Finished

July 8, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Has anyone ever said this to you?

And when they did

What was your response?

Did you believe them?

You get from where you are

To where you want to be

By constantly renewing your mind

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2)

You have to control your thoughts

Because if you don’t

Someone will do it for you

People will tell you what you are capable of

People will tell you what you can’t do

Those thoughts, attitudes, words

Are like knocks at the door

 

Will you open it and let them in?

Every day you will think something

Every day you will have a belief about who you are

And what you can accomplish

If you do not actively choose that perception

If you do not actively choose those thoughts

They will be chosen for you

Would you walk into a movie theatre

And then say at the ticket counter

“Whatever you want me to see is fine”

Would you walk into a restaurant and say

“Whatever you think I should eat is fine”

Would you walk into Carmax and say

“Whatever you think I should drive is fine”

Of course not!

You own those decisions

But when it comes to YOU

How you feel about yourself?

You just let others decide

You let the enemy pour shame into you (John 10:10; John 8:44)

And tell you what you can’t do

Remind you of your failures

And use it as evidence that you will never be able to change

If you don’t let strangers in your house

If you don’t let others choose what movies you watch

Or what car you will drive

Why are you letting them tell you the most important thing of all

WHO YOU ARE

What you choose to do in life

The actions you take

Will be a reflection of the thoughts in your head

The beliefs you have about what you can and can’t do

You may feel incapable of changing

Because you’ve failed too many times

Because someone told you that you’ll never succeed

And you believed them

But it’s an illusion

Stop letting the lies control you

Stop letting your thoughts be determined

By what you see in the mirror

I saw 417 pounds

I saw years of failure at weight loss

I saw a husband who left me

Because I could never change

YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE, HOLLY

YOU CAN’T DO IT

YOU WILL NEVER BE ANY DIFFERENT FROM WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW

I saw the word

FINISHED

Inscribed above my head

Just a 417 pound woman who was finished

Whose life was over

And for five years I believed that

But now here I am

170  pounds later

And I still see the word “Finished

But it now means something else

It means

Finished with the thoughts that held me back

Finished with regrets

Finished with believing whatever random thought pops in my head

Finished with people who tell me I CAN’T do it

Finished with the lies that tell me I have no future

Finished believing that others know me better than I know myself

I will never forget

What my ex-husband told me when he walked out the door

I begged him not to leave

I begged him to give me one more chance

To lose the weight

And he told me

“There’s no point.  Because you can’t change”

You are not capable of changing

You will always be exactly who you are

But he added

If you’d like to try and be a better person….well that’s great

But I know you

And I know you CAN’T do it

When someone you’ve known over a decade

Someone you’ve built a life with

Someone you’ve let into your head

Shared your innermost thoughts with

Tells you

That you are INCAPABLE of changing

That you will NEVER accomplish your goals

That does something to you

Because it’s one thing to be told by strangers that you will fail

But to be told by someone who knows you the best

By your spouse or a parent or your best friend

That you don’t have what it takes

That you CAN’T ever change

That goes straight to the heart

That seals it

Because they know you better than anyone

And they’ve already summed you up

And I believed him

So I gained another 100 pounds

Because what was the point in trying?

He knew me better than anyone

And he told me

You CAN’T do it

So I’m leaving

Because YOU will always be fat

You will always be obese

You will always lose

You will never finish what you start

The first time I was approved for weight loss surgery

I was still married

I had my surgery date on the calendar

But he did not want me to have the surgery

Because he KNEW it would not help me

Even surgery won’t make a difference

Because you CAN’T change

You are a lost cause

You are who you are

And when he left me

He took the health insurance with him

Because I had been a stay at home mom

And his decision

Also took away my chance to have the surgery

I was cut out of the insurance

And with that went my last hope

But like he said

It didn’t matter anyway

Because it would not have helped me

I was incapable of changing

Hope was something I didn’t deserve to have

What you need, Holly, is honesty

You need someone to tell you the cold, hard truth

It was for my own good, he insisted

Face the truth about yourself, Holly

Not even surgery can help you

You are beyond help

That hope was not for me

Because he knew me best

And I would never change

So I believed him

It took 5 more years

Before that door opened for me again

And even after my brother lost 250 pounds

I was still not convinced

That this could work for me

That it could make a difference

My brother had to talk me into it

I was SO SURE that I was beyond help

The lost cause

But I gave it a chance

Exactly 12 months ago

To my shock and surprise

I discovered something

I CAN CHANGE   

I am who I CHOOSE to be

Not who someone tells me I am

I am not my past failures

And I do not always LOSE

Unless you mean POUNDS!

