Running with the grocery cart

August 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

So many things are lost to you

When you become morbidly obese

In so many ways, it’s like being disabled

You learn how to manage your life

Manage daily tasks the best way you can

To get through life

I was thinking about this the other day

When I was loading my groceries into the cart

Near the end—before I had the surgery

Things were so bad I could no longer go into ย the grocery store at all

I ordered a lot of things from Schwan’s Home Delivery

Or I just sent my oldest daughter ,Savannah, with a list and some cash

While I sat in the car waiting for her

But before I gained that last ย 50 lbs, I was still doing my best to get things done

Still trying to get the grocery shopping done myself

By the time I made it back out of the grocery store and towards the car

I was so physically exhausted that I was practically shaking

Every single step was excruciating pain

It didn’t matter how close I had been able to park

Every step was still agony

Getting my groceries into the car by myself was never easy

But like everything else

I would try to find a manageable way to get it done

I would open the trunk

And pull my cart right up to it

Then I would sit down on the bumper

As much as I could fit myself on there

Then I’d reach into the cart to grab my bags ย and slide ย them over into the trunk

While sitting on the bumper and leaning against the cart

Every bag that I managed to drag into the the trunk from my seated position on the bumper would exhaust me

So then I’d sit there for a minute catching my breath before starting again

I always parked right beside the area where you return your cart

Because by the time I had gotten this far, my heart was racing

And I couldn’t fathom the thought of making it further

But a few days ago when I walked out of the grocery store

I had so much energy

I felt like RUNNING to the car!!

SO I DID!

I may have looked ridiculous

But I didn’t care

I just had this burst of energy that was itching to get out!

And I jogged my cart all the way to the car

My kids were screaming “Mama!! What are you doing?!!”

And then they were running beside me laughing

And yelling “Go MAMA!!”

CJ and Charlotte ran around and hopped onto the end of the cart

Which made it a LOT harder to push!!

But I kept going!

And my babies kept cheering me on!

In the past, I could barely push the cart at all

But this time, I could push it with BOTH of my kids riding on it

And a full cart full of groceries

When we got to the car

I didn’t have to sit down against the bumper

I didn’t feel my heart racing

Or my legs shaking

In fact, I still felt full of energy!

I lifted two gallons of milk out with both hands

And raised them above my heads like they were weights!

Before putting them in the trunk

I know these things seem silly

And I’m sure anyone watching us must have wondered

What was going on!

I’m not Wonder Woman

It’s just that I FEEL that way

Even with over 100 pounds still to lose

I feel a million times better than I did last year this time

And the energy I feel inside of me now is something I never thought I’d feel again

Just being able to do every day tasks again without feeling like I will have a heart attack

Is one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given

But better than that

Is the look on my kids faces

When I do something they never thought I’d be able to

Like lifting the 40 pound dog food bag out of the car

I haven’t been able to do that in years

My oldest daughter would do it

But today I did it myself

All these things are just fun for us

Like a whole new world is opening up

And It’s like they’re believing in miracles

The miracle of a new life

The miracle of hope

All wrapped up in a couple of gallons of milk

And a 40 pound bag of dog food!

Simple, right?

But not really

Not for someone like me

Whose hope was gone

Not for kids who grew up knowing me at a certain weight

Never remembering me any other way

Now the world is wide open

Wide open for us all

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Lady Amanda August 27, 2012 at 12:07 am

Loved all of the pictures! I can really see how you are losing a lot of weight in your legs. They look totally different than a few months ago. Amazing. All of that CrossFit is paying off! Awesome!!!

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Megan August 27, 2012 at 1:05 am

Fantastic! Sometimes it’s hard to remember how far you’ve come. Thanks for reminding me of the little things!! You rock!

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Staci August 27, 2012 at 3:03 am

Your kids are gonna have to get used to the new “normal,” but as soon as they do, I have a feeling they will have to readjust again… and again… and again. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Steelers6 August 27, 2012 at 3:54 am

I love the pic of the kids hanging
on the shopping basket. Go you! Strong
is a wonderful feeling.
Chrissy

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Linda kuil August 27, 2012 at 11:38 am

It’s those little things, the non-scale victories that get us through when the scale doesn’t seem to be moving. The weight may not be falling off, but we’re getting our life back and making progress!

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blackhuff August 27, 2012 at 12:00 pm

You know what? I don’t think you’re silly for doing anything like running to your car, lifting the milk and showing off that you can do this because I too know what you feel like after you have thrown off so much weight.
I too, nowadays, feel like running everywhere. Why? Because I CAN now do it. Because I now DO have the energy to do it ๐Ÿ™‚
Go Holly!
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Lee Mitchell August 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

way to go! And I love that you add pictures of your accomplishments to your blog. Makes me feel like I am right there with ya.
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jennxaz August 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Man you are just shrinking…love the pictures!

