My Faith—it’s not what you think

March 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

DISCLAIMER: OK right off the bat I am going to tell you this post is about my faith and my personal beliefs in God.  And I make a strong point NOT to overdo that on my blog because I literally love all the people who come here so much that I have NO desire to offend anyone.  So  it’s totally ok if you skip this one and  choose not to read it.  Just wanted to say that upfront!

For me, blogging is cheap therapy.  Writing has always been my outlet.

Writing and Reading.

So I read other people’s blogs and it’s like a virtual support group where you nod your head and think “Oh man that is so how I feel!”

And I write.

And I post.

And it’s ok if you don’t read it.

Even though I secretly love it when you do!

Because the feedback I get is like more therapy.  It’s like a giant wave of “you’re not alone” being poured over my head!

But  I want to say something because I know not everyone who reads my blog is Christian

Or any faith at all

And I try hard not to be overbearing.

Because I can’t stand those people

You know the ones

They scream at you on the corner through megaphones and try to shove God down your throat

They judge you and demand that you see things their way

When I was in high school my mom got mad at me for not wanting to go to church

And not wearing pantyhose when I did

I mean she did her best, you know?

But sometimes that pushed me further away

Because it’s PERSONAL

It’s YOUR choice

I share what I share because it’s what makes me who I am.

Because it’s how I found my way out of the darkness.

And I don’t know how NOT to  include that.

Because if you were trapped in a dark hole and you found the light that led you out

Wouldn’t you share it?

But I didn’t find Him in a church building or by filling out some postcard in a pew

Although I’d been there a thousand times before

But He found me instead when I was laying on the bathroom floor curled up in a knot with 3 blankets that the babies had toddled in and laid over top of me

Because even they could tell at 1 and 2 that I was desperate and cold and lonely

So a church building wasn’t part of it.

But I also believe strongly that everyone has the right to find their own way in life.

And I’m pretty sure that God believes that too because He gave us free will.

And in fact He knows we didn’t choose Him first.

Because He said in John 15:16

You did not choose me.  I chose you.

Which is kind of cool if you ask me.

Especially if you were the last kid picked for teams in gym class because you threw up every time you had to run.

Or your Dad chose to leave when you were 12

Or you were the wife left behind when your husband chose someone else.

But I also get that people have their own experiences they bring to the table.

Because I had a lot of bad experiences in the past with some people who call themselves “Christian”

And I think a lot of people who say they follow Jesus don’t

And I’m pretty sure He said that too.

“Then I will tell them plainly. I never knew you!” Matthew 7:23

Because they judge.  And they bash.  And they condemn.

judge not

And that’s not the Jesus I know.

He said “I did not come to judge the world but to save it” John 12:47

My blog is mainly about my weight loss journey

But losing this weight is also about processing the things that made me gain it in the first place

Divorce, depression, stress, emotional issues

And then sharing how I am trying to deal with those issues without going to food

And that’s where my faith often comes in to play so I talk about it

I don’t want to make people of other faiths uncomfortable.

Even though you might already feel that way a little bit.

But I guess you know what I’m about by now.

And you accept me the way I am.  Just like I accept you.

But I just had to let you know.

Because I really love the people who come here.  And comment.

Because I know this much we DO have in common.

We all want to live.  To regain our health.

To smile again.  To not live with the back breaking, soul aching pain of obesity.

There was a time that even if I wanted to go to church

I couldn’t make it happen

I couldn’t get there physically when I weighed 400-450 pounds.

But that’s when I learned

I didn’t have to

God met me where I was

Even if it was a recliner instead of the pew

And sometimes that’s all you can do

Because that’s all I could do.

So my faith isn’t about following some set of rules.  Dressing up in fancy clothes and shoes.

Looking the part.

Because you don’t look the part when you’re over 400 pounds and you can’t even wear shoes because your feet don’t fit.

And you can’t walk from the car to the building.  And even if you could you can’t fit in the middle of a row.

And even if you got in the church they wouldn’t know what to do with you because they don’t have a sunday school class for single moms but…… “oh you could come in the married class anyway… thanks

And I know not all churches are that way.  But some are.  Some of the ones I’ve been to.

My faith has nothing to do with that stuff.  It’s not about looking right.  Or fitting someone’s mold.

