Baseball…

February 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

You dream about being a parent someday.  You have all these plans of the things you will do together.  As your kids get older, they have their own dreams.  Things they want to do–like playing baseball.  That has been my son’s dream for a long time.  I was 24 when I had my first child.  I did lots of things with her.  Anything and everything I could think of.  She showed an interest in something and we were out there doing it. I was 32 when I had my last.  All in between there, I gained a few hundred pounds.  And it made all the difference.

My son loves baseball.  His room is decorated with a baseball theme because he loves it so much.  He has baseball hats hanging on a hook that he collects.  Every year he comes home with a paper from school that says it’s baseball season.  He places it next to me and smiles but he knows that his dream will not come true. 
When you’re a single mom and you have 4 kids, that alone is difficult.  You’re trying to get everyone where they need to be.  Sometimes it’s hard to make it happen.  But when you’re 400 pounds.  420.  Maybe even 450–that isn’t even your problem.  The problem is that even if you got them there–you couldn’t get up that hill covered in rocks and dirt.  You couldn’t climb up the bleachers.  When they’re little, you can’t just send them off on their own.  You can’t just sit in the car until they’re done.  You have to be there to make sure they get where they need to be. You have to be there to cheer them on. You have to be a PARENT.  Only you can’t.   Not really. You can be a driver. Unless that gets taken away from you too.  The seat only goes so far back.  When will I lose the ability to even fit in the car?
I try to convince myself that I’m still a good mom.  I’m doing the best that I can.  But deep down in my heart, I despise what I’ve become.  With each pound I gained, I lost a part of myself.  I started to outgrow the world.  Outgrow the benches.  Outgrow the hallways. And each step became painful.  And risky.  Would today be the day that the weight shattered my ankle? 
You can’t climb up bleachers when you’re 400 pounds.  You can’t maneuver around the uneven rocks as you head up to the baseball field.  All you can do is sit in the recliner and wonder how you could love a child so much and yet still be the one responsible for their tears because they can’t play baseball–again.
When I had the surgery, my kids came to visit me in the hospital. My son brought a picture he made.  It was the two of us–playing baseball.  He said it was a picture of his dream.  I scanned it in for you to see.

  

Notice the princess crown he placed on my head.  That’s how my son sees me. At 417 pounds. A princess.  That’s what I look like in the pictures he draws.   His vision of me was that on the day I looked like this:

beforesurgery

My son never got to play Teeball.  He missed all those years because of me.  But not anymore.  On February 15, 2012 at 6 pm, my son attended his first official practice as a player on the Twins baseball team.  Before he went, we went to the sports store and picked out a bat, glove and helmet.  There were tons to choose from and we took as long as we wanted because this time I was 130 pounds thinner.  I didn’t have to sit down.  I didn’t have to catch my breath.  I didn’t have to rush him.  At the baseball field, the parking lot was gravel and rocks.  Uneven patches and an incline that you had to walk up.  7 months ago that would have been like crossing the Atlantic.  But not this time.  Hand in hand, we made our way to the baseball field to meet his coach.

We threw the ball back and forth to warm up.  Just like all the other parents did with their children.  Just like the picture he drew for me 7 months ago when I was laying in a hospital bed at 417 pounds wondering if there was any hope left for me.

 I climbed up the bleachers and I watched.  I cheered.

When we were leaving, my son said “Thanks Mom for making my dreams come true.”

Can you believe that?

I make dreams come true.

The next morning I found this laying on my pillow

Sometimes the journey is long and difficult.  There are days you wonder if you’ll make it.  And then you wake up to a letter on your pillow from the little boy who draws you in every picture looking like a princess.

And that makes it all worth it.

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

BeesKnees February 23, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Oh my what a beautiful story. You have really come a long way. Thank you for sharing totally made me tear up.

~Christina

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down February 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

This comment has been removed by the author.

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Becky February 24, 2012 at 1:05 am

You are a miracle! My eyes are all teared up. You are the kind of role model any kid deserves! I hope I'll find the strength to make my own progress. I guess people like you, the ones with a real smile on their faces, will be the biggest inspiration. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being so brave and not giving up.

Becky

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mommykinz February 24, 2012 at 4:02 am

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog – it led me to you.
You are fabulous! Congratulations on making decisions that will make you healthier and happier.
If you haven't already discovered tosca Reno and clean eating it will help. If you're interested in any of her magazines I've got lots and lots. PM me and I'll send them.
One foot in front of the other. You're teaching your children the value of hard work!

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Diane Fit to the Finish February 24, 2012 at 4:08 am

You are fulfilling your dreams and those of your children by making this really big decision that will affect you all the rest of your lives. Sooo happy for him that he was able to play and extremely happy for the princess mom in his life!!

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tz February 24, 2012 at 5:16 am

beautiful story…totally teared up! My eldest is all about baseball too so it really touched a chord with me.