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Pam August 27, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I know just what you mean about grocery shopping. It used to completely wear me out, and as I walked to the car with my groceries, my knees, back, and hips all hurt. I pushed the cart, but basically it was serving as my walker, helping to support me. When hubby would come with me to the grocery store, he always liked to push the cart. But I finally told him that I needed the cart for support as I walked. Now, when he comes along, he pushes the cart again. It’s NOT a small thing–to be able to grocery shop again. It’s a HUGE thing.

I thought of you when I went to the dentist Friday. I lost a filling from a front tooth and looked like a hillbilly. I remember the last time I went to the dentist (at least 3 years ago–like you, I put off those visits), and worrying whether the hydraulics would work on the chair to lift me up, under my enormous weight. I didn’t get to the point where I didn’t fit in the chair–but it was close and sometimes the chair wouldn’t go up and down and I’d have to get up while they moved it around. That was embarrassing. But this time I didn’t have that worry anymore. The chair easily fit my 150 lbs. and moved easily up and down! It’s truly amazing what we can do when we just start making the right choices. If you’re interested, I wrote about your story in one of my blogs–the one titled “So Many Things…” Your story really got to me….hope you don’t mind me talking about you.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Oh my gosh!! That’s so sweet! Thanks!!! I look forward to reading your blog posts and catching up on your journey as well. I totally get what you mean about using the cart as a walker. Absolutely have I done this!! I totally get it! And that is so great about the dentist chair!! It’s like all of us are in this together!

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Amanda August 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Wahoo! Yay for cart racing!
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Courtney August 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I’m right there with you on doing the store to car cart run! I love doing that with my little girl. ๐Ÿ™‚ The front of our grocery store is a wall of glass with an eating area right there. Sometimes I imagine people must be watching my rotund rear bounce around like two big jello mounds wrapped in denim, but then I see my daughter’s happy face and that imagined snickering doesn’t seem so important.

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Liz August 27, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I love reading your posts and seeing you take every day things that most people take for granted and turn them into a cause for celebration. You always are able to remind me that some times I just need to slow down and enjoy the every day. That every moment we have counts. I’m so happy for you Holly, that you are taking your life back and really embracing and enjoying it.
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Alice Teo August 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm

i never able to do shopping anymore…
i love shopping…
it must be a real great feeling to be able to do marketing and able to walk/run out and still feels alive..
i’m so happy for you…
you are my idol…
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Cammy@TippyToeDiet August 28, 2012 at 1:38 am

What an amazing post! It’s awesome enough that you’ve been so successful, but how wonderful that you recognize and appreciate how much your life is different as well as that of your children!

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Gi August 28, 2012 at 2:45 am

This is a great post. Its little things like this that make me smile, I am so glad to see your progress. Sometime I find daily tasks hard to do and I remember being lighter and still thinking that they were hard to do and I get a little annoyed at myself for previously taking everyday things for granted that are now much harder to do.
Keep up the fabulous work holly ๐Ÿ™‚
xx
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Nikki Mohamed August 29, 2012 at 12:15 am

You are totally a rock star!
I love reading your updates and how things that once were nearly impossible are routine for you again. Keep it up, Holly.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Thanks Nikki!

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Carrie August 29, 2012 at 2:09 pm

GO MAMA!!

I love that! What a feel-good read…thanks, girl!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Thanks Carrie!

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Yazmin @ A Pretty Rock August 30, 2012 at 3:09 am

I’ve already said it before, but I love reading your posts… this one and your last one, in particular, have brought to mind that you are leaving a fantastic legacy with your kids! To see where their mom once was, and to see her journey to her new self…

When they’re older, they too will also call this a defining moment in their life.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Thanks Yazmin!! That means a lot to me!

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ATL August 31, 2012 at 8:22 am

I found this blog from my friends blog that just recently had the surgery. I am about 340 and 5’4 myself. I have been contemplating what to do- I was in process of lap band but lost my job over a year ago and just never got back into it (even when I got a new job) and now I have moved and am looking for a job again but I have noticed…shopping I HATE–I use the cart the SAME way–to have something to lean on. My lower back and feet kill me (I have flat feet and lower back issues from a car accident so my EXTRA weight does not help EITHER)… I have a loving partner and 3 step kids that I really want to do things with..and my mind says “yes” but my body says “sit your ass down fatty”. Thanks for the great blog reading. I am going to continue reading older posts- my blog is a jumble of things..but not about my weight so much (yet) . ๐Ÿ™‚
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Keligraphy September 1, 2012 at 5:59 am

You’re an inspiration. When I read your posts I feel like crying, because you seem to be an amazing person. You might not know who I am, nor do you want or expect it. But I’m proud of you for being able to get there. Get there for yourself, and for your kids. Your story touches me.

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Leah September 2, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Hi Holly!
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I have read your “About Me” and your story is amazing. Good for you for reaching out to hope when it felt so hopeless. It’s truly inspiring!

Keep up the good work!
-Leah ๐Ÿ™‚

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