September 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

September has been a month of ups and downs.

My mother’s birthday was this month.

Usually I’m running around trying to make sure I got the card in the mail so it won’t be late.

I’m a procrastinator.  Always putting things off.

But this year I couldn’t stop remembering the date.

September 1, 2, 3, 4….

Every single day of the month went by like a countdown to the 28th.

Her first birthday without her.

Next will be CJ’s birthday where I won’t get to tell my mom how much CJ loved her present.

Then Halloween where I won’t get to tell my mom what costumes the kids wore this year.

Then Annabelle’s birthday where I won’t get to tell her about that either.

Then Christmas…where we won’t discuss their reactions when they opened the presents. 

And after that New Years Eve will come and people will celebrate while I will remember the day that my mom was taken from me. 

It’s hard for me to believe it’s been almost a year.

The first month or so was very difficult.  I signed up for a grief support group and went once.

There was just too much tragedy in that room.

It was hard enough for me to handle my own sorrow but hearing all the grief surrounding me made it worse. 

Maybe one day I’ll be able to do something like that but in order for me to function and survive every day I just couldn’t walk into that environment once a week.

My way of dealing with things has been a little different.

I prefer to think of my mom as having simply relocated.

Moved to another address.

She was always joking about joining the witness protection program to get away from all the stress in her life.

I can’t tell you how many times my mom joked about that!

So sometimes I think that’s where she is.

Living it up somewhere else with a new identity, a new name and a new look.  Her life is brand new.

The witness protection program has drawbacks though.

In order to get away from this life, you have to leave everything and everyone behind. 

You can’t take any of your belongings with you.

No phone calls to say goodbye.

Just very suddenly, you’re whisked away to an undisclosed location where you get to live out the rest of your life in peace no longer having to worry about the troubles of your former life.

Today I realized that this is not so far from the truth.

To say my mother has relocated is not really denial.

 It’s actually an affirmation of a truth that I happen to believe.

 Because I do think Heaven is a real place (John 14:2-3)

Except that we don’t know the exact GPS location 🙂

Just like the witness protection program, I don’t have the forwarding address.

There is no communication allowed.  No calls to be traced.

 But I do have a little intel on the place.

She does have a new life and possibly even a new name (Rev 2:17).

Even better, she has a new body completely free from disease, high blood pressure, arthritis and any other potential physical illness that could harm her(1 Corinthians 15:40-49). 

Under the protection of this program, she lives without any anxiety, fears or worries (Rev 21:4)

The best part is that one day I’ll get to join her.  That makes the waiting a little easier.

And as to my weight loss…I’ve lost 69 lbs.

I’m now walking 2.5 times around the block and aiming for 3.

 100 lbs here I come!

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

FreeJulie March 8, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I'm sorry about your mom's passing. 🙁 These posts are hard to read: I read the one the other day about the box of your mom's stuff on its way. My mom and I are so close, it just hurts to think of being without her. Your mom must have been a really neat lady to have raised someone like you. 🙂


DD January 14, 2013 at 11:53 pm

I’m reading your blog from the beginning–and I just love the way you put this. So comforting and life affirming to look at it this way. Thank you for sharing your story.


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