Nothing is Impossible!

September 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

Remember just yesterday

And the day before

When all I could write about was being depressed

And feeling unmotivated

And the voices in my head that keep telling me to quit?

Well I scooped up all the bloggy love left for me in the comments

And reconsidered

It wasn’t easy making myself get out of bed today

I had a really bad Pity Party hangover

Source: quickmeme.com via Holly on Pinterest

 

You know that lingering feeling that sticks with you after you’ve gone off track

After you’ve let yourself sink into depression

Quit working out

Quit caring about the food you put in your mouth

But you know you’ve got to get back up

You don’t want to stay down forever

But how do you do it??

How do you pull yourself together?

My brother taught me early on in this journey

That you make a decision to do something

And then you do it

It could be something small like walking to the mailbox and back

But whatever it is

You PRE-DECIDE to do it

Then you do it

And something amazing happens

The simple act of doing that ONE thing

Creates this sense of victory inside you

This feeling of “Wow..I actually did it

And then it grows

It flips a switch in your brain

Suddenly you feel a little less depressed

A little less loser-y

Because after all

You decided to do something

And then you followed through

So maybe…just maybe….

You’re not as loser-y as you thought you were

In fact maybe you were never a loser at all

You just needed to open your eyes to the possibilities that are out there

The possibility that there is hope for you

And with that little spark of hope

You will access the power you need to change your future

Or as my brother always says

Hope in your Future = Power in your Present

For the past few weeks

I knew I had hit a mental block

I was an ant trapped under a boulder

Not much of a fair fight

What could I do but give in and be crushed?

At least that’s how I felt

So I remembered what I had done in the past to get myself back on track

Pre-deciding….

Pre-determining…

It’s not easy when you don’t feel like it

But I remember this quote by John Maxwell

“As you begin changing your thinking, start immediately to change your behaviour. Begin to act the part of the person you would like to become. Take action on your behaviour. Too many people want to feel, then take action. This never works.”—John Maxwell

So I pre-decided

Just one thing

And I pre-decided to go back to Crossfit

As soon as I made that decision

I could hear a round of applause

But then I realized

 

Ok…so a little comical relief

I mean after the last two weeks

Even I’m tired of my seriousness!!!

Soooo…..

I was tired

My back was sore and achy. My knee was stiff

The side effects of not working out for awhile

I couldn’t find my socks

The dog hid my shoes.

I spilled the coffee

But I had already pre-decided

I was doing this ONE thing.

If I wanted to come home and go back to bed and never leave then FINE

But this ONE thing I was going to do

Like dragging yourself out of bed when you’re sick to take the medication

Knowing you’ll be heading straight back to bed

So I made it to Crossfit to take my “medicine”

And ironically

We were doing Kettle bells today!

 

The very first day that I ever went to Crossfit

We did kettle bells

And on my day returning to Crossfit

We did them again

It reminded me of where I started

That very first day

And here I am again…restarting

And it’s ok…because I’m here

I’m not in bed. I’m not in the recliner. I’m not in front of the television

I’m swinging a kettlebell 21 times

And I’m outside doing the “farmers carry” and backpedaling

And I’m worn out and tired and sweating

It’s harder today because I’ve been gone for 2 weeks

And I gained back 5 pounds and I can feel every one of them

But I see my daughter beside me

And the people around me doing their thing

And Diana yelling “good job”

I think…yeah…I can do this

The sweat rolls into my eye and stings

I get frustrated because it hurts and I want to quit

I have to take a break so I can breathe before getting back to work

But then it’s over

And I’ve done it!

Check it off the victory list

Because I pre-decided to do one thing today

Just one

And I didn’t want to go and I was in a crabby mood and I spilled the coffee

But in spite of all that I went anyway

With full permission to go home and hide under the covers the rest of the day

Only when it was over

I didn’t want to hide anymore!!

My body felt less stiff

I actually felt better

The sun was shining a bit brighter

And all the things that had been weighing me down started to seem trivial

What was that big deal all about anyway?

What was I so depressed about in the first place?

We stopped off for lunch and suddenly it was easier to make a good choice

I could still hear the wrong foods calling my name

But suddenly I felt stronger to say NO

Because after all…I do Crossfit y’all!!!

