13 lbs to go…

November 14, 2011 in Uncategorized

13 lbs to go until I hit my first major goal of 100 lbs lost!

It’s hard to believe that 20 weeks ago, I was almost 100 lbs heavier and going into surgery.

Here I am just 4.5 months later 87 lbs lighter and 13 lbs away (did I do that math, right?) from the big goal of 100 lbs gone forever!

In the past, I have struggled to lose even 10 lbs and if I managed to get it off it would always come back on followed by another 10 or 20.

I always seemed to be fighting a losing battle.

Discouragement was a part of my everyday life.

Diets were misery because I was always hungry.

No matter how much I ate, I was never satisfied.

When I finished eating, I was thinking of when I could eat again!

I woke up hungry. Went to bed hungry.

Hungry Hungry Hippos!

While losing the weight has been miraculous, what might be even better is feeling satisfied/full for the first time in my life.

I don’t wake up hungry.

I don’t think about food 24 hours a day. 

In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. 

I have to keep a schedule to remind myself when to eat!

I rarely get hungry at all.

If I do sit down to eat, I’m usually full in 5 bites.

So even if I were to get excited about a meal, I’d be over it in a minute b/c that’s how long it takes me to get full.

Basically, food has lost its grip on me.

The downside to that has been I can no longer use food when I’m stressed.

I was a big emotional eater and once that was taken away from me I slipped into depression. 

I’ve spent the better part of the past few months feeling like someone who just lost their best friend.

Trying to  cope without a pan of brownies is harder than you think!

I was happy that the hunger was quieted and a calm had replaced it.  Yet I still felt a loneliness where my brownies used to go.

The food no longer controls me.  Where it used to occupy a huge space in my heart…that space is now empty with a big flashing “vacancy” sign on it.
VACANCY

This has led to mixed feelings. 

Glad the evil food demon has been banished but now feeling an emptiness which leads me to be depressed!

So God has been teaching me something.

Spaces in the heart can’t be left empty.

Our hearts won’t allow it.

They are going to find a way to fill that space.

It could be another unhealthy habit or something else that will hold a grip on your life.

 Like the parable Jesus told of the unoccupied house in Matthew 12:43-45

Mat 12:43-45 When the unclean spirit has gone out of a man, he walks through dry places seeking rest, and finds none. Then he said, I will return into my house from where I came out. And when he has come, he finds it empty, swept, and decorated. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more evil than himself, and they enter in and live there. And the last state of that man is worse than the first.

You may think I’m exaggerating to refer to food as a demon but trust me…

If you’ve ever had food take a grip on your life like I have…

To the point where every other thought you have is about food..

Or you are so overweight that you can barely walk…

barely breathe…

Then you’ll know!

But once that demon from your life has been cast out, it leaves behind an unoccupied house.

You better fill it back up with something or the demon is coming back and he’s bringing friends!

This is why a lot of people in my weight loss surgery support group talk about “transfer addictions”. 

They get rid of overeating but pick up excessive drinking, drugs, smoking or some other kind of unhealthy habit.

However, there is a certain period of time when the house (heart) is unoccupied and this is where you have an opportunity to let someone in who will never be destructive before something else comes flying in to take the space and wreak even more havoc than you had before.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in” (Revelation 3:20)

This is God’s promise.  The heart won’t stay empty. But He is ready to fill it. There is a song out by Mandisa which really speaks to me.  Here’s a clip of her explaining it followed by the song. Enjoy!!

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

~TMcGee~ March 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I know this is an old entry but I've been going back and reading through your archives. I think I needed to read all of them but especially this one. I struggle with having a relationship with Christ which has led me to turn to many other means of feeling that "void" and emptiness that I have inside. I turn to food, alcohol and other things that I am too ashamed to write about. Thank you for this post…I really do wish God's greatest blessings in your life, Holly 🙂

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

The fact that you just wrote this makes EVERYTHING I have ever been through worth it. Love you!!

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Anonymous March 29, 2012 at 12:50 am

Im a new follower, just want to say I dont know you but Im so proud of you. The first thing I do when I get to work is check your blog, You inspire me.

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Holly from 300 Pounds Down March 29, 2012 at 7:23 am

Wow that is so awesome and makes my day 'anonymous'!! thanks!!

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