Never Alone

March 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

When I was 23 I met my husband

Or rather my ex-husband

And the first night we went out we got drunk with a bunch of our friends

I’m just telling you how it happened

And that night we went back to my apartment

And I started crying because the last man I had loved was in the Army

And he’d broken my heart

And for some reason I can’t explain except that maybe I was drunk

I crawled into my closet

And he came in after me

And crawled in beside me

And put his arms around me

And laid his head next to mine

And whispered silently in the dark that he would never leave me

No matter what

Unless the army sent him to Korea

Or Afghanistan

But other than that….never

Because he wasn’t like the other guy

And he wanted to marry me

So we could be together forever

So I married him

And we had 4 babies

And 11 years

And then he told me one day that he wasn’t happy anymore

And he left

So I ate a bunch of twinkies

And that was 6 years ago

But I’m still alone

Raising the 4 babies

Who aren’t babies anymore

And if I were to crawl into my closet now no one would follow

And even if I called my mom to cry about it

She wouldn’t answer  because she’s gone

So now it’s just me

And Jesus

Who tells me not to worry

Because even if every man leaves

He is still there

The One who will never leave

And says You are Never Alone

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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

mommykinz March 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm

you know I bet your kids would crawl in after you, and put their heads on your shoulder. They seem like fabulous kids. You're definitely never alone!


Bring Pretty Back March 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Oh holly , I am so sorry you are feeling … like this . I am sorry your marriage didn't last and so sorry about your Mom. If I were there we could sit in the closet together – but NO twinkies for us pretty girls!
Faith gets us threough doesn't it .
Hugs to you!
Have a PRETTY day ,


Carrie - March 28, 2012 at 6:18 pm

You've got way more love around you than I bet you realize.

Lots, lots more.

And really. You're never FULLY alone.

You've got all of us! =)

Love, sweet girl…love.


RockBand Barbie March 28, 2012 at 6:38 pm

I'm not a man, but I would totally follow you in that closet, throw my arms around you and squeeze tight 🙂 I think that closet would packed…because I am sure there are plenty of people who would follow you there 🙂


Czesia March 28, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Giiiirrrlllll I'd crawl in that closet with you!! Sounds a little weird, but that's what I love about blogging buddies, we are here for each other!! Plus, you never know what the future holds on the man front!!!! You are so right though, God is always with us, will never forsake us, will always love us. (((hugs)))


Chris Bird March 28, 2012 at 7:03 pm

All guys don't leave when the chips are down, just the assholes. I don't know about you, but I don't like being around assholes anyways. Take comfort in whatever you want, but it's up to you to take care of you. I'm going to keep reading now.


~TMcGee~ March 28, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Sounds like you are having a down night, babe and that's ok…we all have them. I agree with mommykinz, I have a feeling those sweet kiddos of yours would huddle with you in your closet until you felt you could come out..I read your post last week about your lil man leaving post it notes on you. 🙂
And Chris definitely has a point about not all guys leaving when the chips are down. I can't look into your former's husband's mind and see why he would leave you (especially the way he did) but the optimistic side of me says he can't be the norm..I don't want to believe that someone like him is the norm. And, Holly, you are the not the norm either, my friend. 🙂 You are such an exuberant, STRONG flame shining brightly in such a dim world. I get that a future relationship with another man may not even be on your mind right now but perhaps someday. 🙂 I do think though that if that day comes, this poor man will have quite a few very protective bloggy friends who would be more than happy to fly to Texas to make sure he is worthy of you. lol
We're in the "closet" with you tonight and I hope you feel our arms around you as much as you feel His arms around you. *hugs*


Nanette March 28, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Thanks for sharing that with us. It sounds painful and lonely. You're so lucky to have 4 loving children (though I'm sure that it doesn't feel loving all the time). I think you're pretty great and I love how you can communicate such raw emotions. You have accomplished so much! And you are such a strong and wonderful woman! The lord is there. The earth is there. There is so much life around you always. I hope you can feel some emotional quiet this evening.


Katie March 28, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Sometimes life takes us on wild and crazy rides, ones we never planned, ones we never expected. But God said His ways our not our ways, and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. We may never fully understand His will for our lives. But we can rest assure that God is always there, He never leaves us, never forsakes us, for we our the children of God!


Andrea March 28, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Love this! Have you heard this song? It goes perfect with your blog.;=av3e


Joy March 28, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Augh! I am sending hugs your way! The Lord is with you and He knows the plans He has for you! And He knows every tear! He is with you! Peace and joy to you my Friend!!

Keep focused!!


If Only She Were Thinner March 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm

My "in the closet moment" song is "You're Not Alone" by Meredith Andrews. When I am feeling a little down and out and I really listen to the words, I can't help but feel [this] much closer to God and know that I will get through the moment. Perhaps you know it but I wanted to share the lyrics in case other readers are not familiar with this beautiful song…

You're Not Alone

I search for love, when the night came, and it closed in, I was alone, but you found me, where I was hiding, and now I'll never ever be same, it was the sweetest voice, that called my name sayin

You're not alone, For I am here, let me wipe away your every fear, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through the darkest night, And I'm the one that who's loved you all your life, All of your life

You cry your self to sleep, cause the hurt is real, and the pain cuts deep, all hope seems lost, with heart ache your closest friend, and everyone else long gone, you've had to face the music on your own, but there is a sweeter song that calls you home, saying

You're not alone, For I am here, let me wipe away your every tear, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through the darkest nights, And I'm the one who's love you all your life, All your life.

– Dawn


The Mrs @ Success Along the Weigh March 28, 2012 at 9:02 pm

You're wrong about one thing…there would be 4 "babies" in that closet with you. I know it's not the same as a husband or a father but love is love no matter what.