That’s right

I swing kettlebells and lift weights and jump rope

I don’t feel like an obese woman right now

I feel like Wonder Woman

Deflecting the bullets life throws at me

Source: google.com via Holly on Pinterest

 

Finally the dark fog is lifting

And what I am feeling on the inside

Is transforming me on the outside

It’s affecting the decisions I am making

When I felt weak and powerless and depressed

I made bad decisions

But that one act of going to Crossfit today

Restarted my engine

Suddenly I feel like I can handle life again

Suddenly I feel stronger in my food decisions

And all day long I found that to be the case

I have had the first perfect day I’ve had in awhile

No bad food choices

No grazing or snacking

And saying “no” to the bad things was so much easier than it was yesterday

How could one simple act change things so quickly?

Take me from the depths of depression

To a perfect day?

I always forget

What I already know

That the way to pull yourself out of your pit

Is to choose something to do

Something manageable

Then do it

Once upon a time, that was walking to the mailbox

And doing that

Gave me such a sense of victory that it changed my mindset

And the next day I went a little bit further

It’s flipping that switch

Giving yourself that hope that you need

To believe in yourself again

Today I did the exact same thing

Only for me that mailbox is now Crossfit

And going there today flipped the switch

Maybe if I had pre-decided this last week

And followed through

I could have saved myself a whole week of misery

But when we can do better….we do

And today…I DID!

Falling in the pit

It has happened before

It will happen again

But the key is this

To step out in faith

To pre-decide on one thing that you will accomplish

Nothing so overwhelming that you can’t do it

And then step out in faith

If it’s the mailbox then it’s the mailbox

If it’s Crossfit then it’s Crossfit

But whatever it is

Pre-decide on that one thing

And then do it

Because strongholds are broken

When you step out in faith

I’ve been living by what I feel for the past 2 weeks

Trapped in a pit of depression

But depression is a liar

And our feelings often betray us

They often are skewed

They often deceive me

Weighing me down and blinding me to the truth

But today I remembered

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

If I stop living by what I feel

Or what I see in front of me

I need to remember that with faith

And a little hope

I can pre-decide on one manageable thing

And then do it

I have a new sense of accomplishment

And I’m reminded once again

That in spite of my feelings and fears

In spite of what my circumstances may be

Nothing is impossible!

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Steph September 18, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I have always said that not once have I ever finished a workout and said “wow I wish I hadn’t done that!” Glad you found your motivation, keep up the good work!!!

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Cheri Ashby September 18, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Love this. Great advice. Pre-determine to do one manageable thing. Then give yourself credit for it. (I think the credit part is big, too….sometimes I achieve the goal…then move the finish line…not fair. No wonder I stay depressed!)

I’m so glad you had such a great day, and I love that you do Cross Fit with your daughter. 🙂
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Adelyn September 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Three things:

1. You ARE Wonder Woman!!

2. The ONLY kind of loser-y that you are is weight loser-y

3. I am so proud for you that I could weep.
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Sheila September 18, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Holly, I am so proud of you!!! No one is perfect and we are going to have THOSE DAYS when nothing is going our way and yeah we stumble, slip and sometimes fall, but we get back up and keep going. You have done it so many times before and you are going to just have those moments. But I’m so glad to hear you coming back and fighting your way out of the latest pit. I think that ONE thing that you picked, well, you chose wisely. 🙂
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Staci September 18, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Yanno, don’t take this wrong… but I’m just happy to see you still struggle and flop and restart, too! LOL I just feel like such a horrid loser in the weight loss department, and you always made me feel like crap cause you were doing so well. Haha So I’m SO GLAD you are back at it, but I’m glad to know that even my hero Wonder Woman isn’t perfect. 😉 And you know me, so you’ll know just how to take this comment. All you other readers, just relax. You go girl – up off that bed and back at it! It’s crazy how one small success really does lead to another!
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Anna September 18, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Good for you, Holly! I’m cheering for you over here in NH! In my (very limited!!!) experience, it does get easier and easier to climb out of the pits, faster and earlier, too. So DON’T be discouraged!!! GOOD FOR YOU for climbing out of the pit! That’s alone is a HUGE accomplishment!

