talent, girl!!! As for your ex…he is a jerk. All there is to it. A mean jerk. You look fantastic. Keep up the good work, and thank you for sharing. You don’t know me, but I am fighting the same fight, and am rooting for you!

Della

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Merrily September 10, 2012 at 2:02 am

Boy do we need to talk! I saw my ex husband on Saturday. I really felt the enemy’s attack as well. The enemy wants to defeat us and make us ineffective believers. Let’s get together soon, okay?

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Donna September 10, 2012 at 2:03 am

Do you know how this happened to so many others? You know people don’t acknowledge other people’s accomplishments because they are so insecure, jealous or just narcistic. I am so proud of you, keep up the good work. You are truly a beautiful girl, inside and out and such an inspiration. Donna

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Bre'anna Emmitt September 10, 2012 at 2:55 am

NO, you will not let this slip you up. You have the power of Jesus Christ to move FORWARD. You cling to that, and find your perfect, beautiful WORTH in him. Your worth is not in your body whether you’re 417 lbs or 117 lbs. You are a daughter of a King – worth the price and payment of the Son of God. Now THAT’S something to have self-esteem over. I love you, and proud of you, and I NOTICE. Good Job.
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Cathy September 10, 2012 at 3:05 am

It is not the critic who counts;
not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs, who comes short again and again,
because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds;
who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions;
who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails,
at least fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be
with those cold and timid souls
who neither know victory nor defeat.

{Theodore Roosevelt, 1910}

*****

A little different angle, but I have always thought my SIL was beautiful. Always. Meanwhile, her mother and family, for the most part, did NOT act like she was beautiful – because she wasn’t as thin as they liked.

She has lost weight.

Everyone talks about it. They make a big, fussy fuss about it, like she’s worth more now than she was before.

I don’t talk about it, not much at all. Her worth hasn’t changed. Her beauty hasn’t changed, either.

I hope she doesn’t feel like I haven’t noticed. I don’t want to hurt her by not making a huge deal about it. It’s just that I’d rather make HER the big deal than HER WEIGHT the big deal.

Something I told her then – and tell her now: “I’ve always thought you were beautiful. Always.”

All that said: I’d still like a good smack at your ex; a nice. BIG. smack.

(He doesn’t deserve those kids. Or You, Either.)

You are in the arena, striving – and winning. Good for you, Holly,

Cathy in Missouri

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Jeanette September 10, 2012 at 3:29 am

I bet you he noticed your weight loss. There is really no way he couldn’t. You look so different in your pictures and you are glowing now. He just didn’t have enough good in him to say anything about it because he didn’t want you to know he noticed. But believe me he did. Keep going Holly you are such an inspiration. I don’t know you but I am so proud of you and only wish I could/would do what you have done. God bless you on your journey.

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Trudi September 10, 2012 at 4:09 am

I can so relate to this post. My jerk of an ex husband treated me poorly too. Told me I should just go out and let a truck hit me because I was too ugly to walk the earth. Thank goodness my new (and permanent) husband treats me with kindness and respect. I have only lost about 75 so far, but I am also trying to make good choices and stay on track. Your words could have been mine. Thank you for sharing.

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Marc September 10, 2012 at 4:11 am

First, let me say I’m sorry for the loss of your marriage for your sake, your husband’s and your childrens. Divorce is extremely painful, especially when it is fresh, and a year later or even two, it is still fresh especially with 4 children involved. This doesn’t help now, but time does heal all wounds and wounds all heels. My first marriage ended in 1995. I was at the pinnacle of my military career, had 19 years of marriage and 4 children at home. She left me (and the kids) for a married man 10 years our junior. A year after our divorce I met an awesome woman and we married a year later. She helped me finish raising our children. When we married I still had 2 at home and so did she, so we kind of became the “Brady Bunch.” Our blended family has 9 children and 14 grandchildren. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan. I think the best revenge is to live well. My ex? Oh she lives all alone, except for her six cats.
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Krystal September 10, 2012 at 4:38 am

So Holly plenty of people think you have done more than “good job”! It is wonderful and very impressive what you have already accomplished! I am one of your biggest fans!!! I am someone who knows you and knows that you didn’t want to do anything before and for all the stuff you are doing now I just have to say WOW way to go! Who even cares what he thinks he is short and is only getting older as where you and your body are getting better and healthy! Does this make since? So just my comment is YES way to go! You can do it! Keep up the bad ass work! I am proud to call you my friend and I wish I was there beside you!