It’s about me being who I am.

Which quite often is not good enough.

Like when my mom died and I wasn’t there for her.

Or when my husband left me because I didn’t make him happy.

I have faith for one simple reason.

He loved me anyway.  In spite of it all.

And despite what some people might yell at me through a megaphone

The Jesus I know doesn’t approach people like that.  By screaming at them.  And excluding them.

And he doesn’t only have coffee hour for married couples

And he doesn’t care if I can’t fit in the chair or wear shoes or carry an expensive purse.

It’s really just about love.  Like falling in love with someone who accepts you completely.

And who won’t love you any less when you gain weight and won’t love you anymore when you lose it.

And who isn’t mad at you or thinking you’re too messed up to be with Him

Which is why this song pretty much sums it up.

And I hope you’ll listen to the whole thing if you got this far because it talks about how it’s not about how GOOD you are or how you fit into other people’s molds for what you SHOULD be doing.

And why I relate to this video as well

So now you know a little bit more about what I believe in and what keeps me going.

But always remember this

We’re in this together

I appreciate each and everyone of you more than you will ever know

Because you have been an integral part in helping me climb out of this dismal dark hole I’ve been living in for far too long

But now there is a ladder

And we can all climb out together

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{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }

Czesia March 29, 2012 at 6:10 pm

<3 <3 <3 !!!!Beautiful!!!! <3 <3 <3


Anonymous March 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

What part of the page is it on? Which section?


Lucy March 29, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Beautifully said 🙂

I am an ex Pastor's wife. My husband was a pastor. I love how you put everything you said, into the words you said. You are exactly right(w/the experiences one can have). And it's a shame that you are right. I don't think God likes it at all, how some folks are made to feel.

Anyhoo-congrats on the writing for the church facebook! Kudos 🙂


Eleanor March 29, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Congratulations! You are a brave, wonderful woman. I think that it is awesome that you will get to share that awesome with others who may need it.

I myself am Jewish, and as such sometimes it is hard to interact with Christians. Not because they are bad people, but because a lot have lost themselves in the judgment of it. It is nice to read something from a Christian that is heartfelt but not in judgement of my personal decisions. I love your quote "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are".

I enjoyed reading this post because it was well written and a statement of who you are. 🙂 I am glad I found your blog.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Anonymous…I know the page can be a bit confusing but if you go to the "notes" section that is where they put all the writings

here is the link to one of mine.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Hi Eleanor!! I love that you're Jewish! I love everyone 🙂 But my mom's best friend was Jewish and they had a beautiful friendship . Thank you for posting here!!


Carrie - March 29, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Jesus and religion are two totally different things.

One accepts. One doesn't always.

That has always been one of my favorite songs. And I can't sing it in church.

It makes me cry.

You are pure love, Holly.

Pure love.


A Journey to a new me... March 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Holly-You are one of the most amazing women bloggers I read. And everytime I come to your blog, and see your pics, I think "OMG she is so beautiful." And I feel tinge of sadness that you feel the need to apologize for your beliefs (I'm sorry-it's how I'm interpreting this post) but understand where you're coming from. I'm not a church goer but I do believe in God. I believe that people should walk the walk, not just talk the talk. When I have gone to church I felt So much judging, so much of "you have to give me 10 percent of your income" to prove your beliefs, so much "one day of the week I shall be a christian (because I would know that some of those folks were out cheating on their spouses the night before but in church with the spouse on Sunday)."

ANYHOW…I love your blog…love your openness…


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Carrie…LOVE YOU!!!!!

A journey to a new me…Thanks for this!! I have been worried about this post. Been holding on to it for awhile. Thank you for saying this. It gave me some relief!


Lori March 29, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Beautiful post with a lot of grace. Thanks Holly!


Debsdailylife March 29, 2012 at 7:45 pm

What an amazing honor!!! Bless you for sharing!! and for your openness and honsety!!