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Amanda September 18, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Wahoo! SO proud of you for getting up and doing it…I know how hard that can be…not impossible…but hard. Way to go!
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Merrily September 18, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I even schedule crossfit on my calendar so I can’t schedule anything over the top of it. I’ve never done that before! I’m so thankful to be working out along side of you! You make the time fly by….
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Marc September 18, 2012 at 10:21 pm

That thigh cheering me on cartoon made me laugh out loud funny. I wish you could talk to my single daughter. She needs someone close to her own age to listen to. She certainly doesn’t listen to me.
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Faith September 19, 2012 at 12:35 am

Im so proud of you, Holly. You are human and you are going to have dark days but from reading your blog over the last year, I would say that the bright days will always out number the dark ones. You naturally have a sweet and happy spirit and the joy you radiate always comes through…even when you are sad, unmotivated and depressed.
I emailed you back but not sure if it got to you or not. Ever since that night you contacted me, I’ve been walking with my neighbor (huge step in the fact that I contacted her and asked….normally, I am such a hermit, I keep to myself aside from my family 24/7). Anyway, when I walk, sometimes, I think about you and how far you have come and how far you are going to keep going.
You are not walking, running, kettlebelling this race alone, my friend. So many are cheering you on as we walk, run..HOBBLE lol along side you.
~Faith~
P.S. if you have never watched the Simon Pegg movie, Run Fat Boy Run…do so…asap! It is hilarious and in the film they refer to “the wall”…it’s a mental block many runners experience but I think we as “dieters, health changers, body betterers…” could totally relate to. 🙂 Take care as always.

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jou September 19, 2012 at 1:44 am

Way to go!! Keep up the great work and stay focuses!!

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Steelers6 September 19, 2012 at 4:27 am

Bravo!! I applaud you. 🙂
Chrissy

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annamarie September 19, 2012 at 1:24 pm

It is always so hard to get back up again. But no matter what you do it, and each time it will be a bit easier to stand back up. If anything remember that you have plenty of good hearted souls to help you rise again.
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Pam September 19, 2012 at 1:25 pm

You’re baaaaaaaaaack! Great! I hate it that he did that to you again. The first time he left you gained another 100 lbs., then his lack of perception cost you another 5 lbs. Thank God you got it turned around before he did any more damage than he has already done. You have so much going for you. I used to think I was destined for something special. I always hoped I would write a book that people would remember me for. Haven’t done that yet. But now I think I will be remembered for being a fat woman who changed her life forever! And you can be that special kind of person too. The kind that inspires others who need the inspiration to change their lives. You already are! So proud of you Holly. Have to share a little story with you–can’t do it on my own blog–it’s not private enough. But nobody knows me here, right? Last night hubby flared out in anger at me for some stupid thing. I used to take that. I wasn’t worthy of being treated any better than that. He was better than me, if he left me, I would have nothing, so I just sucked it up, ignored it and went on, not saying anything. But last night, I told him I did not like to be yelled at. I went upstairs and watched TV in our bedroom for the rest of the evening. We didn’t have a huge fight and it’s all forgotten this morning, but I decided that I will not tolerate that kind of treatment anymore. THAT is what weight loss has done for my self esteem. I am good enough to be treated kindly at all times. Don’t get me wrong, he is kind to me 99.99% of the time. But he flared up last night for no reason and I thought to myself, “I don’t have to be his whipping post anymore.” If he left me, I would be devastated. But I would pick myself up (as you did) and go on with my life. Maybe even find somebody who would treat me kindly 100% of the time, because I’m not so fat anymore. I’m a worthy human being and I want to be treated that way ALL THE TIME! And so are you! GO HOLLY GO!!!!!
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Ronda September 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I REALLY really really didn’t want to go on my walk this morning because it was so cold. However, I decided it wasn’t optional and just did it. Of course I felt so great after took the dreaded walk and was happy I didn’t let myself wimp out.
We all know the best way to combat depression is physical exercise, but as you know, when you’re depressed, the last thing you want to do is exercise!
I’m so glad you got up and did it and feel better for doing so. Great job!

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Barbara September 19, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Holly, you remind me so much of me. You’re stronger than you sometimes think you are! We’ve lived parallel lives, almost. I spent 13 years with first hubby, Jim; most of those years while he served in the military. I felt like I raised our two sons alone because he was gone so much. He came home one day and announced that he had decided we should separate. He said ‘take the boys, go home to NY, get a job and I’ll send you your stuff later.’ Yep, I got dumped. I had no money to go anywhere with. My family came to my rescue and made sure that I took my boys AND my stuff with me back to NY. Jim was (and is) not a nice person. He was physically and verbally abusive. He was a liar. He was a pro at making me and the boys feel small and weak . . . he said things like ‘you’re going to die before you reach 40 because you’re so overweight.’ Well, I’m now 54 and I’m not dead yet! I need to outlive the creep! My sleeve surgery is one week away and I’m stronger than I used to be. I’m following in your footsteps 🙂

