Make a Comeback

August 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

You would think my refrigerator was a wisdom dispenser

As often as I end up there

Seeking answers for problems

Seeking comfort for emotions

That food can’t solve

And yet there I find myself

Opening the door

And staring inside

Looking for something

So over the last year, I’ve gotten really into magnets!

I cover my refrigerator with them

To remind me of the important things I need to know

BEFORE I  eat something I really don’t need

Here is one of my favorites

We can’t live in yesterday

We have to live  in TODAY

This is a good reminder for me

After having had a bad week

Where I let depression get the best of me

I struggle at times with depression

The black cloud that rolls in and takes me hostage

I can do things to keep it at bay

Or I can give in

The same goes for my habits and routines

I can do things that encourage good habits

And I can do things that encourage bad habits

All last week I was out of my routine

I had lost my motivation

And I went all week without showing up at Crossfit

Because somehow I let myself get into this mindset

That if the kids weren’t here to do things for

Then there was no point in doing things

Why even get up in the morning?

After a week I had melted into the bed

I intended to go but then I didn’t

I meant to go the next day and then I didn’t

After awhile I started feeling like too much time had passed to go back at all

Have you ever felt that way?

Sort of ashamed of yourself

Like you’ve been gone so long now

That going back would be embarrassing?

But my kids came home and Savannah, my oldest daughter said “LET’S GO!”

I grumbled all the way to the Crossfit class

ALL THE WAY THERE

She sat there glancing over at me

Saying nothing

Hoping I’m sure that the car would carry us there faster so my complaining and bickering would end

It happens sometimes

You let your mood get the best of you

I felt stupid walking in

I had barely begun going to Crossfit

And then as quickly as I had begun

I was derailed

I missed a whole week

Because my kids were gone and I let laziness and depression take over

All my progress down the drain

There I go…I thought to myself….

Proving to my new Crossfit  friends what a flake I can be

Why go back? What is the point?

They all know me now

They know what a loser I am

How easy I get derailed

How quickly depression can come for me like a little kid pummeled by a big wave

I expected a frosty reception

What are YOU doing here?

You’re the loser that dropped out for a whole week

You’re not committed

You don’t have what it takes

That’s what I thought would happen

But when I walked in

It was the exact opposite

Merrily’s face lit up and she gave me a big hug!!

My coach hugged me too

Not a word was said about my abscence

Except we missed you and we are so happy you are back!!

It was like I had not missed a beat

As if I had just been there yesterday!

It reminded me of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32)

Who left home to live it up

And having spent all his money

Ended up down and out

Sleeping with the pigs

Hitting rock bottom he realized his mistake

Head hanging low and feeling unworthy

He returned home

Not imagining for one second he would be accepted back into the family by his father

His only hope  was that his father might hire him as a servant

Because that was still better than sleeping with the pigs

To his shock and surprise

His father not only accepted him back with open arms

He threw him a party!!

Accepted fully back into the family with a celebration!

We’ve all been like the Prodigal Son

Falling off track and going our own way

Then hitting rock bottom and dragging ourself back to the starting line

To rejoin Weight Watchers or Nutri System

Or the gym

When after losing a bunch of weight

We gain it all back

After going to the gym faithfully for 6 months

We just quit going

Laying on the couch eating doritos losing all our progress

Who wants to walk back in after that?

Who wants to own up to their failures?

Who wants to feel like the Prodigal Son?

But the father of the Prodigal son had nothing but love when his son returned

He didn’t even ask the son to explain himself

He didn’t lecture him at all

He didn’t even wait for him to get to the door

He saw him coming from a long way off

And his heart pounding, he ran out to embrace him

WHY?