Kody at Skinny Sized March 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I just want you to know that I think you are beautiful… 😉


LoriBang March 28, 2012 at 9:51 pm

You would never be alone in that closet! I know I'd never be with my kids! I can't pee by myself! I had to try to make you laugh! I understand your husband leaving you and how it made you feel. My ex hurt me sooo bad too. I now look back to when he left me 15 years ago as the time in my life that I learned how strong of a woman I could really be. I learned I can use a hammer, fix a sink, mow the lawn, home maintenance, pay bills, ALL ON MY OWN! So that once I found a good man, honest man, our relationship is SO different. I've retyped this so many times and can't find the right words on how our relationship works. I guess its the fact that I LOVE him, yes, I rely on him, I need him. But I don't NEED him. I know thats confusing. But I think he respects me more, he relies on me and he needs me. I know that when he first saw me fix my own lawn mower and replace the string in my weed eater, he was impressed. That felt so good! Look at what you have gone through and are going through. When the time comes for you to meet a man, he is going to look at you and see all you've accomplished and what you can do on your own and you will be so respected! Its what you deserve! I honestly hope that my point came across. I was married to an idiot for 7 years. I tried, GOD I tried. I was then single for over 5. Now my MAN and I will be married for 10 years this Friday, and there are many more years to come!


Staci's Slimdown March 28, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Nope, never alone.

And be content with such things as ye have: for he saith, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Heb 13:5

When my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up. Psalm 27:10

And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Prov 18:24

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Loved, cared for, never alone with always a friend to talk to who can work bad for your good and wants to hear every little cry of your heart. WOW! 🙂


Nurse Mika March 28, 2012 at 11:08 pm


Holly, YOU were born blessed–regardless to what goes on in your life, God had/has you from the VERY beginning…look at your name, "HOLLY" if you drop one "L," it would be, "HOLY!" God brought you to THIS point for HIS beding!!

Look at you, my darling!! You're AWESOME!! Giving God ALL the praise!! I'm proud of you and ALL you have accomplished, you have lifted my spirits this day regarding my own fight with weight…I too can make a change as long as I BELIEVE!!

God bless you and keep you!!


Nurse Mika


Libby March 29, 2012 at 3:25 am

I am loving reading these comments Holly! I know they are writing to you, but so heart-warming! Lately, I have had the song "Call on Jesus" by Nicole C Mullen in my head. I.LOVE.IT! There is one line that I sing in my head over and over "Cause he'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call" WOW!! Just the thought of knowing that Jesus loves me soooo much and cares about ME so much that he wants to "rescue" ME!! That is worth singing about!


Rae Rae J March 29, 2012 at 4:01 am

What a powerful post. Thank you for sharing. <3


Frickin' Fabulous at 40 March 29, 2012 at 5:03 am



Ronnie March 29, 2012 at 7:02 am

Never alone. I love this. 🙂


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 7:18 am

Wow what awesome comments and thoughts and the song suggestions are so great!! I am writing down all these songs and adding them to my favorites in you tube. I love songs that are uplifting and love these ideas. We all have our ups and downs in life and what a great thing to have these songs, thoughts, and verses to remind me that we are NOT alone!!!


MandaPanda March 29, 2012 at 7:30 am

I envy your faith. I don't think I've ever been comforted by it. I was raised catholic but have not really practiced in some time. This makes me rethink that. Thank you.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 7:40 am

(((MandaPanda))) you made my day sweet blog friend!!


FreeJulie March 29, 2012 at 8:04 am

Oh boy, can I ever relate to your post! I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I have had many days like this – and many times where I have just felt so DUPED by life! This was not what I had planned, haha!

The good news is these feelings pass, and you don't stay feeling down for long. You are not alone, you have lots of people who care for you and kids who think the sun rises and sets by your presence. Hang in there!!


Anonymous March 29, 2012 at 8:10 am

Holly, you are soooo loved!! Just look around you! Your children are the greatest. Your blogfriends are too numerous to count. Even your neighbors love you! Your closet would be full of people who love you!! I remember a post where you described your neighbors "cheering you on" while walking. I think it's time to go have a cup of coffee with one of them. 🙂 ~tess


terbear287 March 29, 2012 at 8:11 am

Holly, oh Holly!

I have been there. My ex-husband is also military, he was deployed to Colorado Springs, CO where he found single life and single women and decided that his SAHM back in Utah was going to work and he filed for divorce. It has been 8 years and I am still alone but you know what? I have my beautiful daughter and so many blessings. I can totally relate, but we can't crawl back into that closet and eat twinkies. We get up dust ourselves off and keep on truckin' babe. We are all here with you.


bbubblyb March 29, 2012 at 8:14 am

Hope today is a sunnier day for you Holly. Yep, the kids would come in after you I'm sure 🙂 even my 14 yr old will say "Mom do you need a hug", the kids know when we are down 🙂 Sending Hugs to you today.


Samantha March 29, 2012 at 3:36 pm

You are right!! You are never alone. Man fails us frequently but Jesus is always here for us. Great pOst!


trisha March 29, 2012 at 6:16 pm

holly!! i am crying for you. your words are so powerful!!


Chandra March 30, 2012 at 4:46 am

I hope you're feeling better today, girlie. It's hard to be alone. I am divorced as well, but am in a relationship I am thankful for..

Through the end of my marriage though, I realized that I was not putting God first…I was putting my husband first. The end of that controlling person in my life meant that I could put my Father in Heaven first, that he could be my number 1.

I know He has someone wonderful for you. Just keep getting ready in your heart; He will never leave you nor forsake you.



Dawn April 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Oh I totally understand this. My weight loss journey started after 8 years of such sadness after my ex left me. 8 years of eating and being so very sad until I couldnt be sad any more. I'm new to your blog but will be following along. You are doing fantastically well, what an inspiration!


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