Bad days

May 8, 2012 in Uncategorized

You know you’re going to have them

You just don’t know when

These days

They’re like splinters

These little jabs that seem to come at you one after another

And it seems that you get hit all in one day

Every time you turn the corner

Something else to bring you down

I had a day like that a few months back

It started out great

But then I was standing in line at the bank

I saw someone I had not seen in awhile

And they complimented me on my weight loss

However, they added this remark

“But I wonder if you’ll get rid of that double chin?”

Excuse me??

What was that??

“And the loose skin…what about that?” she said, “I had a friend who lost a lot of weight like you but now she has loose skin hanging off her arms. She looks worse than she did before”


And that’s what you call


It started out sweet like a compliment

And then SMACK…there was an insult hidden in the middle

But it got better!

Because there was a man standing in front of her who overheard

And I think was trying to make it better

He said “Actually you’re going to be really beautiful IF you lose some more weight”


What is this?

Forget walking into the bank

Next time I’m going through the drive-thru

Because I walked in the bank feeling good

But I left feeling down

Got back in the car and turned the rear view mirror down to my face

Grabbed at the skin under my chin

Looked this way and that

Then took out my phone to snap a side picture of myself

Hmmm….you do still have a double chin

Maybe even triple

Grabbed at the skin on my arm


Sheesh Holly…and you thought you looked good today

What were you thinking?

So what if you’ve lost weight?

You’ve got a chin the size of Texas

(And it keeps getting bigger in my mind the more I dwell on it)

Your skin is going to hang off you

And like that woman’s friend you’ll “look worse than before”

It’s seeping into me now

The negativity

And I’m letting it

I drive to the next stop on my errand run

But when I come out, I find something stuck under the windshield of my car




Did someone see me walk into that store and think YEP

That’s our target market right there

I bet they saw me and thought “Stick one under her windshield. She’s huge”

Why do I even bother, I thought

I’ve lost over 100 pounds but I bet no one can even tell

I’ve still got a double chin and saggy arms

And oh I might be beautiful one day…IF I lose more weight

And then on auto pilot

Without even thinking

The old me takes over as I head to my dealer to get my drugs

You know it as the grocery store but it’s also my supplier

My mission?

To buy every piece of junk food they have

Fill my cart to the brim

Because I’m now unhappy

I’m now depressed

I’m now hopeless

And there is one way I know FOR SURE

To make myself feel better


That’s what I know

How I’m programmed

It’s a quick fix

Take a hit

And you’re all better

So I race through the grocery store frantically pulling everything into my cart

Like I’m on one of those game shows

Where you’ve got 2 minutes to get as much as you can

Then I stopped


In my tracks

I looked at my cart

Just stared at it

And I said




This is not the way

This is the problem

This is the path to destruction

Are you going to let it all slip away?

I could hear the words in my head telling me to run

But my body was crying out for everything in that cart

And more

Because I hadn’t even made it to the bread aisle

And the candy aisle

Yet I knew that I had to run

Like someone had just pulled the fire alarm and my life depended on it

So I prayed

“God, help me to pry my hands off this cart!”

He did

And I left it there

Parked right in between the pretzels and spray cheese


Quoting James 4:7 under my breath like a crazy person!

Resist the devil and he will flee from you!

Because my devil looks like a bag of Tostitos with a side of Cheetos

And his minions look like cookies

Driving home I wondered how I would make it through the day

Because despite the fact that I had left my drugs behind

I still had the emotions to deal with

And the double chin and saggy arms

Then this simple thought popped into my mind


For real!! that was it!


Did I decide to lose weight to get rid of a double chin?

Did I care about loose skin???


I could barely walk

Or breathe

I could not sleep in my bed

I could barely function

And I felt hopeless and depressed

Not just for a moment

Like right now


And now?

Now I wake up in the morning

With hope and a fresh start

I can play baseball with my son and be one of the moms that goes on field trips

And go to the mall with my daughter

Plant flowers and swim and fit my feet into shoes again

I can  fit in the MRI machine if I need to

And rush my daughter to the ER when the times comes

And I don’t live in a prison anymore

So if I lose all 300 Pounds

And still have a double chin

And skin so loose I have to throw it in a wheelbarrow and carry it around with me


Because I can get plastic surgery if I want to

Or I can drag my chin and skin around in a backpack if I choose

It will still be better than weighing 417 pounds

And last I checked

The source of my hope says beauty is more than loose-skin deep

“Looks aren’t everything.”, He says to me,” I judge differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; I look into the heart”(1 Samuel 16:17)