It doesn’t matter if you have failed a million times

Those failures are NOT a predictor of your future success

If you’ve been on every diet a thousand times

If you’ve tried for 20 years and still failed

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t define you

It doesn’t predict anyhting

It only means

That you have figured out what doesn’t work

And it proves that you have amazing willpower

Amazing fortitude

Amazing strength

Because you didn’t give up

Because after 20 years you kept trying

Don’t look at your failures as anything but PROOF that you never quit

Proof that you always are willing to keep trying

Once upon a time

I let someone tell me who I was

I let someone tell me who I would be

I let someone tell me I was

INCAPABLE of ever changing

NEVER AGAIN

Even someone who you think knows you better than anyone

Evens someone you feel knows you better than you know yourself

Can be WRONG

You are who you choose to be

Your future is unwritten

No one can determine it

And if they try to

Don’t listen

Because there is only ONE person who gets to tell you who you are

And what you can achieve

And He says

Great plans ahead! (Jeremiah 29:11)

Don’t give up! (1 Corinthiains 4:16)

So to the people who try to define you

Who try to be a know-it-all

When it comes to your life

Just remember

That they are no experts

They don’t have  a PhD

In YOU

Let them say what they want

Because this was what they saw one year ago

hollyfat

And this is what they see now

170 pounds lighter

And when they see you this way

They’ll say

“Oh….my mistake….”

Because they didn’t think you could do it

They were wrong

And they will find out

Just like you did

That you can do what your set your mind to

But you have to SET your mind

On the right things

And when you do

They will come to pass

I know this

Because I’m doing it

We all can

Together

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Lady Amanda July 8, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I love it!!! Soo true! You are awesome. Always have been- always will be. Sometimes the short little evil Trolls in life seem to make things miserable-they say mean things, and do mean things- but it is best to just step on their little heads and say – SEE YA! (sorry- I couldn’t resist saying that!- you know how I feel about little Trolls- LOL) Love the blog. Love the after picture- soo pretty. Love the happy smile on your face!!! 🙂

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Becky July 9, 2012 at 1:28 am

You have written so many encouraging words, but this post has to be the most inspirational one yet! Thank you for sharing your wonderful words of wisdom!

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Amy July 9, 2012 at 4:05 am

Holly, if there were ever a day for you to come visit my blog, today would be it. I summarized the last year in a slide show and the music is “Change” by Michael Jackson. You’re dang right we can change. We can and we ARE! High five, sista. 🙂
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Jeanette July 9, 2012 at 4:08 am

Holly, I love reading your blog and wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. You look so pretty and so happy. I don’t know if your ex husband has seen you recently but I would love to see the look on his face after seeing how much weight you have lost and how beautiful you are. He surely didn’t know what a jewel he had in you. You inspire me to not give up on myself and I thank you for that. God bless you and your children.

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goosh July 9, 2012 at 5:22 am

You are amazing! And I love this post ~
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Nikki Mohamed July 9, 2012 at 10:37 am

Bet he’s kickin’ himself in the pants now, Hottie-Holly! I know that he caused you a whole lot of pain in your heart and screwed with your head by his callous and hateful non-supportive words…but you know what? Be thankful to God for him. This was just one more test from God of your patience and strength. And you passed that test by moving on and achieving your goals. And you did this not because of your ex-husband’s cruel words, but in spite of them.
He’s a dick. He doesn’t deserve you.
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Linda Kuil July 9, 2012 at 11:23 am

Well, you thought he knew you better than anyone else and I’m sure the day you committed yourself to him, you thought he would never be the type of person that would leave you and his children behind. I guess we really are the only ones who know ourselves best. You have all these wonderful and amazing thoughts and feelings because of what you are doing for yourself and your kids- building a much better future for your family. I wonder what thoughts he’s having now about himself and what his kids will eventually know of him?

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Kelliann July 9, 2012 at 12:06 pm

What a powerful and inspiring post. You are SO GORGEOUS and just GLOWING.
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Dayne Gingrich July 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I love this!! You are a true inspiration.

I’m teaching this mindset, exactly!! I call it the “1% Mindset.” Thinking, believing, knowing it WILL happen for you, no matter what *they* say.