~TMcGee~ March 29, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Holly, I can't really fathom you ever offending someone..not even with a post about your faith in God. 🙂 I rarely talk to him..I rarely show emotion anymore when it comes to anything remotely concerning my very hardened heart but this post made me tear up. I have said it before but I'll say it again…your kids are so blessed to have you as a mom, you truly make me want to be a better mother myself and person in general. Thank you for your out spoken and strong but gracious post about your beliefs. God has brought you a long way and I think he is going to use you in so many ways on here. 🙂 Congrats on the FB writings, I"m heading over there to read it now. P.S. I personally enjoy your daily postings. *hugs*


Virtual Paul March 29, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Congrats on the writing gig!!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Thanks Lori!

Thanks Desbdailylife!!

TMcGee…you find new ways to give me goosebumps in every comment . You have no idea how much your words touch my heart!

Thanks Paul!


~TMcGee~ March 29, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Holly, I had to come back and add a comment. This is honestly very funny to me but when I headed over to the FB page, a girl from my H.S. days (who never talks to me) took it upon herself to start an IM session with me. WIthout dragging this post down, let me just say that people like HER are the reason I don't even want to consider renewing a relationship with God but a lovely person such as yourself can reduce me to tears because deep down..I basically hurt at the end of the day and want to be loved. So, from the bottom of my heart I thank you. This isnt about "don't judge me"'s about sharing that God is love…does he judge? Yep..but that's His job…not ours. Thank you for this post tonight, if I had not read yours before this disastrous conversation with this girl, I would have been drinking most likely.


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Oh TMcGee…I LOVE YOU…I really do…we are totally blog friends and I've been following you and you me. And I look for your comments. i really do. And I have had the SAME experience with people. Who are weirdly judgemental. I'm not sure how or why they appointed themselves judge and jury but somehow they did. And I quit going to church many years ago and walked away because of them. And then I realized that those people are NOT God. They can call themselves whatever they want but it would be as if someone was speaking to you in my place. They are NOT me. They can't speak for me. they don't get that right. Now I ignore that. I go to God alone. Only Him. And no one else. Those I regard as hurting people who i should no doubt pray for. And it's so sad that they misrepresent God. And I'm quite sure it grieves him greatly when someone as special as you is pushed further away b/c of them. LOVE YOU


~TMcGee~ March 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I love you too, sweet friend. 🙂


Samantha March 29, 2012 at 9:07 pm

You are amazing. Simply amazing and full of love. God is amazing and you are def shining his light in a great way. No soap box or megaphone needed for uou, you do it all out of love. I appreciate you so much. You actually warn people too, I don't warn people about pregnancy posts or religion posts… I never thought to because it's just part of me, Ike it's part of you.
Love love love this!!


Nanette March 29, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I'm with Eleanor! Not that I'm jewish… I'm Agnostic. But I have so much appreciation for how you've presented yourself and your religion here. I get caustic when I'm feeling judged or imposed upon by religion or zealous person. Granted… I react that way about every topic that I feel is being pushed upon me. Thank you for living your religion. I love the hope.

Please keep posting as much as you'd like. You have a way with words and emotion that is pure and honest. I value that greatly. 🙂


Mom to the Fourth Power March 29, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Very well stated! I can tell you've been through so much in your life and you are a strong woman! 🙂
God bless!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Samantha…thank you!!

Nanette…WOW that is so awesome what you just said. I am so honored and appreciate of you!!!

Mom to 4th power….thank you!!!


Crack You Whip March 29, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I am writing currently writing a book about faith. I'm believe in letting people see you for who you are. Being "preachy" really turns people away. Your blog is great!


Andrea March 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Oh my goodness…the guy speaking in the first video is my pastor! That's so cool! I work there at the church one day a week. I just love this post!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

What? Andrea!! That's so cool!!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Crack You Whip…thanks!! love our blog.


Cheryl Cooper March 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

You know Holly- we have never met in person (yet lol!) but I hope we can very soon! 🙂 I just have to tell you that you are amazing!- We are so much alike (yeah I'm pretty amazing too- HAHAHA! I'm kidding) seriously though, you inspire me and remind me that when I doubt myself that I AM doing the right thing when I speak loud and clear about my faith in Jesus- I would love a mega-phone to shout it out but yeah, you're right that would be kind-of annoying lol! I would rather be that 'light on a hill' and let people see God's love in ME. I grew up in a conservative Baptist church- so I totally get where you're coming from when you talk about 'those Christians.' That is why I feel I 'fit' SO well at CBC. The message they are passionate about getting out there is what I have always felt in my heart- so it (CBC) feels like home. Like you- I don't claim a religion I live for Jesus and that my friend is where we connect 🙂 Never be ashamed or apologize for your faith in Jesus Holly- never worry that you will 'offend' someone with your love for Jesus- those that are offended will hopefully someday find him and be able to then understand your passion to speak about his love that saved you (us)- never feel like you are alone- ever again. God is always with you- and for as long as I am on this earth- I will be your support and sister in Christ <3