But don’t get me wrong

I won’t be crying if my chin disappears

But I won’t be crying if it doesn’t

Because I’m not turning down donuts and bagels and pizza

And sweating on the elliptical

So I can win a beauty pageant

It’s so I can LIVE

And roll my sleeves up to be an active Mom

Even if the loose skin from my arm hangs out the bottom

That’s quite ok with me

Those are just my battle scars

That prove I’ve been to hell and back

And survived

And when I got to the end of that day feeling despondent and defeated

But knowing I did not eat over it

Stuff my face with junk food over it

I knew I had just experienced a victory

A sneak attack where I could have been obliterated

Derailed into a pile of food

Eating my way back up the scale

But instead I battled it out

And woke up the next day


These days will come

You know they will

But I’m learning to love them

Because they help me grow stronger

Each time something bad happens

And I don’t eat a pile of chips with a six pack of Coke because of it

I’ve won

These days should be expected

Prepared for

And then battled out like an action movie on the big screen

Where there’s a big explosion

And then one person walks out of the smoke

With the debris flying all around them

But they just keep walking

Never looking back

Because this is war

And it’s real and deadly

So when the world is exploding around you

And you just walk out of the flames

Focused and determined

Without a box of donuts in your hand

Or a Big Mac in your mouth

Then you ARe the action hero

The hero of your OWN movie

So the next time you’re hit with a Complinsult

Or whatever else comes your way

That threatens to toss you back into a pile of food

Consider yourself like Wolverine

Let it all blow up behind you

And just keep walking

Put your sunglasses on

And walk right out of the blaze!


Here’s a song from one of my favorite artists, Mandisa about “These Days”!!

And I couldn’t have said it better

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{ 61 comments… read them below or add one }

Staci May 8, 2012 at 4:42 am

People can be SO RUDE. It’s stupid. You’ll be prepared the next time a rudie comes along. You can act like you don’t care and say “Well, carrying around loose skin WITHOUT fat it in at least feels better!” ::smile:: Ugh. @@ As for the double chin, I think if I lose 100 lbs I will still have a double chin. LOL My face is more round, and that’s just how it’s gonna be. Oh, my MIL lost 70 pounds and those were the 2 things people threw at her during a compliment – double chin and loose skin. So stupid! Everyone worries for you when you NEED to lose, but it’s like they get jealous or intimidated when you actually do start losing so they need to put you back in your old, self condemned place. Good for you for abandoning that cart!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Congrats on your 5K Staci!! you rock!!
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Aimee May 8, 2012 at 5:25 am

I’m all teary here. You know the biggest source of my Complinsults? Myself. Until I read this, I didn’t realize I do it ALL the time.

THANK you so much. You are changing more lives than your own.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 5:33 am

I know what you mean!! I do this too and when I read your reply I was Like… Yes!!! She’s so right!! We are often the source!! Thanks for that awesome insight!!


Linda Kuil May 8, 2012 at 11:57 am

Yep, I saw something on Pinterest: “Would you talk to a friend the way you speak to yourself?” We are the WORSE offenders!


CrazyLady May 8, 2012 at 7:15 am

Some people are downright rude and mean, you must always keep in mind that its not about you, its about them. The reason they feel a need to comment about ‘loose skin or double chin’is because of their own insecurity and jealousy so dont let them bother you, in fact just tell them you will deal with the skin or double chin when it bothers you and not a moment before then.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm

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Kaitlyn May 8, 2012 at 8:51 am

“An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.” – Buddha

I recently discovered this song:
I think it suits this entry.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I hadn’t heard that quote before. thanks for adding it!!
Holly from 300 Pounds Down recently posted..Bad daysMy Profile


Kaitlyn May 9, 2012 at 9:11 am

It’s one of my favourite ones, for sure.
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Lady Amanda May 8, 2012 at 10:43 am

I am soo amazed by what people feel like they have the right to say to someone. I cannot imagine saying something like that to someone. What is wrong with people nowdays! goodness gracious. Well I think you look fabulous- to heck with those evil-doers.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Thanks wild woman!!
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Debbie May 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

OMgosh I got one of those complisults too. A man at the hockey rink mistook me for his daughter. I said thank you because I’m a lot closer to his age than I would think his daughter. He said you should be (um ok) instead of leaving it there he says but she might not be complimented.
Whuck?!! Ok I’m 41 and she’s probably a lot closer to 30 but still.
I really don’t think he or the people at the bank realized how insulted they were. I wish you’d thought to say – you know I’m really happy with the progress I’ve made, and what you said insulted me and hurt my feelings. You’ve done and continue to do a fabulous job. Focus on the positive!!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Woah Debbie!!! That was something for you to handle. I bet you’re right. People often have no idea how what they are saying affects others. It’s a good reminder to myself to be careful what I say too!!
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Linda Kuil May 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

