Heaven Sent

February 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

When I got divorced, my mom was there to walk me through it.

She was always building me up and encouraging me.

She’d send me cards with uplifting scriptures or quotes.

She’d order me little presents and have them delivered.

She never stopped boosting my spirits. 

Telling me she was proud of how far I’d come.

She was always lifting me up. No matter what I did–big or small–she was always there to cheer me on.

On New Years Eve–the dawn of 2011–the whole world was setting off fireworks and celebrating while my world came to a crashing halt.

My mom died.

That’s a sentence that took me almost a full year to say out loud. 

I’d like to try and explain just how important my mom was to my life but words are futile for this task. 

There just isn’t a way to convey it. 

Suffice it to say that my mom was everything to me. 

And losing her was by far the worst thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life. 

At one point, I was so panic stricken that I had to go to the Emergency Room to be sedated.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think straight.  I only knew one thing.

My mom was gone.

And I didn’t know how to live in this world without her.

I don’t understand how or why these things have to happen.

I just know that they do.

In the midst of my darkest hour, God gave me this verse. “Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord” (Psalm 31:24). 

So I would put on Psalms from my audio Bible, crawl into my bed, and cry myself to sleep with the words of God’s promises playing in the background.

Right after my mom died, I wrote down every single piece of advice she had ever given to me that I could remember.

I was desperate to get it down on paper before it all slipped away.

Those words were like gold to me.

No one could encourage me, lift me up or keep me going the way my Mom could.

And it’s something I’ve really missed over the last year.

Six months after my mom died, I had weight loss surgery.

It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done partly because Mom wasn’t here to walk me through it.

Trying to lose 300 pounds feels like an insurmountable task.

If my Mom was here, she’d be my biggest cheerleader.

She’d always know exactly what to say.

It’s hard to hit these exciting milestones and not be able to share it with her.

Recently I’ve really been struggling with this. 

Just the other day I was thinking about how much I’d like to call my mom and tell her about the things I’m able to do now. 

My mom was always concerned about my health due to my weight. 

She was worried and scared.  She would tell me “health is wealth”. 

She would be so happy to see me now.  The things I can do that I couldn’t do before.

Sometimes I call her number and just listen to it ring. 

Her house is still there.  Right where she left it. 

I imagine the book on her nightstand with the corner turned down. 

Still on the page she was reading. 

Laundry in the basket. Jewelry in her box.  A letter half written. 

We haven’t sold the house yet.  So it’s all still there.  Right where she left it. 

Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine myself back there. 

I walk through each room in my mind looking for her.  But I can’t see her.  She’s not there.

Today I got a letter in the mail.

It was from my best friend’s mother.

She has been following my progress and today she sent me a card. 

When I read it, I felt as if these words were coming straight from heaven.

Some of the phrasing was as if my own mother had written this herself.

What I had longed for was to hear my Mom tell me she’s proud of me.

And when I read that letter, I could almost feel my mother’s hand on my cheek as she looked in my eyes and said “You’re doing it!”

In that card was one verse. 

You guessed it. 

Psalm 31:24. 

The exact verse that I clung to so many times in the days after my mom was taken from my life.

And then I got to this line that my best friend’s mother wrote.  She said this….

Even though you can’t see me…I’m cheering you on.

When I read this, it was like an answered prayer. 

I felt as if my own mother was speaking through her. 

Telling me…Yes, Holly…I see you!  You may not be able to see me….but I’m there..cheering you on.

Reading this, I cried tears of joy.

I believe God will often use people to fill a need in someone’s life if we’ll let Him.

Of course, we have to listen for the urging.

I have no doubt that my best friend’s mom was used by God to speak into my life the words that I needed to hear from my mom. 

And I’m grateful that she did.

It’s been a good day.

My body gave up another 3 pounds.

The plateau is broken and I’m now down 128 pounds.

On top of that, God showed up at my mailbox with a special delivery from heaven.

Now that’s a good day.

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

fatgirlchangingherworld February 18, 2012 at 1:20 pm

That is one of the most beautiful and uplifting blog posts I have ever had the pleasure of reading! The only thing harder than WLS, is going through that journey without out your biggest cheerleader, Mom. God Bless you Holly, and congratulations on your success.


Holly February 18, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Thanks so much!! And I just checked out your blog. I love it!


Sheila February 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I am so sorry about your mom. My throat closed up while reading your blog because I was thinking of my own mother and how I would probably react the same way that you did. 🙁 My mom had a very close friend of hers pass in Nov. 2010 and she also stays in touch with the daughter of her friend who passed. They have lunch together every now and again and my mom likes to just check in with her from time to time. I know the daughter appreciates it, but reading your blog I imagine it means more to her than anyone really knows. I loved the card and letter, what a wonderful gift!


Holly February 18, 2012 at 7:51 pm

This comment has been removed by the author.


Holly February 18, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Thanks Sheila!! That really is so nice of your mom to do that. She sounds wonderful. It really does mean a lot to me especially since I've known my best friend since 9th grade and she is like a sister to me. My best friend, her mom, and her sister all have made a point to send me cards and encourage me. I guess it's true that some friends become like family 🙂


Tori Hicks February 19, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Holly, you're SO INSPIRING! Congrats on your loss! You look great! 🙂


Holly February 19, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Thank you Tori!! I really appreciate that!


Mary March 17, 2012 at 11:57 am

Dearest Holly,
I have been delaying looking at your blog for months, because I knew I would be "hooked" into checking it every day once I did. I have the awesome privilege of having your best friend's mother as my best friend. To read the wonderful encouragements she sent to you makes my heart swell with pride for both of you. What an inspiration you are to so very many people. God uses Dottie in so many ways and I love how she never ignores those Holy Spirit promptings and does the "God thing" and blesses so tremendously. I couldn't let this opportunity pass without telling you that you now have another devoted friend praying you through. In Christ's Love, Mary


Alison June 24, 2013 at 11:38 pm

Holly – I just found your blog through Lyn at Escape from Obesity maybe a week ago. I was immediately hooked and started reading it from the beginning. Your posts about your mom are really touching to me. I lost my mom when I was 23, and it was the absolute worst day of my life. The only way I can say it is that NO ONE, not my husband, not my best friend, no one here on Earth knew me the way my mom did. She understood ME. Not who I tried to be or wanted others to think I was, but who I really am. It’s 12 1/2 years later now, and time has eased the pain and loss and alone-ness, but still no one knows me as she did. And your posts seem to say that you feel the same way, and I’m grateful that I’m not the only one.


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