“My son was lost and now he is found.  Time to celebrate!” (Luke 15:32)

And this is how I felt upon arriving at Crossfit yesterday

Celebration and hugs

Just acceptance, encouragement, and people happy to see me

Like the last week was gone

And a new day had dawned

Like the magnet on my refrigerator reminding me

To be done with yesterday

And be hopeful about today

My daughter was with me

We ran 100 yards

We did 35 sit ups

We lifted heavy things

And then we did it all over again

I watched Merrily who only started a few months ago

Do the RX WOD for the day

In Crossfit language, that means she did the whole workout unmodified

Pretty awesome for someone who has struggled with her weight and only started a few months ago

When it was done, we stretched

My daughter and I Hi-5’d one another

And  walked out the door where everything suddenly seemed brighter

The tasks I had to accomplish the rest of the day suddenly became easier

All the things I had been depressed about now looked like nothing more than a minor annoyance

When the week before they had seemed like insurmountable problems

Exercise does something to you more than just physical

It’s mentally cleansing you of all the junk rolling around in your head

The junk that says you can’t make it happen

Because guess what??

YOU JUST DID

And you know it

 

So when you walk out of your workout , you feel stronger

Not just physically—

Mentally

But I know I’ll still have my moments

My ups and downs

This cycle will repeat itself

But even if I miss a day or a week

I will remember the prodigal son

Who was accepted back with open arms

Just like I was amongst my coach and fellow workout friends

Encouraged

Raised up

Reminded

That when we fall

We can get up again

We don’t have to feel ashamed

We can always make a comeback

We can return to the party

And celebrate

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve fallen

You will not be left behind the velvet rope

While everyone else marches past you

You are a VIP

You are special

And you are still invited to the party

 

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Lynne August 4, 2012 at 12:56 am

Thanks for reminding me! I’ve felt like this so often and when the cycle repeats itself, that’s all I think about – how often it happens over and over again. It’s really about getting out of the shame cycle and realizing we are always important enough to ourselves to do what’s best for us. It shouldn’t matter if anyone else is around – what matters is what we think of us. We’re all special and we always deserve to be ‘found’ again.
Your honesty is inspiring and amazing!
Peace, Lynne.

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 4, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Thanks Lynne!I totally agree with you. We are all special and deserve to be found! Great way to put it!

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Mercy August 4, 2012 at 4:19 am

I know what it’s like to let go of the desire to exercise. It is so hard to get back into it. This past week I had a bad cold and didn’t get up any morning to exercise. Starting again today was so hard, but I forced myself to do it and feel so good.
I’m impressed with your daughter for pushing you and helping you and even joining you in your workout. I know I never would have joined my mom for exercise when I was a teen.
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Banded With Favor August 4, 2012 at 6:45 am

Holly, so funny this should be your post tonight….I have been thinking of the prodigal son for other reasons today, but that this seems to be a theme to me today confirms that God is in control, We are not….We will be welcomed with open loving arms no matter what and we are going to mess up occasionally, we are human, it happens….and every time, just as you have stated invertantly in this post, the number one person that keeps us from returning is ourselves….So interesting to me….it is also interesting to me that we can be the son who is wrestling with himself about returning and for those of us who are parents are sometimes the father, waiting, searching, looking diligently every night, for the slightest hope, smallest glimmer of a far off shadow walking home, returning…..Thank you for sharing, it has been a blessing to me on various aspects of my life right now….your last little bit about being a VIP reminded me of one of the worship songs my kids and I sing….At VBS for the past 7 years one of the local churches as had a musician come and lead the children in worship…We love him and he has a song called VIP….the words go…”Your a V I P to G O D, you were made in is image and you’ll always be….a V I P!!! We are important and we will all be successful when all is said and done….As always, love your posts!!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 4, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Thanks for this!!! I really love it. I think this comment should be read by everyone b/c it is really a perfect way to explain it. I love what you said and I love that song! I haven’t heard it and now I have to go find it!

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Banded With Favor August 4, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Holly….His name is Rob Biagi, he has a web site and I think
The CD is $12.00… I am also pretty sure the album is called
V I P..the cover is him leaping while playing a guitar . We have had the CD for so long We don’t have the cover anymore sorry, but he has a great story and his worship songs are so much fun!!! There is a dance routine for every song and my kids have all enjoyed him…obviously my 17 year old has out grown him, my 13 year old helps the little ones now but my 9 year old will rock out for hours, takes the CD to Sunday school and has loaded the songs to his iPod….Not to mention Rob and his family are just fun happy “human” people, down to earth and real…hope that helps your search!!;)

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 4, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Mercy,
I was sick too last week and once I got better I was out of the routine and didn’t want to go back to working out! I hope you feel better soon!