I’ve actually asked somebody about loose skin, only because I hadn’t lost my weight yet and was curious. I have a ton of loose belly skin now. I’m saddened by it because i did that to MYSELF, but like you said, I could have it removed (that scares the crap out of me!) or just thank God for SPANX!!! It’s a reminder of where I was and that I do NOT want to fill that sagging space back up with plump fat cells EVER AGAIN!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Linda, that is totally ok and a normal question. People who lose significant amounts of weight do have this question and coming from someone who is also on the weight loss journey it totally makes sense. I guess I was caught off guard considering she was making a negative comment about someone she knew looking worse than they did before b/c of it. I venture to say none of us will look or feel worse after we lose weight!! Even if we do have loose skin. So don’t you worry one bit about asking questions. And the reality is I could have taken her comment more personally than I should have. Well…I definitely did considering my actions afterwards!! lol
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Linda Kuil May 8, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I have dog jowls for a belly! But, like you said, WAY better than the alternative!
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Linda Kuil May 8, 2012 at 9:56 pm

It’s Linda at Frickin’ Fabulous at 40, btw. I fricked up something and now I’m just a silhouette!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 10:46 pm

oh my!! you made me laugh!! And I know you’re gorgeous!!


Rockin' Mama May 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm

First of all, it makes me furious that people feel they have the right to say something negative to someone, especially when it is so much fun to be positive, and to see someone light-up because of a positive remark! I will never forget how sad I felt for my beautiful sister when I was visiting her, and we went to a store where people knew her. I was so thin at the time because I dealt with stress by NOT eating and by obsessive exercise, and she was extremely large because she dealt with stress by eating. When she introduced me, the people began laughing and snickering and saying to her, “You’re sisters? You’re kidding, right?” They kept laughing, and I felt so bad for her that I could have died. I knew what they were thinking, but they didn’t have to vocalize it. I wish now I had said, “Why are you laughing? I can’t believe how rude you are. My sister is so beautiful and smart, and you are lucky to know her. I think she is wonderful! I wish I was pretty and smart like she is.” It makes me sick to even remember that incident. I wish we could feel sorry for the stupidity and thoughtlessness that people show, instead of internalizing it and blaming ourselves for not being whatever they were expecting. The book of Proverbs tells us that a “soft answer turneth away wrath”, but it still hurts. Thank goodness, God is always watching, and He knows the truth about us; that is what truly matters. Holly, you are so beautiful inside-and-out, and God delights in you! Thank you for being the winner when that woman and man blindsided you! And, thank you for the remark about carrying extra skin in a wheelbarrow and a backpack; you helped me start my day with a good belly-laugh! I love you, D


Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I love what you said about how making a positive remark is fun because you get to see someone’s face light up. I totally agree!!! I’m sorry your sister had to go through that . You are right. Some people do cope with stress by not eating and some cope by overeating!! But either way we are beautiful in our own way!
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Libby May 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Months ago my sweet husband and I were enjoying a nice lunch with no kids, having a great time! This older fit looking woman comes over to our table (the place was packed) comes over to OUR table and in our old lady loud voice gives us 2 free coupons to try out a near by gym!!! I wanted to KILL her. I was so ashamed that my husband had to sit there with me. I let her ruin our day. I gave her that power. BUT it aint over, I joined weight watchers, I started running and I have lost over 30 lbs. and you better believe that when I am struggling to finish a 4 mile run, I think about that old lady with her “gift” coupons.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Aaah! What a difficult experience! But you handled it so well and look at you now. Amazing!!
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Stephanie May 8, 2012 at 1:40 pm

A lot of the time, people just don’t think when they talk and some people are so clueless, they don’t realize that what they say can be taken very poorly. That being said, as overweight people, we have CONDITIONED ourselves to perceive the worst possible meaning out of things that are meant to be compliments. it’s hard for people sometimes to compliment others on weight loss, becuase it’s not something they are comfortable doing, but it is nice that they acknowledge your efforts, especially when for so long we felt invisible.