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TMcGee September 10, 2012 at 4:52 am

Hey Holly,
It’s been a long time since I’ve opened up the blogger world but I wanted to tell you that I’ve never forgotten about you or the inspiration you continuously bring. Your transformation over the last year is nothing short of amazing and all I can think to say about your ex is that he probably hates that you are happy. No matter what life he leads or the happiness he perhaps SEEMS to portray, I think that inside, he is quite possibly a very miserable individual. And I personally would hate to be him and have to live with myself, wake up to myself, look at myself in the mirror everyday and know deep down what a twat I really am.
Anyway, I’ve always thought that your success not only lies in the fact that you’ve lost almost 200 pounds or that you inspire people like me literally every time I read one of your posts. But in the fact that you are a phenomenal mother, a treasure of a friend (totally envy IN A GOOD WAY Amanda over there :D ), a loyal sister, a daughter that every mother prays for and lastly….a beautiful OUTSIDE and in woman who is a blessing to this world. I wish there were more Holly’s.
Bless you, sweet lady and keep up your amazing work…and trust me, it’s noticed. :-)
~Faith

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down September 10, 2012 at 4:54 am

Faith!! You have no idea how happy I am that you left me this comment b/c for the last few months i”ve been trying to find you online. I lost the link to your blog. This literally has made my YEAR!! Please email me anytime at hkjr72@gmail.com You are someone who I always remember as an important person I met in the blogosphere. I don’t see a link to your blog so not sure you have it still but you are important to me!!

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Lisa September 10, 2012 at 5:51 am

Wow! You are so inspirational! God Bless You and your beautiful children! And by the way, just like you said, “there are no victims, just volunteers”. Congratulations and keep rocking this world!
Lisa

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JUSTME September 10, 2012 at 6:53 am

I am really proud of you and you look awesome. He is just jealous of you and its killing him inside that his words have not become true.

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Kelly @CurvyFitGirl September 10, 2012 at 11:18 am

Who cares about him? He couldn’t bring himself to give you the credit you deserve – again, so what?! You’re not doing this for anyone’s approval. You’re doing this because you know you have to. You’re doing this for you – and that is the most important reason of all. :-)
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Tina September 10, 2012 at 1:01 pm

forgive me, but all that comes to mind is, “asshole.” I am sure his life is empty in many ways if at this point he can’t muster up a positive comment for your accomplishments. Truth is, he did you a favor, didn’t he? Helping you re-evaluate why you are doing what your are doing. His response equals one more step towards true freedom from the past. You are AWE-some!
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Amanda September 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Your ex freakin’ kills me. If this tells you anything is that it has NOTHING to do with you. He is too narcissistic and self involved (redundant much? I know…sorry) to care about you or your accomplishments or how far you’ve come or anything. Your weight was an excuse to leave you, Holly. I don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse but the fact is he’s was going to leave. It was easier for him to blame you than for him to take responsibility and ownership of his actions. Period. You’ve proven you don’t need him and you don’t need his approval or encouragement to reach your goals.
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Maureen September 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Go Holly!! You are so right – you have to do this for yourself. Not for him. Or for anyone else. This has to be for you. I know exactly what you are struggling with. I have a similar challenge. But, it is not for him. It is for me. It is not to prove anything to anyone, except myself. It is not to earn anything, or to be more worthy, to have more value. I appreciate the struggles you share – they help us all.
Have you heard Kelly Clarkson’s “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger?” It is my theme song right now. Woke up this morning with the words in my head. There is an amazing utube from the Seattle Children’s Hospital – the nurses synched some of the kids singing the words – makes me cry every time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihGCj5mfCk8
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hopefulmother September 10, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Holly, I’ve been reading your blog for a few months and I find you SO inspirational.

As the previous commenter said, the fact that your ex isn’t acknowledging your tremendous accomplishments says WAY more about him than it does about you. There is no way that it’s unnoticeable, so that means to me that he did notice it but couldn’t bear to acknowledge it because that would mean that his excuses for leaving where no longer valid… which makes me think that they weren’t really valid in the first place. Your weight was his excuse to leave, but not actually the deep down reason that your marriage ended. Know this!

I am so very inspired by you and your can-do attitude. You are making a difference, not only in yourself, but also in many many others!!

