DISCLAIMER: OK right off the bat I am going to tell you this post is about my faith and my personal beliefs in God. And I make a strong point NOT to overdo that on my blog because I literally love all the people who come here so much that I have NO desire to offend anyone. So it’s totally ok if you skip this one and choose not to read it. Just wanted to say that upfront!
For me, blogging is cheap therapy. Writing has always been my outlet.
Writing and Reading.
So I read other people’s blogs and it’s like a virtual support group where you nod your head and think “Oh man that is so how I feel!”
And I write.
And I post.
And it’s ok if you don’t read it.
Even though I secretly love it when you do!
Because the feedback I get is like more therapy. It’s like a giant wave of “you’re not alone” being poured over my head!
But I want to say something because I know not everyone who reads my blog is Christian
Or any faith at all
And I try hard not to be overbearing.
Because I can’t stand those people
You know the ones
They scream at you on the corner through megaphones and try to shove God down your throat
They judge you and demand that you see things their way
When I was in high school my mom got mad at me for not wanting to go to church
And not wearing pantyhose when I did
I mean she did her best, you know?
But sometimes that pushed me further away
Because it’s PERSONAL
It’s YOUR choice
I share what I share because it’s what makes me who I am.
Because it’s how I found my way out of the darkness.
And I don’t know how NOT to include that.
Because if you were trapped in a dark hole and you found the light that led you out
Wouldn’t you share it?
But I didn’t find Him in a church building or by filling out some postcard in a pew
Although I’d been there a thousand times before
But He found me instead when I was laying on the bathroom floor curled up in a knot with 3 blankets that the babies had toddled in and laid over top of me
Because even they could tell at 1 and 2 that I was desperate and cold and lonely
So a church building wasn’t part of it.
But I also believe strongly that everyone has the right to find their own way in life.
And I’m pretty sure that God believes that too because He gave us free will.
And in fact He knows we didn’t choose Him first.
Because He said in John 15:16
Which is kind of cool if you ask me.
Especially if you were the last kid picked for teams in gym class because you threw up every time you had to run.
Or you were the wife left behind when your husband chose someone else.
But I also get that people have their own experiences they bring to the table.
Because I had a lot of bad experiences in the past with some people who call themselves “Christian”
And I think a lot of people who say they follow Jesus don’t
And I’m pretty sure He said that too.
Because they judge. And they bash. And they condemn.
And that’s not the Jesus I know.
He said “I did not come to judge the world but to save it” John 12:47
My blog is mainly about my weight loss journey
But losing this weight is also about processing the things that made me gain it in the first place
Divorce, depression, stress, emotional issues
And then sharing how I am trying to deal with those issues without going to food
And that’s where my faith often comes in to play so I talk about it
I don’t want to make people of other faiths uncomfortable.
Even though you might already feel that way a little bit.
But I guess you know what I’m about by now.
And you accept me the way I am. Just like I accept you.
But I just had to let you know.
Because I really love the people who come here. And comment.
Because I know this much we DO have in common.
We all want to live. To regain our health.
To smile again. To not live with the back breaking, soul aching pain of obesity.
There was a time that even if I wanted to go to church
I couldn’t make it happen
I couldn’t get there physically when I weighed 400-450 pounds.
But that’s when I learned
I didn’t have to
God met me where I was
Even if it was a recliner instead of the pew
And sometimes that’s all you can do
Because that’s all I could do.
So my faith isn’t about following some set of rules. Dressing up in fancy clothes and shoes.
Looking the part.
Because you don’t look the part when you’re over 400 pounds and you can’t even wear shoes because your feet don’t fit.
And you can’t walk from the car to the building. And even if you could you can’t fit in the middle of a row.
And even if you got in the church they wouldn’t know what to do with you because they don’t have a sunday school class for single moms but…… “oh you could come in the married class anyway…”
And I know not all churches are that way. But some are. Some of the ones I’ve been to.
My faith has nothing to do with that stuff. It’s not about looking right. Or fitting someone’s mold.
It’s about me being who I am.
Which quite often is not good enough.
Like when my mom died and I wasn’t there for her.
Or when my husband left me because I didn’t make him happy.
I have faith for one simple reason.
He loved me anyway. In spite of it all.
And despite what some people might yell at me through a megaphone
The Jesus I know doesn’t approach people like that. By screaming at them. And excluding them.
And he doesn’t only have coffee hour for married couples
And he doesn’t care if I can’t fit in the chair or wear shoes or carry an expensive purse.
It’s really just about love. Like falling in love with someone who accepts you completely.
And who won’t love you any less when you gain weight and won’t love you anymore when you lose it.
And who isn’t mad at you or thinking you’re too messed up to be with Him
Which is why this song pretty much sums it up.
And I hope you’ll listen to the whole thing if you got this far because it talks about how it’s not about how GOOD you are or how you fit into other people’s molds for what you SHOULD be doing.
And why I relate to this video as well
So now you know a little bit more about what I believe in and what keeps me going.
But always remember this
We’re in this together
I appreciate each and everyone of you more than you will ever know
Because you have been an integral part in helping me climb out of this dismal dark hole I’ve been living in for far too long
But now there is a ladder
And we can all climb out together