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Trece Wyman September 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Lord, girl – I have missed your words. I keep just filing your blog posts unread, because I just don’t take the time. But today I ‘pre-decided’ that I would open emails at this addy, and if there was nothing for me, I’d unsub. You are one of only about 5 keepers.
I’ve wasted my summer, gone from 280.0 back to 294.8 this morning. Many reasons, but. . . I do not choose to let that be the end of my story. God bless you, Holly. You are a beacon of light to me.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down September 24, 2012 at 2:45 am

Thank you so much Trece!!! I am so honored that I’m a keeper. This really means a lot to me. I remember you and I appreciate all your comments. Thanks you so much!! I totally know how you feel about time that you might think has been wasted. I also feel that way too but now I’m learning that every bit of it we can learn from. So none of it is wasted. And I too have gained back weight I’ve lost so I get how you feel!! I know you can do it. I’m there with you!

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CottleFamily September 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

It’s like you’re in my head saying the things I’m feeling. Congratulations on getting back in the PRE-DECIDE mode and getting back on track. Every day it’s a new chance to do it again. I’m encouraged to read your blog and I celebrate your victories as they fuel my own desire to acheive some victories in my own struggles for a healthier lifestyle. Keep it all up. You are such an inspiration.

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Lisa September 19, 2012 at 5:38 pm

HOLY HOLLY BATMAN! Corny, but true! YOU are the WONDERWOMAN in my life at least! After reading your blog today (that makes three times total, with today being the second time I cried!!) I feel SO much better! You see I am a ‘social eater’. And, just like a social drinker feels the need to drink when at a party or gathering of some sort, I feel the need to socialize with food. When a lovely new friend took me to the San Francisco A’s game on Monday night I really went out of control. I had never been to a baseball game that had so much incredible food! Needless to say when I first said to her that I wasn’t hungry, and I saw that she was a bit disappointed because she had not eaten all day in order to eat a lot at the game, I took it as my ‘cue’ that I should join her in the revelry! I ate and I ate AND I ATE! Of course the next day I ‘tried’ to be ‘good’ (the infamous ‘good’) and had another terrible day. I started to feel depressed and unfocused and just plain lousy. I mean I’ve only lost 11 pounds, which is nothing compared to your loss, but still, at least the scale wasn’t going up. Well, today The Lord led me to my inbox and I spied your blog. It was amazing! You have been GIFTED with the most incredible ability to write! It seems you are able to put to paper the very thoughts that swirl around in MY mind (and now I am sure thousands of people’s minds as well!) Keep up the wonderful work. The world does indeed need YOUR voice!!
Lisa

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Stephanie September 19, 2012 at 6:05 pm

You go girl! The first day back is always the worst! PS, you look great in that picture!
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Nikki Mohamed September 19, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I needed that today. It was an emotional box of “brown stuff” kind of day for me….and thank GOD the refrigerator was empty (no, really…I have about 8 bottles of water in there and a bottle of mustard) or I’d have eaten my emotions all day long.
Instead, I wrote. I helped a friend suffering from financial hardship due to medical problems to find a fundraiser site to help keep his family from becoming homeless AND I had an hour long discussion with my son about bullying. (See my link for more info) I taught my youngest son about ratios and geometry and I managed to cook stewed okra and beef without sweating my boobs off entirely. (Why is that it’s always the boobs that get sweated off and not the thighs??) At any rate, I’ll again walk the kids to school instead and back instead of riding the bus. AND I’ll not eat my feelings. And maybe I’ll go grocery shopping instead of insisting to the kids that water actually IS one of the food groups. Thanks for the encouragement. I really needed it today.
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Jane September 20, 2012 at 12:59 am

Holly, you keep going strong. Never give up on your journey, embrace it. Life is so good being fit and thin. It’s worth it! Yes, the life problems do not go away but the process makes you stronger. I may be at my goal but I am as motivated as ever. Being at the gym is the happiest part of my day. Have a great week.

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Gen November 7, 2012 at 9:42 am

Good job! Maybe this happened to prepare you for the next time something crappy happens and threatens a derailment. That next time, you won’t have to think about it, you’ll KNOW what to do to get un-rutted (not sure that’s a Webster word..lol). Sometimes the best teacher is experience.
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