Stop by, say hi… http://CoachYourMind.com

Have fantastic Monday,
Dayne

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Trish @I_am_Succeeding July 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm

You are amazing!! Your ex was dead wrong!

Oh and I love that Kelly Clarkson song! XOXO
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Amanda July 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Well, you’ve certainly proved him wrong. I agree completely that we need to be kind to ourselves and encouraging to ourselves and avoid the negative self talk that got us to where we started. However, I also think it’s important that we only allow those who encourage us in return into our lives in the first place and purge ourselves of the ones that don’t. Your ex did you a favor by leaving (I think you’re starting to see this as painful as it was). We need to surround ourselves by people who love us, truly love US for US and not some fantasy of what they want us to be. We need to be surrounded by supportive individuals who just want us to be the best US we can be and realize that the outside is merely a shell and not a testament to who we truly are or who our spirits are. 🙂
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Diane, fit to the finish July 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Wonderful post and you are doing a great job. It is so important to have that group of supportive people in our lives.
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Holly July 9, 2012 at 5:30 pm

This was exactly what I needed to hear today! You are an inspiration and your physical change is evidence of your internal transformation. It’s so easy to let other people tell us who we are. i’m so guilty of that at times and especially lately. It’s hard to stand up for yourself and say, “you’re dead wrong” and then show them, but you have done it! Kudos to you and stay awesome!
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Rae Rae J July 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Beautiful, you are =D I have to admit, sometimes my head still always tells me I might as well give it up.
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Elizabeth July 10, 2012 at 2:18 am

Holly, I am constantly in awe of your strength, courage and stamina, and reading your words it’s evident it didn’t come easily. As difficult as it is to be a single parent you need a partner to encourage you and believe in you. Sometimes I struggle with that in my own relationship with my husband, he is not a build upper, never has been so sometimes I feel like I beg for encouragement elsewhere when I wouldn’t need so much if I got it at home, but I know that he loves me even though he shows it differently and not as compassionately as I’d like many times. You are are AMAZING, all you have accomplished even when you felt like you were swimming against the tide! And keep on swimming too, I’m trying to swim with you 🙂
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Banded With Favor July 10, 2012 at 4:35 am

Holly, as usual profound, timely and inspirational…
Love your strength and the insight, and know how to deal with
Life…applicable living my lady and I so appreciate
You!!! Xoxo Kristin

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Carrie July 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I think you’re fabulous. And you look fabulous. And you inspire fabulousness.

(And I know that’s not really a word.)

I’m a bit stubborn though. Any time I’m told there’s something I can’t do…I gotta try it just so I can see for myself.
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Kimberly July 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Hi There,

I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now and I just wanted to thank you for putting it all out there. I had the sleeve surgery on April 16th and I have done pretty good so far. I have lost 60 pounds and feel so much better. I read this and it keep me going on this path. It’s not an easy path but well worth it. Keep up the good work and I hope to be right where you are with in a year:)

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Mercy July 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Wow! What a difference one year of not giving up has made. Those look like photos of two different people.
It is so sad that often the ones we think love us hurt and discourage us the most. But you have made the change and your ex would probably be shocked to see you now and see that you did do it. Maybe he would eat his words.
Congratulations on making it a full year!
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EmDub July 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I simultaneously want to kick your ex in the face and the balls.
That would be quite an impressive jump!
Pretty Bruce Lee-esque.

You are amazing Holly and I’m glad you recognized all the “haters” and their misguided, sometimes unsolicited advise were incorrect. There are so many voices in the world and only a very small amount should matter. God’s voice is often lost in the shuffle (personally speaking), but it is the One that matters the most.
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Jeremy R July 10, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Holly, you were, are, and will always be awesome. I think out of all the weight you have lost thus far, losing the weight of an unhappy marriage was the most important of all. Without that negativity your light is free to shine. You are open to self improvement, and you are free to do what you were always meant to do–help others who are struggling.

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Jane July 11, 2012 at 1:28 am

Awesome! Your reality was so, so painful and dark and bleak and sad…I’m so happy for you that you fought your way out. What a gift that you give all of us, that you have been brave enough to share your journey and inspire others! Thank you.

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Amanda November 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Thank you for the perspective! I really, really, really needed to hear that. I too have had the “others” more than happy to reaffirm the voices in my head, telling me that this life of severe morbid obesity is all I, or anyone else, can ever expect from me.

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