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Slim Smitty February 24, 2012 at 6:17 am

oh my god hon, I have tears welling up in my eyes right now. What an amazing milestone! HUGE NSV for you!!!! Here's to your continued success, and many years of playing baseball with your son. <3

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Kelliann February 24, 2012 at 7:19 am

Hi Holly! I'm a new reader and your video had me tearing up – but then this post has the tears FLOWING!!! You are awesome. Keep going!! Your kids are gorgeous and their support for you is such a gift! 🙂

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Kelly February 24, 2012 at 7:27 am

Oh my goodness, your son is just adorable! How sweet of him to say that to you! I bet you must've felt wonderful. 🙂

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trisha February 24, 2012 at 8:07 am

oh Holly your son's love for you is the sweetest thing! This made me tear up!

And YES, that WAS you I was referencing in my last blog! I could soooo relate with what you were saying. And thanks for the nice words about my blog. I'm incredibly insane and that fact tends to come through often via my blog! LOL 🙂

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Sandy February 24, 2012 at 9:54 am

That was beautiful, Holly! Our children are blessings and our biggest inspiration. I have 3 daughters who all play softball and I love being there for them now. It means the world for all of us.

Congratulations on your success!

BTW, I should not have read this at work…tears are flowing and I feel like a sap 😉

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Kenlie February 24, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Such a pure and beautiful perspective from your son! I have chills….

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wannabb08 February 24, 2012 at 6:49 pm

What a wonderful story. Your son sounds just as amazing as his Mom. Congrats on a huge NSV!

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Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan February 24, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Oh that just brought tears to my eyes!! How beautiful!

While I didn't have the same challenges you did, I still couldn't keep up to my boys when I was over 300lbs. I want to be able to catch them when we play chase, and slide down the slide with them. The energy I have now even with 70lbs gone is amazing. I am climbing up the sliding hills with them, crawling through the snow and building forts. Life is good!

Thank god for our kids who help motivate us!

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Staci's Slimdown February 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Your story and your YouTube video REALLY hit my heart. How wonderful. It had to feel like you were living a dream that day! I am so glad you are making a difference in your life, and therefore making a difference in your kids' life! ((((hugs)))) I also have 3 girls and a boy. 🙂

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Sheila February 25, 2012 at 5:27 am

What an inspiring post Holly! I absolutely loved reading this (and yes the tears were flowing also!) But I am loving the pictures, what wonderful keepsakes of a very special day indeed. Thanks for sharing them with us. You have some pretty special kids, you are blessed!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down February 25, 2012 at 10:07 am

Thank you Christina!!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down February 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

Thanks Becky! That is so kind of you to say. You will definitely make progress as well! I know it's hard but if we don't give up we will keep making our way up the hill! Thank you again for your kind comments!!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down February 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

Thanks!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down February 25, 2012 at 10:10 am

Thanks Diane! I appreciate all your comments and the awesome info you put on your blog! I just read the one you posted with the old diet ad from a long time ago. That was wild!

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Michelle Jackson February 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

What a beautiful story!!! Like the others you had me in tears! I cannot wait to read more of your blog and find your videos!! You are an inspiration to others!! Keep it up!

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Lana in MI February 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

First…thanks for stopping by my blog…and second…I'm sitting here w/ tears running down my face! I did the same thing w/ my daughter. Denied her playing soccer because I could not walk the fields or sit or stand that long. WHAT an inspiring story! You're AMAZING!!!! I just want to hug you.

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Brenda February 25, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I just found your blog tonight! You are an inspiration. I know EXACTLY how you feel as a mom of 3 kiddos. Having to tell them no because of weight issues broke my heart. I can't wait to see where your journey takes you! Congratulations on all your success.

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Chubby McGee February 27, 2012 at 10:37 am

I LOVE THIS POST! I'm down about 58 lbs and my life with my kids has changed so much. It's so inspiring to see you out there playing with them.

You have SO much love for them for getting yourself healthy. I hope many other women see your blog, take it to heart, and do something. If not for themselves…for their kids' sake.

You look amazing! I'm super proud of you. 🙂

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Ali March 3, 2012 at 8:14 am

Totally crying! I found your blog yesterday and now I can't even remember how. I've read it all, from the beginning. You are amazing, absolutely amazing. I can't wait to read more. Good luck to you!

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Fee September 27, 2012 at 6:59 pm

OMG I am totally crying… I can’t even type anything else or I’ll start crying again.

PS – I love your blog!

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down September 27, 2012 at 9:43 pm

oh thanks Fee!!! Crying in a good way I hope!!!

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Alison June 25, 2013 at 2:22 am

So sweet! The only thing missing when you were tossing the baseball with your son was your princess crown! Maybe you should keep one in your purse for such occasions. 😉

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