Don’t worry about double chins or hanging skin. That’s what plastic surgery is for and TRUST ME, I had a neck lift myself and in my eyes, your neck looks perfectly fine. Seriously. I paid $7000 to get mine to look like yours, ok? We all have bad days and run in’s with well meaning, but at the same time, clueless people but it is up to us as individuals on how we choose to handle the complinsult. We are not the women we once were physically, so you need to get rid of that old mentality and take the compliment for what it is. Accept it gracefully and say “Yes, I have lost a lot of weight, thank you. I still have a way to go but with God’s help and a great plastic surgeon, skin issues won’t be a problem!” Just say it with a smile and be on your way! 🙂
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Stephanie, Great point! This reminds me of what my brother says. He says “It doesn’t matter what you say…it’s what they hear”. It’s true b/c so much of the time we say things with one intention but the person takes it a different way. I take to heart the scripture that says not to be easily offended. That’s the only way to live! Otherwise frustration sets in. But on this one occasion I think I forgot !! You have an excellent point that we should not be too sensitive and coming from the “overweight” mindset we have to retrain our brains!
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Kara May 8, 2012 at 1:51 pm

What is with people? I don’t know which person is worse, the person that knew you or the random stranger adding in their two cents. You handled it well, you distracted you talked yourself out from the initial binge and then distracted yourself thereafter. Those people aren’t worth it. You are.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Thanks Kara!!
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Rae Rae J May 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Complinsult! That’s my new favorite word! <3
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm

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Lynn May 8, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I just wanted to say what an inspiration you are!! I found your blog by chance….you had commented on another blog I was reading and I popped over here to take a look. Kudos to you for coming as far as you have and for leaving that cart behind!! That not only takes will power, it takes GUTS! And that is exactly what you have..the guts to stand up for yourself and say no. Keep up that mentality….you can do it!!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Thanks Lynn!!I’m so glad you found me! now I will go check your blog out too!
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DebbyH May 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

My family thinks Im crazy!! I was reading this post, and I was and I was crying and yelling at the people at the bank, how dare you say that!! Keep your mouth shut!! Youre making it worse!! Just shussh.
And then when you went for your food, NO DONT DO IT!! Walk away!!!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm

haha Debby!!! You’re the best!!!!


A May 8, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Thank you for your honesty and frankness. You are an inspiration. Every one of your posts leaves me emotionally spent…excitement, tears of sadness, tears of joy, tears of pride, determination for my own fight, excitement for all of us. You are a wonderful person and I am so excited for you and your family.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Thanks so much for your kind words!! This really made my day. Thank you!!


Eleanor May 8, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Yes, a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one. It is funny on TV, in the sitcoms where the characters are fictional. But in the real world, that stuff is not ok.

The hardest thing to do in life is to not compare ourselves to other people. Mainly because other people tend to compare you to them. They tend to not even look at what the struggle might be or what circumstance you are dealing with that are different than their own. I can keep my wieght down, so you should be able to as well. I can keep a high paying job, so why can’t you. I borrowed $200,000 from my parents to start my own business, why haven’t you.

Life is a race, and the only competitor that matters is our own selves. The only progress that matters is how far we have come from where we were.

The fact you were able to talk yourself away from that situation shows how strong you are. It was hard, but you did it. Next time, it won’t be as hard because you know that you can do it. You can buoy yourself up with “I did it once, I can do it again”. Also, the phrase “Those people are just full of sh- beans” can help. Because they are.

Than you for reminding me of that. And for your strength. 🙂
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Eleanor I loved what you said..”Life is a race, and the only competitor that matters is our own selves. The only progress that matters is how far we have come from where we were”….AMEN!!
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Kelliann May 8, 2012 at 3:40 pm

It’s unreal how a day can go from SO good, to SO shitty.
You are, as always, incredibly inspiring. We will have these moments OFTEN. I hate to say that. But it happens. The fact that you left – calling to the Lord for help – well, you accomplished more than just walking away from a cart of junk. You took a stand against all of those *ssholes that brought you down. You stood up for yourself. You, my dear, ROCK.
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Thanks Kelliann!!
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Kimberlynn May 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

You make me so proud! I see you winning the battle one day at a time. It helps me, especially on days like today when I’m feeling a little low. I love how honest and real you are in baring it all. You ARE a hero already!
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Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Thanks Kimberlynn and I hope your day got better!! I know how you feel. I’ve had plenty of these days lol but the good thing is tomorrow it all starts fresh and new!
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MandaPanda May 8, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Way to pull yourself out of the maniacal supermarket sweep mentality. But seriously…people need to learn some manners. Argh!
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Tammy May 8, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Great post! I love that you found strength and left the shopping cart right there. At 369 lbs, I know how hard it is to do just about everything. Losing the weight to live your life is what it is all about.
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Ronnie May 8, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I really despise the ever popular complinsult, and everyone seems to love giving them! Drives me nuts.