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Lee Mitchell September 10, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Straight up he is an A$$. I am sure that it hurt that he didnt say anything, but you are much better without him. When it comes right down to it, he is the one missing out, not you. His younger, thinner “model” will leave him at some point and then maybe, (doubtful) but maybe he will understand just a fraction of what he did to you and made you feel like. But girl- I am on that roller coaster with you. All the way. Great post and keep on truckin.
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Stephanie September 10, 2012 at 5:55 pm

You are awesome and doing amazing! Karma will take care of him! Try to keep your focus and remember that it isn’t vanity that you are after but a future with healthy body! You look beautiful, but more importantly you can look forward to enjoying what life has to offer!
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jennxaz September 10, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Don’t judge your self worth off of his opinion…don’t give his opinion that much power! My mom has not made one comment to me on congratulations or wow you are doing great. I’ve lost 50lbs I try really hard not to let her opinions derail me and you should too. Be proud of how much youve lost but really more on how much you are LIVING! Your life is so different now than what it used to be. You are happier…your children are happier…that is what is important…not what an ex thinks or doesn’t think—!!!!

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Sarah September 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Wow, this is just an amazing post. It brought tears to my eyes. I really cannot believe that he didnt say anything. But in some ways maybe it needed to happen, you need to realise your worth far more than his opinion and that your friends, family and kids are what matter the most. Not someone who cannot even say “good job” to you or even show some surprise. I wish you the best of luck with rest of your journey and remember every pound you lose regardless of whether he notices or cares you are still saying screw you to him, because your doing something with your life which is far more than you did when you were with him.
S xxx
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Elizabeth September 10, 2012 at 8:39 pm

You are worth it. You are Beautiful. You are worth living for. Many people DO recognize all you have accomplished, even though the one you hoped would notice has a hard heart. He isn’t worth the acknowledgement..You are loved and appreciated by many..just so you know :)
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Linda Kuil September 10, 2012 at 8:58 pm

He would never give you the satisfaction of kind words Holly. It’s too far above him.

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Nikki Mohamed September 10, 2012 at 10:35 pm

My absolute FAVORITE photo is the one of you sweating your butt off while lifting that big ole bar! Go ahead ‘on, Girl! LOVE the smile.

Keep it up…the good work as well as the bar.
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Staci September 10, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Here’s the thing. He definitely noticed. How could you not? Maybe he really is retarded, though. ;) Anyway, he’s thinking “okay, yeah, but she’s done this before.” You have lost weight before. And then you quit… because the just-as-retarded-in-laws didn’t respond to your loss and brought donuts in, etc. So you HAVE to keep going to get your revenge. Well, sure, you’re doing this for you and your kids and all. But I can 110% relate to the revenge thing! So you have to keep going and get to your goal and then he will def notice… but he probably STILL won’t say anything until you’ve kept it off 1 year, 2 years, until you’re in your casket! LOL Who knows! But his problem is that he doesn’t believe in you. We do, though!
I have this ex-friend. She is 5’1″ and 98 lbs… after her THIRD baby. She is so petite that her weight looks good on her, not like a bean pole. Her hair is long and beautiful, and she is all about fashion. I was forever more trying to get a new outfit, hair do, etc to get her attention. Fat people repulsed her and her husband, and I knew that for a fact. So finally I started losing weight. It was for me and my husband and my kids, but still. I was dying for her to notice! I just wanted one nice compliment! I lost 15 lbs and others were giving me compliments. Her – NEVER. I had dropped a size, I lost 21 pounds, and she NEVER gave a compliment. So finally I decided to let her know that hurt. When we had “the big one” and our friendship ended a few months later, she text me and said “Oh, this must be about your weight.” She blamed me having an issue with how she treated me about how she didn’t compliment my weight loss. I spiraled and ate 14 lbs back own. Now I’m in a situation where she’s joined a homeschool group I’m a part of. We’re not on speaking terms, but I found myself running out to buy a new shirt just so maybe I would get her approval even if she didn’t verbalize it. How can some people be such bullies?? And why do we even allow it to bother us??? And how do we FIX that problem? :::sigh::: I wish I knew!
That stupid man will probably haunt you the rest of your life. You just need to act like you don’t care. When he shows up, have Amanda call you and act like she’s a guy calling you. Talk cutsie, blush, and fake it. ROFL Just don’t let him steal your joy and determination. Don’t even let him be your motivation. It’s just stupid of you and me both. But it’s the human thing. How crappy is that.
Okay, so I’m totally not sassy tonight. LOL I could just so relate to this and feel your pain!
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Steelers6 September 11, 2012 at 4:58 am

Hey dear, keep up the good work!

I like your family Christmas picture, plus
the fam from the back. Aww.

So I feel like you said at one point that
your ex is friends with you on FB. He
probably reads your blog too. So he
was prob very aware of your journey,
appearance, & achievements, & may
have seen photos as well. If not
from those sources, then surely the
children proudly mentioned. At any rate,
there may NOT have been any surprise
in seeing you, & he may have made
up his mind to yes, go to extra effort
& ignore you.

