100 Pounds gone!

December 13, 2011 in Uncategorized


I can vividly remember the way I felt the day my husband packed his suitcase and moved out.

As I watched the door close behind him, I fell back on the couch.

A distinct and overwhelming feeling of dread came over me.

All hope was gone.

The life I had spent the past 10 years building was over.

Before me, I had two babies still in diapers, a preschooler and a 4th grader.

I was sitting in the house we had just bought a few months earlier with boxes still left to unpack.

1600 miles away from my family.

I did not know a single person in this city.

 Not even a neighbor.

In that moment, I knew with absolute certainty that I could not survive.

The next few weeks were touch and go.

My mother was having some difficulty traveling and could only call me every 15 minutes to make sure I was still alive.

That’s no exaggeration.

I literally thought I would die.

Panic had overtaken me and I had reached a point where I didn’t know how to go on.

And this is when it happened.

I made a decision.

My decision was to survive. 

That was all I had to do.

 Just survive.

Just function.

Get through the next 15 minutes.

And when those 15 minutes were up, get through another round.

 If I could just survive the day then that was my victory.

That was a good plan for a crisis.

 But at some point in the past 5 years, I never reevaluated the plan.

I never got beyond just “surviving”.

And the truth is, God wants so much more for us than just surviving.

5 years have passed since my divorce but my plan to just “function” had become a hard reality.

I didn’t dream for anything more.

The larger you get, the smaller your world becomes.

 You can no longer do things or go very many places.

You become more isolated.

  I had built for myself a safe place where no one and nothing else could hurt me.

Just  me and my hostess cupcakes.

Food remained my constant companion.

 In the past 5 years, food had become my spouse.

There for me “in good times and bad”, “sickness and health”…

Til DEATH do us part…..

And at 417…450…or whatever-I-weighed-now pounds…THAT promise was going to come true a lot sooner than I had anticipated.

It was time for me to reevaluate my plan of just “surviving”.

And it was time to start living again.

My brother made a courageous decision 2 years ago to have weight loss surgery when his own battle had led him to a treacherous state.

 Given a death sentence by the doctor, he was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, Diabetes, High Blood pressure and a wealth of other problems.

Instead of accepting his fate, he chose to reach out in faith and make a bold move.

He had weight loss surgery and 2 years later he is 250 pounds lighter.

His doctor told him that he has been CURED of congestive heart failure.. an INCURABLE disease by man’s standards.

He is building his own personal trainer business now inspiring others to LIVE instead of “just survive”.

Inspiring ME.

Today I can buckle my seatbelt.

Walk my kids to school.

And do more than just function.

I can participate in life again instead of just survive it.

 I’ve put together a video of my past 5 months to celebrate how far I’ve come.

But I’m not stopping now.

Life is about more than just surviving.

“I came that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” – (John 10:10)

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymous December 13, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Beautiful, touching,,so moving. Congratulations!


Anonymous December 13, 2011 at 3:05 pm

This was sooooooo awesome! Thank you!!!!!!! sleeve 4 me 🙂


Anonymous December 13, 2011 at 3:51 pm

What an inspiration. I had surgery 4 weeks ago. My situation was similar to yours (only I had been married 35+ years)I basically gave up and just waited to die.(my kids are all grown up now). Then 1 year ago today my youngest son was killed. I really gave up then. I just didn't care about anything-least of all myself. Then one day I just decided that this was not God's plan for me. There was a reason he had kept me alive for over 12 years at 500#. So I decided I needed to do something to enable me to be physically capable of live again. I had rejected the idea of WLS many times, but once I read about the sleeve it seemed like it was meant for me. I prayed and was very blessed, my insurance approved me in just a week and I was able to have my surgery within 3 months of my initial visit. I have been so worried seeing so many on this site who only have (had) to lose 100 or so lbs. I was afraid that that was the limit to how much a person could lose. It is so inspiring to me to come across others who need to lose 200 or more pounds-and to hear about some (like your brother) who have actually succeeded at losing that much weight. I am so looking forward to my new life. Thank you for telling your story and inspiring so many of us.


Anonymous December 13, 2011 at 3:54 pm

that was so great! june13sleever!


Mariana Parreiras December 15, 2011 at 4:49 am

Hi! This is your brother's former trainer, Mariana. Just wanted to say congratulations and keep looking up!!! If you need anything, please don't hesitate to contact me with nutrition or exercise questions. Your brother can give you my contact info.

Good for you for standing up and believing in yourself!


Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan December 21, 2011 at 10:05 pm

So fantastic! You are doing a phenomenal job. Keep working hard and before you know it you will be doing your 200lb video.


Anonymous December 23, 2011 at 8:19 am

I am so happy for you and your family! You are a excellent example and are a inspiration!



Anonymous December 24, 2011 at 5:30 am

It's so amazing how God can use a fellow sister in Christ to bring conformation to us. I saw your post on the vsg forum page and normally I never click on external links but this time I felt I had to. I have been overweight my entire life and am now 38 and my body is paying for it. I am blessed to not have any health issues other than joint pain at this point but I know longer want to continent to throw that gift back in God's face. You have inspired me to move forward into pursuing WLS, I'm terrified of surgery but I'm terrified of not having surgery! Thank you for making this video, I pray God continues to bless you and your beautiful children daily! In Christ, Kristy


Katie February 20, 2012 at 9:22 am

You have no idea how inspiring your blog is to me, and to be honest with you at this point I'm not even sure I remember how I found your blog, but I am happy I have. You are an encouragement, but most of all I love how you praise God! I have struggled with my weight since I was around 8 or 9. I probably weight about 400lbs as of now. I'm at the point I can't do much anymore, nor do I want to. Life is a daily struggle. I struggle to stand, struggle to walk. When I am asked to do something where I know there will be a lot of standing, or walking I always turn it down, and make up some sort of excuse as to why I can't. I don't want to say. NO I'm too fat to go shopping and walk around the mall it hurts too much and I struggle to breath. I would love to weight loss surgery, and have really been looking into it. At this point it seems almost impossible. I do not have a job due to my weight,so no insurance, and no way to make payments. I do not qualify for medical assistance through my state (tried). So that's out. At this point it seems hopeless to even hope for it. I know that God has a plan for everyone, and that He is with me always, and knows whats best. I keep reminding myself of this. Please just pray for me, pray that if it's His will that mountains will be moved! Thanks


Vivian March 25, 2012 at 1:35 am

Holly you are an inspiration to me, I have battled with my weight since my twenties up and down like a yo yo. Last year was a very hard year for us and I ate all that pain. I kept thinking why do I eat and watching your video I realised why.


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