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Sarah August 4, 2012 at 8:33 am

I love the story of the prodigal son. We are always our own hardest critics and forget how forgiving others can be.
I am glad your kids are back to help motivate you but never forget (in the words of L’oreal) you’re worth it. xx
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 4, 2012 at 3:09 pm

hahaha in the words of L’oreal! I love it!

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Linda Kuil August 4, 2012 at 11:20 am

I always say that exercise clears out all of the cobwebs in your mind. For some people, it does more for them mentally than physically. Now you know, when you are feeling the littlest bit down on yourself, the first thing you should do is go for a walk!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 4, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Cobwebs! So true! I got trapped in a big one last week. And you are right about exericse being mental. If only I could remember that when I get down!

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tz August 4, 2012 at 11:36 am

going back is one of the hardest things…I think even harder than starting a whole new program….starting is a fresh start, going back is a reminder of your problems…but you did it and you will be stronger emotionally and physically for having done so. You are also proving to yourself that you matter. Yes, you are doing this for your children, but you also have to do this for yourself too. Great post.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 4, 2012 at 3:12 pm

This is so well said. “Going back is a reminder of your problems”. This is so true. It’s one thing to start…but REstarting is not easy. Wow what a great point!! I am going to have to mull this one over b/c it’s an insight I had never considered before. Thanks!

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Liz August 4, 2012 at 12:59 pm

You’re absolutely right. I can’t tell you how many times after going off plan at WW I stopped going until I could “lose what I gained” because I didn’t want them to know. Didn’t want my leader to see what I had let happen. But it’s so much harder to lose it on my own. And I would end up putting more weight on instead of taking it back off. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it, and a lot of times, it ends up not being as bad as you thought it would.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 4, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I know what you mean, Liz!! You want to lose what you gained before you go back. Just like we think that we have to ‘fix’ ourselves and clean ourselves up before we can go to God for help!! Ironic!!! Wow what an awesome point.

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Sheila August 4, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Love your analogy…and I’m soooooo happy that everyone at Crossfit was genuinely happy to see you. That makes all the difference in the world. And thank goodness for your daughter, putting up with the grumbling…she is such a great daughter to help pull you back from the brink. Kudos to her!
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Amy August 4, 2012 at 7:42 pm

welcome back 🙂 sometimes you need a week like that to remind you of what’s important.
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Lori August 5, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I love the prodigal son analogy! I’m going to remember that one.
Lori

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Amanda August 6, 2012 at 1:40 pm

It’s as if you were reading my mind this morning. I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of purpose and motivation. I set new goals for myself and am feeling re-energized. Then I read this post and was even more sure that I can make these stick. Thank you for this!
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Dawn August 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm

WOW! I needed this. Thank you for your wonderful writing and encouragement!
Dawn
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Melissa D August 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

I’m new to your blog and am grateful you are willing to share your life. It helps me to know that there are others out there that feel/think/have gone through the same things I am now. I’m still trying to find my own path to unload my baggage/fear/depression/anxiety and reading your words through all my tears is very inspirational!! Thank you!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 7, 2012 at 1:28 am

Thank you Melissa!! I really appreciate you taking the time to leave this comment. It really means a lot to me when I read that I am not the only one struggling. And neither are you! Hang in there and I know you will accomplish all your goals!

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Yazmin @ A Pretty Rock August 6, 2012 at 10:15 pm

It’s amazing how one mis-step can send a person careening down the slippery slope. Mine has been with food these past two weeks. (My birthday set me off.) I ate enough over my calories to gain back a full pound.

But, like the prodigal son, I’m coming back and corralling my excess. That’s my goal this week.

Hey – I’m proud you went back, even mumbling, with your daughter. It’s always hardes to go back after you’ve been gone and start questioning the point of it all. No matter how much you hate getting started exercising for the day, remember it’s always good when you finish. 🙂
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greenie August 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Good for you for getting back on track. You’re doing great!

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