mommykinz March 30, 2012 at 3:20 am

As always a wonderful honest post.
I believe in God and went to church when we arrived in town new, alone and down in the dumps. It was a wonderful welcoming spot. But now Its not for me, I still believe, I just choose to do it from home, in the yard, on the couch with my babies. The God I believe in doesn't need me to be in a building.


Frickin' Fabulous at 40 March 30, 2012 at 3:25 am

NEVER need a break! You help remind me to be a better person!


Diane Fit to the Finish March 30, 2012 at 3:33 am

Congratulations and thank you for sharing from your heart!!


me March 30, 2012 at 5:17 am

PTL!!! Beautifully expressed!!!


MandaPanda March 30, 2012 at 6:41 am

Judging by the gazillion comments you get each day, I'd say you could post several times a day and we would all come and read because your writing is absolutely riveting. I envy people like you who have truly found faith (not religion, mind you, but FAITH). I don't think I have. Not because of judgement or the way I grew up or anything like that but I just haven't FOUND it yet. I'm still looking though.


Kimberlynn March 30, 2012 at 6:46 am

Hi Holly…I've been going through a very difficult time in my journey, a time of testing. It's been so hard that I finally decided that maybe I should just stop blogging for a while and take some time to listen to what God had to say to me. It's been a sweet time with Him and I definately feel that He's used your blog this morning to speak to me. I appreciate your honesty and hope you'll NEVER feel the need to water down what you belive for fear of offending anyone!!! Be who you are because who you are is beautiful! You've blessed me today!!!


sairving32 March 30, 2012 at 8:20 am

You totally nail it for me everyday!! I am so glad that God brought you into my life!! I love reading your blogs and I never get sick of you or your blog!! Have a wonderful day!!


Jane March 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

Holly, I respect that you have a great faith. I like that you share it sparingly and that you never push it, even though it's a huge part of your life. That, I believe, is the true essence of being Christ like. I read your blog almost everyday and I never get sick of it (so keep posting!!!)


tz March 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

loved loved the second video. Your thoughts about this are so similar to my own. I am a Christian but I don't always feel at home in the company of other Christians. I am so flawed that their perfectness always makes me feel so insecure and unworthy 😀 I secretly think that God is okay with this. I don't judge others (well too much, there are some, I have to admit I judge…like sociopaths or bad drivers) But I feel judged by sometimes the impossibly high standards instilled in some churches. I'm glad you've found a church home and that they appreciate your gifts. Congratulations on writing for them. Anyhooo, very nice post! We'll see you Sunday then 😀


The Mrs @ Success Along the Weigh March 30, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Congrats! That is an honor and honestly, I take the weekends off to actually live my life instead of blog about it. (Except for Saturday morning weigh in's but those are super quick unless I'm a mess about it! LOL) It's your blog and you should write about what you want to. I'm glad you've had your faith to lean on in the hard times!


ReJoyce777 March 31, 2012 at 6:04 am

When my husband and I were dating, he would go to work and tell the guys how different I was and one of them said, it's because she has Christ. I told him I am the way I am because of Crazy Love (song by Hawk Nelson… it!!) I try hard not to push my beliefs on to others, but they see it in my life and I am thankful for that. For me, I came to Christ when I was 8 in the midst of alcoholic parents and abusive father. To me, God Himself wrapped me in his arms and protected me. In time, my parents came to know Him as well and I was amazed at how life changed….all because of Crazy Love.


Dagny October 28, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I appreciate this post so much! I am an atheist and many people refuse to believe that I DEEPLY SUPPORT the right of everyone to worship (or not) as they choose. The key is to realize that loving, accepting, ethical, moral people come in all types and there’s no reason to fear them because something about them is different from you. Good people of all kinds CAN share the world!
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