Denise May 8, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Holly I just want to say you rock girl. Every time I read one of your writings I smile on the inside and get that little extra spark to get me thru the rest of the day without the cheetos. Love your honesty that you give to all of us and I am especially amazed with your children. From the little that you show to us you have done an amazing job raising what I’m sure are going to be the most awesome people ever. You make me realize everyday not to take for granted how wonderful I feel today and always hope to. Thanks for all your words and remember you are beautiful outside and inside. I just have to say it one more time ” YOU ROCK!! “


Sara May 8, 2012 at 7:57 pm

So impressed that you walked away from your cart! That is amazing and definitely inspiring! I’m not sure that I could have done that. First time commenter….


MichelleH May 8, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Way to go!!!! People are amazing sometimes. I recently began my WLS journey and it amazes me how many times I have heard, “Wow–that’s great. You must be so excited. But what about all the loose skin you’ll have?”. A small part of me wants to reply, “OMG!!! I never considered that aspect! Forget this! I’ll just stay on the path to early death from morbid obesity and leave my children motherless because that is surely a much better alternative than loose skin!!!!!!! Heck, I better start smoking again, too! No point in risking not looking chic at any cost!!!” Then I let the thought pass and just smile and say, “Guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”


Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 8:55 pm

AHH!! hahhhaaaa….this made me laugh SO hard. I love it!!!!!!!!!!!


Ally Bean May 8, 2012 at 9:01 pm

“Because my devil looks like a bag of Tostitos with a side of Cheetos/ And his minions look like cookies”

No truer words. For so many of us, really.

GOOD FOR YOU realizing what was going on within you before you ate all of that Devil Food. We can all learn from your example. Way to go.
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Joan May 8, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Holly, another first-time commenter here. I’m not even sure how I came across your blog, but I now read it with pleasure. Your message is powerful and your words are beautiful. I don’t even deal with weight issues (certainly others though), and you should know that you can inspire anyone! Thank you for sharing yourself.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 8, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Oh thank you so much!! I am so glad you are here and thanks so much for leaving a comment!!


Faith May 9, 2012 at 12:26 am

Back handed compliments SUCK! DO NOT pay a single bit of attention to what in my mind are two asshats. You are gorgeous, could lose another 150 pounds or not drop another single ounce and you would still be a beautiful lady.
I am so proud of you for leaving that cart full “monsters” behind, that took courage. Lately, I’ve been taking the notion of the past is the past and I don’t know if tomorrow will even, I live in this moment and try to make this moment count. Many hugs, my friend. 🙂


Holly from 300 Pounds Down May 9, 2012 at 12:49 am

awww Faith!!! You had me laughing and smiling. that’s why I love you!!


Laryssa May 9, 2012 at 1:29 am

It is hard to walk away from comments like that but you learn that doing so makes you stronger. I remember a maintenance worker where I live was mopping the floor and told me to be extra careful walking on the wet floor “because you know if you fall down, it’s not gonna be easy to get you back up”. I wanted to slap him and tell him I hoped he grew a huge pimple on his nose. 😉 Instead I told him not to worry, I’d be careful walking, and then I said “enjoy the rest of your day”. He wasn’t worth me getting upset over. It’s taken a long time to learn to do that, though.
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Cindy May 9, 2012 at 2:05 am

Wow, what a day! People are just shocking with what they think is OK to say to someone. Good heavens.

I so appreciate you sharing your feelings and struggles. It’s in our nature, I think, to hide those things, or play down their importance…which leads us to be overweight, etc. While I’m SO sorry you had an awful day, you handled it beautifully…and by sharing it, you give us a good example of how to handle it!
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WishfulShrinking May 9, 2012 at 8:09 pm

You are such a rockstar! I love that your left that cart there. There is no comfort in those foods.

It is funny that person has no sense of what is ok to talk with another human being about. I am sure what he said to you in not that most hurtful thing that ever came out of this mouth but it did show you what he was made of.

I have lost over 150 pounds I have had plastics and it all good and none of it is anyone’s business but my known!
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Trece Wyman May 10, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I’ve printed off the last part of this essay, because what you said so eloquently, writing amazing word pictures for us, I am claiming for myself!! I will picture myself that way as I stride past whatever would seek to bring me down.
I also loved how instantly your prayer was answered; don’t you just love how He does that?
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Ruth Rutherford May 11, 2012 at 1:00 am

Wow. This hit so close to home for me. I, too, and on a journey to lose weight. But right when I hit a personal milestone and “think I look great,” I am hit with back-handed compliment or a bad photo or something negative. And my first reaction is to eat! I’m proud of you for walking away from that shopping cart. You are an inspiration.

I’m so glad I found your blog!


me May 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

AH! You’ve made me cry, AGAIN! For you…for me… But OH I needed it!!! Way to bounce back!!!!
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