Whatever the case, it was still very rude.

But–the approval from your CHILDREN
matters! And warms the heart!

Sorry he was clunky when you could
have used some support.

Chrissy

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Yvonne September 11, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Do surely do look different… you look happy, strong and healthy. Maybe the ex was intimidated by your success. From the way you describe him, leaving was the nicest thing he did for you because he does not sound like a very nice person. We are either our hardest critics or our best cheerleaders. You are a cheerleader! Thanks for sharing your feelings with us.

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Ronnie September 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

What a LOSER. He never deserved you.

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Pam September 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I know you have written here that your hubby wasn’t all that horible, that he and you have a decent relationship now, for your kids and that all the blame wasn’t his. But I have to say I think he is a total jerk. I know how you must have felt, after all those months of thinking about what he would say when he say you, so many pounds lighter, working for that moment–and then nothing, nada, zilch. I have a boss, and I’m not saying that is anything close to your situation, but he is also a friend. He has never said ONE word about my weight loss, and I have lost 180 lbs. I have been at my goal weight for over a year now, and NOT ONE WORD! We went out to lunch a few weeks ago and I got out my iPhone to check the calories in a salad I was about to order at Applebee’s. He said to me incredulously, “You’re counting calories?” DUH! And he shouldn’t be completely clueless–he has a weight problem, has lost and re-gained weight a number of times over the years, so he is AWARE of what is involved with losing weight.
You are losing weight now for the best reason of all–for yourself and those four beautiful kids. Forget him, he’s nothing.
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Tess September 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I didn’t read all of the comments left so I don’t know if this has already been said or not! But…I think you expected a reaction from your ex because he said the reason he left you was because of your weight. So the natural reaction is “OK, so if I lose the weight he’ll accept me (or at least react positively).” His non-reaction is proof that it wasn’t because of the weight, it was because of him. So never mind what he says or doesn’t say, never mind doing ANYTHING for him, kick him to the curb in your head and move on, honey!! You’re a strong, beautiful, funny, talented woman!! You do this for YOU and nobody else, because at the end of the day, YOU are the one who has to live with it. I think about you all the time, thinking “Man, Holly was a single mom with 4 kids and she did it!” You are an inspiration to me, keep it up!!!

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Jane September 12, 2012 at 2:20 am

Holly, you are amazing! What an inspiration you are to us all. I too have been on a weight loss journey and after losing 127 lbs my husband still has not acknowledged my weight loss. I now know it was never about me and all about him and his insecurities. So keep going and do this for you because you are worth it! Your ex & my husband are not worthy enough to have such incredible women such as us. Have a wonderful week.

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EmDub @ Faster in Water September 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I am pretty sure you would rather hear/see no reaction than giving him the satisfaction of seeing you in the same state, not having changed at all.

I am so proud of you for all that you have done for yourself. It is great and motivating to both your kids, friends, and bloggy friends.

Don’t forget where you started or how far you have come. The loss of that perspective leads to the crazy flips of that rollercoaster :)
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silver account September 16, 2012 at 5:23 pm

These are just three of the countless stories of people all over the world who have managed to achieve dramatic and lasting weight loss changes in their lives. Use stories like these to motivate and inspire you, because NONE of these people had anything that you don’t have. If anyone else on the planet has been faced with the situation you may be faced with and managed to turn things around, SO CAN YOU. Anything anyone else has been able to do, you are capable of doing too. Use stories like the ones above to remind yourself of this fact and motivate yourself anytime you find yourself doubting your ability to successfully lose weight.
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Paula September 24, 2012 at 11:20 pm

If he commented then he would have to admit to himself that maybe it was HIM that contributed greatly to your unhappiness and weight gain, and he can’t take the responsibility for that. You are well rid of the man.

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Amanda November 3, 2012 at 6:42 pm

LOL!!! I need to go read all the comments, but I just have to say, “DON’T YOU GET IT!!!?” YOU WON!!! He isn’t going to acknowledge that for all the tea in China! YOU PROVED HIM WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! As my kids might possibly be known to say, he is the “wrongy-pants”, and you are the “righty-pants”. Pfft, as if he is going to be MAN ENOUGH to admit that, and to you, no less. Not a snowballs chance in hell, hon. Not a chance.

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Cat March 22, 2013 at 9:22 pm

omigerd… its …. like you … weiiird…. >_>

and

GOOD JOB!!!!

and

KEEP IT UP!!!!!

and may that man have painful zits on his scrotum until he’s 80!!

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