Don’t you just get sick of hearing me whine?
And cry about the past?
But I’m learning someting.
It’s a different life without a box of hostess cupcakes
Or a meximelt and a burrito supreme from Taco Bell
With Nachos Bell Grande on the side
And the milkshake from Arby’s
And the Big Mac from McDonald’s
And the Whopper from Burger King
You see when I had all those things I was quiet
I didn’t whine or cry about the past
I didn’t even really think about those things actually
Because I was too busy eating
So who cares about all that other stuff
Especially when you have a whole box of Krispy Kreme Donuts
Fresh, warm, glazed
I mean really….
Do you think I cared that my husband was off with some other woman when I had a big box of warm glazed donuts from Krispy Kreme to comfort me?
Strung out on a sugar high
It’s legal. It’s available. And it’s everywhere.
Except for now.
No now it’s not here
Gone because I don’t buy it anymore
Gone because I choose not to indulge
And so here I am without it
And because of that I can feel things again
And even though it’s been 6 years since he left me
I’m just now starting to feel certain things about that situation
And about my Mom dying
And then there’s life
Just everyday life
That person who cut me off in traffic
yeah I have to deal with that without the 3 pound bag of M and M’s that used to sit in the tray where a bottle of water now lives
I’ve been alive 39 years and in that time I have never ever dealt with my life BARE
Without medicating it with food
That’s what i feel
And I’m learning to JUST FEEL IT
JUST FEEL IT
Feel the feelings
Let them be there
Let them exist
Because no matter how much they hurt
They won’t kill you
It’s not fun. It hurts. It stings
But feeling them is what needs to happen
Because then you can process it
And move on
Without the denial and the extra 300 Pounds
It’s weird to do life without food
But worth it